"Are you pregnant?"

[SMC]

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Congrats ForteKitty, Niel, and SMC!

ForteKitty, I'm sorry about your m/c.

I am 18 weeks with twins, and have a massive torpedo belly dressed in obvious maternity clothes, and still no one asks me if I'm pregnant. People around here must be very polite, or they just don't notice anything, lol.

If there is doubt, don't ask. If it's obvious, there's no need to ask.

Congratulations on twins! Do they run in the family?

 

[AGBF]

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I am 18 weeks with twins, and have a massive torpedo belly dressed in obvious maternity clothes, and still no one asks me if I'm pregnant. People around here must be very polite, or they just don't notice anything, lol.

Well...hearty congratulations to you, too, then, lady! And I will add your name to the list of Pricescope women-with-child for whom I will be praying! Wonderful news, Laila!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[shihtzulover]

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I'm just over 10 weeks pregnant and someone at work asked me in a really rude way that got my blood boiling. She looked at me funny when I was standing in front of her and asked, "have you gotten bigger?". I was taken by surprise so I just said I didn't know and that I'd just been eating a lot lately, and she said "Oh, you know what I thought? I thought you were expecting and I was going to say congratulations". Not only did she go somewhere that she shouldn't have, but asking someone if they've gotten bigger is just rude.

I'm smaller framed and only 5'0", and I'm getting so bloated sometimes, but I was hoping it wasn't noticeable to anyone yet. To make matters worse, I only see this person in passing and to be honest, I don't even know her name. I haven't told most of my family or anyone at work yet, even my boss (although I will tell her soon) or the employees I manage, so why would she be important enough to tell? I guess it's the pregnancy hormones talking, but I'm still really mad about the whole thing.

 

[arkieb1]

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BIG congrats to all of you that are pregnant!!!!! And hugs and lots of pear juice for the latter stages (try it, it really works, best tip anyone gave me)....

 

[Niel]

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BIG congrats to all of you that are pregnant!!!!! And hugs and lots of pear juice for the latter stages (try it, it really works, best tip anyone gave me)....

Oohh! What's the pear juice for??

 

[LLJsmom]

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Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread. I'm just answering the original question.

For me, I would never ask. Ever. Unless it's my sister, and I don't have a sister.

With my first child, I had a very tough pregnancy, physically and mentally. Let's just say I wasn't happy to be pregnant. And I wasn't glowing. Glowering maybe, but definitely NOT glowing. (I had issues. Nuff said.)

So a strange woman walked up to me, put her hand on my belly, (I was about 7 months at the time. I wasn't a one location pregnant person. I was all-over pregnant.) And she asked, "Oh, are you pregnant???" I was so pissed. (Issues...) My reply, "No. I'm just FAT." That ended the conversation.

Uhhh, no. I wouldn't ask...

 

[pregcurious]

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Good luck, ForteKitty, Niel, and SMC. I pray that you will all have healthy pregnancies and deliver safely!

Big hugs,
Deb

Ditto! Hip hip hooray!

 

[royalstarrynight]

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Good luck, ForteKitty, Niel, and SMC. I pray that you will all have healthy pregnancies and deliver safely!

Big hugs,
Deb

Ditto! Hip hip hooray!

Hurray! That's so exciting for all you ladies! Sending you guys dust for a safe, healthy and happy pregnancy/delivery!

 

[kenny]

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No.
I'm not pregnant.

 

[AGBF]

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As you might imagine, when I saw this story in my local paper I immediately thought of the Pricescope thread about whether one should ask a woman if she was pregnant!

Video...http://blog.ctnews.com/hottopics/2014/07/22/4-year-old-banned-from-connecticut-doughnut-shop/

As the video shows, and I think one must really watch it to understand the nuances of the situation, a four year-old child was banned from a doughnut shop in Monroe, Connecticut for asking a female customer if she "(had) a a baby in her belly". I found the child and his mother to be charming. It did not appear that the female customer who had been asked the question was rancorous about having been asked, either. The entire tempest in a teapot seems to be because of the management.

Deb/AGBF

 

[mochiko42]

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The most embarrassing thing is when someone tries to give up their seat on the subway for you because they think you're pregnant but you're not....do you take the seat with a smile, or decline and potentially embarrass the wannabe Good Samaritan???

 

[jaysonsmom]

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Funny how this thread popped up again. Yesterday a coworker came and told me that she's 18 weeks along, and she wanted to tell me before I start wondering about her protruding belly! I honestly had not noticed her increasing belly size because she always wore loose flowy tunic styles due to her body shape. Now that she pointed out her growing belly, I felt bad for not noticing her pregnancy, I had to "Fake" it and say..."I knew something was a little different!" I didn't want to say: "Oh, I thought you were getting a little pudgy in the middle."

 

[ForteKitty]

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A coworker who has been out on maternity leave for the past few months came in with her baby yesterday. From about 15 ft away, she yelled out, "wow, FK, have you gained weight? you better cut back on the donuts because you're getting a belly!" I replied with a few choice words, told her I'm pregnant, and asked if she had no manners, and she responded with, "well, I'm always very honest."

I am 15.5 weeks and have gained maybe 1lb at most. F**ing c**t.

 

[Niel]

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A coworker who has been out on maternity leave for the past few months came in with her baby yesterday. From about 15 ft away, she yelled out, "wow, FK, have you gained weight? you better cut back on the donuts because you're getting a belly!" I replied with a few choice words, told her I'm pregnant, and asked if she had no manners, and she responded with, "well, I'm always very honest."

I am 15.5 weeks and have gained maybe 1lb at most. F**ing c**t.

Oh my god. I'm sorry. Glad you told her what's what
Right I am 14 weeks and gained a lb, but I do look preggers.

My SIL is exactly the same way. Say something rude, you call her out, and she says "I'm just sarcastic you don't get my humor. " its not humor, though,she just says whatever she wants and pretends its suppose to be funny.

You could use your same expletives to describe her!

 

[AGBF]

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A coworker who has been out on maternity leave for the past few months came in with her baby yesterday. From about 15 ft away, she yelled out, "wow, FK, have you gained weight? you better cut back on the donuts because you're getting a belly!" I replied with a few choice words, told her I'm pregnant, and asked if she had no manners, and she responded with, "well, I'm always very honest."

I am 15.5 weeks and have gained maybe 1lb at most. F**ing c**t.

I wish they'd ban your co-worker from the doughnut shop! She isn't four years old!!! So sorry, ForteKitty. But as I keep saying: people are idiots.

Deb

 

[ForteKitty]

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I was irritated because I don't have a belly yet and can still fit into size 0 dresses! Or if I did have a slight belly, it was mostly my lunch and poop, since I was traveling the past 2 weeks and traveling backs me up.

These people have horrendous manners. Right before I was called fat, someone else at work told me that "having just one child is child abuse so you have to have another"...WTF??!?

 

[Niel]

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I was irritated because I don't have a belly yet and can still fit into size 0 dresses! Or if I did have a slight belly, it was mostly my lunch and poop, since I was traveling the past 2 weeks and traveling backs me up.

These people have horrendous manners. Right before I was called fat, someone else at work told me that "having just one child is child abuse so you have to have another"...WTF??!?

In regards to that second point

My husbands uncle said to me during my first pregnancy that I " had to have a second child because only children are more likely to commit suicide " WHAT!?

people are just idiots sometimes.

 

[SMC]

I was irritated because I don't have a belly yet and can still fit into size 0 dresses! Or if I did have a slight belly, it was mostly my lunch and poop, since I was traveling the past 2 weeks and traveling backs me up.

These people have horrendous manners. Right before I was called fat, someone else at work told me that "having just one child is child abuse so you have to have another"...WTF??!?

I don't even know what to say. Seems like you have a high concentration of irritating people at work. Sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[Sky56]

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People are funny. It's obvious that a woman should never be asked if she is pregnant. I've been asked if I'm a grandmother. I always light-heartedly joke about how I am not a grandmother because I never had children. Having grey hair brings on that question.

 

[Sky56]

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The problem with those questions is that they can be hurtful: The woman who just had a miscarriage, or one that wishes she could get pregnant, or the woman who wishes she was a grandmother, etc. "Mind Your Own Business" is good old-fashioned advice when feeling tempted to ask personal questions.

 

[GliderPoss]

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I would never ask unless 1. I knew them, 2. if they were seriously ready to pop & 3. had already made it public knowledge.

Politeness actually backfired on me once with a friend who got rather offended I hadn't noticed and congratulated her on being 5 months pregnant. She is a larger lady and I couldn't be certain so I just said nothing!

 

[Sky56]

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Rude, big-mouthed people justify what they say with their "honesty."

If you are not pregnant and a person on a subway or bus offers you their seat wordlessly because they think you are pregnant, I'd graciously accept. The gesture was nice and polite though the assumption was wrong.

Sometimes people make mistakes...One of my biggest ones was about 20 years ago. I was alone in a public bathroom, one of those women's rooms with 5 toilet stalls. I was washing my hands and saw a man walk in. I was taken aback and told the man he was in the wrong bathroom. The person said, "I'm a woman." I apologized. The person really looked like a man, from the buzz haircut to the clothing to the body build, but when I took another quick glance, I could see he was a she.

 

[KaeKae]

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I think we're in agreement here: don't ask until you see her with the baby carrier in hand, right?

I learned that lesson, thankfully, the easy way. We had a new hire at my place of employment. Lovely lady, who we knew had a couple kids at home. A year or two before, we'd had another new hire, who, surprise(!) was five months pregnant, but hadn't mentioned that to anyone during or after the hiring process. (her right) Anyway, I hadn't even thought about it, when some one asked: do you think "Jane" is pregnant? Thankfully, the consensus was: let's just wait and see. Well, two years later, and "Jane's" body hadn't changed at all. Whew! Thank goodness we had the common sense to keep our mouths shut.

 

[SB621]

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I am by habit one of those people who ask questions and then typically apologize later. It takes a lot to offend me- that and the fact that I often just let my mouth run away with me means that yes I have asked this questions often and all the time if I thought someone was pregnant. I'm a fairly open book and typically confident with my body image so it has never bothered me when someone asked me if I was pregnant. I wasn't even a ware this was a social faux pas till my neighbor and best friend was pregnant a few years ago and this question drove her bat shit crazy.

I dunno I guess I just don't know what the big deal is. I think most women who are pregnant you have to walk on eggshells around due to hormones. I feel it is an innocent question and most people are just curious. it is human nature.

 

[Niel]

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I am by habit one of those people who ask questions and then typically apologize later. It takes a lot to offend me- that and the fact that I often just let my mouth run away with me means that yes I have asked this questions often and all the time if I thought someone was pregnant. I'm a fairly open book and typically confident with my body image so it has never bothered me when someone asked me if I was pregnant. I wasn't even a ware this was a social faux pas till my neighbor and best friend was pregnant a few years ago and this question drove her bat shit crazy.

I dunno I guess I just don't know what the big deal is. I think most women who are pregnant you have to walk on eggshells around due to hormones. I feel it is an innocent question and most people are just curious. it is human nature.

The answer is 1 of two things. Its yes, and I didn't want to tell you, OR no, I just look fat. I dont think that's an appropriate position to put anybody in. If they are not drinking, or buying maternity clothes, sure ask. But I'd you look at a person and think you should ask "oh that belly is protruding I need to know if shes let her self go or is pregnant," is a completely selfish and nosey reaction. And that's awesome that you're comfortable in your own body, but if someone was just gaining weight rapidly, I don't think they would have the same body image confidence.

And let alone the emotional mine field of infertility and miscarriages.

I just don't see why one needs to ask. Wait long enough, you'll figure it out. And I don't think its walking on eggshells. I've never found that to be the case while I was pregnant, plus. Its more offensive I'd you aren't pregnant

 

[ForteKitty]

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I am by habit one of those people who ask questions and then typically apologize later. It takes a lot to offend me- that and the fact that I often just let my mouth run away with me means that yes I have asked this questions often and all the time if I thought someone was pregnant. I'm a fairly open book and typically confident with my body image so it has never bothered me when someone asked me if I was pregnant. I wasn't even a ware this was a social faux pas till my neighbor and best friend was pregnant a few years ago and this question drove her bat shit crazy.

I dunno I guess I just don't know what the big deal is. I think most women who are pregnant you have to walk on eggshells around due to hormones. I feel it is an innocent question and most people are just curious. it is human nature.

I'm not a sensitive person but I don't like it. A lot of people miscarry. I've known people who miscarried late and were still bombarded by the pregnancy question because they had a small bump. It's hurtful and maybe they don't want to tell you. I was very open to my friends about my own miscarriage but a few coworkers who didn't know I was pregnant kept asking when I'm going to try having kids. It was irritating because I felt they weren't important enough to know, not because it was hurtful. What if I had been trying for years and couldn't get pregnant? These people weren't genuinely curious either, they were just nosy and obnoxious and liked to gossip. I made it a point to be as harsh and bitchy as possible when I told them I just had a horrendous miscarriage, and if they had any manners, they would have kept their dammned mouths shut. Oh, and would they like to see pictures of the embryo I passed? They never asked again.

eta: Amazingly, I'm less hormonal now that I'm pregnant. Before I got knocked up, I had road rage every single day. I've only cried during the Subaru commercial with the aging lab. I feel like a robot!

 

[CJ2008]

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I am by habit one of those people who ask questions and then typically apologize later. It takes a lot to offend me- that and the fact that I often just let my mouth run away with me means that yes I have asked this questions often and all the time if I thought someone was pregnant. I'm a fairly open book and typically confident with my body image so it has never bothered me when someone asked me if I was pregnant. I wasn't even a ware this was a social faux pas till my neighbor and best friend was pregnant a few years ago and this question drove her bat shit crazy.

I dunno I guess I just don't know what the big deal is. I think most women who are pregnant you have to walk on eggshells around due to hormones. I feel it is an innocent question and most people are just curious. it is human nature.

I agree with you that most times the person asking it FEELS it's an innocent question.

The thing is, what makes the difference is not what you intended but what the other person perceives or feels when asked the question. So if the person - or most people - would feel offended by the question then it's not appropriate to ask.

I understand that you're tough skinned and that makes it more perplexing to you and maybe annoying that you can't just say what you're thinking but I bet if you feel that you often "let your mouth run away with you" you are probably offending people more often than you realize even if you don't intend to...

Fortekitty - "would you like to see a picture of the embryo I passed?" OMG hahaha