Be Honest re: Holiday Disappointment

[bluebubbles]

I just want to say this was a really good post to read. I feel the same way with what some ladies are feeling. You want it so bad that you''re obsessed. Anyway, I am feeling better now. I just needed some time to get out of my "want it now" mode and back into reality of "it not happening and it should be okay" mindset. Happy New Year ladies and I hope 2008 lives up to everything you want it to be.

 

[INdmbLove]

Hi- I am new to this- and am SOOO relieved to find out that I''m not the Only person that has this feeling. I KNEW it was not going to happen over the holidays, but I just could not dismiss the whole... how perfect would it be when we went out to dinner at a really nice dinner downtown indy and looked at the tree on the circle then i moved it to on christmas- and then well how about right at midnight on NYE (did anyone see the couple in times square on NBC--- sooo cute!). Just as the other ladies have said- I build up every holiday, birthday, vacation- whatever- to be the most perfect time to get engaged, and find myself so disappointed when its all over- and I ruin so many very lovely situations because I''m so wrapped up in this getting engaged fantasy.... I have definitely been a bit snippy because I soooo wanted for it to be this holiday season- even though he told me it would not be happening this year (he often says things like that to throw me off his trail of what he is up to- so sometimes its hard to know)
I guess I''m just reiterating everything that has already been said- BF has promised the engagement is coming within 2008 and we have a very exciting year planned (buying our first house together, getting engaged, just Big life stuff). I just can''t help but think how much more I would enjoy it all if I could ease my mind and have the ring on my finger- but i guess- the promise of it coming is just as good- and I should just anticipate the creative energy he will put into it to absolutely torture me (last year he gave me a beautiful ring and locked in in a metal box and I had to figure out the combination through a series of riddles- it was quite funny as my entire family had to pitch in to help me get it open! two hours later I was one happy girl!)
Anyways- thanks for letting me know I''m not a weirdo on this subject

 

[ckillilea]

It is so refreshing to read that I am not the only one going crazy. Like others, I knew not to expect a proposal during the holidays, but it was still upsetting...

I have been with my bf almost four years. We have talked about getting married A LOT (probably too much on my art). He even bought a diamond two summers ago and, on my advice (found same diamond online for a lot less), returned it and have never purchased again. We have looked and looked at rings. I picked out the one I want this summer and was told it would happen by October. October came and went with no news--still I tried to be patient. I want to get married now, but I am glad we have waited because we have worked out a lot of issues. So we took a trip to Mexico the week before Christmas, and before we left he said he was planning on proposing there but wasn''t sure because we''d been fighting. I knew the day we got there that there would be no proposal and tried to just have a good time. Oh! And I forgot to mention that he offered to hold an engagement party for one of his girlfriends that same week! I felt completely devestated--how insensitive!!! I told him how I felt while bawling my eyes out--he apologized and cancelled. So, I had to bring it up after the holidays and said, "I don''t want to know specifics, but I just need to know that it is coming sometime soon." He said it was, but he doesn''t have it yet. I cried and began catastrophizing everything--what am I waiting for? He''s almost 40, financially stable, and is scared to commit? After calming myself down I realized he will do it soon or I will know when I''ve had enough. I know that might sound drastic, but sometimes I feel like I''m waiting for nothing. It helps to read others'' stories to know that I am not alone. Sorry to ramble, but it has been a VERY difficult few days with everyone around me getting engaged.

 

[Lnicegirl]

My hopes were not up for this Holiday, although a proposal would have been nice and welcomed. I am hoping that by or on Valentines day we will be engaged. I trying to be paitient but it is hard.

 

[MissErin]

Date: 1/2/2008 4:27:18 PM
Author: Lnicegirl
My hopes were not up for this Holiday, although a proposal would have been nice and welcomed. I am hoping that by or on Valentines day we will be engaged. I trying to be paitient but it is hard.

hehe I second this!! But I am VERY happy for all the ladies that did have a proposal this holiday season.

 

[jennypoo]

Date: 1/2/2008 3:42:15 PM
Author: ckillilea
It is so refreshing to read that I am not the only one going crazy. Like others, I knew not to expect a proposal during the holidays, but it was still upsetting...


I have been with my bf almost four years. We have talked about getting married A LOT (probably too much on my art). He even bought a diamond two summers ago and, on my advice (found same diamond online for a lot less), returned it and have never purchased again. We have looked and looked at rings. I picked out the one I want this summer and was told it would happen by October. October came and went with no news--still I tried to be patient. I want to get married now, but I am glad we have waited because we have worked out a lot of issues. So we took a trip to Mexico the week before Christmas, and before we left he said he was planning on proposing there but wasn''t sure because we''d been fighting. I knew the day we got there that there would be no proposal and tried to just have a good time. Oh! And I forgot to mention that he offered to hold an engagement party for one of his girlfriends that same week! I felt completely devestated--how insensitive!!! I told him how I felt while bawling my eyes out--he apologized and cancelled. So, I had to bring it up after the holidays and said, ''I don''t want to know specifics, but I just need to know that it is coming sometime soon.'' He said it was, but he doesn''t have it yet. I cried and began catastrophizing everything--what am I waiting for? He''s almost 40, financially stable, and is scared to commit? After calming myself down I realized he will do it soon or I will know when I''ve had enough. I know that might sound drastic, but sometimes I feel like I''m waiting for nothing. It helps to read others'' stories to know that I am not alone. Sorry to ramble, but it has been a VERY difficult few days with everyone around me getting engaged.

My heart goes out to you! It sounds like you have definitely had your share of LIW ups and downs. There have been many occasions where I too thought a proposal was imminent, only to have my hopes dashed. Or perhaps I was just being overly optimistic, having waited 8 years. Mind you we started dating when I was 18 and he was 19, so I really didn''t get bit by the LIW bug until about a year and a half ago. (I''m now 26; him 27).

Not to sound harsh, but that''s terrible that he actually had a diamond in hand and returned it, never having found a suitable replacement. And it was very insensitive on his part to plan an engagement party for a female friend of his knowing how long you''ve been waiting for your OWN engagement!

I find myself dreading special holidays now because I inevitably get my hopes up only to be brought back to reality!

Oh, the frustrations of LIW-hood.

 

[Erin]

Well I went to a party Sunday of BF''s HS friends who are all married with children around the age of 38. My bf is divorced.
So I walk in and after some small chit chat one of the girls asks, Sooooo lets see the ring. Another replies, If she had one I''m sure we would have seen it by now.
So I reply, ask me again in 2009. We''ve only been dating since March 3rd. A third girl says, I''m certain it''ll happen before then...

Now. I wasn''t even getting my hopes up. We haven''t been dating a year. The problem is I just ended an almost six year relationship last fall. And I totally can empathize with all the feeling shared in this thread. Now, just because I''m 32, people think well, you''re older so people don''t wait as long so nine months is plenty of time - let''s see the ring! It''s like there''s no escaping it. You''re dating? You should get engaged at Christmas!

Secret problem is, IF he were to ask, I''ve thought about it and know I''d say yes. Which makes the whole thing even more outlandish