BF may change setting....

[dilworth79]

ok...my BF will be together for 3 yrs next month. this weekend he is going to NYC to get a famliy stone and to look at settings. But the thing is i already picked out the setting i want, i mean i really really want. It is the ritani endless love no halo. his mom thinks it is too much money and is trying to show him other ones. this just makes me mad. i got my heart set on the ritani. i have been involved alot with this whole process...getting the stone from his mom, what it looks like and picking out the setting. it has been going on since easter! and now he acts like he needs to look at different settings! i know i should just be happy with whatever he gets but he knows how much i want the ritani..

 

[redfaerythinker]

Well i''m crossing my fingers that he''s pretending to look either for his mother or to throw you off the track... Fairy Dust that he gets you your dream setting.

 

[nessvan12]

Hopefully you will get the one YOU want. I mean, not to be rude, but why should his mom get a say in YOUR ring? She's not wearing it and I presume she's not paying for the setting...maybe because the stone is from her family she feels like she gets to have a say in it. I don't blame you for being upset and hope your BF considers what YOU want to wear not what his mom wants you to wear.

 

[Pandora II]

If it was me, I''d have a very strong word with bf and offer to pay for part of the setting yourself.

Basically it''s like him having said he''d like the red Jaguar and you''ve said you''ll buy him the red VW - which he must drive for the rest of his life!

You will always be disappointed when you look down at your hand if you end up with something different from what you have your heart set on. It''s not as if you haven''t done any research and just plonked for the first setting you saw in a mall store!

 

[musey]

I'm with nessvan... how and why on EARTH does his mom have any say in this process? She's not paying for it, anyway. ...Is she??

Anyway, you two are grownups (I hope) and she should treat you as such. This purchase is YOURS (as a couple, regardless of which of you is paying) to make, and the decisions about it should lie between the two of you. Since you're getting an heirloom stone, the price of the setting should be even less of an issue than it would otherwise be. She needs to back off and let her son do his thing.


ETA: If he already gave you input on the setting, it seems unfair to take that away at this point. I assume he asked which one you love, and you told him, so... end of story. If he was going to let his mom sway him or change his mind, he shouldn't have given you input in the first place.

 

[mirre]

If his mom is having trouble "cutting the apron strings" then maybe he needs to do it for her.

While I agree that is alot of $ to put on a ring... she probably is just saying "Son that''s a lot are you sure there isn''t something that she''d like just as well for a little less?"

I agree with the other poster... It is YOUR ring that HE is buying for YOU... Not his mom.

I''m sure his mom is looking out for the finanical aspect of it not wanting her son to get in over his head... but that is his mistake to make and learn from (if he does) not her''s.

MAYBE you should talk with him and find out if HE really wants to try to get you a different setting or if MOM wants him to get a different one. If its his mom then HE needs to talk to her and explain that THIS is the ring YOU BOTH want and while he appreciates her concern you''re going to get what YOU want.

Good Luck!

 

[iheartscience]

I agree-his mother has no business being involved in YOUR ring. That''s nice he''s giving you a family stone, but if that makes him and his mother believe that his mother gets some say in what you will wear for the rest of your life, I''d suggest getting your own diamond and setting it how you want. Yikes.

 

[dilworth79]

thanks for replying. i met him for lunch today and asked him some questions about his trip home, and i just told him how i felt about the ritani and how I was the one wearing it forever. he said that he did understand he just wanted there to be some sort for surprise, because i knew so much already. i told him let the engagement itself be the surprise, not the ring, not after all this time. i feel alot better about this. i guess my nerves just got to me.

btw: we are 28 and 27, living happily together for 2 years