annoyed... ERRRRRR

[MoonWater]

I dunno TGal, I can think of a few rings in the UGLY thread that would make me vomit.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/14/2007 5:18:54 PM
Author: amy_dub


WHY is everything I say get completely twisted and blown up way out of proportion? With EVERY post I make on this forum I get attacked. Everyone keeps ASSUMING things.

With your last post, I think you cleared things up, but you may want to read over some of your last posts before you start crying foul and victim. We ASSUME, because you said:

"He says if I picked out a different ring we''d get engaged a lot sooner.. I told him yesterday about a mutual friend putting a ring on layaway for his GF of 2 years, and he''s all "you mean K & M are gooing to get married before us? Why can''t i just go buy you a ring? M didn''t get a say in HER ring?" So, I guess it''s my own doing.. if I wasn''t so dead set on this stupid ring..."

You gave no indication in that post that the ring you wanted was CHEAPER.

Then you said,

"we basically can''t agree on rings. He insists it a 1ct solitare, because "I want it to be monsterous on your hand" I don''t want monsterous, I don''t want to draw attention to myself.. I just want something I like. It''s not that I want this one specific ring, it''s just I haven''t found anything else I like. Everything he''s shown me I really dislike. I don''t like solitares, I don''t like 3 stones, I don''t like miligraining, i don''t like surprise diamonds, I like rings that sit lower, but i don''t like for the diamond to be hidden.
i give up.. and apparently everyone here thinks i''m immature for not liking what he likes, for not just sucking it up and pretending to put on a happy face over something that makes me want to vomit. "

Um, STILL no indication that the ring you want is CHEAPER. Yes, the solitare may be monstrous, but how we are we to know that the ring you want is cheaper? Especially with settings costing a fortune these days?

And if you want sympathy, you kind of have to EVOKE it, or at least not come across as antagonizing.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/14/2007 6:19:58 PM
Author: MoonWater
I dunno TGal, I can think of a few rings in the UGLY thread that would make me vomit.

But last a checked, a one carat simple solitaire isn''t in that thread. OK, correction...a one carat WELL cut simple solitaire!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/14/2007 6:26:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/14/2007 6:19:58 PM
Author: MoonWater
I dunno TGal, I can think of a few rings in the UGLY thread that would make me vomit.

But last a checked, a one carat simple solitaire isn't in that thread. OK, correction...a one carat WELL cut simple solitaire!

Beauty is relative. Maybe that solitaire is hideous to her. I would be down right angry if I was given a solitaire after I specified that I didn't want one. It wouldn't be about the ring as much as it would be about respecting my choices and knowing me well enough (to marry) to know this would be completely unacceptable. If money was the issue, AND he refused to take my money, well we'd get engaged without an engagement ring.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/14/2007 6:38:09 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 11/14/2007 6:26:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/14/2007 6:19:58 PM
Author: MoonWater
I dunno TGal, I can think of a few rings in the UGLY thread that would make me vomit.

But last a checked, a one carat simple solitaire isn''t in that thread. OK, correction...a one carat WELL cut simple solitaire!

Beauty is relative. Maybe that solitaire is hideous to her. I would be down right angry if I was given a solitaire after I specified that I didn''t want one. It wouldn''t be about the ring as much as it would be about respecting my choices and knowing me well enough (to marry) to know this would be completely unacceptable. If money was the issue, AND he refused to take my money, well we''d get engaged without an engagement ring.

I agree. And he shouldn''t give her the solitaire if she wants something else that''s in the budget. That''s a no brainer to me.

On a related note, while I DO think at the end of the day, we ladies wear the ring and should have final say, sometimes I think we don''t take our men''s opinions to heart. After all, they are the ones usually paying and giving this GIFT to us. I would want my man to have some pride in it when I show the bauble off. I wouldn''t want him to think, man, I gave her an ugly ring. I have mentioned here before that TGuy hated pave halos. I love them (even though I fully admit they aren''t really "me"). But I also loved the minimallist solitaire and went with that because he loved it too.

Compromising...it can work and make everyone happy. Figuring out how to go about the ring is only the tip of the marriage iceberg.

 

[MoonWater]

Oh definitely. I always ask my bf''s opinion before I buy anything I would wear on a regular basis (clothing, jewelry). I do this because he''s the poor fella that has to stare at me every day. Also he helps me make decisions if I''m struggling between two choices. Lucky for me he likes halos since that was the only style ring I tried on and liked. But I was actually going for a cushion. It was he that wanted a round brilliant once he saw each on my hand (although he did really like the Legacy on my hand, he''s got good taste haha). So, I''m getting a round brilliant even though I didn''t think that I would. I''m perfectly happy with that choice considering the sparkle factor and it is a timeless shape. And in the end, it feels good knowing this ring (once it''s finally made and on my finger!!!) was chosen/created by both of us. I like compromise (ahem...sometimes).

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 11/14/2007 5:18:54 PM
Author: amy_dub

Date: 11/14/2007 12:01:56 PM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 11/14/2007 11:01:39 AM
Author: amy_dub
i give up.. and apparently everyone here thinks i'm immature for not liking what he likes, for not just sucking it up and pretending to put on a happy face over something that makes me want to vomit.

I dont think you're immature because you dont like the rings he likes...I think you're immature because you seem to be obsessed with getting engaged at all costs, to whomever the guy is that you're with right now. Sorry, but it has to be said. You seem overly concerned about the most unimportant aspect of making a commitment to each other. Yes this forum is centered on diamonds and mainly on buying erings, but when push comes to shove, that is perhaps the most UNimportant aspect of getting engaged. I'd suggest that you tell him that you'd like to get engaged without a ring, and shop together for it when he's saved enough money...But since you think it's a huge negative fault for him to want to be able to actually afford to pay cash for your ering, I really dont think you're mature enough to be getting engaged at all. Sorry.

WHY is everything I say get completely twisted and blown up way out of proportion? With EVERY post I make on this forum I get attacked. Everyone keeps ASSUMING things.

I am not obsessed with getting engaged at all costs. Jon & I have been together over 7 years. I knew he was the one I wanted to marry at 3 years. I am just so fed up with everyone asking 'When are you getting married?', 'why aren't you married yet?' 'isn't it about time already?' 'I always thought you'd be engaged before me' or saying to him 'what's your problem? Why haven't you proposed to her?' 'You'd better get a ring on that finger before she gets away!' I'm sick of people butting into OUR relationship. I'm sick of the scrutiny, and the constant 'why why why' from everyone. Why can't everyone just be happy for us that we're together & so in love with each other? This has been a constant thing in my life for the last 3+ years and every time i hear it I just want to explode and tell people to BUTT OUT... but i'm too nice and just say 'No, not yet.'

I've offered numerous time to help buy my ring so we get something we're both happy with.. but it made him angry and he said 'No, you're not paying for part of your engagement ring.. that's not right.' I'd gladly walk into the court house tomorrow and marry him, but he'd never do it, because he knows I've always dreamed of a wedding with all of our family and close friends there.

And here I go again saying I don't want the 10-15k ring.. that's just the one they showed us there. HE wants to get me one that's around that size, I'm happier with a smaller one.. but he thinks since we've been together so long that he has to get something to 'blow everyone out of the water'.. It's like a constant pissing contest with guys. Why do they have to be in competition with each other?

He's not trying to beat anyone to the alter, i think he's just sick of all the 'why why why' too.. It's not that we want to end all the questioning, it's that we want to move in together, but we both come from way too traditional families and everyone would flip a lid if we did. My poor grandmother would worry herself crazy over it... My Dad still thinks a girl shouldn't call a guy

We just want to be together..

After reading your response above, I think you should seek counseling. Both together and separately. Why? Because you express A LOT of frustration and you say it's not about the ring or anyone else, but it IS (according to your above words) about what other people think. And that is affecting you a lot. It also seems like your BF is a bit controlling, IMO. I mean honestly, if he loves you, why wouldn't he want you to have the ering YOU want? That's what I'd be more concerned about.

I highlighted the green section because it sounds like he really doesn't believe that you would marry him right now, ring or no ring, at the courthouse. So you might ask yourself how honest a statement that is. If you really REALLY would marry him right now, then ask yourself if you've really made that known to him, or if you've been hinting at a "dream wedding" (BTW, I hate that expression because it implies to me that the wedding part is so important and really, marrying your life partner anywhere, without all the frou frou, is the most important thing...). In fact, IF you really mean it when you say you'd marry him at city hall or whatever, then why not tell him that yes, you want to get married right now, and he wont have to pay for a wedding so it will be cheaper, and thus, the ring more affordable...?

And I highlighted the pink section because on the one hand you say you "dont want to end all the questioning..." but really, your entire post pretty much rants about that very issue. Maybe you have some issues about marriage that you've not really explored? And perhaps the same could be said about your BF? Maybe there's something else holding him back from taking that step? Counseling might help you both move past this seemingly difficult time.

Good luck.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/14/2007 6:38:09 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 11/14/2007 6:26:32 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/14/2007 6:19:58 PM

Author: MoonWater

I dunno TGal, I can think of a few rings in the UGLY thread that would make me vomit.

But last a checked, a one carat simple solitaire isn''t in that thread. OK, correction...a one carat WELL cut simple solitaire!

Beauty is relative. Maybe that solitaire is hideous to her. I would be down right angry if I was given a solitaire after I specified that I didn''t want one. It wouldn''t be about the ring as much as it would be about respecting my choices and knowing me well enough (to marry) to know this would be completely unacceptable. If money was the issue, AND he refused to take my money, well we''d get engaged without an engagement ring.

I agree wth this-if the ring that you want is cheaper than the ring that he wants to buy, why won''t he get you the ring that you really want. That seems a bit controlling to me. In my own case, we were lucky as the lucida was also D''s fave ring so we had no arguments there but even when we were shopping around all he ever said was whichever one makes you happy (within reason of course

).
In terms of the financing thing, don'' do it. Unless you have the cold, hard cash in the bank account, you cannot afford it. Trust me-I learnt the hard way! I''m not going to go into it now, but things feel so much better when you can buy them outright. If he can afford it in a few months, then let him save for those few months. Can you not get engaged now without a ring and then get a ring in a few months if you both really want to do it now?

 

[amy_dub]

Date: 11/15/2007 3:12:02 AM
Author: bee*


I agree wth this-if the ring that you want is cheaper than the ring that he wants to buy, why won''t he get you the ring that you really want. That seems a bit controlling to me. In my own case, we were lucky as the lucida was also D''s fave ring so we had no arguments there but even when we were shopping around all he ever said was whichever one makes you happy (within reason of course

).
In terms of the financing thing, don'' do it. Unless you have the cold, hard cash in the bank account, you cannot afford it. Trust me-I learnt the hard way! I''m not going to go into it now, but things feel so much better when you can buy them outright. If he can afford it in a few months, then let him save for those few months. Can you not get engaged now without a ring and then get a ring in a few months if you both really want to do it now?

Ok, i think i''ve confused people.. he likes the ring I like (although he prefers the solitare over it all), he just thinks it needs to be bigger than what I think it needs to be. It''s not that I WANT him to finance a ring, it''s that the option is there if he wanted to do it now, and he''s like a $1000 (or whatever) short of having the money. I''m not demanding he go into debt...

A major problem with him is that he "wants to be sure" I want to get married and a lot of this has to do with my parents. They got married when they were 18.. they were married 25 years. My mom left, my dad crumbled, and here I was, a senior in Highschool, left to deal with it all and help my Dad deal with the hurt,anger, & depression. That''s a year of my life I never wish to relive, but thankfully Jon was here by my side through it all. He said previously "I don''t want to end up like your parents" and I can appreciate that, but their life and my life are completely different. A lot of the reason they got married when they did was because of the strict rules my grandmother put on my mom. My mom wanted out of the house. That''s NOT the reason I want to get married. I want to get married because he is my best friend, the one I can talk to about anything, the one who laughs with me when i do something stupid like falling UP the stairs.. he appreciates me for me.

i just don''t know how to make him see that.

 

[Deelight]

There is nothing wrong with waiting and if you tired of people asking you and bugging you tell them to go jump seriously, you only need to do it to one person and all of a sudden no one is that circle will bug you anymore . Just be firm and polite about it .

As to the rest of it everyone has sufficiently responded without my added two cents all I will add there is nothing wrong with waiting , best to get it right the first time.

If you know he is your BF and your soul mate and the intention is there just enjoy being together and each other. I know this is harder done then said but your relationship will grow for it. At this stage of your life I think your most important focus should be Grad school and completing that so that you can secure your goals for the future including marring your BF .

And finally getting engaged will not stop the questions, they will just change. The same people will bug you because they have narry to do with their lives then interfere in others.