Are you taking his name?

[musey]

I know that these threads pop up every once in a while and that there are several, but I'm interested in hearing from the current PSers!

ETA: I should have included an option for "undecided," sorry about that! Just choose "other" for that, I suppose

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi musey,

I voted ''other'' because I''m not sure. I don''t want to change my name but my FI really wants me to. I might just change it socially but not legally, if that makes sense. I''d be sad if I no longer had a legal tie to my name. My FI wants to be known as "the _____________''s, and we still could socially but I don''t see why I have to give up my name altogether.

 

[akw94]

I chose ''other'' b/c I am not 100% sure. I am leaning toward changing but just am having a hard time deciding for sure. I''m not quite sure why. My FI would prefer I do but is fine w/me doing what I want. My son would prefer I don''t.

So that''s kind of tough! I feel like a name is just a name so it''s not a big deal to me to change. I like everyone having the same last name but then, my son (who isn''t FI''s son), wouldn''t have the same name so in actuality, *all* of us wouldn''t have the same last name.
I think I want to change but I just can''t quite make the decision! I know I don''t want to hyphenate or use one name for this and the other for that.. just too much trouble for me. So it''s either change or not. I have little under 2 months to decide!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I changed my name, but loved my maiden so much, it''s now my middle name, and I dropped my given middle name.

 

[Lil0818]

I''m taking his name, but using my maiden name as my middle initial. I completely understand why women choose to hyphenate or keep their maiden names, but for me, it feels like a symbol of our union and our new life together. It is such a personal choice, though, and a difficult one at that.

 

[bride_to_be]

I always planned on taking my husbands name, but then I got engaged to a guy with the last name Gonzalez. The funny thing I am the furthest thing from a Mexican / Hispanic, and it sound odd with my first and last name together. I most likely will take his name, but I’m considering maybe de-Gonzalez or hyphenate my last name with his.

 

[KimberlyH]

I tacked his name onto the end of mine, so I now have two middle names. He didn''t care one way or the other, it was totally my call.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/20/2007 9:32:28 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I tacked his name onto the end of mine, so I now have two middle names. He didn''t care one way or the other, it was totally my call.

That''s what I''m planning to do. I don''t want to drop it completely, just add his on. I''ll use his as my last name but keep my maiden as my 2nd middle. My brothers and father all have 2 middle names... why can''t I?

 

[Skippy123]

I took his name. My name was soooo long so I was really looking forward to it. When I did take his name it was super emotional which I did not know would happen!!!! I was sad but then got over it.

 

[kathyinjapan]

I voted ''Other''. I''m not changing it legally but have changed it socially.

 

[climb2cloud9]

I'm tall, blonde with blue-eyes (about as white as they come) and my new last name is VERY Chinese. I love it!!!! For me, it's important that my name be the same as our future children. Taking his name is one of the things I'm most looking forward to!!!

 

[Pandora II]

I''m changing to his for everything except work - where I will keep my own.

I already have a hyphenated surname so it would mean going triple-barrelled which seems a bit ridiculous and it doesn''t sound great either!

I really like his surname too. He was tempted to change his to one half of my surname

, my parents thought that was very odd.

I got an email at work the other day from our receptionist to let us know he has now legally changed his name to his husbands. It was so sweet. (He is my fellow work bling addict and has the most amazing huge (c. 10mm) pave wedding band.)

 

[Independent Gal]

It's not anything ideological at ALL, but for me personally, it was just never even remotely a possibility that I would change my name. For one thing, I'm very attached to my name and my family's and culture's history. I deeply feel that for me my name is part of who I am and where I come from. So, while I know that who I am changes when I get married (I add the new identity of 'FI's wife' to my existing sense of identity) for me PERSONALLY, that change is not something that warrants changing my name. My name feels to me like a truly fundamental aspect of who I am, if that makes any sense. I'll still be ME, but me married to FI.

(FI is also hugely attached to his family history and culture, so he wouldn't take mine either.)

Also, it would be a professional disaster for me to change names at this point. I'm in a job where people find you and your accomplishments through google and various search engines. So shifting mid-stream would have career consequences.

But our kids will take his last name. My mom has had a different last name from me for most of my life, so it doesn't feel at all weird to me and never really caused any trouble for us. And the deal is, I then get to pick their first names (which will be family names).

Yes, names are powerful things!

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 7/21/2007 4:24:30 AM
Author: climb2cloud9
I''m tall, blonde with blue-eyes (about as white as they come) and my new last name is VERY Chinese. I love it!!!! For me, it''s important that my name be the same as our future children. Taking his name is one of the things I''m most looking forward to!!!

That is cute!

I took his name. I kept my original middle name because I love it. I must say I am a little sad to completely drop off my last name, but I''m a little happy because it is a difficult name to sign anyway (it has an odd sequence of letters that just don''t look pretty all in a row). My new name though is very fun to sign, and it looks pretty in cursive. (I know, that''s a trivial reason to like it). Plus, I have no real career ties to my name, and I am a bit on the traditional side.

 

[neatfreak]

FI said it was my call, but I really want to change it. He has a great last name that sounds good with my first name and it''s important to me that I have the same last name as my kids.

I was a kid who ALREADY had two middle names because my mom gave me a real middle and then her maiden as my second middle. So adding on was NOT an option! My maiden name actually makes a great first name for a boy or girl, so when we have kids we might use it as a first.

 

[YMA]

I checked other b/c this is my second marriage and techically my current last name is not my "maiden name".
But I didn''t change my name b/c my kids and I have the same last name.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I voted taking his name, but I did hyphenate my original last name to my middle name for a double middle name. Before I married I was reluctant to change my name (it was my identity it felt like!!) but 16 years later not even one shred of regret. Not one. heck, in 5 more years I will have had this name as long as the other LOL

 

[Clio]

I added his name onto mine. For most professional things, I use Firstname Maiden Hislastname. Socially, I''m generally just Firstname Hislastname.

We got married right before I started graduate school, so it wasn''t a big deal professionally. If I were getting married now, with several publications under my maiden name, I''m not sure I would change my name.

I''m very white with a Vietnamese last name. It cracks me up. (and my Vietnamese sister-in-law is planning to change her name when she gets married this fall, so she''ll become Irishfirstname Very-Irishlastname. We giggle about it a lot)

 

[Picos]

Add me to the group who are taking on a name that stands out!! Yep, I''m a Blondie and my fiance''s lastname is very Hispanic.

I''ll be offically changing it to Mylastname de Hislastname but will go by Mrs. Hislastname. Atleast, that''s how I feel about it now! I might decide to do it the normal way & just be Firstname Middlename Mylastname Hislastname and just shorten it. But I really want o just tack on his name since I like my last name; it''s v. unusual.

I''ve already googled my future self (heheh) and there are pages! I can''t wait to have a common name!

 

[musey]

I'm about 98% sure I'm taking his. I have THE number-one most common last name in the US and UK, and I've always wanted to chuck it. Then again, I'm read-headed and freckled... and FI's last name is oh-so Japanese. And he doesn't even look Japanese!

It's weird, because I have a sanskrit/Indian first name and will have a Japanese last name... I really should look southeast-asian or something--not Scottish!

I guess that's what happens once people start ignoring silly ethnic lines, for both marriage and giving names to their children. Thank goodness for diversity!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 7/21/2007 8:22:50 AM
Author: Independent Gal
It''s not anything ideological at ALL, but for me personally, it was just never even remotely a possibility that I would change my name. For one thing, I''m very attached to my name and my family''s and culture''s history. I deeply feel that for me my name is part of who I am and where I come from. So, while I know that who I am changes when I get married (I add the new identity of ''FI''s wife'' to my existing sense of identity) for me PERSONALLY, that change is not something that warrants changing my name. My name feels to me like a truly fundamental aspect of who I am, if that makes any sense. I''ll still be ME, but me married to FI.

Well put, IG. I agree with everything you said, although for me I suppose it is ideological. It''s just never been a possiblity for me to change my last name, either. If I have children we''ll hyphenate our last names and that will be their last name. We''ll probably flip a coin to decide which name will come first because our hyphenated names sound good both ways.

 

[Steel]

ETA : I chose [We''re choosing a new name for both of us (I doubt many people will choose this, but I may as well include it just in case!) 1% 1 ]


Well I am the exception to the rule - not for the first time in my life

.

I hated my maiden name and didnt care for DH's name so we chose an old family name of his which we both loved.

But on my passport I am also known as my maiden name, DH's old name and our new name. This saves embarrasment if somebody books a flights or room in the wrong name by accident (almost never happens).

And I LOVE my maried name. I am delighted we chose it as I love to sign it, say it and be called it. Was the right choice for US.

 

[In the rough]

I am going to take his name...I used to say otherwise (when I was younger), but I am taking it...

 

[rainbowtrout]

I''m keeping my name. It''s just--I don''t know--MY name. I can''t really think of changing it. Feminist grouchiness aside, it feels like giving up my identity, and why should *I* be the one that has to give up my identity?

He offered to do something odd like change his name to mine or hypenate, but that just gets so complicated when you have children. I had a last name different from my mother''s and aside from occasionally/frequently having to correct people it was fine. I think it bugged her way more than I ever noticed.

 

[nacreoni]

I''d like to take her name, but she wants to take my name. We both detest the idea of a hyphenated name. How can we resolve this conflict?

The reasons I want to take her name are:
1. We both share the nationality of her name (in fact, we share it equally). My name is of a nationality which she isn''t.
2. Her name is much shorter and simpler than my name. Having a long name is a hassle.
3. Her family doesn''t have any young men to pass on the family name. If I don''t take her name then her family name will die.

Reasons she wants to take my name:
1. Tradition.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/22/2007 8:15:13 AM
Author: Steel
I hated my maiden name and didnt care for DH''s name so we chose an old family name of his which we both loved.

I had heard of people just choosing a name they liked, but it never occurred to me (even though now, it''s obvious) to do it in a way that was still significant to the family line. I just had to say, I LOVE this idea!! Wish I could sell FI on it

 

[Miranda]

It took me 2 years to decide to change my name. Socially I went by DH''s last name, but, it took a while to legally change it. I really don''t know why. I guess it was hard to give up that little bit of independance.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 7/22/2007 1:51:43 PM
Author: musey

Date: 7/22/2007 8:15:13 AM
Author: Steel
I hated my maiden name and didnt care for DH''s name so we chose an old family name of his which we both loved.

I had heard of people just choosing a name they liked, but it never occurred to me (even though now, it''s obvious) to do it in a way that was still significant to the family line. I just had to say, I LOVE this idea!! Wish I could sell FI on it

My sister did that. She wasn''t attached to our last name and she didn''t want to take her husband''s name either. She ended up choosing a family name as her new last name. Her husband didn''t change his.

 

[Gwyn]

I voted other because HE will be taking MY name

 

[ephemery1]

I''ve been married for almost 3 months but still haven''t decided the name thing yet....

I agree with those who feel as though their name is part of their identity... it has been a part of me for 27 years and represents the family that is very important to me... it''s hard to just let that go! At the same time, I like the idea of our whole family having the same last name, so I will probably change to his when we have kids. In the meantime, no rush! And he really doesn''t care in the least.

Another possibility I''m contemplating... I don''t love his last name as it is (doesn''t sound great with my first), but think it sounds nicer when pronounced differently. Example: the last name "Mallet" (MAL-it)... might sound better pronounced Mal-ETTE. So I''m thinking about taking his last name in spelling, but changing the pronounciation a bit.... I''m sure his aunts and uncles would tease me

, but it might not be a bad solution!