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Blueroses...

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Great to see you around these parts - we miss you!!

I''m glad to hear things are progressing - I can''t believe it''s been 5 weeks with 5 more to go. I hope both of you are getting through with leaps and bounds.
 
Thanks FG!!! I hope so too--I don''t think either one of us will be able to help growing through this, no matter what the outcome.

(And Nope, it''s 5 down, 7 to go.
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I probably mistyped!)
 
Blueroses- Not much to add here other than my support. I think it is great that you sought outside help when you and BF reached an impasse. Sometimes a fresh perspective on the situation helps to open the path to change. Are you both continuing to see the therapist while separated? Don''t know if I missed that...
 
Wow is about all I can say. I don''t know how I would handle what you are going trhough with this separation.That is one of those things I just cannot fathom. I have no words of advice here for you but to echo the mutual support of all the other PSers. Good luck hun! I hope things will work out for the best!
 
Hey Blueroses! I''m so glad to see that you''ve checked in. I''m rooting so hard for you it''s unbelievable. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you....you must miss him terribly, because I can''t imagine it being any other way, but you''re being so STRONG! Keep the moral up, we''re all here for you whenever you need us.

Hugs!
 
aw Blue, hang in there. I know how difficult it must be but i also know you are going to be able to be happy in the long run, no matter what the outcome. Please know we are thinking of you and are here if you ever want to vent.

you do look adorable in you Dorothy costume
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Blue, I want to praise you for how strong you are being. You are a good humored lovely girl and you deserve someone who not only loves you but wants to commit to you forever. In seven weeks I will be here to either celebrate your joy at becoming an engaged woman or be there to offer what ever sort of support will be most useful to you. You are making such good choices, continuing therapy and living your life, I have faith that in the end you will be with the person you belong with.
 
"And for me, I am learning to look at my own power in this--that it''s not just about sitting around waiting for HIM to decide to propose, but for me to look at the situation and discern what I need, and am willing to accept or not, and not exist in limbo anymore." --- Blueroses


At the risk of this not coming out right................Blueroses, I am just SO PROUD of you! Really, really proud.

It takes healthy self-esteem and courage to do what you''re doing.....to go through honest self-assessment and identify what your fundamental needs are, and to have enough respect for yourself to follow through on articulating those needs.

I know that it will work out whatever way it''s supposed to....and I hope that means the way you''re wishing for.
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I am sending all my support your way and praying for whatever outcome will be best for you.
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Thanks again so much to PS gals new and old--equestrienne, ilovesparkles, Ally, MrsS, Mata, Alj: Really, thank you.

All of the words of praise and encouragement are so lovely
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...

I''m sure this is a big reason that therapists do this with their clients, but just doing the separation itself makes the situation come out of the abstract and into reality. It''s shocking how easy it is to stay in a rut and sometimes I feel like all of my strong-sounding talk on here is just that--all talk--when I really feel so sad and occasionally broken about it all. But if I were really that weak then I wouldn''t have done this at all, and I have to just continue to figure out what I need. It''s a big old cliche, but loving each other isn''t enough. SO.....I am going to be very interested to see what kind of evolution (or lack thereof) is going on with him on *his* end of the seperation.

But it is strange. He''s been a fixture of my life for almost 10 years and this has been a real adjustment. We have some good friends who are expecting--our best "couple" friends, really (mine first, but they love him too,) who are expecting their first. Since we''ve started the separation, they''ve found out they''re having a boy....and she will be downright HUGE when this ends. It sucks to not share those things.

Anyway, thanks again for all of the support.
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Blueroses you''ve got a lot of courage. I''m not sure I could do what you''re doing and not cave. I''m proud of you for giving it honest determination. I know I''d also be thinking - I wonder how all of this is affecting him or whether or not it will change him or if action will result from this separation. I know without knowing him that he misses you terribly. I just hope that he is truely growing from this experience to where he cannot slip into old comforts.

I guess my advice is you can''t know or influence the impact this is having on him, make the most of it for yourself. Either way you end up - apart or together - you''re the one whose strength is important, either to move on or to help him grow. It must be tough and I feel like I know how you feel sometimes. I can tell by your personality you''re a tough cookie and as the cliche goes - everything happens for a reason. Good Luck!
 
Starset, thanks kiddo.....I don''t spend too much time dwelling on what''s going on with him (it''s enough dwelling on my 1/2 of this) but sometimes I wonder--and that''s what so much of this is--just learning to accept that I can only be active in changing MY part of things--I can''t change him or his wants/perceptions for the relationship so I gots to work on ME!


(And how are YOU, miss thing? I missed you!!! And of course was/am curious about the new username thing.....) Did you see my Dorothy pic?
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Blueroses! I'm so glad to see you checking in! I am also glad to hear that you are hanging in there. I cannot even imagine the strenth it must take to do what you are doing. My heart goes out to you.

BTW, I love the pic of you as Dorothy. When I first saw it before, before I read the post, I was like,"Wait, is that Erin?" LOL. I guess if I saw any pics of blue poodles, I would automatically think of you.

Have either of you gals heard from Jenwill? I think Irina hads tried to contact her, but no luck. I am sending good thoughts her way, and I hope she is okay.

(I just realized that I posted this under the wrong user ID! Ooops!)
 
I whole-heartedly agree with the above poster!
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Thanks SS, er, FF.....oh, WHOEVER you are, I appreciate it!!
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Great, NOW I think of it--I should have traded in my Cairn/Norwich Toto for a blue poodle!!

I have also wondered/worried about JenWill and hope she is doing all right!!
 
LOL! I definitely think you need one of those tanks!

I wonder how often they have to dye that poor dog to keep him that color?
 
You are surely in my thoughts and prayers! Hang in there!
 
Thanks plantationcatt!!

Ok girls, I am FREAKING OUT. Kind of. I saw my boyfriend about an hour ago. I mean, I didn''t break the rules or anything, I literally SAW him at the drug store. It was bound to happen (we live really close to each other) but still. If I''d left Longs like 1 minute later we would have literally run into each other. I had left the store and gotten in the car and was just putting on my seatbelt and looking to my right to see if I could back out the space......and there he was walking on the sidewalk towards the door of the store. He didn''t see me from what I could tell. But seriously, the whole thing just seemed so absurd!!!! I''d cry if it weren''t so riduculous--here''s this man who I know better than anyone else in the world with whom I''ve shared almost 10 years and I''m like, doing cloak and dagger in the car! Nuts. So the interesting thing was my first reaction was a very mundane, "oh, there''s B." Like, I''ll wave or honk or something or get out of the car to join him. And then it literally SLAMMED into me that um, hello, this is not just a normal, oh hey there''s my boyfriend moment, I''m not ALLOWED to do that!!! And also, hello, I haven''t laid eyes on him in over 5 weeks! Really, that 2nd moment of vague panic felt a lot like when I''d see an ex or something back in the day and that in itself was sobering--that tummy rush of adrenaline that seeing my bf was somehow forbidden or something. And of course then I find myself analyzing his hair, outfit, whether he shaved--was today a day off, did he work, etc. AAAGHHHH!!!! This is so crazy. And of course I wonder if he''s run into me without my knowing it and I"m sure it''s just as strange for him.

And then I went to the grocery store and LITERALLY? "All by myself" is playing on the PA supermarket radio thing. Ridiculous. I''m standing on my tiptoes attempting to reach a frozen Amy''s Indian entree thing which is way too high up for me and it hits me what song it is and I actually said, out loud by myself, "oh come ON."

So there''s my adventure of the afternoon. Thoughts? Insights? Sedatives? Strait Jackets?
 
Oh, Blueroses! What a day! All I can really offer is sympathy...What a weird feeling that must have been. Do you think he saw you or noticed your car? I can''t even imagine, but I am really impressed that you held it together. I would have found it really hard not to say hi or something...but I am notoriously weak. Just hang in there. A few more weeks and you will come out on the other side of this experience and the uncertainty will come to an end.

BTW, I have it on good authority that supermarket Musak is the instrument of the devil.
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{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
 
Oh, Blueroses, I''m sorry. I know that rush that you''re talking about, and it''s gotta be awful to feel that way when you see him. I wish I had some great advice for you, but I really just don''t know. Is your next counseling appointment soon? You could try discussing it with him/her. And I do NOT think that a strait jacket is in order here, you actually reacted very well considering the situation. Hang in there.

{{{hugs}}}
 
fatafelice - I used to know someone who programmed all of the Muzak for KMart stores. She said that after the required canned tunes were added, she could mix in a few newer, more obscure songs that she loved. Not much room for "good" music though. Basically, the Devil wants to hear "I Wanna Get Physical" at least three times a week between the hours of 1 and 3 PM.

Blueroses, ((((HUGS)))) for you. Way to keep it together today. I also wonder if he has seen you out and about when you haven''t noticed him... Anyway, I hope your next counseling visit is soon so you can talk through this and see what you should do next time. Hang in there!
 

that our darling Blueroses should be going through all this after ALL the time and effort she has put into her relationship

because I can''t think of anything better right now - words and ''insight'' seem not of much use.

also want to say
because you have shown AMAZING grace and resilience and inner strength and beauty in your approach to everything and that is totally INSPIRING - you are FAR more ''together'' than I was when I was in your shoes


what else to say except that I AM thinking of you a lot {and I hope you got my e-mail} and that I KNOW {absolutely without a doubt} that WHATEVER the outcome, it will be the right one.

Everyone''s situation is different but when I finally ''took charge'' of my portion of my past relationship, it came down to a very simple thing - I had spent all of my 20''s with him, and all of the last years of my 20''s ''waiting'' for him to be where I was at ... the simple choice after my 30th birthday was start another decade in limbo or DO SOMETHING. My do-something was move out {though I didn''t do it to leave, I did it to ''shake him up'' - naively I thought he''d come running, when he didn''t .... GUTTED doesn''t even come close}.

It was a terrible painful, sad, lonely, empty LOST time in my life ....

but I wouldn''t change those hard months of struggling to start over - if I had not walked away I would never have met my TOTALLY DARLING WONDERFUL SWEET AMAZING HUSBAND and I would not be his missus and have a new and lovely home.

I know it''s easy for me to say now that I am here, and not ''there'' but I have to believe that what was true for me is a Universal Truth - that once you get off that path that is meandering in circles and going nowhere and take ONE STEP onto a new path {in your case this separation, the counseling} then NEW things will happen and because you went forth in hope and trust the new things will be GOOD, they will be BETTER than before ..... even if it''s tough going at first.

I AM FEELING SO MUCH FOR YOU ....... because once upon a time I WAS you Blue .....

*can''thugyoutightenough*
C
 
Blueroses,

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES????? My gosh. Ok, here`s what I think, some freak of nature, cosmo joke to test if you`re strong enough to continue on this journey. And you are, you passed. How did you feel? It`s normal to obsess. I mean you guys aren`t officially broken up or anything. Just taking some time for some reevaluation. I obssess about other people`s lives all the time.....for example my frenemie that`s getting married next year, and delights in sticking it to me about her rock, her photgrapher, her doctor future husband. So it`s a very healthy reaction, and normal.....this is your boyfriend of many years!!! It would be totally ABNORMAL if you didn`t have a second thought. You definitely, do not need a strait jacket! maybe a glass of wine and an entertaining night out with the girls.

Keep us updated! We`re rooting for you!
 
hehe Blue, I know all of those intense emotions of what you mentioned....because I still remember my feelings when Greg and I had our odd 2 month separation years ago. Not quite the same scenario but similar in terms of feelings, the tummy rush etc. Anyway, the supermarket music thing made me laugh because when stuff like this is happening in your life, it''s TOTALLY natural to start seeing signs and things like that in external surroundings. Like you probably would have not even noticed that song if that had not just happened. Anyway...you did the right thing, hang in there, it''s cool you got a little glimpse of him, and the tummy rush to me is a good thing...I love that tummy rush...I think it''s a good sign actually.

I will also say that when you do see him again, for the planned visit or the discussion or whatever...it will be really intense. But I think in a good way. Hang in there gal!
 
Ditto to what Mara said about the tummy rush thing. I wanted to reiterate how strong you are - I know it must have been very tempting to say - screw it - and just walk over there. You did the right thing....keep strong, even when it seems the fates are playing cruel jokes on you with the muzak.
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Try to be responsible and resist PS for a few days and look what happens. I totally missed this story that happened oh okay like ten days ago!

That''s so funny that you analyzed whether or not he shaved. Just funny to me because I can totally see myself analyzing those things to try and get a clue into something that will make me feel better. Just knowing or recognizing something about him that would only stand out to me. I want him to look good but not too good because then what is that saying? Has he bought new shoes? Has he lost weight? Does he seem happier or sadder? Did he have the day off? In 30 seconds I could turn into a real freak that way.
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I''ll have to agree - the sinking stomach is a good thing.
Congrats for holding your determination.
Keep up those distractions.
I wish I were nearby, we could go shopping.

btw is there another Longs you could go to? That''s enough stress for one week.
Still going okay?
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I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your courage. Keep your chin up and I''m sending good thoughts your way!
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WOW, you have amazing strength! If I would ever be able to make 6 weeks (which I never would) I would have totally lost it at the point you came to. I probably would have gone so far to go back in and "browse innocently" to see if he noticed me. You are phenomenal! Soon this will be over! Stay strong! *HUGS*
 
Date: 5/11/2006 12:21:25 PM
Author: allycat0303
Blueroses,

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES????? My gosh. Ok, here`s what I think, some freak of nature, cosmo joke to test if you`re strong enough to continue on this journey. And you are, you passed. How did you feel? It`s normal to obsess. I mean you guys aren`t officially broken up or anything. Just taking some time for some reevaluation. I obssess about other people`s lives all the time.....for example my frenemie that`s getting married next year, and delights in sticking it to me about her rock, her photgrapher, her doctor future husband. So it`s a very healthy reaction, and normal.....this is your boyfriend of many years!!! It would be totally ABNORMAL if you didn`t have a second thought. You definitely, do not need a strait jacket! maybe a glass of wine and an entertaining night out with the girls.

Keep us updated! We`re rooting for you!
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I''m still new here, but I just came across your story and all I could say was WOW! Someone is definitely testing you, and I also think you passed with flying colors girl! I don''t think I could ever be that strong...granted I''ve never been in a ''trial separation'' but I''m really not sure I could do it! I''d have to throw my cell phone away, stay off the computer, and never pick up a phone for fear that my fingers would start dialing. ;) I am so proud of how well you seem to be doing with this situation, and btw that Dorothy picture is adorable!!! I played her too, only dancing not acting (but it was really fun!) Good luck sweetie I''m praying for you!
 
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