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Anyone else hate being a bride?

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Lauren8211

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
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With the exception of chiming in on BWW, does anyone else hate talking about being a bride?

I hate the wedding planning. I hate everyone asking me how wedding planning is going. I hate the details and decision making. I honestly don''t care about being a bride, and I''m not nit-picky about anything. I''m sick of always being on the phone with wedding vendors, and I''m sick of my lunch hours being devoted to wedding-related stuff! I''m even *gasp* getting sick of showing people my ring! I just wish it was all done already. Ive been planning for 3 months. I don''t know how you brides with a year of planning and hundreds of guests are handling it!

I swear I''m not a negative person. I''m actually really excited for the wedding day and to marry my FI! I just wish I could just hand someone my entire wedding budget and just say "GO!" (well, I guess you can do that, but its too late now
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Anywho.. anyone else missing the bride gene, and can''t wait to just be happily married?
 
OMG, you took the words right out of my mouth!! I am HATING it so far. I''ve been engaged for about 3 months, but for various reasons, just got around to "actually" starting the planning process. It''s been incredibly stressful already, the costs keep piling on, the guest list keeps going up and up, and so has my irritation level!!

I of course cannot wait to marry my guy and know that the day will be a blast, but I''m worried that by the time it gets here (over 13 months away probably) that I will just want the whole thing to be over with.
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I''m a very self-conscious person and the thought of people staring at me and pictures and possibly video of me just makes me shudder. If it were up to me, I''d go away and have something super small, but the parents aren''t really keen on that idea, and I do want my elderly grandparents to be able to share the day with us.

Maybe it''s just the beginning that''s the hardest? Although it seems as though towards the end, it gets pretty tedious as well! I don''t have any words of advice, just wanted you to know that I, too, lack the bride gene so you''re not alone!!

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I didn't hate it, but it wasn't really as exciting for me as people seemed to think it was. People kept saying "wow, you seem so calm!". But honestly, I have never been the kind of girl that saw her wedding as this huge, gush-worthy, fantastical event that she dreamed about being perfect. I actually enjoyed the crafty wedding DIY stuff because I like that kind of thing, but I didn't see my wedding as the realization of life long dream or some great achievement I've worked long and hard for.

Don't get me wrong, I love my new hubby to death and was so happy to marry him, but I wouldn't have minded not having the wedding part. At least in my head "marriage" doesn't equal "wedding", and while I was really excited for the former, the latter wasn't anything that got me really amped. We had a great wedding and reception, but I don't think I would have missed it if we had decided to elope.
 
Oh Elle, I think we might be soul mates.

Obviously I''m not planning a wedding, but I can already sense that I''m low in the "Super Bride" gene and very high in the "Just Show Up" and "Let''s Get This Party Started" genes. (It''s lucky, because I also happen to be off the charts in the "Control Freak B****" gene.)

You''re not alone. I promise.
 
I am so glad other people feel this way. I visibly get uncomfortable when people ask me about the wedding planning. I just don''t want to talk about it. If it''s my FMIL or mom or sister asking them I''m fine, because they are all awesome and helping me plan (even though none of them live within 600 miles of the wedding location), but anyone else I start getting nervous and change the subject. Just not a big fan of all the planning and calls and decisions so anything I said to someone would be me complaining that wedding planning stinks. There are moments when I get excited- like when my save the date magnets arrived and they looked even better than I expected- but overall I just want the wedding to get here. We''ve been engaged for over 10 months and still have 8 months to go; if it wouldn''t break my parents hearts I would have already eloped.
 
Oh dear, this doesn''t sound good ladies. I honestly think a wedding can be as difficult or easy as you let it. My SO''s twin brother got married a while back and it was a lovely wedding with no drama because that''s the way they insisted it would be. I''m sorry to say it but some brides just create drama when non is necessary.

So in answer to your question, NO I don''t hate it. Everything is going great and I''m not stressing about anything.......We''ll see how long that lasts
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Yes, I hate it!!!!! It feels so good to say it! I hate talking about the wedding, a friend asking me about my dress is fine, but when our families get involved with the invitations, band, etc I just want to run away screaming. I just keep repeating to myself just 4 months and a day and it''s over..... just 4 months and a day and it''s over, I''m looking forward to the actual wedding but getting there may kill me. No one gets that I just don''t want to talk about it, they think I''m crazy! I''m so glad we have a short engagement I''d never survive a year+ of this.
 
Date: 8/25/2009 1:49:49 PM
Author: Londongirl1
Oh dear, this doesn''t sound good ladies. I honestly think a wedding can be as difficult or easy as you let it. My SO''s twin brother got married a while back and it was a lovely wedding with no drama because that''s the way they insisted it would be. I''m sorry to say it but some brides just create drama when non is necessary.

So in answer to your question, NO I don''t hate it. Everything is going great and I''m not stressing about anything.......We''ll see how long that lasts
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Can I please send you my mother and FMIL then get back to me about brides creating drama ......trust me it''s really not me, but them.
 
To be completely honest, I''m a bit tired of it.
 
I hated the wedding planning the entire time we were engaged. I didn''t even want a wedding..I wanted to elope, just the two of us! Right up until the wedding day, it was a huge hassle for me. HOWEVER, ON our wedding day, I was so glad that DH had talked me into the traditional wedding and reception. It was WONDERFUL!

It''ll all be worth it when you''re surrounded by the people who love you both the most on your special day. Hang in there, and good luck!
 
YEs, I hate it. hate hate hateeee haaaate it. Hate it.

Everyone is so nosy!- not to mention everyone thinks they are invited to the wedding!!!!!!!
 
I hated it. My mom really helped with the wedding planning aspect of it - she handled a LOT of the vendors, so I didn''t even have to deal with that as much as I normally would have, and I still HATED the planning. The first 3 months of my engagement were wonderful, but then we started to focus on planning and I was just very stressed out and hated the following 7 months until the wedding. I tried to un-involve myself whenever possible. I didn''t care much about the details - I pretty much told everyone else I didn''t care about the decisions, I just wanted to be MARRIED to my husband. And in the end, I absolutely loved my wedding, I loved spending the time with my friends and family, and I was finally married - which was the best part
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i love your honesty elle!!!
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ive been engaged for 3 months now, and i think i was jaded by engagement craze and getting all excited about planning a wedding. but then reality sunk in and i was like no way am i planning my wedding now. luckily, we need to save up for a while, so i am spared for the next couple of years. and recently my sister offered to plan the wedding which can be a good thing depending on her mood
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but i''m so indecisive about everything, afraid i''ll regret every decision etc. plus my family is picky and i don''t want to deal with them. i have this oh so lovely vision of having a destination wedding with just our nuclear families and wedding party in aruba or something.

i am however, not sick of showing off my ring
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but hang in there!!! i''m sure you''re doing a fabulous job, and remember it''s your day, so do what you will with it as long as you love it and will remember it forever! plus, you have this forum to vent through.
 
Not engaged yet. SOON! But I already know that I will hate it. Neither SO nor I like the idea of being the center of attention. We don''t want to spend money. We don''t want to figure out all the tiny little details or orchestrate a variety of vendors. We''re going to try to keep it as low key as possible. Despite trying to keep a low budget, we''ve actually considered getting a wedding planner just to keep the stress off of us. I will be thrilled to marry him, but why does it have to be so complicated?
 
Date: 8/25/2009 1:49:49 PM
Author: Londongirl1
Oh dear, this doesn't sound good ladies. I honestly think a wedding can be as difficult or easy as you let it. My SO's twin brother got married a while back and it was a lovely wedding with no drama because that's the way they insisted it would be. I'm sorry to say it but some brides just create drama when non is necessary.


So in answer to your question, NO I don't hate it. Everything is going great and I'm not stressing about anything.......We'll see how long that lasts
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Yeah, I thought that too, until my future mother-in-law started to (and has continued to) go out of her way to bring up stupid little stuff after I told her that I didn't give a toss about napkin colours or favours or table arrangements. She would nod at me and then say, "BUT! What about...(something utterly trivial)!! Have you thought about THAT?! WHAT are you going to DO?!!!" Usually about something that's so far ahead (like stamps for invites? We aren't getting married until April!) that it hasn't even popped up on my radar yet. Repeat ad nauseum until I got short with her and told her that I didn't want to have drama drummed up for every tiny thing because I really don't care that much about it, and don't want her trying to MAKE me freak out about stuff that really just doesn't matter to me. She also generally tends to hammer away at things until you are either seething mad because you've repeated yourself a million times, or just exhausted from repeating yourself so many times. Even when all you've said is that you don't want to talk about wedding stuff, it's still an emergency of the utmost importance that needs to be addressed NOW! Even when that is soooo far from the truth.

She's putting a huge amount of pressure on us to have a reception hosted by her so she can cook and invite more family, and I can foresee her trying to make a huge deal out of stuff that really means nothing to me (and, according to her, means nothing to her either because she 'doesn't like weddings'--for all her drama so far, she could've fooled me!). All we wanted was to get married in the registry office and take my parents, J's parents and his brothers and sisters (and their kids) out for a nice meal, so that everyone could eat what they like, and drink what they like, and wear what they like, and no one would have to interject the "GASP! BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ____?!" as she has been doing for MONTHS now.



And that doesn't even get me started on the nosy woman at work who keeps trying to "delicately" ask me if there is a wedding dress in existence that will fit me because I wear plus sizes, and kept saying she thinks my dress should just be made to my measurements to "make shopping a happier experience" for me.
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Elle, honey, I hear you, loud and clear. Wouldn't *quite* say I hate it, but this is totally not my thing.
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Date: 8/25/2009 1:53:22 PM
Author: purselover

Date: 8/25/2009 1:49:49 PM
Author: Londongirl1
Oh dear, this doesn''t sound good ladies. I honestly think a wedding can be as difficult or easy as you let it. My SO''s twin brother got married a while back and it was a lovely wedding with no drama because that''s the way they insisted it would be. I''m sorry to say it but some brides just create drama when non is necessary.

So in answer to your question, NO I don''t hate it. Everything is going great and I''m not stressing about anything.......We''ll see how long that lasts
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Can I please send you my mother and FMIL then get back to me about brides creating drama ......trust me it''s really not me, but them.
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I''ll also send you my mother, grandmother, FMIL, and FSIL. Talk about drama!


I personally happen to like wedding planning but the DRAMA that other people foist on this one day is getting to me
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I absolutely LOATHED planning, and especially in the weeks/days leading up to it, I regretted my decision to have a wedding.

Most of my misery was caused by family drama, namely my mom, sis, pestering me literally every day about my dress, shoes, and accessories. When I tried to push back on them, they took much offense, and made me feel miserable.

As horrible as wedding planning was, I certainly grew a backbone once I had time to reflect on my behavior, and that of my family. Never again will I allow then to treat me the way they did, and I think they too understand that they were wrong to behave the way they have. All in all, I think everyone came away having learned some important lessons, so it wasn't all for naught.
 
I absolutely adored it all and am so sad I''m not a bride anymore! I loved the planning, loved the whole lead up and the day. We had a 19 month engagement and it flew by. I''m not a person that gets stressed (we only booked the car 5 days before the wedding!), so we just took the planning in our stride. Try and enjoy it-it is such an exciting time!
 
I hated it at times. The closer it got, the more pressure I felt the more I started to tire of being a bride. It''s a long year--lets be honest. It''s a lot of planning, a lot of spending money, and a lot of hoping. However, I will say that the day of my wedding, it suddenly became totally worth it.
 
I''ve really enjoyed it so far, but I have to admit that it''s losing is "sparkle." When I find something I completely LOVE (flowers, invitites, photography, etc.) I get really excited, but if anything turns out to be a hassle, I get frustrated quickly. I still enjoy people asking me about plans & such, though.

Is it too late for you to just elope & enjoy yourself?
 
I don''t know if I hated planning it so much as I just didn''t care. I cared about the ceremony and I genuinely loved planning that, but anything beyond that just seemed like a waste of time. I am not kidding when I say that I told D that I wanted a casual clambake with paper plates and his jaw dropped in disgust. I let him do a lot of the reception planning and while it was more formal than I imagined, it really worked. I''m glad I put more effort into it than I probably would have if it had been completely up to me. Granted, after D booked the site and I bought a dress, I didn''t do a single thing until 3 months before the wedding, but there was really no need.

I remember when I went to buy a dress the first saleslady I talked to asked me about our theme and how I envisioned myself as a bride. It was annoying. I remember looking at my mom like "what?" and then trying to say "the theme is that it''s a wedding" without sounding obnoxious. In the end a vision did sort of emerge, so I get her reasoning, but not every woman has been dreaming about her wedding since she was 5.

Looking back, I had a lot of fun planning it with D. We went to more cake and food tastings than needed
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but we had a great time and I never worried about the details. I probably could have made some things nicer or had a better vision, but it was very much "us" and I loved it. I loved it even more when it was over!

Even low-key brides get stressed about weddings. I don''t care if you elope, there is always something to think about. But I really think that if you try to at least focus on the parts you enjoy (for me it was the ceremony and food!) then at least you can find some enjoyment in it.
 
Date: 8/25/2009 5:49:57 PM
Author: Treasure43
Date: 8/25/2009 1:53:22 PM

Author: purselover


Date: 8/25/2009 1:49:49 PM

Author: Londongirl1

Oh dear, this doesn''t sound good ladies. I honestly think a wedding can be as difficult or easy as you let it. My SO''s twin brother got married a while back and it was a lovely wedding with no drama because that''s the way they insisted it would be. I''m sorry to say it but some brides just create drama when non is necessary.


So in answer to your question, NO I don''t hate it. Everything is going great and I''m not stressing about anything.......We''ll see how long that lasts
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Click to expand...
Can I please send you my mother and FMIL then get back to me about brides creating drama ......trust me it''s really not me, but them.
Click to expand...

I''ll also send you my mother, grandmother, FMIL, and FSIL. Talk about drama!



I personally happen to like wedding planning but the DRAMA that other people foist on this one day is getting to me
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Click to expand...


DITTO! My FMIL has made many a things miserable. She wishes she could control everything, nothing we do is good enough. Etc.
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Date: 8/25/2009 6:19:13 PM
Author: Amanda.Rx
I''ve really enjoyed it so far, but I have to admit that it''s losing is ''sparkle.'' When I find something I completely LOVE (flowers, invitites, photography, etc.) I get really excited, but if anything turns out to be a hassle, I get frustrated quickly. I still enjoy people asking me about plans & such, though.

Is it too late for you to just elope & enjoy yourself?
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Agreed. However, I don''t hate being a bride at all. I think I just *dislike* planning the wedding constantly because I feel like it''s never-ending. I feel like I might hyperventilate since I get really anxious when I''m center of attention (I''m really outgoing too...weird) but I agree that I''m just ready to get this party going. I''m so excited for it all, and don''t know what I''ll do once all of this is over, but I can do without all of the attention it creates.
 
This post is making me sad! I LOVE wedding planning so far. I have been engaged for about 4 months and still have 10 months to the wedding, so maybe I''m just not jaded yet. However, I have had a total blast...trips with my BMs to try on dresses...visiting different reception venues...finding ways to incorporate our colors...gawking at my ring...I love every second.

I have been fortunate - and again, maybe its too soon - but my family and the future in-laws have been extremely supportive in terms of sitting back and letting FI and me plan the wedding we want. From the guest list to the flowers to the location...even if they haven''t been 110% in love with the choice, everyone says "it''s your wedding, do it how you want it." There has been no drama with family or bridal party...and we''ve budgeted in a way that has allowed the expense of this wedding (we''re spending over 15k of our own savings) to be relatively stress-free. When wedding mags come in the mail or I sit down with a beer and my wedding "binder" to work on my to-do list, well, its just fun to me!!

Maybe I''m weird
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or maybe I need to give it a few more months!
 
After my last experience planning a wedding, I swore up and down that I would be a Vegas and a pig roast kind of bride for my next attempt at getting married. I hated planning the wedding that ended up being canceled - my ex was no help at all, his mother and sister undermined me on nearly everything, and I was bombarded with BS small details daily (similar to gwennie, I think) because my ex''s family wanted to show off to everyone with "how big can we make this event" and so on. I was so not feeling it. When I broke up with him and canceled the wedding 7 months out, I really hadn''t done half of the things I was supposed to have done by that time.

This time around... toooooooootally different. I was still interested in going small, but FI wanted to have a more traditional wedding. Once I found my reception site, I was HOOKED and I have really been enjoying my planning. Can''t wait to share some pics and ideas with the board here soon.
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You remind me of me! I was not all about the details, nit-picking over decorations etc... I just wanted to get married and have a great time doing it. Not that I didn''t care at all, just that it was not such a big deal to me. I don''t see how girls can get so bent out of shape and stressed making sure that all the table linens are the same shade of blue, or that all the flowers are the same length, etc... Just enjoy the day and enjoy your new hubby!!
 
I don''t like attention or spotlight on me. I actually liked the planning and every little bit of the wedding, but it was more,,, "oh my gosh" its "my day?!
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" so uncomfortble with the spotlight being turned on me, but I made it through whew!
 
Yeah i don''t have much of a bridal bone.. part of the reason we are not telling family that we are planning the wedding is so we can avoid alot of the drama it creates.
 
I''ve enjoyed very little of it. I hate that all people can think to converse with me about is the wedding. I hate that I actually go into detail beyond "fine, thanks" when someone asks how things are going. I remember the beginning, how everyone told me to "enjoy this special time." What''s so special about it besides the expense? Honestly, I can''t wait for the day to get here so we can enjoy it, but the planning sucks.
 
Me hates it sometimes
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I am handling all aspects of the wedding and I feel overwhelmed (sometimes). FI is in his own little world, not really caring about wedding details

Another part I hate... vendor replying to me in their own time. Really, I am going to pay you money, so you should reply to all my emails ASAP! SHeeshhhh
 
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