Blasts from the Past

[AmberWaves]

Well, I found out today that an old friend of mine has been living about five minutes from me, with her husband and baby. This stunned me because we stopped being friends about 4 years ago, and I''ve been trying to get her back. Our friendship ended because I was what a lot of us LIW on PS hate, a jealous friend. The thing is, she was dating a guy who I didn''t like. Why? Because she was serious about him, and I lost my place in her life. They got engaged. and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. Well, to cut it short, I was a grumpy jealous hag who couldn''t let her friend be happy, because I was jealous- not because i wanted to get married, but because I wanted to keep her with me, my very best friend, ya know? By the time I came around, and slapped myself for doing it, she had seen what was going on, and I lost my place in her wedding and her life. I tried to make amends, but nothing works. She''s moved on, and now her life is complete, with a husband and baby she loves. I will never see her again, and I will never see her baby. Now I''ve found out that she lives near me, and I can''t even see her. I really wish I had a chance to do it all again, I would have acted differently. I hope everyone of us realizes what we can lose by being petty. I really feel stupid now. All because of what I want most now, a husband and a wedding. I realize it that was reversed, I would have done the same thing. Why was I so stupid? I wish I could talk to her now.

 

[ammayernyc]

Why don''t you write her a letter or note telling her you know she''s moved close by and basically repeat what you wrote here? It might work... people are usually very forgiving.

 

[AmberWaves]

I''ve sent her emails (I''m an emailer) and she was cordial with me, but not overly friendly. My close friend tells me to give up. It''s over. It''s almost like a relationship, ya know? It all seemed better after it''s over. And I guess we do lead completely different lives, right? Still, she was my best friend forever, maybe that''s why it all seemed like a betrayal for her. The person she trusted and loved was angry because she was happy. I see her point. I hate who I was then. It''s the one thing I would change in my life.

 

[ammayernyc]

I''m an emailer too, but I think that writing a letter, or giving her a call, is much more personal and she may react to it differently.

 

[AmberWaves]

You''re probably right, Amanda. It makes me shaky to think about that confrontation. I''d be almost happy to have her tell me off- just get it out of the way, ya know? You know the saying, "The opposite of love is not hate, it''s indifference", which totally makes sense.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 11/7/2005 3:45:09 PM
Author: AmandaPanda
I'm an emailer too, but I think that writing a letter, or giving her a call, is much more personal and she may react to it differently.

I agree...write her a letter. A phone call would be even more personalible (sp?) but you risk a confrontation and might not be able to get out what you want. Everyone likes getting letters.

Although I'm not prevy to the entire situation (obviously) and don't know what all happened during this time between you two, IMO, if she felt the same about your friendship at that time than she'll come around. I had a falling out with a good friend of mine...I e-mailed her (I'm an e-mailer too) when I got engaged (the first 'wrong' time) she was pretty 'cool' with me which made me curious why. We both had our opinion's of the events and both thought we were right to feel the way we did at the time. I, on the one hand, got past it...she didn't. So I let her vent to me, said what I had to say in return and after we made amends. It didn't happen over night but it did happen. So I wouldn't necessiarly say give up.....give it another shot see what happens. You may be happily surprised. Or you may find that her wounds are deeper than you thought and you'll need to do some extra mending...so to speak.

 

[AmberWaves]

The more I think about it, the more I think you''re right, both of you. She knows that I''m an emailer, so maybe because of that, if I write her a hand-written letter, she''ll think I really do care, and am really honestly sorry. Can''t hurt to try.

 

[anchor31]

It''s horrible to lose someone you care about because you were acting horribly and didn''t realize it at the time... I think you''re very brave to try and make amends, and I agree with the letter idea. It''s much more personal. Good luck!

 

[AmberWaves]

Yeah, I was a total hag. If I had been her, I would have done the same thing (what am I saying, I HAVE done the same thing), but maybe Caribou is right, it may seem like nothing to me, but to her it could have ruined her wedding. I was a bridesmaidzilla.

I should hang my head in shame. I''m going to try, though.