Are you ready to die?

[missy]

This question can mean anything you want it to mean.
Personally, I am emotionally not ready but I do have everything in order if it were to happen
I still have a lot of life left I want to live
But I know things happen beyond our control
And I don't want to leave my loved ones in a quandary

What I have completed
Powers of attorney
Will updated
Accommodations for our furry babies in place
My wishes known to my DH

Only thing I do not have in place is how I am to be interred
I don't want to be buried
I don't want to be cremated
Maybe above ground in a crypt but not thrilled about that either
So this is an important matter I need to figure out




How about you? Are you ready? Whatever that means to you

 

[dk168]

Yes in that I know what I would do in the event I am diagnosed with a degenerative or terminal illness, or be involved in an accident that makes me incapacitated and have to rely on external help to survive.

I am a member of Dignitas.

I don't want treatment, just an honest life expectancy so that I can sort out my affairs and go and say goodbye to my nearests and dearests before I leave this earth.

Probably won't even tell anyone beforehand as I don't want any fuss or pity or anything.

Those very close to me have already been informed about my decision.

Mentally, I am ready, been for a while.

DK

 

[missy]

Yes in that I know what I would do in the event I am diagnosed with a degenerative or terminal illness, or be involved in an accident that makes me incapacitated and have to rely on external help to survive.

Yes agree 100%. And I have the same measures in place even down to the fact that I will end my life should it be necessary. I do not believe in life above all else. There must be a quality of life to be had to go on and if not I am prepared to end it. I do not want to suffer with no possibility of a quality of life afterwards. I have discussed this at length with my DH.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Not ready yet. I need to get my old dog past the finish line. She will not do well without me, even though daddy will try. I do not want to outlive my husband. I pray I die first. Death doesn't scare me, dying does. I'm just like everyone else in that I want to die in my sleep but we know how rare that is.

 

[missy]

I do not want to outlive my husband. I pray I die first. Death doesn't scare me, dying does.

Same. I pray I go before Greg. I do not want to live without him under any circumstances.
Unfortunately I am scared of death as well as dying. I wish I wasn't. From my first memories I remember being scared of death. From when I was a little girl. Yeah morbid I know but yes this was one of my first memories. I remember lying in bed at night awake trying to figure out how death felt. What death was. What it meant. And I thought it means darkness and not being aware of anything ever again. The rest of my death memories are fuzzy but I do remember being scared of death and dying from when I was just a tiny little tot

I highly recommend this book to everyone. It's a great book and while I am still scared of dying and death it did help me work through my fears

"The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift"​

by Steven Leder

 

[dk168]

Yes agree 100%. And I have the same measures in place even down to the fact that I will end my life should it be necessary. I do not believe in life above all else. There must be a quality of life to be had to go on and if not I am prepared to end it. I do not want to suffer with no possibility of a quality of life afterwards. I have discussed this at length with my DH.

Indeed.

In April 2024 when I visited my mum and bro in Vancouver, I knew mum's health was deteriorating, potentially with a terminal illness.

She was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer in August 2024, and opted for surgery followed by radiotherapy then chemotherapy.

I have seen photos of her scars after surgery, and it took forever to heal. She still needed regular wound dressings changes to be carried out till the day she died in early October 2024. In fact, she had her wound dressing changed shortly before her death!

Radiotherapy resulted in further pain and suffering.

In late August, she was about to start chemo and further tests confirmed her aggressive cancer was still present and spreading. That's when her care team stopped treatments and put her on palliative care.

Being in Canada where Medical Assistance In Dying (MAID) is allowed, she decided against it which I believe was due to religious reason(s).

When I heard in August 2024 that she had elected for surgery etc., I thought what was the point to go through all that suffering (she was 85) which could result in a very low quality of life. However, it was not my decision to make.

To this day, I am eternally grateful that I was able to see her one last time when she was still conscious before she died peacefully in a hospice.

THANK YOU Vancouver Hospice Society for your care and compassion for my mum in her last few days on this Earth, and also for your support for my brother and I.

DK

 

[dk168]

BTW, having been a HCP all my life and am still working in the pharmaceutical industry, my own personal views on health economics do not always agree with my professional responsibilities.

Personally, I cannot justify spending large sums of money on myself for treatments that may not provide an extension of life beyond a few months.

However, each to their own and all that.

DK

 

[Begonia]

No, no ready and affairs not in order. Mostly because I'm afraid and have been since childhood.

I'll read that book @missy.

 

[AdaBeta27]

Are there any provisions for ending your own life should you develop dementia? All of the assisted suicide services I have read about require the person to be of sound mind and also able to self-administer the meds for the suicide. But I'm of the opinion that should I develop dementia, my mind has failed and my mind is who I am, thus I have already died. I want my body killed at that point. How would one accomplish that? I don't want to drift in and out of sanity and live in a "memory care" facility or be the disoriented person who runs naked down the hall setting off the fire alarm trying to let myself out of the building at 3am. I've seen dementia patients, and I don't intend to ever be one.
edit: That said, my family tends to be the ones who live healthy long lives into at least early 90s and then die rather fast of a heart attack or just multiple organ failure. Dementia doesn't really run in the family.

 

[missy]

No, no ready and affairs not in order. Mostly because I'm afraid and have been since childhood.

I'll read that book @missy.

Please let me know what you think of it Begonia. I found it to be a profound read. Well worth reading. It helped me process (life and) death a bit better

 

[missy]

Are there any provisions for ending your own life should you develop dementia? All of the assisted suicide services I have read about require the person to be of sound mind and also able to self-administer the meds for the suicide. But I'm of the opinion that should I develop dementia, my mind has failed and my mind is who I am, thus I have already died. I want my body killed at that point. How would one accomplish that? I don't want to drift in and out of sanity and live in a "memory care" facility or be the disoriented person who runs naked down the hall setting off the fire alarm trying to let myself out of the building at 3am. I've seen dementia patients, and I don't intend to ever be one.
edit: That said, my family tends to be the ones who live healthy long lives into at least early 90s and then die rather fast of a heart attack or just multiple organ failure. Dementia doesn't really run in the family.

Yes this is how I feel too. And my DH knows my wishes as I know his. It is not legal but we will do what we have to do without incriminating the other. Neither of us want to live like that. My FIL had Alzheimer's and it was not pretty...he lingered for almost a decade

 

[Begonia]

Please let me know what you think of it Begonia. I found it to be a profound read. Well worth reading. It helped me process (life and) death a bit better

Will do @missy. Thank you for bringing that forward!

 

[dk168]

Are there any provisions for ending your own life should you develop dementia? All of the assisted suicide services I have read about require the person to be of sound mind and also able to self-administer the meds for the suicide. But I'm of the opinion that should I develop dementia, my mind has failed and my mind is who I am, thus I have already died. I want my body killed at that point. How would one accomplish that? I don't want to drift in and out of sanity and live in a "memory care" facility or be the disoriented person who runs naked down the hall setting off the fire alarm trying to let myself out of the building at 3am. I've seen dementia patients, and I don't intend to ever be one.
edit: That said, my family tends to be the ones who live healthy long lives into at least early 90s and then die rather fast of a heart attack or just multiple organ failure. Dementia doesn't really run in the family.

Something to chew on as I have not set up a power of attorney yet.

I was going to set it up, then the nominated person died before me due to an accident.

She was on my Dignitas form too as a decision maker, so all that went out of the window and I had to start allover again.

She was a very dear friend and I miss her.

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

No, no ready and affairs not in order. Mostly because I'm afraid and have been since childhood.

I'll read that book @missy.

im with you
and i was just going to go for a nap
and now im afraid

 

[SparklieBug]

Death doesn't scare me, dying does. I'm just like everyone else in that I want to die in my sleep but we know how rare that is.

Great topic/question, @missy! I've been fascinated with death and dying since I was a wee tyke. Not a morbid fascination, but a genuine curiosity about what happens after the body dies. Where do "we", the personality, go? I was soooo annoyed that I couldn't attend my grandmother's funeral (no children allowed), and pestered my parents endlessly at the graveside, where children were allowed. "Where is Gran? What happened to her? Where will she live, now?" and so on. They did not have any answers for me, which set me off on a life-long search for answers.

@Lisa Loves Shiny A book that was fascinating to me is, Journey of Souls, by Dr. Michael Newton. He was a clinical psychologist, and wrote the book due to the experiences his patients shared—patients who didn't know each other, and were from across various socio-economic and religious backgrounds. This book details the process of dying.

Another book he wrote is my fave of his, Journey of Souls. This one is, again, from patient experiences, where they share what happens between lives. How we set up the scenarios where we will meet the person(s) who will be our friends, partners, etc.

I read the second book, and immediately asked various clients how they "knew" that their spouse was The One, and how they met. It was eerily close to many of the experiences in Destiny of Souls.

 

[SparklieBug]

To answer the question, nope, we're not entirely prepared physically. Have to update our wills; put into place a DNR; etc. Both of us know each others' wishes, yet if we were to be involved in a catastrophic turn of events...we aren't prepared. We're in the process of rectifying this, though!

 

[Bron357]

Seeing as I was essentially clinically dead at age 17 I’ve always considered the extra years I’ve had as a bonus.
So, I have no qualms or fears about dying myself but after I had my daughter being there for her milestones was very important to me.
I guess I worry more about how my death might affect my loved ones than for myself.
I don’t mind where or what happens to my body after death, I’m an organ donor if anything is suitable for reuse in another human they are most welcome to it.
My worldly chattels can likewise be disposed of or kept by my daughter, I’m leaving most my personal effects to her for her use exclusively. There are a few heirloom pieces which she knows are to go to the next generation if she has no family of her own.
And for those who do wonder, yes, while clinically dead, I was aware of a very calm and peaceful environment that I felt like I was floating in, no fear, just really light and peaceful. I also have a memory of all that fading and moving away from me like it was evaporating. When I woke up in Intensive Care, very confused and thinking I had been in a car accident (my ribs and muscles were injured in the cardiac resuscitation) hooked up to a dozen monitors I thought it was merely a dream even when I saw my chart which had a significant blank space for heart rate, blood pressure and respiration I didn’t think much of it. Only much later I came to appreciate that it was likely a “near death experience”. I don’t know what the means, whether it’s a by product of your brain having no oxygen and shutting down or something more meaningful, only that it was very calm and soothing.

 

[kenny]

I see dying as just returning to how it (and I) was before I was born.
That lasted a very very long time, as will my return.

I seem to recall, that wasn't so bad.

Life just may be a 76-yr long E-Ticket Disneyland ride.
Enjoy.

 

[jeaniefish]

I see dying as just returning to how I & it was before I was born.
That lasted a very very long time, and so will my return.

And as I recall, that wasn't so bad.

Life may be a 76-yr long E-Ticket Disneyland ride.
Enjoy.

Kenny,
Enjoying your unique response , and I totally get the E ticket reference..wish I had saved some of mine from back-in-the -day , but they were usually the first ones to get torn out of my ticket book!

 

[kenny]

Kenny,
Enjoying your unique response , and I totally get the E ticket reference..wish I had saved some of mine from back-in-the -day , but they were usually the first ones to get torn out of my ticket book!

I wonder what would happen if we presented an E-ticket today to get on a ride?

But Wow!
Like me, you must be really really old!

 

[Lookinagain]

I've prepared all the legal stuff:

Will
Trust
POA
Health care proxy
beneficiaries designated on my banking and brokerage accounts.

I've told my daughter she can do whatever she wants with my body as far as burial, cremation, etc. Whatever gives her some kind of comfort. But I've also told her no open casket. I detest those and don't want anyone looking at me when I'm dead.

 

[jeaniefish]

I wonder what would happen if we presented an E-ticket today to get on a ride?

But Wow!
Like me, you must be really really old!

Kenny, you bad boy! How did you get that picture of me while I was still in bed dreaming about riding on The Matterhorn Ride with you?

 

[jeaniefish]

I think us old folks hijacked this thread. Sorry Missy!

 

[kenny]

Kenny, you bad boy! How did you get that picture of me while I was still in bed dreaming about riding on The Matterhorn Ride with you?

Easy Peasy.
I was there with my iPhone when your slaves sealed your sarcophagus.

Uhm ... But I've been meaning to speak to you about your WalMart facial moisturizer.

 

[jeaniefish]

Easy Peasy.
I was there with my iPhone when your slaves sealed your sarcophagus.

Uhm ... But I've been meaning to speak to you about your facial moisturizer.

Ha Ha.. guess I should have used sunscreen when I was a red headed kid growing up in So. Cal. Too late now!
@Missy… we are going to stop this now and get serious. I’m definitely going to see if I can get a digital copy of The Beauty of What Remains.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I'd like to think I am prepared to live. I've been conscious of my lifestyle.

I'd like to think I am prepared when dying is inevitable. I've made my wishes known and the legal stuff is in place. That said, should something arise in the near future that would be devastating medically, I would never consent to surgery/tx that would not be realistic (to me). My family knows this, whether they like it or accept it, is for them to process.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

i need to outlive Puff Ball, he is only 18 months old, he needs his mummy
also Fluffy

 

[LilAlex]

I made a long, detailed "letter of instruction" for spouse and/or kids with all the financial information and guidance about what to do with what, what to do immediately (almost nothing), what to do longer term, who holds our Will, what in the house is of some intrinsic value, which things have sentimental value to spouse and me (family heirlooms -- nothing of value), and even documentation for some capital improvements to our home for when they sell.

I did this over the past year after a close family friend in the neighborhood became terminally ill -- in an attempt to manufacture some (personal) "good" out of this tragedy. I feel much better and more relaxed about my own death (I think) after having done this. My late father was seemingly about 20 minutes into this process when he passed, unexpectedly (to all of us survivors), and it was a struggle to piece his world together post hoc. Our own "estate" has plagued me ever since so it felt really good to put it in writing. (No, no words of wisdom from the grave -- just the facts.) Spouse was super-happy that I did this and I can not get her to read it or even look at it no matter how many times I ask. I'm pretty sure she can bear the thought of my absence; it's just a lot of pages of dense financial reading!

I'm also trying to whip stuff into shape -- selling little-used things in our home, consolidating accounts, selling small financial holdings to get fewer rows on the spreadsheet, etc. Our estate plan is simple and fairly current and the kids are capable and are good friends.

Not "ready to die," per se, but when/if the news comes, I feel I at least have this part of my act more together than average.

 

[dk168]

When my dad was dying of small cell lung cancer back in 2005, I was not about to witness his last days.

He was in hospital and wanted to come home to die, however he was not able to as my mum and brother were not able to look after him at home without help.

When he was first diagnosed, I said to myself he would be lucky to live for another 6 months, more like 3 months.

He decided to have chemo, and I thought what's the point? After one course, he could not cope with the side effects and stopped. He died in the hospital shortly afterwards, and was very upset that he could not come back to their home to die.

My mum's process of dying was the first that I have personally witnessed.

My late partner died of an accident and was swift.

My dog died of old age without much warning and was swift and peaceful, with the cat and I by his side.

One of my best friends died of a horse-riding accident, doing what she loved, and was swift.

When I go, I would like to be swift, pain-free and no fuss.

What I am NOT looking forward to, is to tidy my house for it to be put on the market for sale! I hate cleaning and tidying!

DK

 

[dk168]

I used to work as part of a palliative care team looking after terminally ill patients in hospitals, and came across some very distressing and sad cases.

I got close to some of them at the last hospital specialising in cancer treatments where I worked before I moved into industry.

I witnessed their deterioration, some a lot faster than the others, their highs and their lows, and knew they would all eventually die.

I guess that experience formed the basis of my views on death and dying, in that I do not wish to suffer, and would like a managed exist that is swift.

DK