Am I being too pushy?

[shazbone]

I posted a few weeks ago about my boyfreind starting to look for engagement rings. Well, he told me around that time that he had put aside some money to do so. Its been about three weeks, and there has been no looking. We planned to look together, but he hasnt initiated anything. Now, he is obsessed with the idea of having a big plasma or lfat screen TV. I asked him where he is getting the money to buy a crazy expensive TV, and he replies "with my savings, but I''m just looking," as though I should already know. So, my feelings are kinda hurt, in that I feel he already committed his savings to get a ring for me, but now he wants a stupid TV?? Now that I vented a little, I am wondering if it would be too pushy for me to confront him about this, to see what he is really up to, or should I just let it go and wait ( for how long??). I just dont want to be walking around all upset because of this. Thanks for your support.

 

[Caribou]

I think if done the right way you won''t be too pushy, however, for some guys there is no right way and you could be as sweet as pie and they will still feel pressured.

You should, however, be able to voice your concern/hurt feelings about it. I mean, it''s really not fair for him to throw out the engagment ring idea...it''s kind of baiting. He''s gotta know how us girls are.

Although, have you consdiered that maybe he is putting enough away for both or that he already bought your ring and had some left over? Just a thought...

 

[shazbone]

Thanks for the reply. I just spoke to him and it couldn''t have worked out better. I realize that he is just a boy who likes to fantasize about expensive electronics..And he wasnt sure how fancy of a ring I wanted. But he offered to go shopping together to see what I like, so problem solved, I guess. Now we just have to wait and see when he''ll actually propose...

 

[SoonIHope]

Yeah, my boyfriend did the EXACT same thing a couple of months ago - talk about how he was saving up money for the ring and then just spontaneously deciding that he wanted a new computer. Finally I said, "Well you said you were saving money for the ring; do you want to buy the new computer instead of or in addition to it?" He got a little annoyed I think but I just explained that I wanted him to remember that that was out there as a future expense so I wanted him to figure it into his planning, if he DID decide to get a new computer. In the end, he got the computer then, but got as cheap of one as he could (he built it himself) and then about 15 minutes ago he let me know that he bought my ring!!!!!!!!!

I definitely was going a bit crazy with the idea of him spending that money on the computer first, but I knew that if he DIDN''T then he would end up resenting me and the ring for keeping him from getting the computer he wanted. So I think maybe you should bring it up in as sweet and nonconfrontational a way as possible just to make sure he knows you''re expecting it in the not too distant future, so he can try to calculate whether or not he has enough money at the moment for both. Good luck!!!

 

[SoonIHope]

Oops, you already replied while I had that in my window! Great news and have fun shopping!!!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 10/31/2005 2:27:10 PM
Author: shazbone
Thanks for the reply. I just spoke to him and it couldn''t have worked out better. I realize that he is just a boy who likes to fantasize about expensive electronics..And he wasnt sure how fancy of a ring I wanted. But he offered to go shopping together to see what I like, so problem solved, I guess. Now we just have to wait and see when he''ll actually propose...

Just so you know shazbone, the waiting is....well it''s TORTURE.

Seriously I could have had my wedding planned by now because it''s all I think about. Sucks...and I don''t even know when it will happen but I''m thinking, or hoping, by the end of the year.

But is is a good torture.

 

[Caribou]

Oh and my SO is talking about saving money up for the wedding..not even for the ring. Next time, I should comment on how my ring finger is still bare so let's talk about that!!! I already told him I didn't want to know anymore about the ring buying process...which I now regret.

First it was going to be a Fall wedding because it's my favorite season....now it's might be a Spring wedding because of finances...which I'm totally fine with but I want my ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehe

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 10/31/2005 2:50:22 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 10/31/2005 2:27:10 PM

Just so you know shazbone, the waiting is....well it''s TORTURE.

Seriously I could have had my wedding planned by now because it''s all I think about. Sucks...and I don''t even know when it will happen but I''m thinking, or hoping, by the end of the year.

But is is a good torture.

NO! it is bad torture. I was so emotional and insane the last six months before my proposal I am surprised FI went through with it

but I think talking and explaining why you feel the way you do is so important. He is going to be your husband after all. It sounds like you have made improvement. Shopping for rings is lots of fun. It is the waiting AFTER you picked out your ring/diamond that is horrible torture but when he gets down on one knee it will be worth it. I promise.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 10/31/2005 3:11:41 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 10/31/2005 2:50:22 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 10/31/2005 2:27:10 PM

Just so you know shazbone, the waiting is....well it''s TORTURE.

Seriously I could have had my wedding planned by now because it''s all I think about. Sucks...and I don''t even know when it will happen but I''m thinking, or hoping, by the end of the year.

But is is a good torture.

NO! it is bad torture. I was so emotional and insane the last six months before my proposal I am surprised FI went through with it

but I think talking and explaining why you feel the way you do is so important. He is going to be your husband after all. It sounds like you have made improvement. Shopping for rings is lots of fun. It is the waiting AFTER you picked out your ring/diamond that is horrible torture but when he gets down on one knee it will be worth it. I promise.

Tacori, we both found a setting that we both like the last time we went shopping. When he mentioned that he talked to a jewerly about having a setting made for me that''s when I told him I didn''t want to hear anymore. Now I don''t even know if he has picked a ring offically, is having a ring made, or even bought the stone yet!!

If we are not engaged by the end of the year I''ll be insane at that point....or shall I say more insane...and I''ll probably have a little chit chat with him.

My friend said that same thing about after the proposal...that you think if the ''waiting'' less as torture but more fondly. Hey at least I''m getting some good wedding planning advice and doing plenty of research right now.

 

[bravesfan]

I agree with Tacori! it is bad torture!!

I went through what you are going through about a year ago... and let me tell you .... now that the ring is made and still nothing.... well lets just say you will be posting on this site alot!!!

Anyways: congrats on going ring shopping it will be alot of fun!

 

[MissAva]

Nope, not too pushy at all.

Do you ever think they have a Man in no Hurry Forum somewhere? Where they all chat about how we are mental? Or how much pressure we put on them? Or how all rings look the same?

 

[snuga]

Date: 10/31/2005 3:32:32 PM
Author: Matatora
Nope, not too pushy at all.

Do you ever think they have a Man in no Hurry Forum somewhere? Where they all chat about how we are mental? Or how much pressure we put on them? Or how all rings look the same?

LOL, if they do, my boyfriend invented it!!

He totally thinks I''m crazy!!

 

[nytemist]

I''m hoping that none of us here waiting are waiting and being tortured for too long.

Though I think we should give Erin a trophy for her level of patience. I couldn''t do it.

 

[shazbone]

I have been so busy ''till now, but I just wanted to say that I am glad I can get some peace of mind and therapy from this wonderful forum, and all you ladies! Thanks again!

 

[Erin]

Date: 10/31/2005 4:22:45 PM
Author: nytemist
I''m hoping that none of us here waiting are waiting and being tortured for too long.

Though I think we should give Erin a trophy for her level of patience. I couldn''t do it.

Oooooooh - what does it look like? Is it cushion cut?

 

[MissAva]

We could get you one of Winks Interlaps, he has cushion cuts.

 

[nytemist]

Anything you want!

 

[caligal]

Mata- you are too funny! A forum for the Man in no Hurry- I love it! They all should hang out. Whether it''s a computer, fancy tv, or a timeshare (my case)- they do freak us out with these big purchases when we are thinking they are putting all the money into savings for a ring.

 

[cutes814]

shaz,

The waiting is good at the beginning, but after a while, it starts to get to you. Enjoy the ring shopping! That''ll be very fun! After that, just sit back and try, just try to relax. I am still waiting for my proposal and it''s been 7 weeks since he picked up the ring. It was 5 months ago when we started shopping for the ring.....so enjoy the torture for now because you will never feel this again.

Have fun ring shopping and don''t forget to update us on the process!

 

[Evie75]

hey as long as i dont turn into that girl on my fair brady i dont care lol

Dunno if anyone saw that show on MTV i think... she is too much

 

[leeenie]

Waiting is torturous! Not only is there this elephant-in-the-room that you can''t talk about for fear of being pushy/annoying or ruining a surprise, but you feel like there''s something that you don''t see eye-to-eye on - that he doesn''t want to be engaged right now, but you do. I guess it just sucks to be the one who wants more from someone/the relationship than than they want from you and want to give. Oh, and the fact that once he has the ring, he effectively has all the power to choose the time and the girlfriend usually doesn''t know. Hopefully it won''t be too long!

 

[goldengirl]

Oh, you mean like when they''re saving money for a ering and then they buy another car?

Yes, I said aNOTHER car.

<-----------------

 

[AmberWaves]

Date: 11/1/2005 3:49:35 PM
Author: Evie75
hey as long as i dont turn into that girl on my fair brady i dont care lol

Dunno if anyone saw that show on MTV i think... she is too much

Evie! I saw that show last night!! (WIth my BF on the couch behind me) I was totally hoping that wasn''t me. She made me feel bad for HIM! How long has it been for them? 7 months? Give me a break.

this waiting is killing me. Is it really pathetic to know my whole wedding down to the favors and colors? Am I the only one?

 

[SoonIHope]

Hehehe, yeah I saw that episode too and my boyfriend was like "I feel bad for him, I really understand where he''s coming from." And there''s just no good answer for that b/c in THEIR case of course she''s being crazy, but my boyfriend doesn''t get to think so!!!!

And yes Amber, I have a folder in my email called "wedding stuff (shhh don''t tell john" full of all my ideas.

He knows it''s there but just likes to ignore it!

 

[AmberWaves]

Date: 11/2/2005 4:16:49 PM
Author: albicocca
Hehehe, yeah I saw that episode too and my boyfriend was like ''I feel bad for him, I really understand where he''s coming from.'' And there''s just no good answer for that b/c in THEIR case of course she''s being crazy, but my boyfriend doesn''t get to think so!!!!

And yes Amber, I have a folder in my email called ''wedding stuff (shhh don''t tell john'' full of all my ideas.

He knows it''s there but just likes to ignore it!

Okay, don''t tell anyone... but I literally have a manilla folder with cutouts and menus and lists of everything... Oh the shame. He knows, though. We even talk about a chartered yacht (that way his constantly late sister will have to be on time, or we''ll leave her!) or the Queen Mary (because I want to see ghosts

.) I am so nerdy. I actually tear out ring pictures, and send him WF shots, and settings. And I''m trying to cheapen it down for him.. WG instead of platinum, one carat. Solitaire.. I even sent him here! Too bad he can find me... That''s our dog in my avatar.

 

[SoonIHope]

Hehe I had to threaten my boyfriend that I would look at all the posts he makes on technology forums if he tries to look at my posts on PS.

But he was instructed to check out the tutorials etc and he found them very helpful. I just don''t want him to come across anything I say about him!

And I may not have a manila folder, but I have a LOT of stuff in my email folder...I save images and email them to myself with links & prices and everything so the second the moment comes I''ll have everything all ready!

 

[AmberWaves]

Whoo. I am SO glad I''m not alone.

I have a stack of wedding magazines. I can''t believe he actually lets me get them. The only times he gets angry are when he trips over them. Hey, it''s not my fault he''s clumsy. We have our date set, too. March 25, 2007. Is it just me, or is that SO far away? That''s what''s making the waiting hard, everything else is good to go! Just get me the ring, and we can get this party started! It''s just not official TO ME unless the ring is on the finger. I think I''ll know when it''s coming, because he''s traditional, and will want to ask my dad''s permission. But my dad is a blabbermouth, and will probably tell me. I keep trying to leave them alone, so it can happen already!

 

[SoonIHope]

Hehe we have a date too! June 23, 2007.

Sooo far away!! I was hoping to try to renegotiate for next year after he actually proposes (since he already bought the ring!!! so it''s SOOON I HOPE!!!!

) but my brother just got engaged (after living with his girlfriend for almost 7 years! couldn''t they have not picked MY year to get engaged??) and planned his wedding for next June PLUS one of my best friends is getting married in June and due to issues with the family house where we''re going to get married, it has to be in either June or September and I''d rather have a spring/summer wedding, so......2007.

And he has very explicitly told me NO WEDDING MAGAZINES until I get the ring. But the second I get it, I''m going to go buy like 20 so I hope he realizes what he''s in for!

 

[MissAva]

I have a Bridezilla Binder, the covers have deco paged pictures of things I liked from Bridal magazines. It is even organized into Dresses, Accessories, Bridesmaids stuff, Locations, Favors, Reception, and Other.
JV politely ignores this, and the floral books his mother keeps giving me.

 

[AmberWaves]

Ha ha ha. MY brother is getting married next year too! We wanted a March wedding (In L.A. it''s always nice here), but then a few months ago, my brother announced he''s marrying the girl he met online in Sydney Aus. April 2006. What a dream smasher. He totally would kill the buzz for our wedding. I was like, what? You''re marrying who? When ? Bastard! So we had to re-negotiate. It seems too far away. My BF Paul is constantly getting barraged with questions, "Do you like chicken marsala, or fish?" He''s going to hit me with Modern Bride next time. And BTW, Martha Stewart Weddings is not that useful.