Amount of female involvement

[chris-uk04]

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On 9/8/2004 9:38:47 AM gingerBcookie wrote:

... My bf knows nothing about jewelry and would have most likely walked into a chain store and been sweet talked into buying some crap by the first salesperson to sniff out his vulnerability..... ----------------

Ah okay. I had prefaced my statements by saying “if he planned on doing a lot of research into the diamond….” I think if a guy is likely to just walk into a chain store and buy junk, you have every right to save him from himself. I know both types of guys, some that would go to the chain store and some that would do lots of homework. By your statements I assume he was the latter. Sorry for the assumption. So in your case, you have every right to get involved then.

 

[elepri]

I was very much involved in selecting my ring. My fiance was relieved not to have to make that decision alone and I ended up with the ring i love. Actually my girlfriends' reaction was just the opposite, most seem to take it for granted that they should be involved in buying the ring (and they're not even reading Pricescope). One got a ring that was a complete surprise. She loves the big rock he picked but hates the setting. When i suggested she talk to him about resetting the stone, she said it would only hurt his feelings but she's really not hiding it too well. Basically, he knows she doesn't like it and she's still stuck with it. Hmm, i think i like my way better...

 

[dbgaap]

GingerBcookie,


My situation was a lot like yours. I wound up very involved and I became sensitive about it (wondering what would other people think). Since people usually made a big deal out of asking "was it a surprise?" or they would compliment the ring, "Oh he did a good job!" so i let it go at that. I did not correct them and say, "well I did all the research and got the best price!"




I've had my ring now for almost 5 months and I just absolutely love it.


As FH & I have gotten into wedding planning, we are a team. We make all those decisions together, too.


So it amazes me that I ever thought it seemed weird!!


Now it seems like the most natural way to go!




In retrospect, it was a pure pleasure to shop for and get the e-ring. It is an awesome gift and it was made even better that he was so concerned that the ring make me happy.




Only 6 months til we marry.


Yea!!

 

[Julian]

I think female involvement is a brilliant idea!

In my case, my man had bought me a lot of jewelry before (Peretti diamonds by the yard for one -- so my style!) so I trusted that my hints would suffice.

Thankfully, a few specific "hints" along the road he surprised me with a RB in a Tiffany setting. Sigh!

I agree with all of you. We should absolutely love the ring... as much as we love our men!

 

[Kuuipo]

Ginger,

There is no right or wrong way to go about this. It's what's comfortable for both of you. I'm in the process of looking for an e-ring too and b/c my bf knows I can be very particular/specific about the look of a diamond/setting, he is glad that I'm involved to pick out what I want. He has been very understanding, supportive and patient thru out this whole process. In the end, YOU have to be happy with what you got on your finger and wear it proud.

 

[k8]

hello,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your involvement. If you want an element of surprise, I would help him pick out the stone (to be sure it is perfect) and then let him choose between a few settings that you adore. This way you are guaranteed to get something that you love and there is still and element of surprise. (Of course there is nothing wrong with you picking out what you will most love with the person you most love -- marriage is team work so why should this not be the same?)

Good luck finding something beautiful - kate

 

[michela002]

Ignore 'em!

Your engagement ring will mean no less if you picked it. You are going to wear it every day for the rest of your life so you should love it as much as you love your fiance, and if you want to be hands-on in the ring purchase to find THE ring then go for it!

Michela.

 

[heart prongs]

I think my now husband has impeccable taste, and he would have chosen something spectacular on his own. However, we have discussed this topic, and he told me that he never would have heard of Mark Morrell had it not been for my involvement. He was looking to find the perfect center stone, whereas the setting was just as important to me. Until we talked about it and looked around together, the setting part was just not in his mind. We made a good team looking at and getting all of our rings, as we always made a fun day out of it! And, by the way, I was completely stunned and surprised when he proposed; I had no idea that the one I ring the most was the one he planned to get and I thought our engagement was months away from the date he asked me. klr

 

[blue_chica]

Hey Ginger,

I didn''t intend to get so involved in my ring either. BF initally told me to go get ideas on what I liked, and I quickly realized that I couldn''t give him very good parameters. I''m also the very anal researcher/planner/bargain shopper of the two of us...I love to do it, so very quickly it became clear to both of us that we''d get the best diamond for the money if I took care of picking it out, with his input too. I gave him two setting choices, and we got the diamond from whiteflash.com, so I''ve never seen it in person. He took the diamond to be appraised yesterday and it got raves, and when he came home he told me how glad he was that I took care of it because I did such a great job, it is a relief.

There will still be an element of surprise in the ring, but really I''m excited to see how/when he does it, I think that''s where the romance lies for me.

BTW - reena if you are still checking this thread...holy SHIZNAT your ring is unbelievable!

 

[codex57]

Don''t feel bad at all. My g/f had a lot of input in the ring even tho I refused to let her see the ring itself or talk to teh jeweler herself. This is my gift to her. Maybe male pride is involved here, but it''s something I want to be an actual surprise, even if she has a good idea of what it''s going to be like. After all, the most important thing is that she loves it. Like many guys, my sense of style is, ummm, lacking. I''ve got teh general idea of what she likes for clothes, however, for stuff she normally doesn''t wear like jewelry, I''m lost. As such, any help she gives me is a big relief b/c I know that the more she helps, the more she''ll like the ring.

 

[aeli]

Well, long story short, I hated my first ring. I didn''t intend for my disappointment to show, but it did, and my fiance was crushed (it was a stone his mother had left in her will and set per her instructions in a two tone 6 prong tiffany style setting). He was disappointed that I didn''t love the ring, and he was angry/frustrated with me for appearing ungrateful. I felt awful for making him feel bad and because I couldn''t make myself love the ring his mother left me. After some time had passed, he admitted to hating the ring too, and gave me a budget to find my dream ring. I''ll always have the other ring, but it''s nice knowing that what I want and what I like matters when it comes to something that I''m going to be wearing for the rest of my life.

 

[cinnabar]

I''m from Britain and all my friends there either chose their own rings themselves, or it was done with their boyfriend/fiance.

I was really surprised to find that the extent to which it is considered the man''s job in America (most British men being so much more interested in cars than in jewelry and all that). 

I and most of my friends were proposed to sans ring, and then went shopping afterwards.  This also does away with the problem of "what do I do with the ring if she says no?" 

I know it''s considered romantic to present a ring at the actual proposal, but that''s just a cultural convention.  My ringless proposal was wonderfully romantic to me.

Cinn
(the proud owner of a ring I chose myself, accomodating my FI''s preference for a plain solitaire but with a fancy shape diamond that I wanted)

 

[ivanadiamond]

Hi,

I was in a similar situation, but I think I may have taken things a bit overboard if I am completely honest. I am a control freak, I hate to admit it- but I had something specific in mind and made no qualms letting my boyfriend, now FI know. And I think while he was grateful for my input and knowledge, I crossed the line every now and again. Before pricescope I would have been fine with a nice size and color- but when I stumbled across this website- and I am glad I did, I got obsessed with crown and pavillion angles, hca scores and a whole bunch or stuff that wouldn''t have mattered to me had I not known. I talked, obsessed, researched, and went on and on and on about it...In the end, I did go smaller than I wanted and saved my bf money...surprisingly we got a smaller diamond with an ideal cut that ended up being larger in diameter than the diamond was that he was going to pick out for me.

In my defense, I knew that he did not have a lot of money to spend, so I wanted to get the best for our money. it worked out for us, I got the ring of my dreams, he loves the ring too- and loves more that I love it so much- I could not be happier…I am the one who wears it everyday…what can I say, I am picky But i could have laid off a bit more-

I get complimented on my setting the most, when I say I picked it out myself, some girls get surprised, but most of them say they wish they were able to do the same. I don''t care what think though, because I love my ring, and my fi and he knows i am crazy

 

[NyssaLynne]

My husband refuses to set foot in a jewelry store alone, and really prefers not to at all. I had 100% participation in picking out my original ring & setting as well as my recent upgrade. This was the way he wanted it. He says that way he know I will have what I like and not something I hate.

 

[appletini]

Ginger...we are so much alike! Even though I''m doing a lot of the research, he definitely has an opinion if he doesn''t like a setting. When we first went to look at rings, I made to sure to ask him if there was anything that he really liked, b/c we both have to love it. Plus I have sent him lots of pictures of things, so that I don''t have to drag him around everywhere to see things in person. He definitely wants me to have something unique, so it will be good for us to go the custom route. I''m so excited...we have our first meeting with WF at 1 on Monday.

Of course my problem is that since I''m so excited about all this stuff I tend to talk about it too much with other people. My best friend thinks I''m too involved, but she is in a new relationship and just hit the ILY stage, so I''m curious to see how much her opinions change when she gets close to engagement. And of course my BF''s friend''s evil fiancee doesn''t agree with my active involvement in the ring process, but I know thats just b/c she is jealous. Since the e-ring is a big investment I think its important for the girl to be able to involved at least some. We haven''t discussed upgrades, but I''d like to keep my ring the same always and someday be able to pass it down to future generations for their engagement.

Anyway the proposal itself will still be a complete surprise since I will have no clue when or how he will do it.

 

[I Love Sparkly Things]

I''m in the same boat too - control freak, picky, etc. My boyfriend wishes he could just surprise me with "exactly what I want without me having to tell him." Unfortunately, he can''t read minds so I''m giving him parameters of what I want and he can choose the center stone. Since I don''t plan to upgrade, I want to have a lot to do with the custom setting. He is okay with it, but I don''t think it''s exactly what he wants. But relationships are about compromise right?? If I had my way I''d pick out the whole thing!!

So we can meet in the middle

Appletini - You said you had a meeting with WF - is that White Flash?

 

[chantal990]

Hi,

I am a little picky with my jewellery and my FI has never really brought me anything without taking me to veiw it first cause first brithday we were together he took a female friend shopping for a birthday gift for me and she ended up choosing a whole heap of clothes I never wear (not too comfitable with micro minis and crop tops). Since then he really prefers to take me shopping so he knows he''s getting something I like unless it''s something I already have such as in perfume and stuff he knows what I wear then.

So for my e-ring we did shop together but he spotted the ring that I have and I saw it and just went "yes that''s it that''s the style I love" so he went and brought it at a later date. I wasn''t there when the cash changed hands and stuff but I did give him my ring size so he would know and could get it sized accordingly. I have had a few comments on who choose it and I always say the same "he spotted it and I fell in love with it"

But just for some really good news he did actually yesterday (our 6 years of being together anniversary) he did take the plunge and go and pick out (well sort of he had help from a good friend of mine) and supprise me with a beautiful pendant with a YG Claw set pear shaped ruby with a tiny little diamond on top.

 

[Lord Summerisle]

I’ll add another perspective from the other side of the coin.

When me and my lass started talking… it started off with it being left upto me to sort out, with an initial trip out to the shops to have a look around so I could get an idea of what she liked.

She knew kinda what size of rock she wanted (less than 1/2ct – and felt after seeing her mum’s 1/2ct princess cut that ½ would be a bit too much on the large size for her, she wanted about a 1/4ct) with regards to the other 3Cs I guess like many – we were clueless – knowing there were inclusions – but not really knowing too much about them.

Anyways, after a trip out I had an idea of what she liked… and in the things we where pointing out rings we both liked. So we felt certain that I could choose something that she would like. I had a fairly strict basis to work too… and with that we thought I could carry on… then I did what I always did... hit research mode – and then I found this place.

And I involve Caroline in with everything I find, and I trawled the web listings… and we talked and discussed what I was finding (since moving house in the summer we have been without a landline, and net access is limited to GPRS on my mobile and via work). But then since I had quite a strict set of guidelines of size (colour and clarity were left to be budget dependant – I knew I was after D-G IF-VS1 more the mind thing than viewable)

Again with the ring, that was a combination of the pair of us looking in local shops and web searches – material wise platinum was settled on for a variety of reasons – durability being top of the list – I came across a site with a lot of different designs, and one I liked of which when I got chance I showed the site to Caroline to see if there was any she liked… and she picked the same one out. – but it was a place that I could only get the ring and diamond as one, not just the ring, so I took a printout to…

Anyways - what I was overly rambling about was – although initially it was going to be left upto me after an initial guidance trip – I felt happier sharing what I was finding out with her and getting her reactions.

In the end – I had my strict guidelines in some respects and free rein in others… and we talked the options, but I was left to choose the diamond, and design the ring, based on something we both liked, she has seen my CAD drawing I made, and approved it.

She is undecided whether to see the diamond before its set then not see it the finished article until I propose or just wait and see the finished article – tho I’m guessing its going to be very hard for me to keep the rock underwraps for too long.

So, don’t listen to your friends ribbing you about choosing yourself, its something to get excited about – but try to leave yourself some suprises – like not seeing the finished ring until he does his proposal.

Plus it’s a much more fun this way than what I see a lot of while we’ve been in a lot of stores looking… where its just an off the peg ring with set diamond – and the couple are there ‘that one on pad 23 please’ hand over credit card and away they go… (and we spot the small print in the corner of a cabinet “all our diamonds are guaranteed minimum weight quoted, and at least K in colour and I1 in clarity” and there is a

 

[sjz]

I posted on another thread to someone who was not happy with the ring she recieved upon her engagement. That happened to me as well. We were just out shopping one day, looking at jewelry and my then bf just impulsively picked out a ring and bought it on the spot. He put it on my finger right then and there in the store. It was a mall store (groan) with fairly generic diamonds and my ring was no exception. I wasn''t happy with anything about it, not the cut, the quality of the stone, or the setting of the ring. But what could I say? Thanks but no thanks? To be honest, I wasn''t even all that thrilled with the way who chose to "pop" the question. It was a big surprise, all right, but not at all the way I had hoped it would happen.

To make a long story short, we eventually got married about six months later. I wore the ring for a few years, but eventually had the guts to tell him that I was never totally happy with the ring and wanted something completely different. He was fine with it. I upgraded to the kind of stone I wanted, and have been happy with it for the past 10 years! I am soon to be having the diamond reset, in a fairly similar but nicer setting. I have no desire to "upgrade" my diamond to a larger stone, even though my husband has said that he is ok with that. I think one of the reasons I am so happy with my diamond is because I got to choose it myself.

I am very much a control freak. I am also very specific in my likes and dislikes. I don''t even really like surprises very much, therefore the element of surprise was wasted on me. One thing I''d have to say, is that if both people disagree on how the engagement ring should be handled, it probably doesn''t bode well for the marriage down the road. Buying a diamond is a huge undertaking in time, money, and sentiment. At least it should be. An engagement ring is a very important purchase, it''s not just another piece of jewelry. If the guy is such a control freak that he can''t let his soon-to-be bride have a say so in a ring that SHE is going to be wearing for the rest of her life, I''m not sure that he is buying the ring for the right reasons. I know a lot of women say they don''t really care about the ring, just the sentiment behind it. If that''s true, why do so many women later on go for the upgrade, or end up wanting anniversary rings that are nothing like their original engagement ring?

 

[gingerBcookie]

woah...did not realize this thread had re-risen from the depths of the ps archives...but since it has I want to add a coincidental recent development. One of the girls who made the snotty comments about the amount of input I had int he whole ring picking process just told me that she was wildly jealous and wished she had been able to do the same...

. Is it evil that as soon as I heard the words coming out of her mouth, for a looooooong moment I felt this WAVE of satisfaction wash over me?

Ok, I know it was evil...but it felt d@mn GOOD!!!

 

[codex57]

Date: 1/24/2005 3:59:51 PM
Author: gingerBcookie
woah...did not realize this thread had re-risen from the depths of the ps archives...but since it has I want to add a coincidental recent development. One of the girls who made the snotty comments about the amount of input I had int he whole ring picking process just told me that she was wildly jealous and wished she had been able to do the same...

. Is it evil that as soon as I heard the words coming out of her mouth, for a looooooong moment I felt this WAVE of satisfaction wash over me?

Ok, I know it was evil...but it felt d@mn GOOD!!!

That''s not evil, that''s vindication.

 

[chantal990]

That is just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo natural but sooooooooooooooooooooooooo satisfying

 

[sjz]

Date: 1/24/2005 3:59:51 PM
Author: gingerBcookie
woah...did not realize this thread had re-risen from the depths of the ps archives...but since it has I want to add a coincidental recent development. One of the girls who made the snotty comments about the amount of input I had int he whole ring picking process just told me that she was wildly jealous and wished she had been able to do the same...

. Is it evil that as soon as I heard the words coming out of her mouth, for a looooooong moment I felt this WAVE of satisfaction wash over me?

Ok, I know it was evil...but it felt d@mn GOOD!!!

Hahahaha! I''m sure it did feel good.

That just reinforces my opinion that most people who make those kinds of comments are either jealous of the fact that you had input into your ring, and that they are probably NOT satisfied with their own and wish they''d had the same opportunity. I''ve known so many women who didn''t get any say so in the matter who keep insisting that they love the ring JUST because of what it symbolizes. These same ladies will also usually turn up a few years later with a "new and improved" upgrade on the diamond or a completely different setting. I always wonder what happened to the sentimentality!