Are you taking his name?

[Nicki]

I keep going back and forth on this. I''ve been previously married, and I retained my ex''s last name for professional reasons, at the time. Those reasons don''t matter anymore, and I really dislike my ex''s last name. So, I''d like to take my FI''s last name...except it''s really long, impossible to say and impossible to spell. But, it flows with my first name marvelously. I suppose I could go back to my maiden name, but that just feels weird to me at this point. So, I dunno.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I took my husband''s name when we got married. It''s important to us that our children have the same name as we do. My father always told me that if the woman doesn''t take her husband''s name then she doesn''t really want to be married. I don''t know how much truth there is to that but I guess I took it to heart. I didn''t really like my maiden name and hubby''s last name was "normal" (hehehe) so I wasn''t too emotional about leaving my old name behind. I was just starting out professionally when I got married so it was an easy transition for clients, etc. I can understand why one would want to keep her name though - it is a personal decision.

 

[onedrop]

Before I got married I was sure that I would be keeping my maiden name. However I had a change of heart after we got married and decided to hyphenate on legal stuff and socially, but I am not changing it professionally. I see my hyphenated name as a union of our two cultures since we are an inter-cultural couple. In his culture the woman retains her maiden name after she gets married, so my husband really didn't have a strong opinion about whether I took his name, though he was happy with my decision.

 

[april diamonds]

I''ve always wanted to keep my name, as I am the last in the family (both my father and uncle had only girls!). Socially, I''m totally fine with being the "FI''s last name" - in fact I prefer it. But on a professional level and just sentimental level I would like to keep my name.

I already have ideas about giving our kids my last name as part of their middle name. My sister is thinking it as well!

 

[Aim_Turbo]

Date: 7/21/2007 4:24:30 AM
Author: climb2cloud9
I''m tall, blonde with blue-eyes (about as white as they come) and my new last name is VERY Chinese. I love it!!!! For me, it''s important that my name be the same as our future children. Taking his name is one of the things I''m most looking forward to!!!

I totally agree! I would feel kind of left out if my husband and children had the same name but mine was different, it might even be confusing for the kids. I have a fairly long name and my fiance''s is quite a bit shorter though everyone still pronounces or spells it wrong. I''ve been my maiden name for the past 30yrs, time for a new one!!

 

[hikerchick]

I am keeping my maiden name for professional reasons but even if I didn''t have those reasons, I don''t want to change it, it is my name, it represents my culture which FI is not and I have no brothers to "carry on" the name. Though the name will end with this generation, I feel attached to it and I also think that my Dad will be honored if I kept it, which is important to me. I absolutely do not think it says ANYTHING about if I want to marry this amazing man of my dreams. My desire to keep my name is NO reflection on my love for FI or the strength of our relationship. I will be 33 when I get married and I am attached to my name and don''t feel I should have to change it. I figure with so many complex families in this world now, the kids will adjust and I can also take the name thing as an oppurtunity to further explain my desire to hang onto my culture which is half their culture also. The decision to hyphenate the kids'' names has not been figured out yet. Anyway, to each their own and luckily FI feels the same way.

 

[Independent Gal]

I agree with Hikerchik. If my dad told me "If you don''t want to take his name, you don''t really want to be married" I would be furious. I''m not sure I even understand what that implies? Everyone should make their own decision about this and so it would really offend me if my dad pressured me. But every family situation is different, of course!

And I certainly mean no offence to your dad. Just wouldn''t fly in my family.

 

[jstarfireb]

Date: 7/23/2007 11:12:10 AM
Author: onedrop
Before I got married I was sure that I would be keeping my maiden name. However I had a change of heart after we got married and decided to hyphenate on legal stuff and socially, but I am not changing it professionally. I see my hyphenated name as a union of our two cultures since we are an inter-cultural couple. In his culture the woman retains her maiden name after she gets married, so my husband really didn''t have a strong opinion about whether I took his name, though he was happy with my decision.

Onedrop, you read my mind...that''s exactly what I want to do! Well, I''m not entirely sure if I''ll change it professionally or not, but I''ll hyphenate legally. I was all about keeping my name at first, but my fiance felt really strongly that I should change it. So I''m hyphenating...it really appeals to me because of what you said (he''s Chinese-American and I''m Eastern European-American), and also because it gives both of us equal weight, symbolizing the equal partnership that our marriage will be.

 

[onedrop]

jstarfireb: Good to find another on the same wavelength! I feel really strongly about trying to incorporate both cultures into our lives. This is just another way for me to make that happen.

 

[goldenstar]

I''ll take his name socially and hyphenate professionally (or maybe no hyphen a la Christy Turlington Burns lol). The kids will have his last name and my maiden name as their middle name.

It might be cumbersome but I really want to give my family credit for my educational and career achievements.

 

[happy in love]

I''m taking his name, but I keep joking with him that since my first and middle names are long, adding his 9 letter last name on is going to give me writers cramp!