Biggest disappointment?

[missy]

I have a male friend who I had been close friends with for over 10 years. When he got a girlfriend, the day they started officially dating, he told me we cannot be friends anymore because his girlfriend minds him having female friends. He didn't try to talk to her to work it out at all, just straight up dropped me. I got so mad I yelled at him over the phone for over 2 hours. I was so disappointed that he would do this to me just because of our gender differences. I have never tried to cross boundaries and our relationship was purely platonic. He said some bullshit like "Even if you aren't in my life, you will always be a good friend in my heart." as if I am dead or something.

We still talk occasionally after he realized how hurt I was, to mainly complain how controlling his girlfriend is, but I have refused to participate in his rants because he would never choose to leave her no matter how toxic the whole relationship sounded. He is getting married to her next month, and I have stopped reaching out.

I am disappointed in people like him who cannot see past labels and rules society has created.

I completely believe we can (and I do as does my dh) have friends of the opposite sex without any sexual undertones. I have a few very dear male friends. Completely platonic. And my dh has a few good female friends. No issues whatsoever. And I trust Greg and he trusts me. So I have zero concerns about these friendships.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I debated whether to post about this or not for a while, but oh well.

I think your biggest disappointment changes, over time. I can think of a few instances that jump out at me over time that would qualify for “biggest disappointment”, but then something new happens, and even if it isn’t objectively worse it feels that way because it’s newer. So with that lens in mind…

My SO and I, the one I was sure I was The One, the one I was going to marry, parted ways a few months ago. I didn’t let on when it happened here on PS (I guess PS is my safe space) because we didn’t just end it and have it not work out (which would’ve been disappointing enough), but because he reverted back to one of his worst instincts that I was absolutely sure he would not do with me (we had been friends before we got together) and I just didn’t feel okay seeing that written out in front of me. I barely feel ready to see it now.

He had, in the past, in some relationships, cheated on his girlfriends - which I found out only because he told me (early on in the first try at our relationship) and swore that he had grown from that, that he realised what a terrible thing it was to do and that he would never do it again. That he only used to do it because he used to panic when relationships got serious and cheating was a form of self destructive behaviour that would wreck the relationship but that he wasn’t like that anymore and wanted something serious, that it had been ages since he had done that. I chalked it up to mistakes made when you’re young and foolish. The first time we parted ways very early on because I wasn’t ready to date someone seriously, having split from my own ex not too long before that. But a year later, he was still in my life, he had become my best friend, he was perfect, so I thought I had to give it another chance, and I did, and our relationship was great. We were discussing marriage and I was expecting him to propose in December. But a few months prior to that I found out - with inconvertible proof - that he had been cheating on me.

I think the aftermath of that was mostly devastation, but the fact that he would do that to me caused so much disappointment as well. He was my best friend. He was my soulmate. He knew it was messed up and wrong to do it. And again - he did it when things between us got extremely serious, so for the same reasons, and he didn’t really try to hide it from me either. So again - he did it because he wanted out of the relationship but instead of just breaking up with me like an adult, he reverted to this awful behaviour and I just didn’t think he would treat me like this.

So the disappointment was caused by him, for just behaving in such a callous and messed up and childish way; but also in myself, for believing him when he said he changed. I always said I wouldn’t tolerate cheaters; but I dated him knowing he had done this in the past, and I believed when he said he wouldn’t do it again, especially since he was the one who told me about this behaviour as his deepest regret.

This is really heartbreaking and so sorry he did this to you. Loyalty is so important. I know it's going to take a long time for you to heal from this. Hugs.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Not my biggest disappointment but my most recent big disappointment. We lost 3 friends in the last few years. One of them was my husband's friend since childhood and my friend too. Hubby was best friends with his brother as well.

Our friend got sick and cancer took him fast. Less than 6 weeks since he was diagnosed. His family was horrible. They never took the time to visit him on his deathbed. No financial or time barriers for them. We drove out of state to visit him days before he died. We asked his brother if he wanted to come but he had excuse after excuse.

Our friend died and both his brothers were late to the funeral mass. One even joked that we should have waited for him. His wife insulted my husband by mentioning she didn't think he approved of their marriage decades ago. She always tries to alienate her husband from any friends. Best friend didn't even say a word when she said that. The other brother kept leaving his pew to take phone calls. So hubby lost 2 friends because he let his best friend know exactly how he felt about his behavior.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I know the heartbreak that cheating like this can cause as I've been through it, but during a marriage. So I guess my best suggestion is to let yourself mourn the loss, but also be grateful that you found out. What if he had married you and then did this?

Thank you so much. I am so so sorry you have had to experience this - it’s just absolutely the worst feeling and I can’t imagine how much worse it would be once you’re married. i am grateful that if it had to happen, it happened now. But ugh, there’s so much anger and betrayal, especially since he is now in a relationship with her and I hear it’s serious. I want to warn her lol that that’s usually when he cheats so she should steer clear. But she knew when she started seeing him that he had a partner and she didn’t care. So they deserve each other.

I am so sorry for your heartbreak. You’re a strong woman and you 100% did the best thing for you. Nothing is more miserable than being with someone you cannot fully trust. It destroys love and everything good in its wake. You did nothing to regret. You gave someone you loved the benefit of the doubt. 100% the right thing to do. There is a quote I often repeat because it’s powerful. “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me”. You gave him the opportunity to be a trustworthy and loyal loving partner. And when you realized that couldn’t be you did the right thing for your emotional well being. Sending you gentle hugs. It’s too raw now but in time, I promise, you’ll see how much better off you are and will be. ((((Hugs))))

You’re so right, missy. There is no point in love without trust. I know I could NEVER trust him again, ever. And I will never give him the opportunity to toy with me again. I feel like a fool but I think I had to try, regardless. I never thought he would cheat because he waited for me so patiently and never so much as looked at another woman even when we were apart. But the second he had me he started to stray. I do know I am better off, I do, but sometimes there is a tidal wave of emotion and it’s all I can do to ride it and reach the other side. Hugs to you always for being so kind and compassionate. I really, really appreciate it and all of you here on PS.

This is really heartbreaking and so sorry he did this to you. Loyalty is so important. I know it's going to take a long time for you to heal from this. Hugs.

Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs right back at you <3 it has gotten slowly better, and I am hopeful I will soon get to the point that I feel like I can put him behind me. I am so grateful that at least I found out before we got married.

 

[Calliecake]

@AllAboardTheBlingTrain, It was hard to read your post. I’m so sorry for all he put you through. Anyone would feel the hurt and anger you are feeling. Please be good to yourself as you heal. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you did nothing wrong and you weren’t a fool. You trusted and loved this person. Sometimes the really painful things we go through teach us the most about how resilient we are, what we need to be happy and what we deserve. Wishing all good things for you.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

i have tried really really hard to get over mine ...but its still there in the background
see i flew cattle class (Including the layovers alone in transit) for 36 hours both way to see Bruce Springsteen (my imperfectly perfect hero for the first time, to Moncton in NB Canada, btw that venue, magnetic hill has the most amazing sound, go see anybody there if you have the chance, green old me thought that was typical sound, it was not ...
anyway back a few months
see its 2012, i woke up one morning during the Wrecking ball tour and switched on the net to find the holy grail had been played, i was leaping around the house, yelling and screaming in excitment, like heart attack excitment

so im finally going to see Bruce Springsteen and the E street band ....

anyway the night before the concert in Moncton i think in Montréal, where i could have had a stop over and attended if i had known what i was doing, he played my favourite song
i know this sounds minor compaired to everyone else, but this song to me when i first heard this particuar version was like hearing not just music, but sound, for the very first time
thankfully i did not realize till i got home how close i'd been to missing it, roaming data was really expensive in those days

then they extended the tour to Australia and of course i couldnt go because the piggy bank was now empty
and yip, in Sydney he played that song, the way i like it, again
i was devistated
until this particular tour this song had not been played like this since 1980,

Bruce has since been back to NZ and again its been played in Australia but never crosses the ditch the next week

last time he even played in it Auckland,

but the other version

and you know in the modern era it honestly gets better and more defined every time he plays it, not that its been played that way much this last tour that so far hasn't come down under

after Auckland i did go back to my hotel and cry, because i cannot express in words how much this song means to me, but it has to be the long version that we call the '78 intro

and you know some very misguided fans even prefer the other version to the '78 version yet they get the extended version and not me
i cant listen to the other version as im always thinking why? why ? why? not for me !!!

so you know never mind the regrettes about not trying harder at school, not having a carerr, not growing up to make a difference or change the world, my biggest dissapoinment is not getting the '78 version of Prove it all night and it just eats me up
and i feel so horrible over it, like im being terribly ungreatful

 

[kenny]

@Daisys and Diamonds
It's beautiful to read about your deeply-meaningful experience!!!!

I've had a couple in my life that I cherish, but it is too hard to express to others exactly why it was so moving and significant to me.
No matter how well I'd manage to describe the event itself, it could not describe its importance and meaning to me.
That would require a long long essay on all my life experiences.


But you've just done a very good job of that!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

@AllAboardTheBlingTrain, It was hard to read your post. I’m so sorry for all he put you through. Anyone would feel the hurt and anger you are feeling. Please be good to yourself as you heal. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you did nothing wrong and you weren’t a fool. You trusted and loved this person. Sometimes the really painful things we go through teach us the most about how resilient we are, what we need to be happy and what we deserve. Wishing all good things for you.

Thank you so much Callie. Things are better, slowly. I can look back at the relationship and see some of the cracks now. I know I deserve better than him and that I shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. Fear of being alone had me stuck in one relationship for a lot longer than it should’ve, and in this case, fear of being alone had both of us rushing this relationship to marriage imo. But honestly being alone would be better than being with him. And at least I can recognise that now.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Let’s just say I’m banned from speaking of my biggest disappointment. Will leave it at that.

 

[qubitasaurus]

"There is no example of inevitability that can compare with the sight of a gifted young man narrowing down into an ordinary old man - not through personal misfortune, merely through the process of dehydration to which he was predestined." - Robert Musil, The Man Without Qualities.

When I was young, I knew I was going to be a mathematician. Mathematics was pretty much my whole life. I did very well at it at school and university. But I came to realize that though I had the interest and worked hard, I just didn't have the required intelligence and creativity.

"Many are called, but few are chosen."

What area of mathematics did you like?

 

[Starstruck8]

What area of mathematics did you like?

Analysis and foundations.

Looking at your screen name and avatar pic, I have sometimes suspected that you may be an actual mathematician, into quantum computing and group theory.

 

[ShinyPink]

@Daisys and Diamonds Was discussing this my hubby. He saw Bruce live in '78, and agrees with you that this is the best version - he loves the long guitar solos from back then!

 

[ShinyPink]

I've learned that no matter how much you do for a close friend, how much you support them and their family, they will use you and then discard you. This has happened to me three times! They just stopped replying to my texts without any explanation. There was never a falling out; they just didn't need me anymore and disappeared from my life. It was hurtful, and it's their loss, but I'm still bitter.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@Daisys and Diamonds Was discussing this my hubby. He saw Bruce live in '78, and agrees with you that this is the best version - he loves the long guitar solos from back then!

i am always in awe of those long term fans who saw Bruce back then,...... i was only 7 and living a million miles away
tell your hubbie i am so glad he got to experience the 78 intro -and i also have a thing ablout Kitty's back -the longer the better !

 

[missy]

I've learned that no matter how much you do for a close friend, how much you support them and their family, they will use you and then discard you. This has happened to me three times! They just stopped replying to my texts without any explanation. There was never a falling out; they just didn't need me anymore and disappeared from my life. It was hurtful, and it's their loss, but I'm still bitter.

I am so sorry this happened to you and I get it. Take heart though as it really depends on the specific individual. Some people really suck. See my first post in this thread. I learn from every experience but it really comes down to each person. Some people are amazing. Some so not amazing. Unfortunately the not amazing people seem to be in the majority at times. I always appreciate when someone shows me who they are so I don't have to waste more time and energy on the relationship. I listen and see who they are showing me they are and I pay attention. This has saved me much heartache over the years. Ironically the first lesson I ever had in this was with a PSer. Ironic but it taught me a very valuable lesson. And for that I am grateful. I am stronger and smarter now.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I've learned that no matter how much you do for a close friend, how much you support them and their family, they will use you and then discard you. This has happened to me three times! They just stopped replying to my texts without any explanation. There was never a falling out; they just didn't need me anymore and disappeared from my life. It was hurtful, and it's their loss, but I'm still bitter.

three times that is very hurtful but try to start to stop thinking about it as much, its prolonging the hurt,
new nicer people are out there to make friends with, and i know its hard to truat again
but not everybody will hurt you i promise

 

[LilAlex]

after Auckland i did go back to my hotel and cry, because i cannot express in words how much this song means to me, but it has to be the long version that we call the '78 intro

Wow -- that is really hypnotic! This has always been on of my favorite songs and I grew up in the area and came of age in the late 70s and early 80s and every girl I knew had a crush on him. I'm sorry you missed this in person. But thank you for sharing this (!)...because when that familiar melody finally (finally!) drops, it's sublime!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Wow -- that is really hypnotic! This has always been on of my favorite songs and I grew up in the area and came of age in the late 70s and early 80s and every girl I knew had a crush on him. I'm sorry you missed this in person. But thank you for sharing this (!)...because when that familiar melody finally (finally!) drops, it's sublime!

im so happy that you love it so much
there is just something about it, i think its amoung many things the desperation of youth
i felt so bad about being disaapointed, i licked soap everytime i felt dissapointed
it just annoyes me that some people who have been to more than 100 shows dont like it and get it when ive only been to 5 shows and want it so baddly and then i got it, but without the intro (its like a whole different song)

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@Daisys and Diamonds
It's beautiful to read about your deeply-meaningful experience!!!!

I've had a couple in my life that I cherish, but it is too hard to express to others exactly why it was so moving and significant to me.
No matter how well I'd manage to describe the event itself, it could not describe its importance and meaning to me.
That would require a long long essay on all my life experiences.


But you've just done a very good job of that!

thank you Kenny
i know you get the importance of music

 

[monarch64]

Some years ago when my late partner was still alive, our paths crossed via attending rallies organised by a car club.

The club decided to organise a charity ball, and I volunteered to help out with administrative tasks such as attendees and their menu choices, prizes for raffles, table plans etc. etc...

There were lots of printing to be done such as menus, seating plans, list of diners per table, individual menu choices, etc., and lots of updating of the database, chasing, etc. etc...

I spent hours helping out, printing late into the night leading up to the event, did not claim for ink and paper.

On the night itself, there was thank you's and speeches by the owner of the online car club, the two originators of the idea of event.

There was a collection for a gift for one of the two originators. The proceeds were donated to the chosen charitable of the other originator.

I was not mentioned in any of the speeches, not a single thank you, let alone a single flower.

I was so disappointed I cried in the privacy of my own hotel room after the event with my late partner next to me, as I believed my efforts should have been acknowledged by the others.

Since then, I have decided I would only volunteer to do what I am prepared to do without any expectations of a thank you.

DK

 

[Lookinagain]

I've learned that no matter how much you do for a close friend, how much you support them and their family, they will use you and then discard you. This has happened to me three times! They just stopped replying to my texts without any explanation. There was never a falling out; they just didn't need me anymore and disappeared from my life. It was hurtful, and it's their loss, but I'm still bitter.

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but please don't think that all friends will do this. It could end up very isolating. There are good friends out there. But probably few and far between. I've always had a very limited number of very close, long term (30-55 years long) friends so have not had this happen, but I know it does. And can be so disappointing. And I don't know how you can tell, up front, who is a true friend, vs. what you describe. But please don't isolate yourself because of these "bad" friends.

 

[mrs-b]

i have tried really really hard to get over mine ...but its still there in the background
see i flew cattle class (Including the layovers alone in transit) for 36 hours both way to see Bruce Springsteen (my imperfectly perfect hero for the first time, to Moncton in NB Canada, btw that venue, magnetic hill has the most amazing sound, go see anybody there if you have the chance, green old me thought that was typical sound, it was not ...
anyway back a few months
see its 2012, i woke up one morning during the Wrecking ball tour and switched on the net to find the holy grail had been played, i was leaping around the house, yelling and screaming in excitment, like heart attack excitment

so im finally going to see Bruce Springsteen and the E street band ....

anyway the night before the concert in Moncton i think in Montréal, where i could have had a stop over and attended if i had known what i was doing, he played my favourite song
i know this sounds minor compaired to everyone else, but this song to me when i first heard this particuar version was like hearing not just music, but sound, for the very first time
thankfully i did not realize till i got home how close i'd been to missing it, roaming data was really expensive in those days

then they extended the tour to Australia and of course i couldnt go because the piggy bank was now empty
and yip, in Sydney he played that song, the way i like it, again
i was devistated
until this particular tour this song had not been played like this since 1980,

Bruce has since been back to NZ and again its been played in Australia but never crosses the ditch the next week

last time he even played in it Auckland,

but the other version

and you know in the modern era it honestly gets better and more defined every time he plays it, not that its been played that way much this last tour that so far hasn't come down under

after Auckland i did go back to my hotel and cry, because i cannot express in words how much this song means to me, but it has to be the long version that we call the '78 intro

and you know some very misguided fans even prefer the other version to the '78 version yet they get the extended version and not me
i cant listen to the other version as im always thinking why? why ? why? not for me !!!

so you know never mind the regrettes about not trying harder at school, not having a carerr, not growing up to make a difference or change the world, my biggest dissapoinment is not getting the '78 version of Prove it all night and it just eats me up
and i feel so horrible over it, like im being terribly ungreatful

@Daisys and Diamonds -

I completely understand. Music can be a defining life's moment, and those moments are worthy of respect.

I remember coming home on an overnight bus from visiting my then-boyfriend's (now husband's) family for the very first time. I knew for sure that this was the person I wanted to marry. It was 6am and I was standing in my living room at the age of 23, watching the sun rise, and Telegraph Road by Dire Straits came on the radio. I can't explain it. All I can say is that that song is forever woven into one of the very few moments where I had complete emotional clarity and knew exactly what I wanted in life. I'll never forget it. The sun came up to that haunting melody and my heart and my life changed in that moment.

Music can be everything. I'm so sorry you missed your holy grail experience, @Daisys and Diamonds - you deserve it. ox

 

[Calliecake]

Beautiful post @mrs-b.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Biggest disappointment for me happened last year, I touched on this in the thread about being sexually harassed at work. Made a guy friend at work, significantly younger than me, we became close, would go out for coffee, I took him out for his birthday for ice cream etc. Well in the end he turned out to be a narcissist who lied and manipulated me the entire time because he was trying to sleep with me.

This was disappointing not only because he ended up being someone he wasn’t but I was also disappointed with myself, for not trusting my intuition that tried to alert me several times. He would tell me I was the only person he trusted and made me feel special and important to him and even though it felt forced and off, I dismissed it over and over.

I’m still dealing with the after effects of this and it’s so hard but I have learned a lot from it and am better because of it. Also my marriage only got stronger as a result of having to navigate this situation.

 

[Lookinagain]

Today

 

[kenny]

Today

+ 999999999999999999 Trillion!

 

[LilAlex]

All I can say is that that song is forever woven into one of the very few moments where I had complete emotional clarity and knew exactly what I wanted in life. I'll never forget it.

Not at all what this thread is about, I know, but wanted to add that that's another truly great song!

Only semi-embarrassed to say that I have been playing the '78 version of Prove It All Night on repeat since @Daisys and Diamonds posted (well, the very similar Spotify-accessible "Live at Fox Theatre, Atlanta, GA - 9/30/1978" one)

 

[nala]

Today

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Not at all what this thread is about, I know, but wanted to add that that's another truly great song!

Only semi-embarrassed to say that I have been playing the '78 version of Prove It All Night on repeat since @Daisys and Diamonds posted (well, the very similar Spotify-accessible "Live at Fox Theatre, Atlanta, GA - 9/30/1978" one)

those '78 shows are classics
im so happy to read this @LilAlex

(alas i was only 7 so i had to wait for Born in the USA )
i dont even remember hungry heart being on the radio -although i beleave that it was back in its day
but it was winterland from San Fransisco December '78
that cemented my fandom
i just had to find it !
i had heard so much about it,
Gary downloaded it for me (bet he regrets that - he says things !!!
he says like why do you need 50 versions of the same song? )
i say because everyone is different
sometimes i go weeks listening to different versions of the same song and nothing else

 

[autumngems]

Hugh Jackman.

Previously considered to be one of the nicest men in Australia's entertainment industry, he had an affair with his costar while still married, dumped his wife of 27 years, and is now flaunting miss fancy pants (who filed for divorce from her husband 3 months ago also) around town. Both he and his new girlfriend have children - Jackman's adopted.

Regardless of how nice they seem, they always seem to end the same. Yuk.

That's celebrities for you, fame and money go to their head.