angry...

[kellybelly]

some days, waiting makes me very angry.

anyone else?

 

[nessvan12]

Oh yea...I''ve been angry. But you have to remember that it will all be worth it in the end. I''m down to no more than 13 weeks to wait and surprisingly I''m fine. Maybe it''s because I know an end is near. But I have to remind myself that if I turn insane about this and make his and my life miserable then it will affect my relationship and our happiness overall. Just try to relax. Hope your wait isn''t gonna be too long.

 

[bubbly1126]

Yeah. It makes me angry and sometimes bitter that everyone else seems to be getting what I''ve been waiting for for so long.

BUT like nessvan12 said, you just have to keep hanging in there and when it''s meant to happen for you then it will.

(I hate when people say that to me... but it is true.)

So just hang in there! It''ll be worth it in the end!

 

[kellybelly]

what i keep feeling is that, even though he says "i''m working on it, takes time, be patient", he spends too much time doing other things when this should be the most important thing! if i had no idea that he was trying to pick something out then i would have no anxiety right now. but it''s BECAUSE i do know that i have this timeline in my head of how long it should take him to get it all done. i showed him a stone, so he knows what i like. i showed him a setting, so he knows what i like there too. so what is the problem? he has plenty of cash, just PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!! and when in doubt, go for the higher quality because you can''t go wrong with that!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/2/2007 2:06:17 PM
Author: kellybelly
what i keep feeling is that, even though he says ''i''m working on it, takes time, be patient'', he spends too much time doing other things when this should be the most important thing! if i had no idea that he was trying to pick something out then i would have no anxiety right now. but it''s BECAUSE i do know that i have this timeline in my head of how long it should take him to get it all done. i showed him a stone, so he knows what i like. i showed him a setting, so he knows what i like there too. so what is the problem? he has plenty of cash, just PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!! and when in doubt, go for the higher quality because you can''t go wrong with that!

Oh really? Does HE know that? I''m pretty sure that on most days boys and girls have different priorities.

You have this timeline in YOUR head about how long it "should" take him to get it all done. Maybe, just maybe, he has a different timeline than you as to when he should be getting it done, and it''s just as valid as yours?

And you can very much go wrong with higher quality, depending on what your definition of "quality" is.

I can understand frustration (which is sounds like you are), sadness, helplessness, etc when it comes to getting engaged. But anger? That''s an awful lot of negative energy on what should be a happy time.

 

[bubbly1126]

aww so the knowledge of the timeline is driving you crazy? because you feel he should have picked it out by now and subsequently asked you?

hmm... maybe I should rethink asking for a timeline from my guy. haha. I already drive myself crazy not knowing anything at all!

but maybe he HAS it already picked out... maybe he HAS the ring... maybe he is just waiting for the RIGHT time.

If us ladies understood men and how their minds worked then I don't believe there would be such a site as this. LoL.

The point is, we don't know what they are thinking/planning all the time and yes, it sucks! But what can we do? Wait. That's it. After all, we don't want to nag and do this and that and end up ruining it for ourselves now do we? (Which I have a habit in doing... bad, bad habit!)

I don't know... I understand where you are coming from COMPLETELY... but really, the only thing you can do is wait. And don't let yourself feel like he is taking too long picking something out or asking you. I'm sure he wants it to be just perfect for you and that's why it's taking so long.

Hang in there hun! Who knows, you could be like leoslove730 and be engaged tomorrow and not even see it coming!

Keep your head up!!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/2/2007 2:06:17 PM
Author: kellybelly
what i keep feeling is that, even though he says 'i'm working on it, takes time, be patient', he spends too much time doing other things when this should be the most important thing! i have this timeline in my head of how long it should take him to get it all done. i showed him a stone, so he knows what i like. i showed him a setting, so he knows what i like there too. so what is the problem? he has plenty of cash, just PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!!

For perspective ...

Flash forward two-five years.

"That baby is OVERDUE. What is it doing in there??? Doesn't it know I need to get back to work. My back is KILLING ME!!! I mean, what is more important than BEING BORN. I am sure it has all its fingers & toes?? What's another week of lung development -- I mean *really*. You can BREATHE or NOT BREATHE. Get OUT OF MY BELLY ALREADY you big stubborn BABY!!!!!"

Or

Flash into a similar aged gal's mind

"WHY can't I meet anyone nice? EVERYBODY ELSE has a boyfriend. What is wrong with ME???? KELLY BELLY is gonna be getting engaged any day now -- why is SHE so lucky and I'm so ALONE. What if I *never* meet anyone and end up an old spinster in a house full of cats wearing sweaters as turbans on my head ... like in GREY GARDENS!! AIIIIGHHHHHH"

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/2/2007 2:27:53 PM
Author: decodelighted


''That baby is OVERDUE. What is it doing in there??? Doesn''t it know I need to get back to work. My back is KILLING ME!!! I mean, what is more important than BEING BORN. I am sure it has all its fingers & toes?? What''s another week of lung development -- I mean *really*. You can BREATHE or NOT BREATHE. Get OUT OF MY BELLY ALREADY you big stubborn BABY!!!!!''

Deco, these are valid feelings.

 

[Aloros]

Hang in there! Like someone else said, who knows? It could be any day now, and then you''ll look back and think how silly you were for being angry. Let him take some time! You wouldn''t want him to do a botched job, right?

Deco, your perspective is hilarious!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/2/2007 2:32:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/2/2007 2:27:53 PM
Author: decodelighted
''That baby is OVERDUE. Get OUT OF MY BELLY ALREADY you big stubborn BABY!!!!!''

Deco, these are valid feelings.

Absolutely valid! Arguably unconstructive, ultimately futile & maddening ... but VALID!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/2/2007 2:35:16 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 10/2/2007 2:32:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/2/2007 2:27:53 PM
Author: decodelighted
''That baby is OVERDUE. Get OUT OF MY BELLY ALREADY you big stubborn BABY!!!!!''

Deco, these are valid feelings.

Absolutely valid! Arguably unconstructive, ultimately futile & maddening ... but VALID!

Well sheesh, if you''re going to put it THAT way...

It doesn''t matter to me. I''m hoping for an 82 week gestation period with TTot. But come back and ask me in 5 months and I may feel differently.

 

[kellybelly]

Deco- touche! well stated.

and you''re right, he could have it already (though i am 99% sure he doesn''t because i snoop and didn''t find anything) or he could be waiting for it to be set and at the same time picking out the perfect occasion. i have been assured it''s sometime "between Columbus Day and Christmas" which is a lot of days, but better than never!

 

[decodelighted]

What's that old line ... ANGER is really 1)fear 2)frustration or 3)sadness?? Something like that? It seems like here it's mostly frustration. Gotta get through it. And seeing it for what it is, with some perspective ... is my best idea!


ETA:

Glad you have a sense of humor about it! I swear ... laughing & not taking yourself too seriously HELPS SO DARN MUCH (at least in *my* life!)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/2/2007 2:48:28 PM
Author: decodelighted


ETA:

Glad you have a sense of humor about it! I swear ... laughing & not taking yourself too seriously HELPS SO DARN MUCH (at least in *my* life!)

I think people who have a great sense of humor in general have better perspective to get through life. It''s interesting though that a lot of comedians seems to be suicidal, although I am not sure if they can truly see life in a humorous or if and humor is only their "craft."

Kelly, (and whoever wants to chime in), I hope you don''t mind this threadjack, but I am honestly puzzled as to why women feel the need to snoop. I know there are others on here who will defend it until the cows come home, but is it just that some are more curious than others? And do you care if anyone else goes through your things? I won''t snoop and wouldn''t appreciate it if TGuy did that to me, but that''s because I just feel like it''s a matter of trust and I do trust that he has my best intentions at heart (and vice versa).

 

[bubbly1126]

TravelingGal, I agree.

I used to be a big one for snooping but as I've gotten older I've realized how many birthdays/christmas/random present surprises I've ruined that way and it's not a good feeling.

I think if my BF had a ring in the house I would definitely be curious but I wouldn't snoop because that is absolutely the most important thing to me and would never EVER want to ruin that for him or myself. You have to learn to control the curiosity. And I agree it's also a matter of trust.

Like you said, some people will defend it but I for one, don't.

[[I'd like to add, it's okay for my BF to give me hints though *reference thread birthday present* because I KNOW he comes up with the most far out hints that I will never ever get! It drives me crazy but I love it because it keeps me entertained/guessing until the time comes!]]

Remember: Curiosity killed the cat.

 

[TravelingGal]

Thanks for your two cents bubbly.

BTW, I REALLY don''t want turn my question into why snooping is right vs wrong. I am really just curious. Like I said, for me it is a matter of trust, so I don''t do it. But I am just wonder for others if it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with simple curiosity.

Don''t people like surprises?

(OK, I know not everyone does...TGuy hates them.)

 

[bubbly1126]

Oh, no! I definitely don''t want to turn it into a right or wrong thing either.

To each his/her own, really.

My answer: I think it''s just simply curiosity for most people.

 

[Aloros]

I think some women feel the need to snoop either out of insecurity or a lack of trust. Either one is not very good to have in a relationship.

Having said that, my bf and I shuffle through one another''s stuff sometimes. The intent is not really "snooping" though, since neither of us is looking for incriminating evidence. It''s usually because we''re looking for something - a working pen, a pair of clean underwear (we do one another''s laundry sometimes), something one of us asked the other to grab, etc. Neither of us is that "private" about our personal stuff when it comes to the other. To me, it''s the intent that counts. I''d definitely be insulted if he was looking for evidence of some dishonesty.

I can totally understand how people have that sense of space and privacy though, and I think that should be respected.

 

[kellybelly]

honestly, i have never snooped into anything else of his, with the exception of this. maybe because this matters more? i am very curious by nature, but am not one for invading privacy, as an experience burned me in the past with a close friend. i am a very excitable person, but also very impatient, so together that is a volatile combination.

i do, however, have girlfriends who snoop EVERYTHING in their men''s lives-- cell phone, drawers, probably email if they could get to it. now THAT stuff i don''t understand.

me, i just like to figure out my presents!!

 

[decodelighted]

I snooped ... when I knew the ring was in the house ... but mostly because he seemed to be making a "game" out of it. And, sure enough, he'd planted this ...

oops sorry so BIG!

 

[bubbly1126]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is HILARIOUS!!!

 

[kellybelly]

one word- AWESOME. i would totally laugh if i found something like that, but i don''t think that he thinks i would snoop, so he just wouldn''t bother. or would leave it with his parents where i could never get to it.

what was the actual surprise when you got your ring?

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Curiosity can drive some people absolutely batty and cause them to peek at things they probably shouldn’t. It can also make them feel so frustrated they think they are angry

As a child I was always the brat who would peel back the tape and wrapping paper on presents so I would know what I was getting. Eventually I realized not only was I driving myself even battier by knowing I was going to get something and being FORCED to wait for it but I ruined the most wonderful part of a gift: letting the giver see the surprise and excitement on your face when you open it up.

Sometimes though, when you live with another person you stumble onto things you really don’t mean to. Anyone else remember the scene in Sex in the City when Carrie found the ring in Aiden’s bag while he’s in the shower? She wasn’t snooping per se. Sure she didn’t have to open the box once she found it but I have to admit, I probably would have peeked myself

.

I’ve found a few things on accident. Mostly thanks to my kitty who tends to crawl into places she shouldn’t (like my SO’s closet). Although I’ll admit there are times where I am tempted to snoop just to see if he’s looking for a ring, I’ve promised myself I never will. Fortunately I am pretty good at keeping promises to myself

Deco – that is HILARIOUS! Thank you for making me smile big! I needed it today!!

 

[miss_flo]

Deco, I think I just about died, that is so freaking hilarious/adorable

 

[MoonWater]

Didn''t anyone see Little Black Book with Brittany Murphy?!?! Snooping is bad, very very bad! (and hilariouis, seriously, see that film).

On a personal note, I have never snooped. It is a privacy/trust thing for me. And well, I''m actually not even remotely curious...is that weird?

 

[amy_dub]

Date: 10/2/2007 10:50:11 AM
Author:kellybelly
some days, waiting makes me very angry.

anyone else?

Absolutely! I get angry when I hear of people getting engaged that you''d least expect. Like this girl at school, she got engaged to this guy she had been dating for a year on the anniversary of their first date... i''m like "HELLO! engagement angel, come hit me.. we''ve been together over 7 years!" Alas, it''s never me.. I feel like "Is it ever going to be my time? When do I get to get the million facebook comments congratulating me?"

 

[luckystar112]

I snoopd. Hardcore. If you guys knew the lengths I went to toward the end of my LIW period you''d disown me, seriously. lol. Let''s just say I knew the *very moment* the ring arrived at FI''s work.
But I''ve ALWAYS BEEN A SNOOPER. Since the time I was little. I don''t know what it is. The excitement is similiar to a panic attack and I MUST. FIND. IT. NOW. Whether it be xmas presents, birthday presents....anything.

To be fair, I''m also bad about surprises from the other end. If I buy something for someone for xmas or any other time I go OUT OF MY MIND wanting to give it to them. I love seeing people''s reactions. I can''t go xmas shopping until the absolute last minute because no one would have a gift to open on xmas. I''d make them all open it before!!!!

 

[hlmr]

Kellybelly, try to be patient, as hard as it is and know that it will happen when the timing is right for Mr. Kellybelly!

I am LMAO at Mr. Deco''s note to the future Mrs. Deco!!!

I used to be such a snooper and it only ruined everything for me!! I love suprising others and don''t especially like surprises myself, so I guess that is my sorry excuse.

Tgal, I promise you will retract those words (wishing for an extra long pregnancy)!

 

[musey]

Mr. Deco just completely endeared me to him!! What a hilarious little note. must send to FI, he''d get a kick out of it

 

[DMBsGirl]

HAHA Deco, that would''ve driven me nuts!!! I would have seen it as a challenge and would''ve SNOOPED HARDER!