Bling at Work/ Work Issue (long)

[simplysplendid]

Hi Phoenix,

Your bling sounds beautiful, but my opinion is that you definitely need to tone it down if you want to be taken seriously. I run a regional team in Asia Pacifc in a US investment bank and especially since I work with a lot of men, I do tone down my bling. I want to look good but more importantly, I want to be taken seriously. I do wear my bling but i don''t wear those bling that are too elaborate or too ostentatious in the office. I don''t display all my bling at once, so if I wear more fanciful ear studs, I skip the necklace and if I wear a diamond necklace, I opt for small studs. I also choose to wear south sea pearls a lot because it makes you look presentable yet it is understated. You can consider rotating your bling rather than put them all out at once. We had an ex-colleague who wore huge diamonds. HUGE.. the diameter of the diamonds were the width of her fingers and she wears a couple of them at the same time. She wears serious jewelry with lots of bling, tiffany, bulgari, cartier. They were lovely and the ladies always admire them when we are in the board room. When she speaks, her bling distracts her from things she say and the facts she is presenting. She has left the firm, and everyone only remembers her bling. Unless you want people to be interested in your bling rather than what you can offer, toning it down will be the way to go.

That being said, I don''t think others will sabotage you just because they are jealous of your bling. People understands that in a corporate environment, what goes around comes around, especially if you are in a more senior position than her. You need to build good relationships with everyone. Something as trivial as sending a wrong invite should not have garnered so much afterthought and attention. You mentioned that other than X, you get the same treatment/attitude from your other colleagues. Have you reviewed your own behaviour at work to see what other reasons there could be for them to treat you this way?

You don''t have to apologise for your success - on the other hand, just because they don''t own luxury cars, luxury watches, luxury homes and bling does not mean they don''t work hard and are jealous of your possessions and success in life. Could this thought of yours have manifested itself in your actions and behaviour when dealing with your colleagues?

I also want to add that in Singapore, 80% of the population live in govt managed housing (aka HDB apartments) and while the poor do live in small subsidised govt housing, there are a lot of cash rich people who live in larger govt apartments. Let''s remember that a lot of the larger subsidised govt apartments are not that "subsidised" - a 1300 square foot unit (small in comparison to a lot of PSers homes here but average in Singapore as we are a tiny island with more than 4million people packed into it) costs around SGD500,000 and above which is approx USD350,000. They may not be able to afford private homes of the same size as even the lower end private homes of this size is already hitting the SGD1million mark. Housing in Singapore are not cheap by global standards. A lot of people drawing very comfortable incomes and can well afford to live in private homes are not doing so because it simply makes economic sense to live in a govt apartment that is well furnished and accessible and invest their $ into several private homes and renting them out to foreign workers or expats for a nice monthly rental. Hence, I wouldn''t necessary think that those living in HDB homes will necessarily be jealous of your bling.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/8/2008 2:18:30 AM
Author: diamondfan
While I do not at all think you should be ashamed or hide it down deep, I do think, knowing the likely lack of discretionary money your co workers have, it just seems sensible and kind to play it down a bit. Please know I am not judging you at all, and think it is wonderful that you have accomplished so much. But if your peers are really not in the ball park, it just seems more considerate to be low key. Still know that what you have accomplished is great, and not to be devalued, but that it is a matter of savvy and consideration. Them knowing what you have is a general thing, it stays quiet at work. That said, I would hope no one sabotaged you deliberately, that would be nasty.

ditto what diamondfan wrote.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 10:19:18 AM
Author: Skippy123
PHX, I guess I sort of understand since I worked in the same industry as you. When I was working I tried to take my cues from what others were doing in the work profession. I think just some people like to judge people (I agree it honestly isn''t any of their business). I tried not to talk too much about outside stuff. What do the other directors wear? I would do what they do, yanno? I guess outside of work I would express myself if that means wearing more bling. I tried to just follow what the profession did and I think it really helps. I am sorry, that is a pain!!

Skippy,

Thanks for your reply and suggestion. It''s weird because I''m the only female Director in my group. There are plenty of other female Associate Directors though. There are a few who carry brand name bags (quite a few, there''s one that switches them around). I don''t wear expensive clothing all the time, in fact most of my clothing are not designer gear (andpeople can''t tell when I do wear designer clothes because they''re not obvious), because I''m not into designer clothes, not like the way I''m into bling. There''s one Director in another group in the same dept, and she wears Jimmy Choo shoes. So, it''s hard to tell really.

My bosses (partners) are all males, so not sure, can''t really tell. One of my bosses, as I mentioned, drives a super-luxury BMW, but I don''t know what the others drive (if they do drive).

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 10:59:07 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I love bling as much as the next girl, but it sounds like quite a lot all at one time. I think it is lame if your co-workers judge you or treat you differently because of it, but if you can avoid the issue, why not?

LigatorChick,

Thanks for your reply. Hmmm, that's food for thought. Maybe it is quite a lot for work. The thing is though I do have to go out and network with high-fliers (CEO's, FD's/ CFO's, COO's etc.) to get more business for our firm. I feel that I have to look successful (and obviously my love for bling comes into play, he he

). I look at this one boss (the one who drives the BMW) and he carries the latest tech gadgets and designer pens but I don't know if his clothes are designer clothes (hard to tell, I'm a bit clueless esp. when it comes to men's clothes, LOL). He's extremely successful, is only 37/ 38 years old (younger than I am) and has been a partner (and a fairly senior one with lots of regional responsibilities) for the last 3 years. So who knows? But my bling definitely something to think about. My perception, rightly or wrongly, is that it's only the females (peers and staff) that seem to notice/ make comments about my bling. My bosses (who are all males) do not seem to have a problem with it and they're the ones that have given me very large accounts to handle and the ones deciding on my promotion. I AM however concerned about the sensitivity issue and again it is hard to tell because there are people (enough people) in my office with designer bags/ clothes/ shoes. It's just that I'm the only one with the bling.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 11:59:33 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
In my opinion that is WAY too much bling for work. The ring is fine, but I wouldn't wear anything else. I grew up with wealthy lawyer and now work with wealthy insurance people and noone would ever wear that much to work. It does seem unprofessional and it might be percieved that you are trying to be above your station in the company. It might also be that being that conspicous with your wealth when you don't have to is like saying you look down on others who aren't as well off as you.
Maybe I am biased, but I think it is tacky for people to be so obvious with their wealth as though it is a sign of merit. Even as a child I could tell which laywers would be difficult or unpleasent because of how much more conspicously they wore their wealth.

Brazen Irish Hussy,

Thanks for yr reply and input. Pls see my replies above. I would be the last person to flash my "wealth" (I wouldn't say we're wealthy - but I guess that differs depending on one's definition- just comfortable) and "try to be above my station". I wear bling simply because I LOOOOVEEE bling

. That is all, plain and simple. I'm just obsessed with bling, he he

. Surely, PS'ers would know what I mean?!!

FYI, I'd rather spend two hours at home looking at my bling (or on PS) rather than go out, say, to a movie, he he!!

Perhaps I gave you all the wrong idea when mentioned the goverment-subsidised housing. Most people in S'pore live in govt-subsidised housing but it isn't cheap or horrible by some other countries' (naming no name here

) standard. They are actually very nice and comfortable. Most govt-housing in our area sell for at least USD200k per apartment on the resale market. I was simply trying to demonstrate my point by saying that my perception (again rightly or wrongly - maybe I'm totally wrong here about people being jealous, maybe they're not at all, despite the comments they've made and also maybe the secretary was simply making a mistake and she wasn't deliberately trying to sabotage me) is that maybe, just maybe, on average, we have more relatively more disposable income/ assets than my peers and again this could be terribly presumptuous of me. It's only because they've made remarks like the ones I've mentioned and they've asked me where I live. For all I know, they could be hoarding millions of dollars worth of gold bars under the mattress

!!

Also, I've been around the block, so to speak, and am comfortable in my own skin. I love bling and it makes me happy

. For me not to wear bling is like being underdressed or being half a person. Also, in S'pore, there are lots of people wearing lots of bling, designer gear, driving expensive cars etc. and there are plenty and I mean PLENTY of people owning HUGE mansions worth tens of millions of US dolllars. It is just my group (or rather my profession) that does not have big bling (as far as I can see - at work). So it's a bit conflicting and a bit confusing for me. I AM trying to be sensitive to others but at the same time I don't want to lose my own identity.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 12:44:10 PM
Author: ephemery1
Hmmm... hard for me to say, because I work in a field (social services) that directly serves underprivileged people, and that level of ''bling'' would never be appropriate (not that I have that much to wear!

) I think you just have to consider the environment you''re in. There is nothing wrong with wearing your beautiful jewelry, but if it could come across as insensitive or ostentatious in any way, you might want to tone it down a bit just out of respect for your colleagues. There is certainly no need to apologize for your success, but maybe just be a bit more sensitive to the fact that most of the others in your workplace are considerably less successful, and seeing you display that amount of bling on a daily basis could be taken the wrong way. Not your intention, I know, just the unfortunate reality of it.

Thank you for your honest opinion and kind suggestion. Pls see my replies above.

It is certainly something to think about.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 12:52:48 PM
Author: elle_chris
You sound like you have a beautiful collection. I''d be proud to wear it as well, but probably not in the office.
In your field, I''d probably just do the wedding band, e-ring and studs. Occasionally throw in a strand of pearls. Leave the rest of that gorgeous bling for when you''re out where it would be appreciated alot more.

Thank you, Elle_Chris. Appreciate your reply and suggestion. Pls also see my replies to other PSers above.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 12:56:47 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I wouldn't conclude that a co-worker deliberately tried to make you look incompetent because she resents your jewelry/clothes/lifestyle unless she has tried to do it to you or other people before. Has she commented on the clothes or possessions of other co-workers? Is she an envious person? Did she fully understand what you wanted to do on the computer? I would shrug it off as a computer glitch or a misunderstanding unless I had strong evidence that the co-worker knowingly gave me wrong instructions.
As someone who always wears lots of bling to work, I say keep on wearing the things you enjoy. If it puts people's noses out of joint, that's just too bad.

Madam Bijoux,

From one bling lover to another, I LOOOOVEEEE yr reply and I LOOOVEEE YA!!! Hooray!!!

I do agree that I maybe am over-assuming or over-interpreting other people's comments/ behaviour. I am not drawing any conclusion, just wondering?!!

Again, thanks, for yr being in tune with my bling obsession!!

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 12:58:07 PM
Author: neatfreak
Professionally, I do think you should take cues from others as far as what is appropriate to wear. But does this really have to do with your bling? It seems that you are implying that she told you the wrong thing because of your bling? Or are these two separate situations? Because if you are implying one and the same thing, it seems really odd to me that someone would do that!

Neatfreak,

Thanks for yr reply.

Pls see my replies above.

As mentioned, I am really not sure, maybe X truly and simply made a mistake, and maybe my bling had nothing to do with what happened.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 4/7/2008 5:51:20 PM
Author: Circe
My gut reaction is that these are two separate issues ... she''d have to be awfully petty and moderately clever to deliberately sabotage you like that: the bling being the ultimate motivation seems ... unlikely.

Aside from that, though, if you feel like your style is interfering at work, tone it down until you get the promotion - even if it *wasn''t* the reason this time, feeling nervous about it every time somebody looks at you oddly at work sounds like more trouble than it''s worth. I''ve had a couple of co-workers ask me awkward questions about my pretties, and that''s just with the low-key stuff I wear every day ... I can only imagine the responses I''d be getting with your lovelies!

Thanks for yr reply, Circe.

Pls see my replies above. Again, not sure exactly what happened and if there was any ulterior motive in X''s action. One thing I forgot to mention in my replies thus far is that X came to see me earlier this morning and asked if I was ok in my re-sending the invite to the all the original invitees and would I like any help from her (to which I thanked her and said that I''d already re-sent the invite as of last night and that everything was "hunky dorey"!!

). She smiled and left.

To clarify, I am not "feeling nervous everytime somebody looks at me oddly". Firstly, no-one looks at me oddly at work. Secondly, I don''t at all feel nervous. I''m just trying to suss out if I should be more sensitive to others'' feelings. For all I know, maybe they''re happy for me, who really knows!??

 

[Phoenix]

Oh btw, I''d like to further clarify/ re-emphasise something:

I wear bling because of my LOVE for bling, that IS IT, pure and simple. If bling helps to project an image of self confidence and success, then that''ll be a happy coincidence!!

I do understand and appreciate that confidence and a successful image are about much more than one''s dress sense or one''s accessories. It comes from your inner-self, a sense of self belief and inner confidence. It comes from your belief in what you''re selling (in this case, my firm''s services/ products). It comes from your technical knowlege and know-how. It comes mostly from understanding your client''s needs and wants vis-a-vis the services/ products you offer, and how you can help meet those needs and wants. Having said that though, if I turned up to clients'' meetings or go to networking functions wearing suits that cost, say $50, what would that say about my firm''s ability to attract and retain high-end clients (let''s face it, an accountancy firm''s - at least a "Big 4" - services are not cheap, they run into hundreds of thousands of dollars and in many cases several millions, even hundreds of millions of dollars. We offer high-end specialist services to clients who have that kind of needs).

At the end of the day, when you want to buy a Chanel bag/ a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, you go to the boutique where the SA''s will dress the part and (hopefully) the SA''s will display enough knowledge about these products and being able to anticipate your needs and marry them with the products that they''re trying to sell. If you walked into a Chanel boutique or Choo store, and the SA''s did not dress the part (ie. like they did not belong there), I suspect that you would walk out.

I do not believe that it is that different in the firm environment such as the one that I''m in. The only difference is that my colleagues in the office (rather than my external clients) are the subject of my consideration. This is where I''m trying to decipher what''s the best thing to do.

I thank you sincerely for all your comments, however candid or brutal. After all, that is what I''ve asked for!!

 

[D2B]

Phonix

Just a quick thought, expensive suits, desinger bags etc are more discrete items of luxury and not so obviuous to the unitinitated, less obvious than a beautiful large diamond IYKWIM. I guess, for whatever reason it is usually organisationally accepted to buy desinger clothes and accessories for work (assuming is it related to your work position - and you are not dressing more than the CEO). Oh, I dont know it is hard to articulate why some expensive things have become the norm and others generally are frowned upon, but unfortunately blingy jewellery usually doesnt cut it in a work environmnet, whereas and expensive suit is an outward expression of acceptable work success - hope that makes some sense.

I dont have much diamond jewellery, but going by what is worn in the UK, I would be hesitant to wear all my little pieces together, I guess it is a matter of confirming to work norms for want of a better word. here I would be indicating work success through an expensive and discrete suit (for my profession anyway)

anyway, from the jewellery I have seen on PS,

your pieces and I woud be very proud of them.

D2B

 

[diamondnut]

Hi Phoenix,

I think I know exactly what you''re experiencing at work. I didn''t work the first two years I lived in HK so when I took my first job (in the education sector), my colleagues would occasionally taunt me and call me ''tai tai''. I never told them that I took a couple years off but apparently the friend who referred me to the job had made it her business to make that public knowledge. In any case, I''m sure my colleagues weren''t trying to be mean or anything but there was definitely an edge to their comments. I definitely sensed resentment and it made me very uncomfortable. I think they resented the fact that they HAD to work whereas I choose to work. Things got slightly better later on when I proved that I took my job very seriously and was the hardest working one of them all.

Because of their comments and perception of me, I would go out of my way to not perpetuate things. I never ever wore any jewelry to the office except for maybe a pair of small hoop earrings. I never spoke of my personal life or shared any lifestyle details. It''s unfortunate that I couldn''t be more open about my life with people I spend so much time with but by not doing so, it just keeps things simpler for me. It''s a choice I made. So what I''m trying to say is you have every right to wear what you darn wish!! But you also have to accept the fact that it''ll evoke certain reactions. So if you love your bling, wear it, let them think whatever they want and more power to you girl!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 4/8/2008 9:42:56 AM
Author: Phoenix

Date: 4/7/2008 11:59:33 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
In my opinion that is WAY too much bling for work. The ring is fine, but I wouldn''t wear anything else. I grew up with wealthy lawyer and now work with wealthy insurance people and noone would ever wear that much to work. It does seem unprofessional and it might be percieved that you are trying to be above your station in the company. It might also be that being that conspicous with your wealth when you don''t have to is like saying you look down on others who aren''t as well off as you.
Maybe I am biased, but I think it is tacky for people to be so obvious with their wealth as though it is a sign of merit. Even as a child I could tell which laywers would be difficult or unpleasent because of how much more conspicously they wore their wealth.

Brazen Irish Hussy,

Thanks for yr reply and input. Pls see my replies above. I would be the last person to flash my ''wealth'' (I wouldn''t say we''re wealthy - but I guess that differs depending on one''s definition- just comfortable) and ''try to be above my station''. I wear bling simply because I LOOOOVEEE bling

. That is all, plain and simple. I''m just obsessed with bling, he he

. Surely, PS''ers would know what I mean?!!

FYI, I''d rather spend two hours at home looking at my bling (or on PS) rather than go out, say, to a movie, he he!!

Perhaps I gave you all the wrong idea when mentioned the goverment-subsidised housing. Most people in S''pore live in govt-subsidised housing but it isn''t cheap or horrible by some other countries'' (naming no name here

) standard. They are actually very nice and comfortable. Most govt-housing in our area sell for at least USD200k per apartment on the resale market. I was simply trying to demonstrate my point by saying that my perception (again rightly or wrongly - maybe I''m totally wrong here about people being jealous, maybe they''re not at all, despite the comments they''ve made and also maybe the secretary was simply making a mistake and she wasn''t deliberately trying to sabotage me) is that maybe, just maybe, on average, we have more relatively more disposable income/ assets than my peers and again this could be terribly presumptuous of me. It''s only because they''ve made remarks like the ones I''ve mentioned and they''ve asked me where I live. For all I know, they could be hoarding millions of dollars worth of gold bars under the mattress

!!

Also, I''ve been around the block, so to speak, and am comfortable in my own skin. I love bling and it makes me happy

. For me not to wear bling is like being underdressed or being half a person. Also, in S''pore, there are lots of people wearing lots of bling, designer gear, driving expensive cars etc. and there are plenty and I mean PLENTY of people owning HUGE mansions worth tens of millions of US dolllars. It is just my group (or rather my profession) that does not have big bling (as far as I can see - at work). So it''s a bit conflicting and a bit confusing for me. I AM trying to be sensitive to others but at the same time I don''t want to lose my own identity.

Thanks for clarifying those issues, Pheonix. The more I think about it the more I kinds think you SHOULD be true to yourself and just do what you like... ultimately you are the only one who really knows all the nuances of your situation, so only you can really tell if you should change your bling, or something else, or nothing at all! I think if you want to wear you bling, but maybe also feel some kind of tension with certain people, then there are other things you can do to make that relationship better (if you even think it needs fixing).

Do you have a thread with all your bling? I would love to see it, but have only seen your e-ring so far.... amazing! I might also wear all my bling too if I were in your shows... who knows!

DD

 

[diamondfan]

I think one can exude confidence without the armor of material things. But I also think when you put on that power suit, great heels and grab a great bag, you maybe feel the part more and act as such. And I love bling too, so I might tend to think something is just fine cuz I love it and that is part of me. And mostly, I think that follows for work. However, certain fields sort of beg the question of being more sensitive. And a simple band, decent watch, simple small hoops or something on the ear that is not too flashy, would never be wrong. What I dislike is the assumptions people make. I know designer clothes and I know jewels, while I may know what that Chanel suit and bag might go for, I would not always know if the jewelry is really good quality, what it cost, where it came from. I think the really nice stuff is obvious, but not always. I just think it would be nice if people did not speculate about your private business and cared more about your job performance, but human nature is just not going to be that removed from the trappings. I say, tone down a bit, but do not do it so much that it looks like they got to you and you agree. Just do it slightly and if anyone comments that you are wearing less, say, Oh, yes. And then change the subject.

 

[Bling Hubby]

Hi PSers,

A DH here and sorry for the length of this post. I’m not sure about the protocol but I feel compelled to respond w/r/t my wife’s thread which mentions me. My wife doesn’t know about this and I hope she’s not too embarrassed – sorry my love, I’ve threatened to sign on before

. The 1st thing I want to say about PS is the tremendous respect I have for your online community – I have seen the selfless giving of those who share and am deeply moved; indeed I stand in awe of some of the contributions on this website – some have made me quite emotional in fact. I can say that at certain times (for example when my wife’s Mom died), my wife and I were greatly solaced by the responses and substantive medical information shared by you PSers. I do not browse the PS site because it’s my wife’s space I do not want to intrude. I could go on and on …. You are giants in your good deeds and sharing; keep it up. But my reason for this response is to comment on the negative comments and assumptions about my wife’s recent thread, and to give a DH’s perspective.

A person seemed to suggest that my wife came from a sheltered background and her OBSESSION with diamonds borders on a “have” and “have nots” distinction and the suggestion that she is a republican. This is so far from the reality I have finally felt compelled to sign on and comment (which some of you have already done to say “don’t be so rough” which is the resounding theme on this site). Well, your point about republicans is a bit off point …. my wife was born in Vietnam and was raised in the UK so she’s a bit lost on that comment. I would say no, she is not a republican: she’s very open minded; she hates war (she grew up at a young age in Vietnam during the war there); is not an isolationist from an int’l perspective. She (and I, an American) do not really understand why the US went to the Middle East to start another one; we are deeply concerned about those directly affected. We never see war movies because she will say “Bloody h*** I grew up during a war why would I want to go see a movie about one.” On the “worked hard” comment, my wife and I have in fact worked very hard (for me from the warehouse, now a lawyer) to get where we are (and continue to do so). Akmiss, making assumptions about people is touchy and not recommended - you should know that my wife arrived in the UK as a political refugee after fleeing VN on a boat; yes, a “boat person” and the story is beyond my comprehension … (btw my ancestors were boat people too, but 160 years ago to a different continent). While I was in a private high school she was working in a shoe shop and attending public (US type “public” schools) schools in London and learning English (she was top of her class upon graduation), having arrived from France where they 1st were granted asylum. The story goes on from there and I can only say that I have learned the meaning “hard work” from her. She as Asian female has done very well in a male dominated profession in the UK and had 5x times more money in her name than me when we 1st met 12 years ago, so yes she did buy her bling herself. Apologies for the level of detail but I bristle at the suggestion that she is a child of privilege and the urge to flash her bling is class based. In fact, I know that my wife knows the rules of the game, and she does push the boundaries (bling related..). But I know it makes her happy, so full stop - life is short. In fact I have urged her to tone it down a bit before (but we DHs always do that don’t we) but I know it makes her happy and she loves her bling – so let it go.

Final points: - Asia/ Singapore is extremely competitive and the level of resentment (i.e. backstabbing) is rampant in SG. Public housing here is expensive but made accessible to the general population, and it’s generally safe to wear bling in public. My point about a secretary intentionally messing up an Outlook meeting invite is that she probably sets up such meetings 5 times a day and why when asked to assist my wife, she screws it up, knowing partners are involved? I understand she made some other unflattering comments … But she not to be trusted again, and perhaps I am being paranoid from the numerous instances of political BS I have seen in the work place in SG , which is acknowledged as being a hot bed of this type of thing. Thanks if you read this far; I’ve often wanted to comment on you PSers - I believe that you are a wonderful bunch.

 

[luckystar112]

Yeah, gotta say akmiss...you should probably take your own advice and leave politics out of the conversation.

 

[Po10472]

Ok, i''ve skimmed this thread as there is a lot of information and reading in it, so apologies if i''m being repetitive, but I felt compelled to reply.

This comment bothered me "I feel that I have to look successful." You are successful!!! Success has come about from your actions, how you perform, how you communicate etc., not on ''how you look''.

Now I know this is a sweeping generalisation but I''m thinking of life outside PS where the perception of diamonds is that its a mans job to purchase the bling for his missus. Does this make you look successful or make your husband look successful? Just a thought that the ''boys club'' may see it that way, so in essence, all your bling to them doesn''t make you look successful but yer DH.

This aside.........in an ideal world it should be acceptable to do what you want, where you want and when you want but we can''t live our lives like that, we have to be cognisant of our environment and the people in it and conversely how that effects us. Every action has a consequence whether its a positive or a negative outcome and I agree with several PSers when they say tone it down for the right occasion.

Now that you''ve whet our appetites, you may have to post all yer bling on here to remind us

 

[jewelerman]

I USED to worry about what poeple thought about my jewelry...i wore alot of jewelry for a guy... 3 carat solitaire ring, half carat diamond ring and half carat cluster ring,rolex,bracelet with half carat twt diamonds and gold tie chain and heavy gold neck chain... being in the trade it was expected but people kept asking if the rings or the rolex was real or cubics...then the mall store i worked for asked me to not wear ANY jewelry because of security risk...i worked in a high end jewelry mall in a conservative low crime rate city but armed robbery had become more common.(I have survived two attemped muggings while wearing jewelry)My family even bought me a gun to protect myself.But rather then carry the gun i stopped wearing the jewelry and dont wear as much as i did when i was younger.I think you should wear what and when you want...some people like cars or trips or big homes...we like BLING...SHINE ON!!!

 

[Bling Hubby]

Hi Again,

I just want to retract a couple of points: Singapore is full of very nice people and we like it here. The unfortunate corp life experiences are no different here than elsewhere I''m sure, but I have heard from others in addition to my experience that it''s a bit heavy here, and of course politics should be left out of this as well as comments about war. Sorry about the slip and carry on blinging ... I am truly amazed at how much time my wife spends looking at her diamonds, so I guess she is just trying to share her bling with others. I''ll recommend further tone down exercises but am not sure of the outcome

.

 

[Phoenix]

OH DEAR!! Just got back from work. Noticed hubby looked a bit sheepish. Asked him why and he said to go look at my thread on PS, which I''d mentioned to him a couple of days ago (about some comment from someone which I didn''t fully get - seeing I''m not American/ have never lived there, but i''m not totally clueless about American politics - and which also made reference to me being a b**** without truly understanding where I was coming from).

I will try to respond more fully over the next few days. It''s late here (11.30pm S''pore time).

Thank you to everyone who''ve responded, particularly to Diamond Fan (who is truly a classy lady, and I mean that sincerely) and others who have responded AFTER having thought fully about and understood where I was coming from.

That said, I think I will tone down A BIT, but too much. I LOOOVEEE my bling TOO MUCH!!

Btw, I just got some new bling from JA that I HAVE to wear, can''t help myself, he he!!!

Hubby just told me that I ''m on a bling diet for the next 2 years!! YEAH, RIGHT!!! Hope you''re reading this, Bling Hubby!!

So, later, PS''ers!!

 

[Miranda]

Awww, Bling Hubby, what a guy! How sweet it is of you to come and clarify and ''stick up'' for your wife when she was being attacked by akmiss. Just so you know (and you seem to) it is not common for people to hurl insults. You are right in seeing that PS is a place where all people can come together and feel largely supported.

It is easy to see from Phoenix''s posts that she truly loves bling and is not trying to ''one up'' anyone. I, for one, hope you do not put her on a bling diet as her jewels are some of my favorite!

Wear your bling with pride, girl! If someone takes offense, well they are just being too sensitive, aren''t they?

 

[nclrgirl]

Well said Bling Hubby! Thanks for the background, and Phoenix, best of luck!

 

[diamondfan]

Phoenix, you are most welcome. You always seem gracious and I totally felt for you. And what a nice hubby you have!

I just know somewhat what you are dealing with. I do not go to a workplace, but I have had plenty of whispering about what I have and spend, and why do I need X and Y...and I think, it is really no one''s business to make assumptions or speculate as to who I am. Of course people do make judgments based on some superficial qualities at the outset, but hopefully as time passes, those are replaced with deeper information. I had a teacher once say, do not assume, you make an ass out of u and me. Well, that stuck with me, because it is certainly easy to give someone a once over and make a snap determination. It is harder to get past that and see if there is something else there. I am not always down to earth in how I look, but I am always a caring and fair minded person. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt til I need to re evaluate. I do not totally know S''pore economics and work strata, so I would play from the side of hoping that woman did not deliberately sabotage you. But does that mean there are not petty and spiteful people who take their power where it is available? If it was intentional and based on any false assumptions, I think it is pretty low. My only larger view was that if you think it is at all based on your beautiful things that you are blessed to have, that stinks, and maybe just be aware. But hold your head high too, as to all of your achievements. No one should or could ever take that from you. And you have a lovely husband who gets you and is on your team, which is more valuable than all the bling in this world.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 4/10/2008 1:09:12 AM
Author: Bling Hubby

Hi PSers,

A DH here and sorry for the length of this post. I’m not sure about the protocol but I feel compelled to respond w/r/t my wife’s thread which mentions me. My wife doesn’t know about this and I hope she’s not too embarrassed – sorry my love, I’ve threatened to sign on before

. The 1st thing I want to say about PS is the tremendous respect I have for your online community – I have seen the selfless giving of those who share and am deeply moved; indeed I stand in awe of some of the contributions on this website – some have made me quite emotional in fact. I can say that at certain times (for example when my wife’s Mom died), my wife and I were greatly solaced by the responses and substantive medical information shared by you PSers. I do not browse the PS site because it’s my wife’s space I do not want to intrude. I could go on and on …. You are giants in your good deeds and sharing; keep it up. But my reason for this response is to comment on the negative comments and assumptions about my wife’s recent thread, and to give a DH’s perspective.

A person seemed to suggest that my wife came from a sheltered background and her OBSESSION with diamonds borders on a “have” and “have nots” distinction and the suggestion that she is a republican. This is so far from the reality I have finally felt compelled to sign on and comment (which some of you have already done to say “don’t be so rough” which is the resounding theme on this site). Well, your point about republicans is a bit off point …. my wife was born in Vietnam and was raised in the UK so she’s a bit lost on that comment. I would say no, she is not a republican: she’s very open minded; she hates war (she grew up at a young age in Vietnam during the war there); is not an isolationist from an int’l perspective. She (and I, an American) do not really understand why the US went to the Middle East to start another one; we are deeply concerned about those directly affected. We never see war movies because she will say “Bloody h*** I grew up during a war why would I want to go see a movie about one.” On the “worked hard” comment, my wife and I have in fact worked very hard (for me from the warehouse, now a lawyer) to get where we are (and continue to do so). Akmiss, making assumptions about people is touchy and not recommended - you should know that my wife arrived in the UK as a political refugee after fleeing VN on a boat; yes, a “boat person” and the story is beyond my comprehension … (btw my ancestors were boat people too, but 160 years ago to a different continent). While I was in a private high school she was working in a shoe shop and attending public (US type “public” schools) schools in London and learning English (she was top of her class upon graduation), having arrived from France where they 1st were granted asylum. The story goes on from there and I can only say that I have learned the meaning “hard work” from her. She as Asian female has done very well in a male dominated profession in the UK and had 5x times more money in her name than me when we 1st met 12 years ago, so yes she did buy her bling herself. Apologies for the level of detail but I bristle at the suggestion that she is a child of privilege and the urge to flash her bling is class based. In fact, I know that my wife knows the rules of the game, and she does push the boundaries (bling related..). But I know it makes her happy, so full stop - life is short. In fact I have urged her to tone it down a bit before (but we DHs always do that don’t we) but I know it makes her happy and she loves her bling – so let it go.

Final points: - Asia/ Singapore is extremely competitive and the level of resentment (i.e. backstabbing) is rampant in SG. Public housing here is expensive but made accessible to the general population, and it’s generally safe to wear bling in public. My point about a secretary intentionally messing up an Outlook meeting invite is that she probably sets up such meetings 5 times a day and why when asked to assist my wife, she screws it up, knowing partners are involved? I understand she made some other unflattering comments … But she not to be trusted again, and perhaps I am being paranoid from the numerous instances of political BS I have seen in the work place in SG , which is acknowledged as being a hot bed of this type of thing. Thanks if you read this far; I’ve often wanted to comment on you PSers - I believe that you are a wonderful bunch.

I don''t regret my comments if she were in the US, but I did not realize she was in Singapore, which, as you say, makes a huge difference. A close friend from high school was from Singapore so now I understand where she is coming from. The sole reson my friand''s family sent her to live with cousins in the US was because it was so competitive she was suffering anxiety attacks which ceased when she got here.

As for government housing, where I am that means trailers from FIMA that slowly kill their occupants with formaldahyde, so you can imagine what that in combinantion with serious bling sounds like to an American.

In any case, I am sorry for hurt feelings and good for you for defending your wife.

 

[akmiss]

I must say that I read more into Phoenix''s original post than I should have. I apologize for making assumptions and any hurt feelings I may have caused. Somehow I imagined a young, privileged Paris Hilton type whining about poor people. I am glad to say that Phoenix turned out to be just the opposite and sounds completely sincere. Bling Hubby, I am glad that you came to your wife''s defense and helped clarify the situation. It sounds as if the two of you have a wonderful and supportive relationship. I hope that my previous posts will not cause hard feelings and I only wish you the best of luck.

BTW, congrats on the new bling. I love the earrings

 

[pmptrading]

Ummm.... very very interesting posting...

1) when you are dead... you are dead..... You cant take your diamonds with you so why not enjoy now!
2) why leave these things at home - where they could be stolen..... enjoy them..... wear them!
3) it is better to have a single diamond ring than 5 crappy rings......
4) if you do get the sack.... at least you will be able to sue their pants off!
5) you could always say they are FAKE diamonds if anybody said anything rude.....
6) only classy people would truely know if they are real or not!
7) who cares what other people think - there are people on here who believe the 2-3 month salary rule for e-rings!
YOU ARE 1 LUCKY GIRL!~~~!