Am I crazy?

[so cal girl]

Okay, I don't know what to do. FI and I have been together about two years, and I have grown quite close to his family. I felt like they really had welcomed me as part of their family. Then "the situation" happened.

FI has a twin brother. His twin brother got engaged to some girl he had known for an entire 6 weeks. This girl is very young and immature, and (I beleieve) is getting married just to say she is married, not because she actually loves the man she is marrying. Example: she has introduced him as her husband since the moment they met (which was an entire 6 months ago).

Anyway, I don't have to deal with her much, which is nice. But, FI and I were at a wedding a few weeks ago that his brother and his FI were at. She had never met the couple whose wedding it was, since she has not been around that long, but felt it was appropriate to talk trash on their wedding the entire time. She kept commenting how much better her wedding was going to be. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Well, she saw me roll my eyes, and stormed out causing a scene.

This cause a fight between FI and me, which was bad enough. But then I found out the next day that she had her FI (my FI's brother) call their mom and complain about how mean I am being to her. She also went on to her webpage, and posted that I am a "psycho nut job" and that she is going to "put her foot down hard" on me.

Ever since this incident, FI's mom has been blowing me off to do things with this girl. In addition, their wedding is in a few weeks, and I really don't want to go. Is that crazy? It is the first time I am going to meet about half of FI's family, since they live accross the country, but I don't know if I can face this woman, in addition to the fact that I don't feel as though I am part of the family anymore.

Any advice?

 

[diamondfan]

Well, you do not need me to tell you she is a child and acting like it. She likes the idea of a wedding and hoopla, from what you say, and it is likely they will not have the best marriage if all that is true. I would try to run interference, since she is upping the ugly quotient on you with his family. Maybe your guy can talk to his mom? Not really sure what else to say, but she is clearly up to no good and I would watch my back for sure...good luck!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Whew boy! I so wish I had some great advice to give you. If ever someone needed it, I really think you do.

I know this, if followed will be the toughest path you could take...believe me I would find it extremely difficult to do as I suggest. But you have no other option but to take the high road. There is scripture that reminds you there is no reasoning with a fool. You are dealing with a fool. I don''t mean that as a flipit way to put a generic name on her...she is really a fool. Her mother is even a greater one in supporting her daughter in a marriage to a stranger. The groom is desperate to marry so quick to such a knucklehead and your future MIL is like a cornered tiger protecting her cub. You are not going to win in any situation.

It may take longer than you hoped for...but she will be revealed, probably sooner than later...but if you stay above the muck...and not sink into it, your maturity will shine through. Your righteousness will as well. You are going to have bleeding lips, as you will have to chomp down on them numerous times. And in the end, you will also get apologies from those who have mistreated you.

Just go one about your plans. Be courteous...and keep your distance. The wedding attendance is mandatory-unless ofcourse the last minute you have a great aunt in New Hampshire in need of your assistance. She is trying to push you out of the loop. She wants to be queen bee...and her early marriage into the family is what she feels will do that for her. But honey, she isn''t going to change...the family will see through her. Really.

Unless this is a shotgun wedding...I just wonder if it will really take place. She is a volcano...the most you can hope for is a shocking crazy eruption!

In total agreement with you about her being a ...total fruitcake- with no cooth at all. But you have an opportunity to show grace and manners and respect even though it is not warrented. You can not find anything better to take her down a notch-than Grace. Your grace.

DKS

 

[luckystar112]

I don''t think your FMIL is blowing you off to hang out with this girl because she is taking her side...
It sounds more like the wedding is coming up soon, and your FI''s mom has just decided to accept it and help out in any way that she can. Lots of parents do that. Either way, that girl sounds like a little brat. Are you the onlly one that holds that opinion though? What does your FI think of her?

 

[so cal girl]

Thanks for all of your input you guys. I know that taking the high road and going to the wedding with a big smile on my face is the right thing to do. It is just so hard sometimes.

DKS: This was orginally a shotgun wedding. She got pregnant after a week of them being together, and that is why they got engaged. Then she had a miscarriage after a month, and they decided to get married anyway. I kept thinking they would never make it to the altar, but their wedding is in two weeks, so I''m pretty sure it is happening now.

LuckyStar: I am not the only one that feels this way. FI does agrees with me completely about this girl, and feels that his brother is making a big mistake. He has even told his brother that he is being foolish, but more so because he is getting married so fast, not revealing that he doesn''t like the girl.

Fi has basically told me I have to go to his brother''s wedding. He says to just smile and realize inside how ridiculous this girl is. That is what he is going to do.

 

[Independent Gal]

Yes, So Cal, that does sound like the right thing to do. This girl sounds like a child. Children say and do all kinds of ridiculous things. Think of it as the same sort of situation as if an 8 year old tried to tease you with 8 year old teasing things "Nyah nyah! You are a goofy-head nyah nyah!" and stuck his tongue out at you and made faces. You, as an adult, could get angry. But it would be weird. After all, does that kind of 8 yr old silliness actually hurt your feelings? No. Because YOU are not 8.

Sitting at someone''s wedding, as someone''s guest and bad-mouthing it is, maybe, 14 year old behaviour. So, I would treat it the same way. So don''t let it hurt you. Just try to ignore it. This girl''s behaviour is laughable and a bit sad, although I understand none too uncommon. Before long everyone else will think so too. So just try to ignore it, and vent on here if you have to.

So, put yourself above it as you would an 8 year old''s teasing or a 14 year old''s shallow posturing, and be glad that you''re the grown up in this situation, with a healthy, grown-up relationship.

We''re here for support if you need it.

 

[firebirdgold]

eh, just smile and make nice to his family. That''s what you should concentrate on during her wedding, making a good impression with the extended family and getting to know them better. They''re going to be your family fairly soon, after all.

Besides, it''s not like she''s going to be around in five years! Just take the long view and be gracious even if it hurts. Oh, and don''t drink at the wedding or you might slip and give your real opinion.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 7/26/2007 11:33:00 AM
Author: so cal girl
Thanks for all of your input you guys. I know that taking the high road and going to the wedding with a big smile on my face is the right thing to do. It is just so hard sometimes.

DKS: This was orginally a shotgun wedding. She got pregnant after a week of them being together, and that is why they got engaged. Then she had a miscarriage after a month, and they decided to get married anyway. I kept thinking they would never make it to the altar, but their wedding is in two weeks, so I''m pretty sure it is happening now.

LuckyStar: I am not the only one that feels this way. FI does agrees with me completely about this girl, and feels that his brother is making a big mistake. He has even told his brother that he is being foolish, but more so because he is getting married so fast, not revealing that he doesn''t like the girl.

Fi has basically told me I have to go to his brother''s wedding. He says to just smile and realize inside how ridiculous this girl is. That is what he is going to do.

Are you sure she was even pregnant? Sounds like a bit of a trap to me!

It must be difficult for you - not only is she slightly nutty - but she has come along and jumped ahead of you in the wedding stakes. When are you planning to get married?

My advice would be to act as sweetly as you can. If anything you should be feeling sorry for her. Make yourself look the good guy by being really nice to her - it will get you points in front of the in laws!!

 

[so cal girl]

Funny you say that about her maybe not even being pregnant, because I thought the same thing! But my FI''s brother went with her to the doctor for an appointment, so I guess she really was.

FI and I are getting married next June. We thought about putting off our wedding because all of his family will already have to travel across the country for his brother''s wedding this August. But we figured we had been planning this wedding since before the two of them had even met, so we''re sticking to the original plan. I''m hoping his family will be kind enough to fly back out here again 10 months later.

I was really trying my best to be nice to her, but she definitely makes it difficult. I realize I have to be extra special nice on her wedding day. I think I''ll just avoid her altogether, and try to get to know the rest of FI''s family better.

What really irks me is that I have made a real effort to try and get in great with the FILs, and then this girl comes along, whines to them that I''m a b*tch, and I feel like I''m back at square one after two years.

 

[FireGoddess]

I'd print out what she wrote about me online, and tape it to my fridge for anyone passing by to see. It's not worth getting irritated over this idiot, but if she can cry baby over you rolling your eyes at her, well, let her own words be used to judge her.

 

[ponderer]

Take the high road and wait. Karma usually bites people in the a$$. Although sometimes it takes way too long; IMHO.

You cant point out things that people dont want to see. They have to realize things on her own.

My relationship with my SIL began like this. She was behaving like a child, I pointed it out, and she complained how horrible I was to her. My parents and my brother thought I was the cruel mean witch for over a year. They all eventually realized that''s she nuts and I got more apologies than you can imagine. She is now medicated and fairly normal, but still difficult to deal with.

 

[poshpepper]

Jeez... sounds like a real jem... LOL.

I agree that the "high road" is the best one to take in this situation. After all you will have to deal with her for a while to come so might as well make it as easy on yourself as you can.

G/L with everything.

 

[TravelingGal]

Agree...

Highroad...

Karma...

Believe it.

 

[Pandora II]

I think your FMIL is probably just trying not to get drawn in. It would be very easy if she thinks this girl is a PITA to start taking sides and having a bitchfest which then gets very difficult if this girl remains part of the family and becomes mother of the grandkids etc.

My grandmother did exactly that and it has caused so many problems amongst my relatives.

On the other hand I totally feel your pain. My brother''s ex complained to my family that I was saying terrible things to all her friends - like she wasn''t good enough for my brother because she was half Iranian (I dated an Iranian guy myself for a year so hardly), that she was fat and accused her of giving out sexual favours to get friends!

At the time I was living at home having been very ill for 2 years, with no job or anything. I had met my now FI at a party she held and apparently I was not supposed to run off with him because her mother had him marked out as her future husband! She was dating my brother FGS!

The thing that upset me most was for 6 months my mother and brother believed every word she said (despite the fact I didn''t actually know any of her friends so couldn''t have said anything anyway), and tried to force me to apologise for what I hadn''t done! Finally her true colours came through and my brother left her immediately.

I don''t give this marriage more than 2 years myself...

In the meantime, keep smiling and holding your head up high.

 

[baby monster]

ITA with what everyone said. Be courteous and respectful but keep your distance from the bride so she can''t provoke you into doing or saying something you''ll regret later. You should think about this wedding as an interview - meet his relatives, get to know what kind of family you are marrying into, make a good impression. Besides, the wedding will last only a few hours - occupy yourself with figuring out the seating arrangements for your big day!