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Becoming a nasty person?

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I can relate to what your are going through. I have been going through some stuff with my program for the last few years, and it has taken a toll on me with my patience. You have three major things going on in your life. You were just in a life threatening accident, your have someone very close to you with a terminal illness, and you are concerned about the match. All of these things are out of your control. You have a lot of frustration and anger, and you can''t take them out on the things you are frustrated and angry about. So you are channeling them elsewhere.

While in a way, as everyone else said, this is not totally unexpected. But I don''t want to see you hurt those around you. In the end, you will be the one most hurt if that happens. I second what Deb said, getting some professional advice on a healthy way to channel you frustration and anger might help you out a lot. The fact that you recognize this on your own is actually a really good thing. It shows that you have insight into your strengths and weaknesses. This quality will get you far in your professional and personal life.
 
Ally, you''ve gotten some great advice here. And as usual, I particularly ditto Deco''s comments. You HAVE been through a life-changing experience. Don''t minimize it in comparison to others. Distancing yourself a bit may be your body''s way of forcing you to concentrate on YOU getting better.

And yes, several others around you are going through life-changing experiences too. Your FMIL, your sister certainly are. And sometimes when faced with something big and scary and life-changing, people decide to focus on the small things instead because it''s less painful. It''s true that people shouldn''t sweat the small stuff, but sometimes sweating the big stuff is just too hard to do. Maybe that''s what your FMIL is going through so I''d give her a break if her behavior sometimes seems unreasonable. I don''t know about your sister. From what you''ve posted before, there seem to be many layers to her behavior.
 
i went through a similar thing when my dad died. I just couldn''t be bothered with other people''s stuff, the horrible thing about that is i was a counseling grad student at the time and i had several clients under my care. But fortunately (maybe) the feeling of annoyance and being short was only limited to friends. You went through something traumatic, its going to change you. You may not relate to your friends anymore, you may reevaluate your life, but things may settle back down. However, correct me if i''m wrong, but didn''t you suffer some type of traumatic brain injury? Is there a possibility of residual effects of that? Either way, take a breather, let it out. I think it feels good to let people whats on your mind from time to time.
 
Thank you for all of the supportive comments. At least I know that I am not being crazy, mean. I just felt like a bad person for all the stuff I've been thinking.

I did think about talking to the doctor but (I know some people are going to blast me about this) but I'm really afraid of what goes in my medical file. Next year, I'm going to have to get invalidity insurance, and the companies are notorious for refusing to insure residents who they believe it is a risk, so I'm pretty afraid of *adaptation problem, depressed mood* or anything like that. I knew two girls that had *adaptation problems* without any other huge issues and were refused insurance. I know it shouldn't be my main priority, but I feel like I have enough black strikes against me so far.

I am just trying to keep myself under control at this point. I haven't said anything mean, but I am also not extending myself to be considerate. And this morning, my friend started annoying me again, so I just left and sat with more encouraging people.
 
kudos to you for thinking ahead. and i think it''s great you recognize who is and who isn''t "healthy" for you to be around. you''re setting boundaries...that''s awesome! you have enough to deal with, and have no time for toxic people/energy.
is there any way you can find a therapist and cash-pay (even temporarily), thereby not submitting any claims to insurance? what they (insurance) don''t know won''t hurt them, and can''t come back to bite your booty.
if not, maybe your doc can recommend a book or another source of helpful info to assist you. what about attending a support group? records are rarely kept of group interaction other than attendance, if any. just thinking out loud......and sending lots of prayers to you.
 
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