Are you planning on *ahem* abstaining before the wedding?

[SassyB]

NewsBoy -

OH boy could this thread go just about anywhere!
I don''t want to be too graphic - however I agree that you need to relax and have lots of lube I love the brand Pink. It''s a silicone based lube. This will really help with the comfort

Um - here goes me being graphic/maybe inappropriate. Sorry! You really need to know what "does it" for you. Does that make sense? If you know what makes you feel good then you can tell him to do that...... It should and will be a fun time for the two of you finding these things out together though

 

[Bia]

btw Lanie: I think I love your dress...

 

[KatyWI]

newsboysgrl, I am not at all religious, so I can''t help you out with all the psychological ramifications of the "no" to "yes" thing. I do know that it should have been something you were looking forward to even if you had chosen not to, so hopefully even though it''s been difficult, you are looking forward to the time when it is wholly enjoyable!

I know some people who have had some difficulties, per se, and usually lots of de-stressing and relaxation (as mentioned baths, massages, etc help) and just taking your time and going very slowly, and making sure there is plenty of lubricant should go a long way towards making things more comfortable.

Personally, I never had any issues. I''m definitely the exception to the rule, but my first time didn''t hurt, and I didn''t bleed (TMI sorry!) and while it wasn''t, you know, mind-blowingly awesome, I have nothing but fond memories of my first time with my first true love.

If things don''t improve soon, maybe it''s something you should discuss with a doctor. But I''m wishing you all the best and luck and happiness in this new aspect of your life with your husband!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:04:55 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
For us, it WAS our first time (trying) on our wedding night...and, being married for only 10 days now, I can say I''m still trying to get used to it. :- Sorry if I''m being too graphic, but it hurts me SOOO much that we''ve only been able to do a little bit at a time and the rest is ''fooling around'' (I guess you''d call it)?


Also, for us, it''s a religious thing....that we didn''t do anything before we were married. But, I do have a question for others of you that waited until you were married because of this reason. HOW did you go from ''this is wrong and not allowed outside of marriage'' to ''this is okay to do now?'' I mean, I ''get it'' in my head, but it''s a hard thing to really CHANGE instantly! And, for those of you that don''t have the same spiritual beliefs, please don''t think I''m judging or anything like that! I''m just trying to share how I''m feeling and looking for guidance from anyone who has gone through the same thing.


Additionally, though, for EVERYONE, a question I have is this: how soon were you able to have intercourse without difficulty? Is it just an individual thing? Are there any tips? LOL.


Again, sorry for being graphic....Thanks again for any advice/help

I''m sorry you''re having such difficulty

. DH and I waited until our wedding night but I had known I had a condition that prevented intercourse (I had figured out I had this condition because it always hurt sooo much to the point where I would start crying and give up when I tried to use tampons or anything else - it was impossible for me to put anything at all in there!) I went to my gynecologist and described my problem and she was great - she knew exactly what it was even though many doctors don''t always know about it and she immediately referred me for treatment. I went for treatment for about 2 months before the wedding and did not try intercourse until our wedding night - and because I had gone for the treatment, everything was wonderful. I will say though, that even though I had gone for that treatment beforehand, it still takes getting used to. Astroglide is a wonderful thing

I am NOT in any way saying you have any type of medical condition - from what I hear, it takes MANY people a little while to get used to and that''s totally normal. Hopefully it will get better with time and "practice" - just have a lot of patience, and if this problem persists, maybe consider speaking to your doctor about it - mine was a lifesaver!!

 

[swingirl]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:04:55 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
For us, it WAS our first time (trying) on our wedding night...and, being married for only 10 days now, I can say I'm still trying to get used to it. :- Sorry if I'm being too graphic, but it hurts me SOOO much that we've only been able to do a little bit at a time and the rest is 'fooling around' (I guess you'd call it)?

Also, for us, it's a religious thing....that we didn't do anything before we were married. But, I do have a question for others of you that waited until you were married because of this reason. HOW did you go from 'this is wrong and not allowed outside of marriage' to 'this is okay to do now?' I mean, I 'get it' in my head, but it's a hard thing to really CHANGE instantly! And, for those of you that don't have the same spiritual beliefs, please don't think I'm judging or anything like that! I'm just trying to share how I'm feeling and looking for guidance from anyone who has gone through the same thing.

Additionally, though, for EVERYONE, a question I have is this: how soon were you able to have intercourse without difficulty? Is it just an individual thing? Are there any tips? LOL.

Again, sorry for being graphic....Thanks again for any advice/help

KY lubricant, time, patience, getting to know each other, KY lubricant, practice, wine. Books.

Don't continue if it's not comfortable because that just makes the experience negative and irritate tissue. Getting past the psychological part is tricky because you are asking your body to go from no no no to yes yes yes overnight. Give yourself some time. It's supposed to be fun!!

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:04:55 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
For us, it WAS our first time (trying) on our wedding night...and, being married for only 10 days now, I can say I''m still trying to get used to it. :- Sorry if I''m being too graphic, but it hurts me SOOO much that we''ve only been able to do a little bit at a time and the rest is ''fooling around'' (I guess you''d call it)?

Also, for us, it''s a religious thing....that we didn''t do anything before we were married. But, I do have a question for others of you that waited until you were married because of this reason. HOW did you go from ''this is wrong and not allowed outside of marriage'' to ''this is okay to do now?'' I mean, I ''get it'' in my head, but it''s a hard thing to really CHANGE instantly! And, for those of you that don''t have the same spiritual beliefs, please don''t think I''m judging or anything like that! I''m just trying to share how I''m feeling and looking for guidance from anyone who has gone through the same thing.

Additionally, though, for EVERYONE, a question I have is this: how soon were you able to have intercourse without difficulty? Is it just an individual thing? Are there any tips? LOL.

Again, sorry for being graphic....Thanks again for any advice/help

I think it''s important to remember that the discomfort is TOTALLY natural and normal. So don''t go thinking it''s you, okay?

I''d suggest a glass of wine (no more than one, though), a massage, and a focus on what feels good will really help. Take a trip down the family planning aisle to get something that will help ease the friction, and take your time.

It gradually goes from OW -> ow -> what exactly was the big fuss about this? -> eh, it''s not so bad -> hey, that''s nice, I guess -> ooh, that felt kinda good -> actually nice -> c''mere, sweetie! -> *drag him off to the bedroom* But eventually this will just be a distant memory.

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Hi everyone...

Thanks for your replies. I know part of it is stress/anxiety. The wedding definitely showed me that I really AM an easily-stressed person! YUCK. I want to change that, but it''s something that''s pretty ingrained in me, so it''ll take time.

I''ll also add that I have a very low sex-drive to begin with. I''m not sure if it''s 100% due to medication, but I''m on anti-depressants, and I know that that can lower your body''s chemical ''interest'' (so to speak), but this medication is vital to me, so I''m going to have to work through it. (I know that sometimes, after my period, my interest will increase and obviously this is when I WANT TO do things with DH and have an INTEREST, and interest is a HUGE component to being ''relaxed'' and ''ready'' you know?)

DH and I did quite a bit of research before the wedding and bought Vagisil based on the reviews it had gotten on drugstore.com. It does seem to work well, but I think a lot of it is that I''m tense and also, like Lilac mentioned, it''s very hard for me to even use a tampon much of the time. (Lilac, would you mind sharing what your condition/treatment was? If not, that''s okay.) I do plan to make an appointment to see my gyno for my yearly exam now that I''m on DH''s insurance, and she''s fantastic, so I have no problem sharing everything with her. And, it sounds like this is probably my best bet anyway.

Thanks so much to everyone!! I guess I was sort of hoping I wasn''t the only one to experience this, but I do know that the aforementioned things probably contribute significantly to this.

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 7/13/2009 2:35:56 PM
Author: NuggetBrain
I broached that idea to my FI because I thought it was romantic and sweet. Our conversation went as follows:

Nugget - ''I think we should not do it for a while before the wedding night. I think it will make it even more special and fun, don''t you?''

FI - *Looks at me like I offered to have his dog skinned and stuffed for a wedding present*

Nugget - ''.....so that''s a no then.''

LOL!!

That''s hilarious!

As for me, i think we''ll be able to keep our hands off of each other for about 2 weeks as long as we don''t see each other. We''re LDR right now and we''re not quite sure where we''ll be closer to the date of our wedding. Now, if we see each other during that time.....all bets are off!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:47:20 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
Hi everyone...


Thanks for your replies. I know part of it is stress/anxiety. The wedding definitely showed me that I really AM an easily-stressed person! YUCK. I want to change that, but it''s something that''s pretty ingrained in me, so it''ll take time.

I''ll also add that I have a very low sex-drive to begin with. I''m not sure if it''s 100% due to medication, but I''m on anti-depressants, and I know that that can lower your body''s chemical ''interest'' (so to speak), but this medication is vital to me, so I''m going to have to work through it. (I know that sometimes, after my period, my interest will increase and obviously this is when I WANT TO do things with DH and have an INTEREST, and interest is a HUGE component to being ''relaxed'' and ''ready'' you know?)

DH and I did quite a bit of research before the wedding and bought Vagisil based on the reviews it had gotten on drugstore.com. It does seem to work well, but I think a lot of it is that I''m tense and also, like Lilac mentioned, it''s very hard for me to even use a tampon much of the time. (Lilac, would you mind sharing what your condition/treatment was? If not, that''s okay.) I do plan to make an appointment to see my gyno for my yearly exam now that I''m on DH''s insurance, and she''s fantastic, so I have no problem sharing everything with her. And, it sounds like this is probably my best bet anyway.

Thanks so much to everyone!! I guess I was sort of hoping I wasn''t the only one to experience this, but I do know that the aforementioned things probably contribute significantly to this.

I absolutely will tell you what it was - I would love to help in any way I can. But again I really want to just emphasize that very often what you are experiencing now is totally normal and just because you have the same "symptoms" as I did doesn''t necessarily mean you have this particular condition. (However, if you find out that you do, it definitely can be treated.) It''s called vaginismus. Treatment for it takes a LOT of work - and I''ll be honest - it''s painful. But so worth it. And for people who do have this condition "relaxing" doesn''t work - a glass of wine doesn''t work - a bubble bath doesn''t work. It takes a lot of treatment and effort and work by you and a trained professional - but it absolutely can be treated!

 

[sba771]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:47:20 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
Hi everyone...


Thanks for your replies. I know part of it is stress/anxiety. The wedding definitely showed me that I really AM an easily-stressed person! YUCK. I want to change that, but it''s something that''s pretty ingrained in me, so it''ll take time.


I''ll also add that I have a very low sex-drive to begin with. I''m not sure if it''s 100% due to medication, but I''m on anti-depressants, and I know that that can lower your body''s chemical ''interest'' (so to speak), but this medication is vital to me, so I''m going to have to work through it. (I know that sometimes, after my period, my interest will increase and obviously this is when I WANT TO do things with DH and have an INTEREST, and interest is a HUGE component to being ''relaxed'' and ''ready'' you know?)


DH and I did quite a bit of research before the wedding and bought Vagisil based on the reviews it had gotten on drugstore.com. It does seem to work well, but I think a lot of it is that I''m tense and also, like Lilac mentioned, it''s very hard for me to even use a tampon much of the time. (Lilac, would you mind sharing what your condition/treatment was? If not, that''s okay.) I do plan to make an appointment to see my gyno for my yearly exam now that I''m on DH''s insurance, and she''s fantastic, so I have no problem sharing everything with her. And, it sounds like this is probably my best bet anyway.


Thanks so much to everyone!! I guess I was sort of hoping I wasn''t the only one to experience this, but I do know that the aforementioned things probably contribute significantly to this.

You didn''t say which anti-depressant you were on, but from personal experience when I was on Lexapro, I was a zombie in that area. I spoke to my doctor and they switched me to Wellbutrin which helped SO much! (I am off it now, but the difference was night and day) Also, you didn''t mention whether or not you were on any hormonal birth control. That can effect it as well, so if you do take a trip to the gyn, bring that up.
I will also say it was uncomfortable for a while and if I go a few weeks with no ''action'' I can feel a little discomfort yet again if I am not ''warmed up'' enough first. Ok I will be a little graphic, but oral sex is your friend! Also, again maybe TMI, really have your husband look at you while down there and even help him out to explore yourself. It can be extremely intimate, sexy, a turn on and will really help relax you (I hope)because I find the times I still feel a little discomfort when there isn''t enough lubrication down there. Sometimes, in our case, I find that doing it in the morning when you just wake up can be the best because you are not expecting it so much, so you don''t feel the pressure and there is no time for anxiety to build, also your body is more relaxed. Hope this helps a little. It does get better, I promise!

 

[rhbgirl24]

Nope. Not doing that here! lol We''ve been together for 13 years... we are even staying in the same bed the night before the wedding. Probably wont do anything that night from sheer exhaustion, but aren''t planning to abstain either.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:04:55 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
For us, it WAS our first time (trying) on our wedding night...and, being married for only 10 days now, I can say I''m still trying to get used to it. :- Sorry if I''m being too graphic, but it hurts me SOOO much that we''ve only been able to do a little bit at a time and the rest is ''fooling around'' (I guess you''d call it)?

Also, for us, it''s a religious thing....that we didn''t do anything before we were married. But, I do have a question for others of you that waited until you were married because of this reason. HOW did you go from ''this is wrong and not allowed outside of marriage'' to ''this is okay to do now?'' I mean, I ''get it'' in my head, but it''s a hard thing to really CHANGE instantly! And, for those of you that don''t have the same spiritual beliefs, please don''t think I''m judging or anything like that! I''m just trying to share how I''m feeling and looking for guidance from anyone who has gone through the same thing.

Additionally, though, for EVERYONE, a question I have is this: how soon were you able to have intercourse without difficulty? Is it just an individual thing? Are there any tips? LOL.

Again, sorry for being graphic....Thanks again for any advice/help

Awww, I''m sorry you''re having trouble newsboysgrl. I had the same problem when I first started. You need to take the time to have LOTS of foreplay where your hubby is just devoted to pleasing you before you try for intercourse. It may feel awkward at first just relaxing while he does all the work but that''s how you''ll get to the point where he gets some fun! And yes, it does get easier and becomes less of a production each time.

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Date: 7/13/2009 4:06:53 PM
Author: sba771

You didn't say which anti-depressant you were on, but from personal experience when I was on Lexapro, I was a zombie in that area. I spoke to my doctor and they switched me to Wellbutrin which helped SO much! (I am off it now, but the difference was night and day) Also, you didn't mention whether or not you were on any hormonal birth control. That can effect it as well, so if you do take a trip to the gyn, bring that up.
I will also say it was uncomfortable for a while and if I go a few weeks with no 'action' I can feel a little discomfort yet again if I am not 'warmed up' enough first. Ok I will be a little graphic, but oral sex is your friend! Also, again maybe TMI, really have your husband look at you while down there and even help him out to explore yourself. It can be extremely intimate, sexy, a turn on and will really help relax you (I hope)because I find the times I still feel a little discomfort when there isn't enough lubrication down there. Sometimes, in our case, I find that doing it in the morning when you just wake up can be the best because you are not expecting it so much, so you don't feel the pressure and there is no time for anxiety to build, also your body is more relaxed. Hope this helps a little. It does get better, I promise!

Hi sba...I'm on prozac. I used to be on zoloft...was on it for about 3 or more years and I can attest to the zombie feeling. I was like that in ALL areas, though. Then I tried wellbutrin, but that didn't help...I went back to being a crazy mess. Now, i may not have given it a long enough chance to work for me, but it's also a completely different chemical-reactor (if you will) than zoloft or prozac, so just may not work for me anyway. When I got on the prozac, I was A TON better. I felt better than I had even on zoloft....I didn't suffer from that severe (or even MILD) depression and also my irritability/moodiness declined to a minimum, and I didn't feel emotionLESS, as I did on zoloft. (Been on prozac for at least 2 years...possibly more, but I've lost track. I see a counselor, so it's not an unmonitored thing..the thing is, though, i don't feel comfortable with her talking about sex. I know I should feel more comfortable with a counselor than I do with this one (as I have in the past), but I've been with her for 6 years, so I'm not switching now...too much work involved)

yes, I'm on a BC. I know that doesn't help either. I'm not even sure it's doing anything to/for me, though. The short version of a very long story is that it's one that lets you have 4 periods a year and it's chemically different from other BCs and it just hasn't been good to me. I get ALL the symptoms of PMS, just no period...and there's more to the story, too, but suffice it to say I'm only on it because I knew the wedding (and the inevitable intercourse) was coming and I wanted protection. When I go to my gyno, I'll switch. (I've been on this (seasonique) for almost a full year. I mainly got on it for severe cramping/bloating. I had been on traditional bc in the past for the same thing and even did the 4 periods a year just by skipping the placebos, but my gyno thought this may help me more...wrong! LOL)

 

[LilyKat]

Newboysgrrl, I am also waiting until marriage so can''t help you from an experience point of view! However, my feeling is that if you''re waiting, you DON''T have to do "everything" as soon as you get married. Your wedding night and honeymoon should be seen as the start of exploring each other, and things should progress naturally. If that means not going all the way until a few weeks or even longer into marriage, that''s ok. Concentrate on having fun and enjoying being intimate with each other, and getting used to the things you are now "allowed" to do, rather than trying to force things.

I just feel that the pressure for it to all be amazing straight away just because you have a marriage certificate sets people up for disappointment. Take a step back, and maybe spend a few nights without trying intercourse and just seeing what feels good with each other.

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/13/2009 7:04:08 PM
Author: LilyKat
Newboysgrrl, I am also waiting until marriage so can''t help you from an experience point of view! However, my feeling is that if you''re waiting, you DON''T have to do ''everything'' as soon as you get married. Your wedding night and honeymoon should be seen as the start of exploring each other, and things should progress naturally. If that means not going all the way until a few weeks or even longer into marriage, that''s ok. Concentrate on having fun and enjoying being intimate with each other, and getting used to the things you are now ''allowed'' to do, rather than trying to force things.


I just feel that the pressure for it to all be amazing straight away just because you have a marriage certificate sets people up for disappointment. Take a step back, and maybe spend a few nights without trying intercourse and just seeing what feels good with each other.

Incredibly well said Lilykat!!

Fabulous advice. Your wedding marks the start of being able to share and explore with each other. You don''t have to rush straight into ''wham bam thankyou Mam''. Relax and take your time, and enjoy this part!

Good luck sweetie!

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Date: 7/13/2009 11:12:40 PM
Author: honey22

Date: 7/13/2009 7:04:08 PM
Author: LilyKat
Newboysgrrl, I am also waiting until marriage so can''t help you from an experience point of view! However, my feeling is that if you''re waiting, you DON''T have to do ''everything'' as soon as you get married. Your wedding night and honeymoon should be seen as the start of exploring each other, and things should progress naturally. If that means not going all the way until a few weeks or even longer into marriage, that''s ok. Concentrate on having fun and enjoying being intimate with each other, and getting used to the things you are now ''allowed'' to do, rather than trying to force things.


I just feel that the pressure for it to all be amazing straight away just because you have a marriage certificate sets people up for disappointment. Take a step back, and maybe spend a few nights without trying intercourse and just seeing what feels good with each other.

Incredibly well said Lilykat!!

Fabulous advice. Your wedding marks the start of being able to share and explore with each other. You don''t have to rush straight into ''wham bam thankyou Mam''. Relax and take your time, and enjoy this part!

Good luck sweetie!

Great advice from both of you!! You''re right. I felt all sorts of pressure to "just do it" and all that...and you''re right..it''s a journey, an exploration. Thank you so much for putting it into this perspective for me!!! I feel tons better now...truly! HA HA...isn''t it funny how just shifting your view can do that?

And good luck to you, too Lilykat!! I hope your day (and night...LOL) is beautiful and stress-free! I keep thinking back to HOW stressed I was the whole day and I wish I could''ve had a practice run (not just a rehearsal...LOL), so I could''ve truly enjoyed the entire day...and done the things differently that I wish I had. (For instance, we got done with photos a lot sooner than planned because of the wet ground and since we were at the venue where the reception was to take photos, I ''hid'' in a room until it was time to be announced. Instead, I wish I had mingled because I had no chance to do so after.

The one thing I''m so thankful for, however, is that we DID end up doing a receiving line...so I did get to see everyone and thank them for coming, at least briefly)

 

[Black Jade]

Date: 7/13/2009 7:04:08 PM
Author: LilyKat
Newboysgrrl, I am also waiting until marriage so can''t help you from an experience point of view! However, my feeling is that if you''re waiting, you DON''T have to do ''everything'' as soon as you get married. Your wedding night and honeymoon should be seen as the start of exploring each other, and things should progress naturally. If that means not going all the way until a few weeks or even longer into marriage, that''s ok. Concentrate on having fun and enjoying being intimate with each other, and getting used to the things you are now ''allowed'' to do, rather than trying to force things.

I just feel that the pressure for it to all be amazing straight away just because you have a marriage certificate sets people up for disappointment. Take a step back, and maybe spend a few nights without trying intercourse and just seeing what feels good with each other.

This is good advice. It''s not supposed to be amazing right away. You are supposed to buidling trust with each other, which is very important for women in an intimate relationship. YOu will be so glad that you did it like this; your memories will all be with your husband, which is a priceless thing.

About switching over from it being ''forbidden'' to it being okay, if you are from a Christian or Jewish background, a good thing for you to do might be to read the Song of Songs together out loud, to get in your mind that this really is something that God invented for your delight. If you are from a Christian background, there are several good books out there. One that was recommended to me was Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. I thought it was great.

Another one that we did a Bible Study on for the younger wives in our church was Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow. Some parts of this book may not be as useful for you since it takes into account that many Christian women nowadays have ''pasts'' that end up interrupting their intimate lives in some way or the other eventually--not everybody was always a Christian and a lot who were still ended up having sex before marriage because it seems so harmless initially from everything you see around you in the culture and we''re all human! This book is helpful in getting over things you might regret (including some that can happen that are absolutely not your fault) and moving on to being happy with your husband. Fortunately for you, this is not your case, but it still had some things in it that are useful for getting over the feeling that you''re doing something wrong, now that you AREN''T.

It''s been a long long time now, but I remember something like a month before getting over actual pain and crying every single time we tried it to ''this is kind of nice''. And then on upwards from there. However, that month was very important as his patience and sweetness really became evident and it was really clear that he cared about ME and that it wasn''t about him having fun, but us being together. all these years later, he''s still very anxious to keep reading my cues and sensitive to when things aren''t quite right for me and I''m sure this is a legacy from that time when we were discovering each other and it was the first time either of us had ever been with anyone. It really makes me care about him and makes me anxious to make sure that he''s happy.

(Hope I do not offend by being so graphic).

P.S. I don''t know about the depression medicine but I do know that you don''t know what kind of sex drive you have yet, you really don''t. when things go right, the way they''re supposed to, you have much more of sex drive as a mature woman than as a young girl, since it just keeps getting better. Unfortunately a great many mature married women I know don''t have much of a sex drive and when they start talking to you as a friend, it''s because they feel used and abused and ''liberation'' didn''t work out the way they were told and they feel like they are the only one who feels like this since it''s not what you hear on the talk-show, tv and movie and popular book circuit. However, you are on track to avoid this, I think.

Not disapproving of anyone, by the way; just mentioning what I have noticed and also been told by many many women.

 

[bee*]

We didn''t abstain before the wedding-we''re together 10 years so we didn''t see the need to. Don''t think we did it much in the week leading up to it though as we were so busy getting all the last minute things done.

newsboy-I second some of the others in that a hot bath, lube and just doing your best to relax and lots of foreplay should hopefully help. I think that it''s a great idea to talk to your gyn when you go to her. It does get better.

 

[Laila619]

My DH and I waited until we were married. So yes! However, if we hadn''t waited, I definitely would have abstained anyway for a month or so to make the wedding night extra fun and highly anticipated! DH couldn''t wait to leave our reception and get back to the hotel.

 

[loriken214]

Date: 7/13/2009 7:04:08 PM
Author: LilyKat
Newboysgrrl, I am also waiting until marriage so can''t help you from an experience point of view! However, my feeling is that if you''re waiting, you DON''T have to do ''everything'' as soon as you get married. Your wedding night and honeymoon should be seen as the start of exploring each other, and things should progress naturally. If that means not going all the way until a few weeks or even longer into marriage, that''s ok. Concentrate on having fun and enjoying being intimate with each other, and getting used to the things you are now ''allowed'' to do, rather than trying to force things.

I just feel that the pressure for it to all be amazing straight away just because you have a marriage certificate sets people up for disappointment. Take a step back, and maybe spend a few nights without trying intercourse and just seeing what feels good with each other.

Excellent advice LK! My first wedding night was awful....ex-DH dove in without a clue and he hurt me....it was horrible! It took time for him to understand what felt good to me and we explored each other over time.

Current DH and I abstained before the wedding and he jumped on me the minute we hit the front door after the wedding. It was awful, too, in that I had bought sexy lingerie and wanted to wear it for him and take our time the first time after marriage. He had other ideas and I was STILL in my wedding gown when he "threw" me on the bed and went for it. Once again, it took time for him to understand what I needed and how to do it without hurting me.

Please see your doctor and let her know what you are feeling. Intercourse shouldn''t hurt. I''m going to try the KY Intense...it is made just for women.

Big hugs to you!

Lori

 

[SeattleSweetheart]

I told my fiance about this topic last night and he went for it!

I didn''t think he would because he''s been wanting to for a week now but between school, work, wedding planning and my monthly visitor I haven''t been in the mood. Now I have to wait another 10 days.

Oh well, it''ll be good for me. And since we''re waiting, it better be good on the wedding night.

 

[Lanie]

Boo to monthly visitor. At least you are getting it before the wedding!

Hope this isn''t TMI...I went off BC in March to give my body a much needed break from it. My periods are all wack anyway, so I don''t have them that much. Well I can tell when I''m ovulating, and if my calculations are right, I''ll get my visitor on Monday, so hopefully she''ll be done by Friday, if not Saturday. I''m PRAYING PRAYING that she doesn''t miss her flight and delay her visit! AAAHHH!!! Stay away Aunt Flow!