Anyone here just wishful thinking?

[boobookitty]

Hi, this is my first thread here I''ve been spending more time on this forum just because it''s comforting to know there are girls out there like me!

I''m not sure if this ties into the thread "does your boyfriend know you consider yourself a LIW?" but I am just wondering about this. That to me is a question of whether he knows you''re on "the list" or if he knows you are for sure waiting for an engagement. But how many people have NO IDEA if the thought of marriage has even crossed their bf''s mind but they are secretly hoping it has? These days I don''t think it''s that common anymore that a guy ask a girl to marry him without having any inkling of whether she will say yes or no. I think marriage is definitely discussed more nowadays before a proposal. Anyone here really just wishful thinkers? Love their BFs and want to marry him but very scared to let him know what you''re hoping for (in fear it will scare him off?) My bf and I have put so much into our relationship and been through so much and have thoroughly discussed what we want that a break-up between us would be absolutely devestating to me since I consider him to be my life long partner. When I see threads about break-ups when the girl was a LIW, it just makes me wonder.

Just curious

 

[ringless]

My bf doesn''t know I''m on "the list", but he absolutely knows I want to be engaged and married. A lot of girls on here anticipate an engagement and are either too impatient, have timeline''s, or other reasons why they end their relationships before an engagement. Sometimes the men just take too long and make too many excuses, but it all depends on the relationship I suppose!

 

[boobookitty]

I think it would drive me insane if I really wanted to marry my bf but had no idea what his thoughts were on it. Honestly I don''t remember which of us brought the subject up first. I think it was probably him, we were talking about it within 2 months of knowing each other and I don''t think I would have even ventured there if it didn''t come from his mouth first. Probably something his mom said (her boss used to call me her future daughter in law) that got us talking about it. lol kinda makes me shake my head now, I doubt she still feels that way about me.

 

[musey]

I hope I'm allowed to respond even though I'm not a LIW!
I always thought of the term as describing a woman who was all but engaged. Just in that home stretch between "we've decided to get married and freely talk about it" and "engaged." So once I got into that frame of mind, I think I'd have to be delusional (imagining conversations and plans revolving around future marriage?) for it to qualify as wishful thinking

There was certainly a period of time in our relationship (I'd say between 6 months and 2 years in) where I wasn't quite sure exactly where he stood, but knew for myself that I wanted marriage in our future. I wouldn't personally have called that lady-in-waiting status, just normal relationship progression.

 

[misskitty]

Date: 9/1/2009 2:04:05 PM
Author: ringless
My bf doesn''t know I''m on ''the list'', but he absolutely knows I want to be engaged and married. A lot of girls on here anticipate an engagement and are either too impatient, have timeline''s, or other reasons why they end their relationships before an engagement. Sometimes the men just take too long and make too many excuses, but it all depends on the relationship I suppose!

Same here. We''ve talked about marriage before, and he knows I''d say yes if he asked, but we both have goals we want to hit (him = financial/career, me = education) before we get married. I joined the list shortly after we began talking seriously about our future plans, but I expect to be on it for a while.

 

[boobookitty]

i really hope to be taken off the list within 6 months, but really, who knows. it all depends on how things go financially and him having the courage to break it to his family (something tells me they would be less than thrilled) but we are putting money down on a diamond just because prices have dropped beyond belief we both agreed that we should take advantage of that. so however long it takes to pay it off, but he will have all the power when it comes to proposing. ugh. doesn''t that suck?? lol.

but in the past i don''t think there was anyone i could really see myself marrying. when i was 17 i THOUGHT i was in love with someone, but getting married to him wasn''t something i ever thought about. maybe because i was so young? who knows but i know i haven''t ever been a wishful thinker. i''m glad too, i would rather be in my position now. i think. lol.

 

[chiapet]

BF and I talk about engagement rings and future kids, etc... but I don''t think either one of us is taking it seriously. I just got out of a divorce and he''s pretty young (25). I''ve told him that I don''t want to get re-married for another 3-5 years and he agreed. So, not sure if I''m a LIW but the subject of engagement and kids have definitely come up.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I''m not on the list, because I have a lot of "goals" to achieve before marriage. I''m completing my masters next year, and I would like to do a bit more travelling, be more financially independant (pay off more of my debt) and climb Kilimanjaro.

But I do see us getting married, and my BF knows that.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 9/1/2009 1:50:32 PM
Author:boobookitty

Hi, this is my first thread here I''ve been spending more time on this forum just because it''s comforting to know there are girls out there like me!

I''m not sure if this ties into the thread ''does your boyfriend know you consider yourself a LIW?'' but I am just wondering about this. That to me is a question of whether he knows you''re on ''the list'' or if he knows you are for sure waiting for an engagement. But how many people have NO IDEA if the thought of marriage has even crossed their bf''s mind but they are secretly hoping it has? These days I don''t think it''s that common anymore that a guy ask a girl to marry him without having any inkling of whether she will say yes or no. I think marriage is definitely discussed more nowadays before a proposal. Anyone here really just wishful thinkers? Love their BFs and want to marry him but very scared to let him know what you''re hoping for (in fear it will scare him off?) My bf and I have put so much into our relationship and been through so much and have thoroughly discussed what we want that a break-up between us would be absolutely devestating to me since I consider him to be my life long partner. When I see threads about break-ups when the girl was a LIW, it just makes me wonder.


Just curious

Since not all people put value in the legal bit of paper that turns a long-term relationship into a marriage, it isn''t necessarily a deal-breaker for people if one would prefer to marry and the other not, if they are genuinely happy being together for life. For most people, this probably isn''t the case, but I felt like bringing it up because for at least a few, the piece of paper doesn''t matter--they never get married, and still have a long, happy life together.

That being said, I tend to hear more comments like "I don''t want us to break up, but it''s really depressing me/affecting our relationship that he doesn''t want to marry me," and in those situations, it''s probably advisable for those people to distance themselves from their partners because they aren''t being supported by their relationships anymore, no matter how much they may still love their partners, even if they have discussed future stuff to death. Actions speak the loudest, y''know?

Sometimes people just get that feeling inside of them that it''s not going to happen and is best to walk away, even though they know it will really hurt and shatter their dreams. I think that is admirable, because if things aren''t right, they aren''t just going to sit by and be unhappy and unfulfilled in their relationships indefinitely. They are going to take action and use their power to stand up for what they deserve, and in so doing open up possibilities for the best of the best to come into their lives! In a roundabout way, those sorts of walk-away incidents can sometimes end up being the best thing to happen.

And this probably doesn''t really need to be said, but if two people in a relationship aren''t able to communicate with each other and reach compromises about their wants for their future together, then they aren''t really life partners. A true partner needs to honour the other''s desires as their own. Anyone who just sits around wistfully hoping their partner can read minds and know what''s most important to them without discussing it (no matter how scary possible rejection can be) isn''t really taking a relationship seriously, in my opinion. That''s a high school crush, not a life partner.

 

[Parsley]

My bf has no idea I''m on the list, or that I''m waiting and hoping. And I am most definitely in the wishful thinking category! We have spoken about our future to death, where our first house will be, where we''ll go from there because of schools for the children and what those children''s names will be! However, when he does speak about our future that''s where it very firmly is. In the future...and not the near future. It''s one of those things that I know is going to happen, but I know I can''t realistically say "in 6 months time" or "this time next year". I''m just wishing and hoping that it''s an elaborate ploy, haha.

 

[katomm]

I think someone can be a LIW even if they''re not in a relationship but know they do want to get married, like that''s the ultimate goal when they start to date someone exclusively.

I knew I wanted to marry BF right away but did not tell him for fear he''d run. Although we had been friends for 1.5 prior to dating, I just didn''t feel like it was the right time to tell him. The subject came up (he started the discussion) this past May after I had moved in with him in March. I told him then that I was ready to get married and had been ready a long time but couldn''t say anything. He was a little shocked but open to the idea. In his head it was quite a ways off though. Then about two months ago we had a big long talk after a not so good few days and he did a complete 180. He''s now super excited about getting engaged and wanting to do things right, etc. From May till a couple of months ago I never brought up marriage and didn''t want to push him but I was definitely a LIW from day one with him in my opinion.

So now I''m just waiting for the ring. I know he has ordered the setting and I think the ring will be ready in two to three weeks but I''m trying not to snoop so it can be a surprise.

 

[princesss]

Date: 9/1/2009 9:31:10 PM
Author: musey
I hope I''m allowed to respond even though I''m not a LIW!
I always thought of the term as describing a woman who was all but engaged. Just in that home stretch between ''we''ve decided to get married and freely talk about it'' and ''engaged.'' So once I got into that frame of mind, I think I''d have to be delusional (imagining conversations and plans revolving around future marriage?) for it to qualify as wishful thinking

There was certainly a period of time in our relationship (I''d say between 6 months and 2 years in) where I wasn''t quite sure exactly where he stood, but knew for myself that I wanted marriage in our future. I wouldn''t personally have called that lady-in-waiting status, just normal relationship progression.

Musey, as usual you''ve taken the words right out of my head and put them on paper.

 

[boobookitty]

are you eager for it to happen? or are you patient? i think you can be either and still be a LIW. i think anyone who considers themselves matched with their soul mate who WANTS to be married is a LIW. if you have no desire to be married, then obviously that doesn't make you a LIW because you're not waiting for anything.

but from what it seems most ladies here have at least spoken to their SOs about marriage or if not, at least their future. although, i do think it's important to know your SO's stance on marriage...you don't want to put a lot of time and energy into a relationship and hoping and praying he'll propose only to find out down the road he doesn't ever want to get married and you do. that wouldn't be fun

 

[Magpie09]

Date: 9/2/2009 9:32:10 PM
Author: boobookitty
are you eager for it to happen? or are you patient? i think you can be either and still be a LIW. i think anyone who considers themselves matched with their soul mate who WANTS to be married is a LIW. if you have no desire to be married, then obviously that doesn''t make you a LIW because you''re not waiting for anything.

but from what it seems most ladies here have at least spoken to their SOs about marriage or if not, at least their future. although, i do think it''s important to know your SO''s stance on marriage...you don''t want to put a lot of time and energy into a relationship and hoping and praying he''ll propose only to find out down the road he doesn''t ever want to get married and you do. that wouldn''t be fun

I fall into the wishful thinking category which is why i''m not on the list. I started posting here because i started getting a little antsy about the future and started to consider myself a liw as i know that my bf is the guy for me. However considering how young we are and the fact that we''ve only been dating a year and a few months i think that it''s a little early for the in-depth discussions since i don''t think he''s ready for that yet.

On the other hand we have discussed marriage in the general sense and he wants to get married and have children one day so there won''t be any surpises there. Recently the topic of our future came up and it is a possibility

although he isn''t ready yet. So i remain hopeful since he''s started to include me in long-term plans.

Meanwhile i post and read the stories to take the edge off the liw-itis as many of my friends are getting engaged and having babies and the questions about our relationship have started from our friends (ie have we discussed marriage etc.). I''m sure my bf appreciates not being bombarded with questions about out future constantly

 

[boobookitty]

Date: 9/3/2009 12:57:36 AM
Author: Magpie09

Date: 9/2/2009 9:32:10 PM
Author: boobookitty
are you eager for it to happen? or are you patient? i think you can be either and still be a LIW. i think anyone who considers themselves matched with their soul mate who WANTS to be married is a LIW. if you have no desire to be married, then obviously that doesn''t make you a LIW because you''re not waiting for anything.

but from what it seems most ladies here have at least spoken to their SOs about marriage or if not, at least their future. although, i do think it''s important to know your SO''s stance on marriage...you don''t want to put a lot of time and energy into a relationship and hoping and praying he''ll propose only to find out down the road he doesn''t ever want to get married and you do. that wouldn''t be fun

I fall into the wishful thinking category which is why i''m not on the list. I started posting here because i started getting a little antsy about the future and started to consider myself a liw as i know that my bf is the guy for me. However considering how young we are and the fact that we''ve only been dating a year and a few months i think that it''s a little early for the in-depth discussions since i don''t think he''s ready for that yet.

On the other hand we have discussed marriage in the general sense and he wants to get married and have children one day so there won''t be any surpises there. Recently the topic of our future came up and it is a possibility

although he isn''t ready yet. So i remain hopeful since he''s started to include me in long-term plans.

Meanwhile i post and read the stories to take the edge off the liw-itis as many of my friends are getting engaged and having babies and the questions about our relationship have started from our friends (ie have we discussed marriage etc.). I''m sure my bf appreciates not being bombarded with questions about out future constantly

hahaha i hear that. it''s so funny though because when i first met my SO, i was not looking for love. i had just gotten over a bad "breakup" if you wanna call it that. it was just really a bad dating situation but there couldn''t have been a better time for my SO to come along because normally i would get a little too excited about someone i really liked and probably got too overzealous too quick with anyone i was dating. having just been through that mess i was able to be like, "whatever, i really don''t care, i''m just gonna be me and he either likes me or he doesn''t." therefore on our very first date i spoke my mind to a bunch of annoying obnoxious kids behind us in the movie theater and turned around and said loudly, "DO YOU MIND??" hahahaha in the past i NEVER would have done that on a first date, but it is just a reminder to me that i really didn''t care what he thought! i was driving since he''s not from around here and i love to sing in the car...so i turned it up and was belting it out. lol. i dunno maybe those are some things he found intriguing about me, but i was much more "me" on our first date and not so worried about whether he would like me or not. he on the other hand was nervous the first time we met (and brought me a single red rose, how cute /www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/20.gif[/img]