Am I too picky? Not satisfied!

[Jenny82]

Hi everyone,

We had my engagement ring custom made in December. Upon receiving it I loved it but there were a few things about it that bothered me.

1. I had asked for the band to be 3.0mm wide with a knife egde (provided the silver ring I had been wearing for a year as an example). Was told it had to be 3.3mm to hold the side diamonds. Not a huge deal. When I got the ring back the knife edge wasn't as pronounced as the silver ring I had given as an example and although it's knife edge it's a barely there kind of knife edge.

Additionally, of course I over examined it and found that on one side of the cathedral there was a small gap where diamonds should be and the other side didn't have the gap. It's so small no one would ever notice it but me because I'm crazy like that. Note that both sides had the same number of diamonds but the one side just had more of a space than the other. It was hand made so I just assumed that it was a quirk of the ring and accepted that it added some character. I also noticed a few other things that I didn't like on the milligraining that looked a little sloppy but figured this was also because it was hand done. I never said anything to our jeweller and carried on.

Fast forward to now and we've just picked up my wedding band as our wedding is in two months. The thing is, the wedding band is exactly what I wanted! I had asked them to match it exactly to the engagement ring. They did the same style but now the wedding band is all the things the engagement ring is not. The milligrain on the wedding band is more fine and delicate and anything but sloppy, and the wedding band IS the 3mm that I wanted the engagement ring to be!!! So why couldn't my engagement ring have been 3mm but the wedding band can be???

When I put them side by side they match to anyone who just glances at them but they are different. The wedding band DOES have the more pronounced knife edge that I wanted for my e-ring. This is really bothering me! Every time I look at them I feel like first of all they are not a perfect match and second of all I'm wishing my engagement ring looked like my wedding band.

The last thing which I noticed which actually doesn't concern me that much is that the appraisal on the e-ring quotes the side stones as F-G and the wedding band appraisal says G-H.

So my question to you is.... Have I lost my mind with wedding brain and I'm being too picky or are my feeling valid? The whole reason we went the custom route was because I couldn't find a set that was exactly what I wanted and now we've done custom and it's not what I wanted. What is frustrating is that the wedding band is exactly what I wanted and what I had asked for in the first place for my engagement ring.

Thanks in advance for your comments.

Jenn

 

[Medphysdave]

I would take then both in, and tell them they nailed it on the wedding band if that's the one you like. Let them know you paid for a matched pair. You shouldn't let it go if it's going to bother you every time you look at your finger.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Absolutely take it back in and discuss it with them. You need to be happy with these rings for a long time!! Let us know what the jeweler says please.

 

[missy]

I agree with MissGotRocks and Medphysdave. Take it back and discuss it with the jewelers. It will just become more magnified to you as time goes on so you need to take care of it now and get what you love. Good luck!

 

[NICHLO]

It's beautiful and most likely no one would notice what you are noticing. But that doesn't matter! If it's bothering YOU, it's your ring and you all paid for it so I would make them fix it until it's right. Congrats on wedding soon!

 

[marymm]

Not sure if it is just an artifact of photography but the diamond melee in the ER looks larger than the melee in the WB ... if that is the case, maybe that's why the ER shank had to be a bit wider (at least according to your vendor)?

And, whether the diamond melee in both rings is in fact the same size or should be the same size, then, yes, for sure, I'd go back to your vendor for a calm discussion and request for re-make.

If you requested larger size melee for the ER, then maybe what you already have is their best attempt?

 

[motownmama]

Like others said. Speak to the jeweler. Try not to be emotional. It might take more than one conversation (even many) to come to a solution. History on here shows that if it bothers you now it will bother you MORE, not less in the future. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Jenny82]

Thanks everyone.

No, I had not requested a certain size for the side diamonds on either ring. I was initially disapointed the e-ring couldn't be 3.0 and then was disappointed again when it came back without the degree of knife edge the same as the silver ring I had given them to copy. But, dealt with it. And only now that I have the WB I am like.... WTF.

Interesting you say that about the size of the diamonds as I had picked up on the same thing.

I've attached another picture where you can see the difference in the knife edge. I'm so upset because the reason I went to custom route was to get exactly what I wanted in the design because I couldn't find it in stores here. Now, I not only don't have what I wanted but I have mismatched rings.

I emailed them this morning. Won't hear from them until Monday likely. See my email below. I feel I wrote it well and unemotional.

Hi Peter,

Hope you're well. Writing today to start the process of having my engagement ring remade.

There are some things about it that have bothered me from the beginning (basically after a couple days of having it once I had some time to inspect it) but I never said anything because I didn't want to be difficult. But now after receiving my wedding band these things are bothering me even more and I cant ignore them any longer.

The thing is that you guys nailed the wedding band, it is exactly what I had hoped my engagement ring would be. And now, having the two of them side by side, the things I don't like about my e-ring stand out even more.

Notes:

During the approval process (before casting) I had asked for the e-ring to be 3.0mm instead of what we had originally discussed. I was told it had to be 3.3 in order to hold the side diamonds. So it is 3.3mm. The wedding band has come back and it IS 3.0mm. So why can the wedding band be 3.0mm and hold the side diamonds just fine? Now the two rings are different widths and I had asked for a perfect matching set. Now every time I look at the e-ring I am annoyed with how thick it is and that they don't match.
I had provided my silver ring at the time of design and asked for the knife edge on my e-ring. The knife edge on the e-ring I received is so slight that its barely there. The knife edge on the wedding band is a deeper slope and is exactly what I had requested for the e-ring but didn't get. Again, when I look at them side by side now I am bothered with the two different angles of the knife edge
The diamonds on the wedding band appear either to be smaller or closer together giving a more blanketed look to the diamonds. Its difficult to focus in on one individual diamond. On the e-ring they appear less micro-pave and I can easily focus in on one individual diamond - again, the wedding band is preferred and side by side the differences bother me
The cathedral on the wedding band is not symmetrical. On one side there is a slight gap between the diamonds near the top of the cathedral.. just a little space. On the other side there is no space. This has bothered me from the beginning
The miligrain on the engagement ring is sloppy in a couple of places where it really isn't even milligrain but looks like the tool slipped. The milligrain on the wedding band is perfect - its super fine and refined - the milligrain on the e-ring is larger and more pronounced - again the wedding band is preferred being more delicate and refined
According to the appraisals, the e-ring side diamonds are F-G. The wedding band is G-H. This isn't a huge deal as its impossible to tell but just sharing another difference
From the time I received the e-ring there are some marks on it (under the cathedral and on the inside) that were never polished off - bottom line I feel like the e-ring was made a bit sloppy

Having shared all of the above, I am really just not happy with the e-ring and now having the wedding band all of those flaws just stand out even more to me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life unhappy every time I glance at my hand. I know you stand by your products and services so I know that you will help me fix this.

My request would be to have the e-ring remade to match the wedding band and more importantly made by the same person who made my wedding band (Different people made both as their crafting stamp on the inside is different and the quality of workmanship is very different) as the person who made the wedding band has much better craftsmanship.

I need the e-ring to match the wedding band in thickness (3.0mm), depth of the knife edge (more pronounced), and the matching side diamonds in size, colour, and placement. As I said, the wedding band is what I had wanted all along but didn't receive.

I realize these differences may seem insignificant to you but they are really huge to me.

I can have the rings brought back to you early next week. I absolutely need my e-ring back before June 4th as my bridal shower is that day.

Let me know your thoughts.

Thanks.

Jenn

 

[Trekkie]

Darling, this is Pricescope. No one here would EVER tell you that you are too picky. We are the QUEENS of picky. Welcome!

Good on you for standing up for what you want - I hope you will have an amicable resolution!

 

[Jenny82]

LOL thank you Trekkie. I showed my mom and sister in law yesterday and they agreed and then showed my Fiancé last night and although he usually thinks I'm nuts he also agreed.

Should hear back from them today. Will post an update.

 

[Jenny82]

Update:

Spoke to them on the phone just now and he has said to come in with the rings this afternoon and we will figure it out.
He said he is confused as I had said how happy I was with the e-ring when I recirved it. I do understand why he would be confused but I explained one that I didn't want to be difficult and picky at the time, two, it wasn't until a couple weeks of having the e-ring that I really started to notice the flaws, and three and most importantly I was told the ring couldn't be 3mm but now the wedding band is.... So I'm upset that my e-ring isn't as it obviously could have been.

I also explained that regardless, I asked for a matching set and they are not. Really they should have made the WB the 3.3 to match the e-ring and we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

He did say however that the e-ring may not be able to be 3mm due to the size of my centre stone (1.2ct) but I struggle with that being the case. Again, then they should have made the WB match the e-ring as requested.

Anyways, he sounds pretty open to discussing and I think he will make it right. Seeing him at 2pm and will post an update.

 

[Rockinruby]

Good for you on taking it back in to discuss with the jeweler. I can't see living with it daily if it's really bothering you. Hopefully the jeweler can come up with a favorable outcome. Good luck!

 

[Elepig]

Yeah, in the second set of pictures you posted, you can really see the difference. If they can do what you specified in the one, surely they can make it so in the other.
Good on you for speaking up and best of luck in getting it resolved.

 

[Jenny82]

Ok so just back from the jewellers and it was actually a bit frustrating. It's a family business and the father who is probably late 70's was there. He was not the guy I have been working with since last year but he is the big boss so to speak.

Went in and Peter (the guy I know) said come into my dads office. They asked me then to walk them through the issue. I explained everything again. The dad told me that the reason they would have told me the e-ring had to be 3.3 was so that there was enough room to hold the centre stone and that so the prongs wouldn't stick out too far off the side of the ring as that wouldn't look right. My opinion: my prongs already stick out on the side and it doesn't bother me in the slightest- were talking about 0.3 of a mm here.

Anyways he also went on to say that typically the WB is thinner than the ER so that the ER is still the focal point. Maybe, but that's not what I asked for. And then finally he went on to say that no one would ever notice but he understands that I notice because I am very detail focused. Before all this he said they were the same and I told him to measure them and they were in fact 3.3mm and 3.0 as I said.

Long story short, he said he would have to speak with the gold smith and see if the ER could be made to 3.0. He said he thought I should leave the ER at 3.3 and widen the WB to match. He said to take a few days to think about it and then to bring it back and let him know.

The thing that I love about my ER is that it's like wham! LOL. It's substantial on my hand (I'm a size 7.5) and yes the diamond is a nice size but the band and the cathedral is like wow. I'm worried now if I make it thinner that I'll loose the wow. On the other hand, I'm worried if I make the WB thicker that all in all it will be too much ring. My sister in law has two really thick bands and I don't love the look (but hers are plain with no side stones). Also, I'm worried that if they remake the ER that they will set the diamond lower or have the cathedral come up too high etc.... Just bacically imagining all the other things that could go wrong.

But how hard can it be right, keep the ER exactly the same but just make the band 0.3mm thinner. Easy right!?

What would you guys do... And why?

 

[MJ_Mac]

Jenny82, I think the jeweller is trying to make you second guess yourself. There is nothing the matter with having a matched set if that is what you want and that's what you requested originally. This includes having the same size, colour, cut and clarity of melee. Besides the size difference in the wedding band, it almost looks as if you have a dead looking diamond showing in one of the pics. It's the picture where the rings are hanging downward so we can see the backs of the rings. It's the 7th diamond on the right side of the band that looks suspect to me.

One thing to think about should you decide to go with a more pronounced knife edge is will it be comfortable. I know myself and some other people here find knife edge rings a bit uncomfortable. I'm fine as long as there isn't any milgrain rubbing against my fingers.

I hated my matching wedding band to my original ER. It wasn't symmetrical. I sent it back, they remade it and it came back looking almost the same. I stopped wearing it and just wore a plain band with my engagement ring which made me happier. Every time I looked at my hand all I could see was that flaw. I don't want you to have those same feelings.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I think the two rings don't look like they are made exactly the same - regardless of the width difference. I would tell them I don't want my engagement ring touched if it is that much to your liking. They need to remake the wedding band to match the engagement ring. The setting of the diamonds somehow doesn't look quite the same to me. I say that from looking up close at your pictures - I'm sure in real life it is not that noticeable but they are your rings and they need to please you - no matter what the jeweler thinks. Sounds like he is trying to weasel out of remaking either one of them.

 

[lovedogs]

I think the two rings don't look like they are made exactly the same - regardless of the width difference. I would tell them I don't want my engagement ring touched if it is that much to your liking. They need to remake the wedding band to match the engagement ring. The setting of the diamonds somehow doesn't look quite the same to me. I say that from looking up close at your pictures - I'm sure in real life it is not that noticeable but they are your rings and they need to please you - no matter what the jeweler thinks. Sounds like he is trying to weasel out of remaking either one of them.

+1, exactly what MGR said! I think that they are trying to get out of re-making either piece. But in the most recent photos you can clearly see the differences. I agree with the jeweler that the "casual" observer won't notice, but that isn't the point. The point is that you asked for 2 pieces made the same way and did not get that. YOU need to love them or else you won't wear them. I think you should have them either re-make the wedding band to be like your e-ring or vise versa--it's just a matter of what is more important to you (the pronounced knife edge of the WB or the thickness of the e-ring), and which of the two (e-ring or WB) you would rather change. I'm sorry this is frustrating for you, but for what it's worth I think you are doing a great job by speaking up for yourself rather than staying quiet and unhappy

ETA: I just looked again and agree with poodles4me that it looks like there might be a "dead" diamond. I'd just check it out to make sure it doesn't look that way IRL

 

[pearaffair]

Go with your gut. Have them both made to look like the wedding band you love

This sounds like a really frustrating experience, but rings (like a happy marriage) can take work in order to be at their best!

Good luck, lovely! I think you're handling this really well.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I consider myself picky but reasonable. When you posted the side view where I could see that the height of the knife edge bands was different, I totally agreed that the e-ring needs to be redone, because the wedding band is exactly what you wanted.

I want to correct a couple of things your jeweler said. Most of the long time members here have thinner e-ring shanks than the wedding bands. In fact, most have around 2mm or even 1.8mm. We have people here with 5 carat stones on a 2mm shank (with wedding bands that sit close), so that is total and complete nonsense that the e-ring had to be wider than 3 mm to accommodate a 1.2 ct diamond!!! The fact that the wedding band worked at 3mm proves that the e-ring could have been made exactly the same. It is nuts that they didn't have the same person make both, and they certainly should have had you bring in the e-ring for them to go by. So lots of mistakes were made on their part.

I know how awful it is to have to give up your engagement ring to have it remade, but in actuality, they should just put a cz in the current ring so you can still wear it while the new one is being made (or wait until it is nearly finished to take your diamond out of this one).

I will say that custom is extremely risky unless you have seen examples of rings close to what you want made by the bench. In fact, I live near a large city and wouldn't trust any of the jewelers there to do custom. We have some ring makers we have learned about here who do consistently high quality work and most of us do custom via long distance. The good thing is that apparently the bench who made the wedding band did a good job, so hopefully they will be the ones doing the remake of the e-ring. Good luck!

 

[susief]

I don't think the width difference is particularly noticeable and worry that by focusing on that, they can easily wriggle out.

What IS very noticeable is the difference in gaps between the stones. They don't look like a matched set. You explained it very well in your email. Also the difference in the knife edge height. I would focus on these issues, plus the sloppy milgrain, as they are quality issues that are hard to argue with.

 

[MarionC]

It is unfortunate that our local jewelers need to be educated, but it's the truth. PSers are so detail oriented and I'll bet most jewelers most often deal with less discerning eyes, or things are not quite right but the customer doesn't say anything.
The two ring profiles side by side look like apples & oranges. Totally different design looks with the two different angles on the knife edge.
Go get 'um! and best of luck with getting them to understand and fix things.

 

[Jenny82]

Hi everyone. You are all awesome. I can't thank you enough for your comments and support.

Good call out on the comfort of the knife edge but it's comfy for me. The silver ER he proposed with was 2.6mm with a sever knife edge and it never bothered me. I know for some though its uncomfortable.

I see the 'dead diamond' in the photo but in person they are all sparkling and beautiful.

I filled my fiancée in last night as to my appointment with the jeweller and he agrees that the ER needs to be remade to match the WB as its what we asked for in the first place.

You guys are bang on though about the placement of the side stones. What I can see is that they have used the same size diamonds but placed them much closer together on the WB. You can see on the ER the metal in between each stone but on the WB the stones are much closer together creating the micro pave look I had asked for on the WB. Below is a picture where I have lined them up at the bottom and you can easily see how spaced out they are on the ER.

The jewellers coordinator (the lady who deals with the design between the client and the goldsmith) is on holidays and back next Wednesday so they said to take the week to think about it and if I still want to make changes then to come see her next week when she's back. I do, so that's what I'll be doing. After that it will probably take a couple of weeks to make the ER. I just hope I can have it back by June 4 for my bridal shower.

Will let you all know how it goes next week and then I'll share final photos once it's all done. Thanks again to everyone! Such an awesome community!

Jenn

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Sounds great and we will really hope they get it done before June 4th!

Knife edge rings don't bother me, either. The fingers beside the ring finger are almost never pressed against the ring finger, for one thing!