Bad parenting?

[asscherisme]

Thanks for all the replies.

YES, from what I have read caffine does stunt growth as well as negatvily affect other areas of growing children.

I have never been one to parent on peer pressure and I don''t care what other parents are doing. If I think its bad for my kids I am the meanie mom and say no. And my kids will thank me for it one day (I hope LOL)

 

[Sparkster]

I would have said loudly ''would you like some ADHD drugs to go with that!''

 

[marvel]

That''s just wierd and definately wrong...and since when do kids even like the taste of coffee? I''m a mom and wouldn''t want to give my kid all the sugar that''s in a mocha, even if it was without the espresso.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 11/19/2006 6:08:00 PM
Author: marvel
That''s just wierd and definately wrong...and since when do kids even like the taste of coffee? I''m a mom and wouldn''t want to give my kid all the sugar that''s in a mocha, even if it was without the espresso.

they don''t like the taste of COFFEE... they like the taste of MOCHA! I doubt the kid would have known the difference if mom had ordered him a hot chocolate, or even a chocolate milk.

My neice ( hates the little organic chocolate milk boxes so her mom orders chocolate milk and has them mix it. She says it took a while for the barista to realize they could add chocolate syrup to skim milk and stir, but once they did, her daughter was happy.

 

[cutes814]

That is crazy! I can''t even handle a triple shot! That''s just way too much.

I''m a parent and I''m not against giving your kid a little caffeine here and there, but that is just ridiculous.

Alyssa gets a sip of my white mocha from starbucks once in a blue moon, but i would never even think about giving her 1/2 a cup, let alone 3 shots!

 

[codex57]

Holy cow! That''s nuts! I wasn''t even allowed to have that watered down Denny''s coffee until somewhere around jr. high or high school. Friend bought me a double shot of expresso from Starbucks my senior year one night and I couldn''t sleep for another 12 hours or so (and I can fall asleep anytime... did it once in the middle of the Tiki Room at Disneyland next to one of the speakers).

Why would you hop up a kid like that anyways? She''s just asking for trouble. That''s aside from the fact that the kid will have enough trouble trying to avoid a Starbucks addiction when they''re older. That mom might as well hand the kid a cigarette and a shot of whiskey in a couple of years to help him calm down from all the caffeine.

 

[eks6426]

We don''t know the whole story. Maybe the lady was divorced and about to hand off her kid to the ex....and wanted to make sure junior was super alert for the visit with daddy.

Seriously, my first husband used to do that to me with my son. He''d take my then 5 year old to Starbucks and get a frappucinno or something or let him have a Mountain Dew and a Snicker bar. It drove me nuts!

 

[codex57]

Hahahaha. Still makes it bad parenting tho. Wouldn''t matter if the ex deserved it or not.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 11/18/2006 1:29:55 PM
Author: Dee*Jay

There should be some sort of test or something you have to pass before you can bring children into this world.

I''ve been thinking this way alot lately. I wonder if it''ll ever happen. Some people view it as their RIGHT to have children and then don''t give their children much thought after that. So sad.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 11/18/2006 12:59:36 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I don''t feel particularly judgmental about it but I wouldn''t do it either mostly because Im'' too cheap LOL Seriously, I wouldn''t do it and the kids wouldn''t want it - except the youngest (he''s 5).... he does like coffee flavor and has asked for stuff before and I''ve turned him down. I don''t think there is anything *wrong* with coffee though or caffeine in general. It may hype up most kids but some adhd kids actually calm and focus with caffeine. My daughter has taken to wanting a cup of coffee with us (she''s 12) occasionally and I don''t mind. She still vastly prefers tea. I think some cultures are more lax about it (europe?) and subcultures within this country vary. It''s very easy to assume that if others don''t make the same *best* choices for their kids that we have with ours, that they''re making a mistake.... after all, we put thought into our choices and came up with XYZ as being best so why would someone else ignore that logic????

Now maybe that''s the answer. Her kid has ADHD and she''s medicating him with caffeine by adding that mocha to it!

 

[Mara]

Date: 11/18/2006 1:29:55 PM
Author: Dee*Jay
There should be some sort of test or something you have to pass before you can bring children into this world.

_____________

Greg and I talk about this all the time. Doubt it would ever happen since god forbid you trod on the reproductive rights of others, and who knows if WE would even pass the test or who might dictates what makes for a great parent or at least a not-so-bad parent, but sometimes we totally hear stories and we think that exact same thing DJ!

 

[codex57]

I agree there should be a test you have to pass before you can become a parent (like a driving test), but it''s not gonna happen. Even less controversial (in my mind) is to allow the gov''t to neuter people. Even if they agree to it voluntarily, the US Supreme Court has said it''s not allowed.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/20/2006 1:16:14 PM
Author: codex57
Hahahaha. Still makes it bad parenting tho. Wouldn''t matter if the ex deserved it or not.

the perfect parent is a total myth - if all she does is give him caffeine, she''s doing good!

Before I had kids my children would NEVER eat at mcdonalds. And with my first it lasted for 4 1/2 years!! What a *good* mom I was!!! #2 lasted about 2 years and #3 was about 5 months old the first time #2 shoved a french fry in his mouth for him.

There are so many things I said ''well I *never*'' before I had kids that I either have, or have given up judgment on. That''s not to say that every choice a parent makes is a wonderful one, but after realizing the best of us get a few less than stellar choices under our belts it bcomes a LOT easier to refrain from judging those who get caught doing it as well. Now, some choices like beating your child or leaving a child alone at 2 etc are far more worse than others.... and some bad choices are as mild as giving into your kid when they whine for something.... all in all most of us will do something during our parenting tenure that will lead to snickers from others. Everyone here can decide what a 3 shot mocha ranks. I''d want to know if it was a one time thing or a daily habit.

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, I don''t have kids, so I am no authority, but the coffee thing seems off to me.

I do have a question though about something I saw this weekend. I''ll keep it short:

We went to a dinner party. Parents are pretty passive, and don''t seem too strict about disciplining their kids. I could go into it but I won''t for sake of time. What I have a question on is this. The kids were very aggressive and unruly. They were playing with a toy. By the end of the evening the parents seemed pretty frazzled by these kids terrible manners. Older sister (6 years old) took boy from brother (3 yrs). Mother took toy. Mother left it on the table. Few minutes later ruckus starts again and mother doesn''t notice sister has toy again. I finally say "Didn''t your mother say that you are not to play with that toy?"

Mother says "OK. That''s it. It''s time out for a week." I''m like FINALLY! She''s disclipining them! But wow, time out for a week seems a bit harsh. Mother gets up and says "the toy is going into the time out closet for a week." The kids scream, but a few minutes later, they forget about it and move on to the next bit of ruckus.

My question is: Is this some kind of new parenting technique? How does putting the toy away for a time out in a closet really get the point across? The kids are momentarily freaked out, but they forget about the toy in seconds. My friend told me of a story of a boy who kicked another kid. The mother took made him take off his boots and gave the boots a time out while the kid got to go on his merry way. I would not have believed people do this until I saw it this weekend.

 

[codex57]

Hmm, I''ve never heard of giving timeout to the item. Sounds asinine to me. How is the kid really disciplined by it?

Usually, as long as you''re consistent, most techniques will work. This one doesn''t sound like it would tho.

 

[Christa]

Date: 11/18/2006 1:29:55 PM
Author: Dee*Jay

There should be some sort of test or something you have to pass before you can bring children into this world.

I agree in principle . . . the problem is, who writes the test? Congress?!

I''m totally with Cehrabehra, too. I can''t even tell you how many things I "knew" I''d never do before I have kids. They didn''t all go out the window.

I would never give a little kid a triple shot, of course, but with all the bad parenting I see, that one is at the bottom of the to-get-worked-up-about list.

 

[Maria D]

Date: 11/20/2006 6:26:54 PM
Author: TravelingGal

My question is: Is this some kind of new parenting technique? How does putting the toy away for a time out in a closet really get the point across? The kids are momentarily freaked out, but they forget about the toy in seconds. My friend told me of a story of a boy who kicked another kid. The mother took made him take off his boots and gave the boots a time out while the kid got to go on his merry way. I would not have believed people do this until I saw it this weekend.

TravelingGal, your story would be funny if it wasn''t so sad... those poor kids. If it''s a new parenting technique, it must be from the Book of Ineffective Parenting Tricks. Obviously it doesn''t work! Or maybe the toy and the boots grow up to be model inanimate objects from all the time they spent in the time-out closet??? Sounds like the parents are scared to discipline their kids so they work on ''things'' instead.

However, in the case of the dinner party, it may have been that direction was needed more than discipline. A six and three year old at a dinner party need MORE toys, not less, to keep them occupied. It drives me nuts when we have dinner with other couples w/kids and they give no thought at all to what their kids will be doing during dinner. Do the parents think the kids will be getting into some scintillating conversation? When my daughter was younger, I used to come armed with all kinds of things to keep her occupied -- and I made sure that some of it was new stuff so that the novelty would keep her interested. I always had a can of play-doh in my handbag! But even with the best prep, sometimes your kid is just cranky, overstimulated and tired (especially a 3 year old) and it''s time to call it a night.

As for the parents of the kicker -- perhaps the the NRA can make up a bumper sticker for them: boots don''t kick kids, kids kick kids. (Actually, I''m all for gun control -- but boot control? I think not!)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/20/2006 7:09:28 PM
Author: Maria D

Date: 11/20/2006 6:26:54 PM
Author: TravelingGal

My question is: Is this some kind of new parenting technique? How does putting the toy away for a time out in a closet really get the point across? The kids are momentarily freaked out, but they forget about the toy in seconds. My friend told me of a story of a boy who kicked another kid. The mother took made him take off his boots and gave the boots a time out while the kid got to go on his merry way. I would not have believed people do this until I saw it this weekend.

TravelingGal, your story would be funny if it wasn't so sad... those poor kids. If it's a new parenting technique, it must be from the Book of Ineffective Parenting Tricks. Obviously it doesn't work! Or maybe the toy and the boots grow up to be model inanimate objects from all the time they spent in the time-out closet??? Sounds like the parents are scared to discipline their kids so they work on 'things' instead.

However, in the case of the dinner party, it may have been that direction was needed more than discipline. A six and three year old at a dinner party need MORE toys, not less, to keep them occupied. It drives me nuts when we have dinner with other couples w/kids and they give no thought at all to what their kids will be doing during dinner. Do the parents think the kids will be getting into some scintillating conversation? When my daughter was younger, I used to come armed with all kinds of things to keep her occupied -- and I made sure that some of it was new stuff so that the novelty would keep her interested. I always had a can of play-doh in my handbag! But even with the best prep, sometimes your kid is just cranky, overstimulated and tired (especially a 3 year old) and it's time to call it a night.

As for the parents of the kicker -- perhaps the the NRA can make up a bumper sticker for them: boots don't kick kids, kids kick kids. (Actually, I'm all for gun control -- but boot control? I think not!)

You know, I wasn't being facetious when I asked (not saying anyone thought I was being)...I really wanted to know if this was some kind of new technique, since now I have heard of a couple of people doing this. I actually came home and looked it up because I was somewhat disturbed by the whole thing.

Believe me, there was no shortage of toys. The kids were not required to sit at the table with us. In fact,they were running circles around us. It was a casual setting. The father was trying to tell a story and the son kept yelling loudly some question...over and over again. He was climbing over his father's back on the chair and no one said anything. When he fell off the chair, his father held up and cooed in his ear that daddy would make it all better. All this while the kid was screaming crying - obviously putting on a show because it wasn't that bad of a fall. He was not chastised once for climbing all over his father and yelling during dinner.

BTW, once the kid stopped crying, he climbed on the chair again and started to scream the same question! And no one told him to get off that chair! His mother just shrugged and said he does not learn from his mistakes. When he did indeed fall again (this time much harder) he got the same results...all cooing, no chastising. It amazed me that when the mother didn't want her daughter to do something, she said "honey, don't" in a very soft voice. The daughter must have known it meant nothing, because she IGNORED her mother and carried on. Of course the mother didn't follow through.

It wasn't the kids I was freaked out over. Kids will be kids...they will see what they can get away with. It was the parenting that I was so surprised at! When I walked into their house, the kids came at me with pillows and fists and started to hit me! I just looked at them and said "Let's not hit people we don't know" and must have sounded very stern because they looked stunned and didn't come anywhere near me again.

Like codex said, consistency is key. Kids have to see you mean what you say.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/20/2006 6:26:54 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Well, I don''t have kids, so I am no authority, but the coffee thing seems off to me.

I do have a question though about something I saw this weekend. I''ll keep it short:

We went to a dinner party. Parents are pretty passive, and don''t seem too strict about disciplining their kids. I could go into it but I won''t for sake of time. What I have a question on is this. The kids were very aggressive and unruly. They were playing with a toy. By the end of the evening the parents seemed pretty frazzled by these kids terrible manners. Older sister (6 years old) took boy from brother (3 yrs). Mother took toy. Mother left it on the table. Few minutes later ruckus starts again and mother doesn''t notice sister has toy again. I finally say ''Didn''t your mother say that you are not to play with that toy?''

Mother says ''OK. That''s it. It''s time out for a week.'' I''m like FINALLY! She''s disclipining them! But wow, time out for a week seems a bit harsh. Mother gets up and says ''the toy is going into the time out closet for a week.'' The kids scream, but a few minutes later, they forget about it and move on to the next bit of ruckus.

My question is: Is this some kind of new parenting technique? How does putting the toy away for a time out in a closet really get the point across? The kids are momentarily freaked out, but they forget about the toy in seconds. My friend told me of a story of a boy who kicked another kid. The mother took made him take off his boots and gave the boots a time out while the kid got to go on his merry way. I would not have believed people do this until I saw it this weekend.

putting toys on time out can be quite effective, but for kids that age a week is too long - 15 minutes would be a good start!! And above all, discussing with them *how* to play and most importantly *listening* to their suggestions on how to cooperate... by asking them how they think it should be done, sometimes they learn the lesson even better than if we spoonfeed it to them.

For the second one, that is a great example of taking an object away because the child isn''t being responsible with it - but the onus is still on the child, it''s not like they''re magic boots he cannot control!!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/20/2006 7:04:02 PM
Author: Christa

Date: 11/18/2006 1:29:55 PM
Author: Dee*Jay

There should be some sort of test or something you have to pass before you can bring children into this world.

I agree in principle . . . the problem is, who writes the test? Congress?!

I''m totally with Cehrabehra, too. I can''t even tell you how many things I ''knew'' I''d never do before I have kids. They didn''t all go out the window.

I would never give a little kid a triple shot, of course, but with all the bad parenting I see, that one is at the bottom of the to-get-worked-up-about list.

The republican congress or the dem congress? hehehe that was rhetorical

seriously - on the other two, I agree wholeheartedly. I haven''t given up on everything, but so many things I *thought* were important turned out not to be so much. Like when to give babyfood. With my oldest I started her on babyfood the day she turned 6 months! My 2nd one came and by then I thought oh I''ll wait until 8-10 mos but noooooo he had 8 teeth by 6 months and I have a pic of him at 7th chewing corned beef and cabbage - the kid was stealing food and CHEWING it at 4-5 mos!! Knock me over!! So with #3 I''m like I have no idea what''s gonna happen.... and of course, just to be different... #3 *gagged* on everything but breastmilk until he was 14 mos old and ate no solids at all until then LOL I think the reality of how kids kinda toss expectations out the window tends to make us a little more relaxed... I know my #3 child is probably the most balanced just because he wasn''t so privy to neurotic perfectionistic first time mom that my poor daughter was exposed to!!! lol Kelly ripa once said - kids are like pancakes... "Children are a lot like pancakes," she said. "You sort of ruin the first one and get better at it the second time. By the third one, you get to flip it over at just the right time.

All 3 of my kids have *tried* coffee and the middle one hates it, the oldest likes it with a lot of milk, but the youngest, boy given the opportunity he''d gladly take a mocha - he''s asked before and I''ve denied it - I''ll give him a sip. And yeah, it''s not a super-mom choice, but it''s not a biggie to me either. If you asked me before I had kids though, I likely woulda thrown a parenting book at her in scorn!! lmao!!

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 11/20/2006 7:30:16 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/20/2006 7:09:28 PM
Author: Maria D

Date: 11/20/2006 6:26:54 PM
Author: TravelingGal

My question is: Is this some kind of new parenting technique? How does putting the toy away for a time out in a closet really get the point across? The kids are momentarily freaked out, but they forget about the toy in seconds. My friend told me of a story of a boy who kicked another kid. The mother took made him take off his boots and gave the boots a time out while the kid got to go on his merry way. I would not have believed people do this until I saw it this weekend.

TravelingGal, your story would be funny if it wasn''t so sad... those poor kids. If it''s a new parenting technique, it must be from the Book of Ineffective Parenting Tricks. Obviously it doesn''t work! Or maybe the toy and the boots grow up to be model inanimate objects from all the time they spent in the time-out closet??? Sounds like the parents are scared to discipline their kids so they work on ''things'' instead.

However, in the case of the dinner party, it may have been that direction was needed more than discipline. A six and three year old at a dinner party need MORE toys, not less, to keep them occupied. It drives me nuts when we have dinner with other couples w/kids and they give no thought at all to what their kids will be doing during dinner. Do the parents think the kids will be getting into some scintillating conversation? When my daughter was younger, I used to come armed with all kinds of things to keep her occupied -- and I made sure that some of it was new stuff so that the novelty would keep her interested. I always had a can of play-doh in my handbag! But even with the best prep, sometimes your kid is just cranky, overstimulated and tired (especially a 3 year old) and it''s time to call it a night.

As for the parents of the kicker -- perhaps the the NRA can make up a bumper sticker for them: boots don''t kick kids, kids kick kids. (Actually, I''m all for gun control -- but boot control? I think not!)

You know, I wasn''t being facetious when I asked (not saying anyone thought I was being)...I really wanted to know if this was some kind of new technique, since now I have heard of a couple of people doing this. I actually came home and looked it up because I was somewhat disturbed by the whole thing.

Believe me, there was no shortage of toys. The kids were not required to sit at the table with us. In fact,they were running circles around us. It was a casual setting. The father was trying to tell a story and the son kept yelling loudly some question...over and over again. He was climbing over his father''s back on the chair and no one said anything. When he fell off the chair, his father held up and cooed in his ear that daddy would make it all better. All this while the kid was screaming crying - obviously putting on a show because it wasn''t that bad of a fall. He was not chastised once for climbing all over his father and yelling during dinner.

BTW, once the kid stopped crying, he climbed on the chair again and started to scream the same question! And no one told him to get off that chair! His mother just shrugged and said he does not learn from his mistakes. When he did indeed fall again (this time much harder) he got the same results...all cooing, no chastising. It amazed me that when the mother didn''t want her daughter to do something, she said ''honey, don''t'' in a very soft voice. The daughter must have known it meant nothing, because she IGNORED her mother and carried on. Of course the mother didn''t follow through.

It wasn''t the kids I was freaked out over. Kids will be kids...they will see what they can get away with. It was the parenting that I was so surprised at! When I walked into their house, the kids came at me with pillows and fists and started to hit me! I just looked at them and said ''Let''s not hit people we don''t know'' and must have sounded very stern because they looked stunned and didn''t come anywhere near me again.

Like codex said, consistency is key. Kids have to see you mean what you say.

ARRGH A lack of consistancy, refusal to correct their children and making a parental directive sound like the kid has a choice all drive me CRAZY.

I have kids. My husband and I correct them all of the time. When we want them to stop doing something we make sure that they understand that it''s not an idle request. If they don''t stop we step in again and again. Guess that''s where consistancy comes in.

Sorry about your tempest of a dinner! You go girl for telling them not to hit you. Kids that have no direction at home will often listen to a complete stranger. Sad isn''t it?

 

[Christa]

Date: 11/20/2006 8:20:48 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

The republican congress or the dem congress? hehehe that was rhetorical

Ha! Either way it would be scareeeeeeeeeee.

 

[Christa]

Date: 11/20/2006 8:20:48 PM
Author: Cehrabehra


seriously - on the other two, I agree wholeheartedly. I haven''t given up on everything, but so many things I *thought* were important turned out not to be so much. Like when to give babyfood. With my oldest I started her on babyfood the day she turned 6 months! My 2nd one came and by then I thought oh I''ll wait until 8-10 mos but noooooo he had 8 teeth by 6 months and I have a pic of him at 7th chewing corned beef and cabbage - the kid was stealing food and CHEWING it at 4-5 mos!! Knock me over!! So with #3 I''m like I have no idea what''s gonna happen.... and of course, just to be different... #3 *gagged* on everything but breastmilk until he was 14 mos old and ate no solids at all until then LOL I think the reality of how kids kinda toss expectations out the window tends to make us a little more relaxed... I know my #3 child is probably the most balanced just because he wasn''t so privy to neurotic perfectionistic first time mom that my poor daughter was exposed to!!! lol Kelly ripa once said - kids are like pancakes... ''Children are a lot like pancakes,'' she said. ''You sort of ruin the first one and get better at it the second time. By the third one, you get to flip it over at just the right time.

All 3 of my kids have *tried* coffee and the middle one hates it, the oldest likes it with a lot of milk, but the youngest, boy given the opportunity he''d gladly take a mocha - he''s asked before and I''ve denied it - I''ll give him a sip. And yeah, it''s not a super-mom choice, but it''s not a biggie to me either. If you asked me before I had kids though, I likely woulda thrown a parenting book at her in scorn!! lmao!!

So true! My poor eldest . . . actually I got lucky and started with the unnaturally good child. I thought I was super mom until the others came along.

The coffee thing reminded me of my youngest--when he was about 4 I gave him my coffee cup to take to the sink (that''s what kids are for, right?) and he thought he was so clever, he tipped it up and drank the last drops in it. Wow, he was surprised. He walked around actually trying to wipe the taste off his tongue.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Christa that''s FUNNY!

 

[Christa]

Date: 11/20/2006 10:45:04 PM
Author: Stone Hunter
Christa that''s FUNNY!

It was way cute, let me tell you.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/20/2006 10:15:42 PM
Author: Christa

So true! My poor eldest . . . actually I got lucky and started with the unnaturally good child. I thought I was super mom until the others came along.

The coffee thing reminded me of my youngest--when he was about 4 I gave him my coffee cup to take to the sink (that''s what kids are for, right?) and he thought he was so clever, he tipped it up and drank the last drops in it. Wow, he was surprised. He walked around actually trying to wipe the taste off his tongue.

omg my first was the same, still is very sweet and generous and lots of other good things, but also neurotic!! My youngest came a few years too early but he''s thankfully *firmly* a bell-curve sort of kid.... which after my middle one was such a blessing!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/20/2006 10:54:06 PM
Author: Christa

Date: 11/20/2006 10:45:04 PM
Author: Stone Hunter
Christa that''s FUNNY!

It was way cute, let me tell you.

my youngest did that after eating a wasabi pea!! lol