Are my feelings unreasonable?

[stargrrl]

Hi everyone, I''m new to the board, though I have been lurking here for awhile.

I''m posting because my boyfriend recently proposed to me, and I was a little underwhelmed after the initial excitement began to wear off. I feel like my feelings may be unreasonable, but I wanted to get someone else''s opinion, since I can''t really talk to my fiance about it.

My boyfriend proposed to me by asking me at home one night without any formality or elements of surprise. I love him very much, and I was very excited and didn''t expect anything extravagant. However, the ring he gave me when he proposed was .51ct of average quality and cost about $1800. He later told me he bought the ring in an hour in a jewelry store and doesn''t see the point in spending more than $2000 on a ring. I feel a little frustrated because the amount he paid for the ring is less than what he makes in 1 week. It is also very different in cut and style than what I had shown him I like. He has a secure job with a substantial salary of over $100k and no debt, and he spends money freely on electronics and gadgets for himself. This, however, was the first piece of jewelry he bought me after being together for 2 years. After considering all of these things, I think I would have rather not gotten a ring than gotten a ring he made no special effort to shop for.

I love him very much, but am I justified in feeling frustrated about this?

 

[decodelighted]

Hmmmm. I can understand your frustration/sadness. Is there a reason you CAN''T talk to him about this? If he freely told you he only "spent an hour" picking it out - maybe he''s not too invested in it & could "handle the truth".

Have a lot of your friends or his friends gotten engaged/married -- does he know what their rings are like? Do you know if he sought out others opinions (his sisters, your sisters, friends).

The more mature me would try to talk it out & confess my albeit shallow/materialistc feelings about having a "nicer/more me" ring. & how you feel about the amount of $$ & research he does on his "toys" -- but didn''t do on your ring. I''d also express HOW IMPORTANT rings are to MOST girls.

The less mature me would just stop wearing it & wait ''til he notices to bring it up. So I wouldn''t recommend that way.

Any kind of talk you have about this -- I''d STRESS that the really important part is being together & being happy -- but, ya know, GIRLS have a right to want their "TOYS" too!

Hope that made any sense??

 

[sumbride]

Yikes, that''s like "a girl''s worst nightmare"!!! No, you''re not being unreasonable. I''d be really dissapointed too.

I think you need to talk to him about it... let him know how you feel... tell him what you think the ring represents and why it''s important to you to have a nice ring that you like... he may not see it your way, but hopefully he''ll realize that since it''s on your hand, your feelings DO matter!!! Tell him you appreciate the thought behind it but maybe if the two of you worked on it together, you would come up with something that was more representative of your feelings and relationship.

It sounds like he''s just completely clueless on the whole thing... are you the first of your group to get engaged? or does he just not pay attention to things like this? Try HARD not to take it personally.... you can come up with a way to maneuver this situation in your favor. You deserve a ring that makes you happy.

and I agree with deco... my immature side would toss the bad ring in a drawer and flaunt my naked left hand until he asked then say "I HATE the ring... it''s UGLY." but yeah, maybe that''s the last resort...

 

[decodelighted]

Ommigod. I'm like MISS IMMATURITY today ... so IGNORE this advice ... but ... I'd have half a mind to go out & buy a yicky, cheap-looking, totally "not-him" WATCH .. wrap it up and present it to him as an ENGAGEMENT PRESENT. Tell him you want him to wear it EVERYDAY to announce to the world he's engaged now.

See how MR. TECHNOLOGY/TOYS likes them apples.


ETA: I'm not presuming that's how you feel about the ring or the extent you dislike it... for this, only EXAGERATION would make the point.

 

[TravelingGal]

Personally I think you should leave the ring where he can see it with a POST-IT telling him you don''t like it.

Kidding aside, it''s not the ring itself that I find a bit "hey how ya goin", but the fact that he would TELL you that he only shopped an hour and he doesn''t see the point in spending more than $2000. Gee, thanks honey. I feel SO worth it now.

Of course, guys can be a bit dense, and I suppose girls shouldn''t see it as the guy doesn''t think SHE is worth it. He probably sees the ring as a ring and that''s it. However, if YOU see the point in spending more than 2K on the ring, that IS a factor and one I think he should take into consideration, especially since he makes good money and has no debt.

Normally I would say this is a sensitive subject and the guy might be really offended, but he has already said he didn''t take much time or consideration in picking this thing out! Why should he be offended? Is there a return period on this thing? Perhaps you can say, OK, we don''t have to spend over 2K, but I think I would like to find something I like better for that amount? If he agrees, then maybe you can him to agree to a bit more on the e-ring fund later?

Honestly, I don''t understand why guys don''t get it. This is something we have to wear for the rest of our lives, for god''s sake. Try telling a guy that for his engagement, he has to get his forehead tattooed, and WE get to pick it out. I''ll bet they would be just as into the process as we ladies are trying to find a ring we can be happy with.

 

[Angela1977]

Completely justified. Let''s say he''s into computers (my fiance is, so I''m going to use this as an example...insert the electronic of your choice here _____).
For an engagement gift, I decide to get him a new video card for his computer. I don''t bother looking around, he tells me what he wants, but when I go to get it, I think it''s too expensive, and I just get a standard run-of-the-mill video card. I bring it home, I give it to him, and he hates it. It''s not the one he wanted, etc. Would he use it? No. Would he return it? Most definitely...he''s picky (and a research guy). And he would feel completely justified.
Well, the same applies here. While it''s a more delicate situation, the way it was presented to you really DOESN''T make it that much more delicate. It''s not like he put his heart and soul into picking out a ring that he was positive you''d love only to have his hopes and dreams shattered by your heartlessness (this is drama people...go with it). He put NO thought into it, so why should you worry about what he''ll think? Maybe putting a price tag on it is a bit delicate, but as far as him ignoring what style you''d like and dismissing this as an important thing...that''s completely unacceptable.
You need to have a chat, ASAP.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/3/2006 2:17:20 PM
Author: decodelighted
Ommigod. I''m like MISS IMMATURITY today ... so IGNORE this advice ... but ... I''d have half a mind to go out & buy a yicky, cheap-looking, totally ''not-him'' WATCH .. wrap it up and present it to him as an ENGAGEMENT PRESENT. Tell him you want him to wear it EVERYDAY to announce to the world he''s engaged now.

See how MR. TECHNOLOGY/TOYS likes them apples.


ETA: I''m not presuming that''s how you feel about the ring or the extent you dislike it... for this, only EXAGERATION would make the point.

Hahaha...I guess you are not alone in your miss immaturity statement! I was thinking along the same vein with my tattoo comment, and I couldn''t agree MORE.

And I love that suggestion...I think stargrrl should do it. She should buy something that is no less than hideous and present it with the sweetest face possible.

"Honey suggamuffin sweetie buns, I love you so much and after all the THOUGHT you put into my e-ring, I really wanted to get you an engagement gift as well. I''ll feel so haaaaaaaaaaapy when I see you wear this EVERY DAY."

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/3/2006 2:21:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Personally I think you should leave the ring where he can see it with a POST-IT telling him you don''t like it.

HA! I was thinking that too (little inside joke from a recent thread guys ...no worries!)

How he reacts to a conversation about this will tell you a lot about what life will be like with this guy in the future too! Is he open to negotiations? Open communication? Or would he prefer to pretend everything is okay & becomes belligerant if you shake his perfect world ...

 

[Angela1977]

Man, I really am feeling evil today...there are so many ways I'd "subtly" let him know how hurt and offended I was.
I'm wondering if I should keep my mouth shut...Nah.

(with these first three, you need to act like you're doing him a favor)
1. Go to pawn shop and get him a $10 boombox, something supercheap that just plays tapes
2. Go find an old Atari or a Commodore 64 (if he has an X-Box or something like that)
3. Go to K-mart and get him the cheap watch everyone is talking about
4. And I swear part of me would take that ring off, lay it beside of a picture of what you'd shown him, and leave a post-it asking if they look remotely similar.(I loved the post-it thread

)

 

[stargrrl]

Thanks for your great responses and evil ideas.

I have avoided talking to him about it because I don''t want him to think I''m unappreciative or trying to be materialistic about getting him to buy me the Hope Diamond or something. He definitely does see it as "just a ring" that doesn''t DO anything but sit on my finger, so I so see your point in talking to him anyway.

Several of my friends are engaged, and they all have good-sized rings of at least .9ct of different styles. However, most of his friends are "confirmed bachelors" in their early to mid thirties with no intention of getting married soon. He''ll be the first in his group to get married. As far as I know, he didn''t get advice from any of my friends or family, so I''m afraid he asked for advice from HIS friends. This could explain a lot. Men are so dense sometimes!!

 

[firebirdgold]

Hm... Perhaps you need to really stop and think about this. Try to totally put aside all thoughts and feelings about the ring. Pretend that he proposed without one, to the extent of maybe not wearing it when you''re at work or alone. Now concentrate on how you''re feeling about being engaged.
I agree that you should talk to him about it, but you need to be really sure first that the only thing bothering you is the ring. Maybe I''ve been unusually out of touch with my feelings in the past, so feel free to ignore me. But there''s a chance that you''re focusing your lack of enthusiasm on the ring and ignoring the fact that you may be feeling subtly uneasy about the engagement yourself.
Granted, you do have every right to be a little disappointed in the ring, and to want something that he put more effort into. Are you more dissapointed over how the ring looks or over how little time and thought went into the purchase? The former you can get fixed fairly easily, the latter there''s not much you can do about.

To play devil''s advocate, some guys can be very excited about being married yet feel that the ring is an unimportant, overpriced, and frivolous formality. Some men have trouble grasping the concept and therefore balk at the idea of spending a lot of money on a chunk of overhyped carbon and metal despite never blinking an eye over spending the same amount on a computer that will only last a few years rather than a lifetime.

It''s a men-are-aliens thing.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 5/3/2006 2:21:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal?

Honestly, I don''t understand why guys don''t get it. This is something we have to wear for the rest of our lives, for god''s sake. Try telling a guy that for his engagement, he has to get his forehead tattooed, and WE get to pick it out. I''ll bet they would be just as into the process as we ladies are trying to find a ring we can be happy with.

Oh, a tattoo would be a GREAT comparison... I love that!

 

[firebirdgold]

Hmm, when you talk to him you might also want to mention that despite it being silly, women find it hard to escape the feeling that ring + effort == how important you are to him.

I've reread the posts, and I have to say that I'd be alittle worried at how insensitive it was to buy a ring that's so different from what you showed him. I wouldn't be too happy if my beloved presented me with a marquis in a really tall setting. (not that there is anything wrong with that, I just don't care for it).
But then again, there have been times when I've referred to a ring I told my bf about and he just looks at me blankly like aliens sucked his brains out. So counting on them remembering something like that isn't exactly a good bet.

Guys like argh are the rarity, not the norm.

ETA: I also fail to see how guys could possibly expect a woman to be happy that he spent so little time and saved so much money on the ring. Why on earth would anyone say that? And he's not the first to do it that I've heard about on PS!

 

[stargrrl]

Indie, I am genuinely excited about the engagement, and he really looks forward to being married, but he definitely thinks it's something silly to spend so much money on. I think the $2000 budget idea may have come from his friends who have never set foot inside a jewelry store before. He is into computers and things like that, so I'll try working that angle. I can see it is the same as me not understanding why he needs some new $3000 computer when he'll need to buy another one in 2 years.

Overall, it just annoys me everyday when I wear it and think that he spent no effort getting something I have to wear for the rest of my life. It's definitely like me making him get some random tattoo on his forehead.

I can always buy another diamond, but I can't buy the care and effort that goes into getting one.

 

[stargrrl]

Date: 5/3/2006 2:48:26 PM
Author: IndieJones
But then again, there have been times when I''ve referred to a ring I told my bf about and he just looks at me blankly like aliens sucked his brains out. So counting on them remembering something like that isn''t exactly a good bet.

Guys like argh are the rarity, not the norm.

ETA: I also fail to see how guys could possibly expect a woman to be happy that he spent so little time and saved so much money on the ring. Why on earth would anyone say that? And he''s not the first to do it that I''ve heard about on PS!

I know that look!!!!! I''m glad I''m not alone.

I don''t think he had bad intentions telling me that... It seemed like he was sort of proud of saving money, like he went into Best Buy and 5 minutes later found a plasma TV marked down by $2,000. Men!!!!

 

[diamondfan]

I agree that since he admittedly did not labor for months on this, it is reasonable to say something, in a gentle way. I would stress that obviously the important thing is being together, and even though the ring is ultimately not the most important aspect, you would like the symbol to be something you love...I am sure he will get it! Good luck!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/3/2006 2:55:28 PM
Author: stargrrl
I can''t buy the care and effort that goes into getting one.

True. But let''s be realistic. A lot of perfectly kind, usually awesome, smart guys just don''t "get it" about the ring. My Sweetie wasn''t obsessed about it the way I was -- he basically let me pick it out & then just went & got it. He was happy I was happy ... but didn''t on his own start researching & pick out something perfectly "me".

Be careful not to compare your guy''s actual behavior to the effort you *think* other dudes put into their ring purchases. Ya never know what *really* went down behind the scenes!

This a actually a great example of having to ask for & negotiate for what you really want. Which is the CORNERSTONE to most relationships. Thinking that people can meet our needs magically if they *cared* enough is most often (in my experience) MOVIE material -- not real life day-to-day stuff. When suprises like that happen, they''re even sweeter though!

If you think his lack of caring or prep or placing you above his own needs is a PATTERN, then look at it. But if it''s just silly guy clueless about rings guided by other bachelors -- cut him some slack & start planning how to FIX it!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 5/3/2006 3:14:06 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 5/3/2006 2:55:28 PM

Author: stargrrl

I can''t buy the care and effort that goes into getting one.

True. But let''s be realistic. A lot of perfectly kind, usually awesome, smart guys just don''t ''get it'' about the ring. My Sweetie wasn''t obsessed about it the way I was -- he basically let me pick it out & then just went & got it. He was happy I was happy ... but didn''t on his own start researching & pick out something perfectly ''me''.


Be careful not to compare your guy''s actual behavior to the effort you *think* other dudes put into their ring purchases. Ya never know what *really* went down behind the scenes!


This a actually a great example of having to ask for & negotiate for what you really want. Which is the CORNERSTONE to most relationships. Thinking that people can meet our needs magically if they *cared* enough is most often (in my experience) MOVIE material -- not real life day-to-day stuff. When suprises like that happen, they''re even sweeter though!

If you think his lack of caring or prep or placing you above his own needs is a PATTERN, then look at it. But if it''s just silly guy clueless about rings guided by other bachelors -- cut him some slack & start planning how to FIX it!

I agree with Deco here. My hubby doesn''t really care at all about diamonds but he does want me to be happy and have what I want. Some guys don''t get it, but it truly doesn''t mean he doesn''t care about YOU, probably didn''t have any idea how important the ring is to you. I would definitely talk to him. Tell him how happy you are to be marrying him but be honest about your feelings about the ring. Most guys really do want us to be happy, it just enlightening them on what that is. He makes a good living so it''s not like your asking him anything unreasonable when desiring a little bit better ring. Now, if he was making a lot less and had a ton of school debt or something, the thought that counts would count a lot more

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 5/3/2006 2:55:28 PM
Author: stargrrl
Indie, I am genuinely excited about the engagement, and he really looks forward to being married

Well, that''s what really matters.

, but he definitely thinks it''s something silly to spend so much money on.

*sigh* did I mention men are really aliens? Believe me, I know exactly where you''re coming from.

I don''t think he had bad intentions telling me that... It seemed like he was sort of proud of saving money, like he went into Best Buy and 5 minutes later found a plasma TV marked down by $2,000.

That''s the worst part! It seems like the men who do this honestly expect to be praised for it!

Good luck with talking to him about it. I guess it''s a good thing he''s not really emotionally invested in it!
Be honest when you tell him that while you''re super excited about getting married you''re not that fond of how the ring looks. That it''s just not your style. Say that you''d like to return that ring and look together for the perfect ring. That way you get a better quality ring in your style and you get him to put a bit more effort into it!

If you''d like him to increase the budget a tad you might try reverse pysch and somehow mention your friends'' .9 carat rings with a disclaimer that you''re perfectly happy with the budget or something smaller. Although I really shouldn''t encourage other people to be a bit manipulative since not only am I incapable of it, but my bf spots the my slightest attempt to be .. subtle.

 

[KristyDarling]

First, let me admit that I haven''t read through this entire thread, so if I''m repeating someone else, please forgive me!

You BF obviously loves you or else he wouldn''t have proposed. If he loves you, it''s safe to assume he wants you to be happy. Most guys have the best of intentions but just don''t get the whole e-ring thing (including mine) and just need some extra conversation about it. I''m sensing that you''re unhappy not just because the ring''s not your style, but more so because he didn''t put a ton of effort into buying you something you''d love. So, go and talk to him with the confidence of knowing that he wants you to be happy no matter what (and expect some initial irritation, of course), and just be honest and earnest.

You could say, "I love the fact that you surprised me with a proposal and with this ring. And more than anything, I''m excited about spending the rest of our lives together. But you know what...this ring is an important symbol to me, and I''ll be looking at it every day. Can we go shopping together for something that makes my heart go pitter-pat in the same way that I feel about us?" If I were you, I wouldn''t direct much attention to the (low) cost aspect of your ring. Nothing irritates a guy more than telling him he cheaped out on your ring (even if he did!). If I were in your shoes, I''d go shopping with him, find something I like and let him know how VERY much I love it. At this point, most guys will cave and buy you the thing that makes you so happy. But if he balks at the price difference, I''d just pay for the difference myself.....and I''d do it all with a smile. Again, you don''t want to make this a big deal since the main thing is you''re getting married (yay!) and you want to keep your honey''s attitude towards the whole thing as positive as possible.

In the event that you can''t return your ring, maybe you can set up an exchage of some sort? If not, maybe you could settle for a store credit (if you think $1800 isn''t too terrible a hit in light of his 6-figure salary) and just buy a new ring altogether. And by together I mean that both of you could pitch in for the ring of your dreams....your money will become unified anyway later (I assume) and since having a nice ring is important to you, it seems like a worthy investment.

Uh oh, I''ve gone all wordy again. Sorry! I hope this helps. Just one woman''s perspective!

 

[Mara]

haha you girls are cracking me up.

i''d be a little hurt too if my guy got me a ring and then denounced the ring, the fact that i wanted a ring, that it wasn''t what i wanted and that he didn''t care enough to get me something he knew i''d love.

maybe he''s not very sensitive or sentimental but i''d be upset that he could spend and do research on all of the things important to HIM but not spend more than a few minutes on getting me something that i was supposed to love. it makes you feel like you maybe aren''t important enough for him to spend time on, or money or whatever.

tough call but i''d be honest with him and say that if that is how you feel. sure he may not feel the ring is important but maybe you don''t feel like a plasma is important. would you get him one at the local goodwill? he''d be horrified if he is as toy-savvy as you say. sometimes i find by explaining it in BOY TERMS that it makes more sense to them.

part of being in a relationship is having respect for what makes the other person happy and not poo-pooing it because you don''t like it or it''s not cool or whatever. my husband is totally into cars and music instruments, both of which i have no real interest in but he loves to do it and he spends $$ and time on both hobbies. it''s his thing and it makes him happy. for me i have various hobbies but he knows i also love diamonds and jewelry and he may not agree with something like this that i want that makes no sense to him but he knows if it makes me happy then he wants it too...within reason of course.

anyway...i''d be a little concerned about how this translates to your future life together...and if you can work through this and come to an understanding where both of you are happy and he is not scoffing at what you feel...then that would be very positive. otherwise for me it''d be a general red flag and not so much about the RING as it is about how he may deal with things in the future, aka be stingy or uncaring about things you want or need and do whatever HE wants with his money and all that. just my two cents.

 

[caligal]

Oh how awful! I think the average is 2-3 months salary right? That''s not how I''d start the conversation. Use "I feel" statements- about how it makes you feel like you aren''t important to him vs. some electronics. Good luck!

 

[Maria D]

Stargrrl, congratulations on your engagement!

Here''s the perspective of a woman married (quite happily) for 16 years to a man who is NOT in the least romantic and never properly proposed:

A great proposal and ring are wonderful but do not guarantee a wonderful marriage. Conversely, you can have the marriage of your dreams even though your future husband picked out a run of the mill ring and didn''t put much effort into the proposal.

Focus on the positives for a moment: He wanted to propose and didn''t need to be nagged about it. (Just re-read some of the posts here if you are having trouble appreciating that!) He took it upon himself to get the ring and come home and ask. He wants YOU. He just doesn''t get the deal about rings and diamonds.

So you want him, but you also want a nice diamond ring. There''s nothing wrong with that! I think what you need to do is separate your desire for a nice diamond ring from your perception of how much your fiancee loves/values you. The two have nothing to do with each other. If the standard proposal gift were a computer and he bought you a crappy one, THEN I''d be worried. He doesn''t get the whole diamond thing and obviously doesn''t know how important it is to you.

Why be subtle? Come right out and tell him that you love him and feel lucky to have him, are excited about marrying him, but want a nicer ring. If I were you, I''d tell him that I would always cherish the one he proposed with, but that I was going to be saving up for the diamond engagement ring I''ve always wanted. I''d tell him that when I''m ready to buy, I''d love for him to be a part of the process. There''s no reason for him to be offended that you''re not wild about the ring he picked out since he doesn''t think it''s all that important anyway. If he''s too macho to let you pay for your own ring, maybe he''ll offer to buy you a new one himself. If not, saving the money to buy your ring yourself and having him help select it is an experience that will bring you closer. You''ll have the best of both worlds: a proposal that was a total surprise and the ring you really want. Usually you can''t have both!

 

[froufrou]

i definately agree with everyone on discussing with him how you feel about wanting him to spend some time on this thing for you. its really too bad he doesn''t have any married guy friends to compare to or maybe he would have tried harder on the ring. maybe you can just tell him since he didnt spend so much time on it and since youve always admired the more quality rings of your friends that you two could go together and look again and exchange that for something you like, and you can pay for the difference. then when he saw how much you liked something nicer better, i bet he''d buy it for you and not even remember you said youd pay the difference.

at least THIS didnt happen to you though...there was this older guy at the jewelry store when I went the other day who was picking out an engagement ring for his son''s fiancee...he kept says "well, he said she said she likes white gold but that''s all I know"!! lol. so i thought, that woudl definately be a worse situation

another guy the jeweler was telling us about came in and bought a ring off the shelf in 15 minutes.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 5/3/2006 5:30:27 PM
Author: caligal
Oh how awful! I think the average is 2-3 months salary right? That''s not how I''d start the conversation. Use ''I feel'' statements- about how it makes you feel like you aren''t important to him vs. some electronics. Good luck!

respectfully disagree, 2 -3 months salary is a marketing ploy. please spend what is appropriate given financial situation - student loans, existing debt, house.

a house is much more important than a ring.

 

[Rhapsody]

A fews months ago a guy posted here saying he wanted to spend 2k or less which amounted to one months salary and insisted his girl never wore jewelry and wouldn't care what ring he picked... sounds awfully familiar. A bunch of girls tried to convince him that just because a girl doesn't wear much jewelry it doesn't mean she doesn't care about an engagement ring, quite the opposite since it might be the only nice piece of jewelery they ever wear. Any one else remember that thread?

Maybe you could talk to him and say you appreciate the ring he picked but would prefer something different, and let him know that this is actually important to you. He doesn't have to understand it (my BF certainly doesn't) but hopefully he'll respect that it's something you care about and will want to do what makes you happy.

 

[caligal]

I completely agree with you Lady Kemma that noone should go into serious debt over a ring, but when someone is in the 6 figure range he can clearly spend more than 2K! I''ve saved $3,000 this last year myself and I make $38,000 in Southern California- not a cheap place to live- and I have student loans, car payment, etc... I just think I too would have the same feelings, even though he obviously does care a great deal for her since he proposed. There has to be a happy medium in between they can agree upon together.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 5/3/2006 7:32:00 PM
Author: caligal
I completely agree with you Lady Kemma that noone should go into serious debt over a ring, but when someone is in the 6 figure range he can clearly spend more than 2K! I''ve saved $3,000 this last year myself and I make $38,000 in Southern California- not a cheap place to live- and I have student loans, car payment, etc... I just think I too would have the same feelings, even though he obviously does care a great deal for her since he proposed. There has to be a happy medium in between they can agree upon together.

absolutety, caligal. when our combined income went into the six figures that''s when I went out and bought my big rocks. i would think that a minimum for this lady would be 5 grand. ya think?

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 5/3/2006 7:15:04 PM
Author: Rhapsody
A fews months ago a guy posted here saying he wanted to spend 2k or less which amounted to one months salary and insisted his girl never wore jewelry and wouldn't care what ring he picked... sounds awfully familiar. A bunch of girls tried to convince him that just because a girl doesn't wear much jewelry it doesn't mean she doesn't care about an engagement ring, quite the opposite since it might be the only nice piece of jewelery they ever wear. Any one else remember that thread?

Maybe you could talk to him and say you appreciate the ring he picked but would prefer something different, and let him know that this is actually important to you. He doesn't have to understand it (my BF certainly doesn't) but hopefully he'll respect that it's something you care about and will want to do what makes you happy.

wouldn't it be something if it were him? can someone find the thread? going off to look..

here it is! https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/engagement-ring-best-bang-for-the-buck.40575/=

 

[Diam100]

Ok ladies your responses are hilarious..

Look you can either say something now or implode like I did a few years later during one late night where the truth just seems to always BLURT out. My husband loves me dearly that I know but he too confessed he bought my ring the day before we left on vacation where he proposed.

He told me the week we came back - made sense since it was one ring size bigger & I never remembered mentioning any other preference other than a round. I wound up with a fancy shape because some stranger standing next to him in the store happened to like the fancy shape he was comparing. Men...hmmmmmmph!