boyfriend to fiance titles..

[diamondsgirl22]

hey i was wondering if you all feel the same way. I hear people call their new fiance their boyfriend a lot lately. saying that they dont forget that he is her fiance but why would someone do that? The titles are not the same at all. Call him your fiance not your bf. I mean they show the ring off and everything and they ask how long ago did he ask etc and ask when they are planning on getting married. I just dont understand. I mean maybe after it dies down after the engagement they dont really consider it a big deal calling them their fiance and just call them a bf or gf. do some of you think that it the same thing once you are engaged? I guess i think that it is wrong in so many ways because once my ff asks me to marry him i will introduce him as my fiance not bf every chance i get. i know that it isnt a case of forgetting for the girls and guys i talk about. Sorry if this is random just wondering why and if any of you ladies get that from people you know getting engaged.

 

[Cleopatra]

Hey Diamondsgirl

Haha...I''m exactly the type of girl you are describing. I still call my FI "boyfriend" - I don''t know why, I just do. I think Fiance is a "weird" word and feel stupid saying it...no reason - I just feel that way. FI and I have bought a house, moved in together, been together for 7 years, i I still just can''t call him my fiance....must be some kind of chemical in my brain....

But I surely can''t wait to call him "husband"

 

[Erin]

Because it just gets so annoying after a while. Ever see the episode of Seinfeld? "I wonder what happened to my fiance? I know he's here somewhere. Ellen? Have you seen my fiance? Are you going upstairs? Tell my fiance I'm looking for him. I have lost my fiance the poor baby." To which Elaine replies, "maybe the dingo ate your baby."

ETA: Okay before I get flamed - that was all in good fun!

 

[Cleopatra]

LOL Starset! I totally think of that everytime I''m on the verge of saying FIANCE - - and then I don''t say it!! haha!!!!

 

[diamondsgirl22]

you guys make me laugh. i just realized that i too will probably end up calling him my boyfriend instead of fiance all of the time. I think that right when we do get engaged i will call him my fiance for a while just from being on cloud 9 and stuff, yah know? I do get it now that it would get annoying and i do kinda not like that word it is a little wierd. maybe because it is french. lol. I really would like to make an effort though to introduce him as my fiance because that is a big step that a lot of people would want to know especially if they are family members that have not met him yet. like at a reunion or something. i just know i would not want to be like ''oh great grandma betty, this is B. we are engaged.'' I would rather say that this is my fiance B and if they are smart enough then they will realize that we are engaged. I dont want them to think that i am rubbing it in their faces . in some ways it would be perfectly fine and i am sure i will do that at some point. IMO. You guys just made me laugh out loud during the whole time i was writing this. I do get now how it gets old. i am sure i will be the same way.

 

[musey]

I am TOTALLY with Cleopatra. "Fiance" is just an odd word to say, for me. But then I don't like saying "boyfriend" either. Just sounds strange coming out of my mouth. I'll probably say the same thing about "husband."

I seriously don't think it's a big deal. I don't introduce him as "MY" anything. It feels possessive and awkward. I introduce him by his name, because why is it all that relevant to some random person we're meeting what "status" we are? It just doesn't matter. They can assume what they want about our relationship, and it doesn't effect what actual stage we're at.

Some people may also just be getting used to making the transition. Like when you've recently had a birthday, and someone asks how old you are, and you say "24. Oh no, 25." And then it's awkward.


ETA: I also feel like I'm being obnoxious when I call him my fiance. Why? The first couple of times I said it, I got some forced gushiness in return ("Oh, congratulations! When is the wedding? How wonderful!"). After that I felt like when I said fiance, I was asking for attention. Even if that's not at all what was going on. If I just say "boyfriend," there's no reaction. I like "no reaction"!

 

[Sha]

I think it takes some time to get used to saying ''fiance'' instead of ''boyfriend''. I forgot quite a number of times...sometimes catching myself in mid-sentence. But I think it''s natural, I mean... you might''ve been saying ''boyfriend'' for 2-5 years, then all of a sudden you have to switch...it''s not necessariliy automatic, as excited as you might be about the engagement itself.

 

[robbie3982]

Haha I''m the opposite. I really disliked calling DH "boyfriend." To me it just sounded so high school. I was really happy when I was able to start calling him fiance. Sometimes I catch myself calling him fiance still even though we''ve been married for over a month.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 10/16/2007 1:17:35 PM
Author: robbie3982
Haha I''m the opposite. I really disliked calling DH ''boyfriend.'' To me it just sounded so high school. I was really happy when I was able to start calling him fiance. Sometimes I catch myself calling him fiance still even though we''ve been married for over a month.

I think the same way. We dated for 7.5 years before getting engaged and everytime I had to fill out paper work, I felt weird saying boyfriend. Especially with the in case of emergency note where it asks about someone''s relation to you - I started to leave it blank because I hated it. It felt so temporary and meaningless. That''s one random thought - I know.. I never have introduced him as my anything though. Usually people will introduce us to new people using the term fiance, but that''s about it. However, I did get it use it in French class the other day, so that was a plus. (Random, again.. )

 

[Independent Gal]

I try to call FI ''fiance'' as little as possible because I think it sounds freaking ridiculous. Usually I call him by his name, or I call him my ''guy'' or whatever. I don''t think I ever really called him my boyfriend either, come to think of it.

 

[bubbly1126]

I can definitely see where it''s not necessarily intentional for people who are newly engaged to still call their fiance(e) their boyfriend/girlfriend. It''s a new thing and especially if you''ve been with them for so long before taking that next step to fiance(e).

Me? I cannot wait to call my boyfriend my fiance! For the last year or so mainly, I have hated calling him my boyfriend. Like Robbie said, it feels so high school and we''re way past that, ya know?

And plus, for me, we''ve been together 5 years (next month) and I just feel like boyfriend isn''t relevant anymore.

But who knows if I''ll be able to make that transition from saying boyfriend to fiance. LoL. Old habits do die hard!

 

[musey]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:31:16 PM
Author: bubbly1126

Me? I cannot wait to call my boyfriend my fiance! For the last year or so mainly, I have hated calling him my boyfriend. Like Robbie said, it feels so high school and we''re way past that, ya know?

And plus, for me, we''ve been together 5 years (next month) and I just feel like boyfriend isn''t relevant anymore.

I don''t think it''s an issue of relevancy, really. Like I was saying, using "fiance" (not necessarily in lieu of "boyfriend," just in general) calls attention to the situation. If that''s what you want, it''s fine, but you may find yourself saying nothing at all (or calling him by his ACTUAL name, for pete''s sake!) to avoid the probing "wedding" questions that come with mentioning that you''re enfianced.

So I guess I agree that purposefully using "boyfriend" instead of "fiance" is a little weird. But for me (and it sounds like for others too) it''s about using any label at all. I won''t say "This is my fiance, Bob," ...I just say "This is Bob." If we''re holding hands and they spy a ring, they''ll figure out we''re engaged. I don''t feel the need to announce it.

Disclaimer: I''ve never really used "boyfriend" in the first place. So I guess I have a little trouble understanding the need to differentiate between the two

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''m with Musey, Cleopatra, IG and others in that I rarely used the term "fiance". I''d usually just introduce him by his name, or when I talk about him with coworkers, I call him by his name, no title. When I did need a title, I''d usually just say "boyfriend" because...I don''t know, I guess I was just used to it. We dated for over 7 years before getting engaged, but I never had an issue calling him my boyfriend. In fact, I got so used to it I never really made the switch. Now that we''re married, I do call him my husband, but again, most of the time I just say "Dan".

 

[bee*]

Date: 10/16/2007 12:33:06 PM
Author: musey

ETA: I also feel like I''m being obnoxious when I call him my fiance. Why? The first couple of times I said it, I got some forced gushiness in return (''Oh, congratulations! When is the wedding? How wonderful!''). After that I felt like when I said fiance, I was asking for attention. Even if that''s not at all what was going on. If I just say ''boyfriend,'' there''s no reaction. I like ''no reaction''!

This is the exact reason that I haven''t said that D''s my "fiance" to many people. To me, it kind of made me feel that I was asking for attention and for people to ask her questions and I don''t know why I feel this way, but it kind of made me feel like I was pointing out that I was getting married, whereas I don''t want that attention on myself. I''m happy in my relationship myself and I don''t really want to point that out to everyone by saying fiance all the time. It kind of seems showoffy. Just my opinion though.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:43:42 PM
Author: musey

I don''t think it''s an issue of relevancy, really. Like I was saying, using ''fiance'' (not necessarily in lieu of ''boyfriend,'' just in general) calls attention to the situation. If that''s what you want, it''s fine, but you may find yourself saying nothing at all (or calling him by his ACTUAL name, for pete''s sake!) to avoid the probing ''wedding'' questions that come with mentioning that you''re enfianced.

So I guess I agree that purposefully using ''boyfriend'' instead of ''fiance'' is a little weird. But for me (and it sounds like for others too) it''s about using any label at all. I won''t say ''This is my fiance, Bob,'' ...I just say ''This is Bob.'' If we''re holding hands and they spy a ring, they''ll figure out we''re engaged. I don''t feel the need to announce it.

Disclaimer: I''ve never really used ''boyfriend'' in the first place. So I guess I have a little trouble understanding the need to differentiate between the two

Oh, it''s not about calling attention or anything with me. I really couldn''t care less if someone thinks we''re boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee or husband/wife. It''s just I''ve called him boyfriend so long that I guess it would be new and interesting to call him something different.

I never thought of it in terms of really "labelling." But now that I really think about it, I guess that is really what I''m doing. LoL. But I don''t mean in as in a "he''s my territory" label, ya know? I guess I just unwittingly fell into the whole "oh, he''s my boyfriend" thing from the get-go and it''s hard to just stop introducing someone as that when you''ve been doing it for so long.

Now I feel bad for labelling.

 

[Independent Gal]

Yeah, I''m not sure why, but I agree with Bee that for some reason it does kind of sound show-offy. Like ''Look at ME I''m getting married. A man wants to marry ME. Do YOU have a fiance? are YOU having a WEDDING and a RING like I AM? Too bad for YOU then!''

It''s weird that it sounds like that, since it''s just a dumb word, but it does kind of sound like that.

So I''ll stick with calling FI by his name or, with strangers, calling him my ''guy''.

Hey, the best one I ever heard was a friend of mine who referred to his better half as ''The Minister of Internal Affaris''. As in:

me: you guys wanna catch dinner this weekend?
friend: yeah, but I have to check with the MIA first.

 

[TravelingGal]

I never called TGuy bf...sounded too highschool as someone said. Not to mention we were long distance for 2 years so it sounded really lame having a bf who lived 8000 miles away. Fiance I tried one or two times to get used to the idea but didn't use it much either. I tried to call him "Man who does my bidding" but that didn't go over well.

I have to say, "husband" has felt the most natural and easy to use. I often use "my husband" and his name interchangeably when I talk about him. I find that in my work life, a lot of people say my husband or my wife and these mysterious entities go nameless for a long time...strange!

 

[janinegirly]

i'm with t-gal..i really did not like the boyfriend/g-friend terms only b/c it sounded juvenile to me and we were beyond that phase (we were together 3 yrs before engagement). I wholly embraced "fiance" though! I didn't drop it unnecessarily a la Seinfeld, but I loved the ring of it!
husband for some reason has taken some getting used to..i LOVE hearing my husband say "this is my wife" but when I say it i feel like a little girl playing house (hehe). meanwhile i'm in my 30's so pretty silly of me! But, i've only been married 2 weeks, so i'll get used it very quickly i'm sure!

 

[Independent Gal]

At home we sometimes call each other ''almost wife'' and ''almost husband''. FI will say ''I''m so happy that you''re my almost wife!'' and I''ll say ''Look honey! I bought you socks today because you are my darling almost husband!''

Sorry that''s kind of nauseating.

But don''t worry, we keep the kooktcheekoo at home.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 3:27:02 PM
Author: Independent Gal
At home we sometimes call each other ''almost wife'' and ''almost husband''. FI will say ''I''m so happy that you''re my almost wife!'' and I''ll say ''Look honey! I bought you socks today because you are my darling almost husband!''

Sorry that''s kind of nauseating.

But don''t worry, we keep the kooktcheekoo at home.

Aww, that''s so cute! lol.

 

[nessvan12]

I HATE using boyfriend. I agree that it sounds juvenile and I think people don't really respect it. As if we just hooked up last week and this is a temporary thing. We've been together 7 years!

One time we were at a party/gathering and ended up running into an old friend of his mom, (future MIL), and BF's mom introduced me as J's GF. For the rest of the night as this old friend introduced us to various people at the party she kept referring to me as J's "little friend" in that condesending tone while looking me up and down. I was livid. I felt completely disrespected. Thankfully my BF spoke up and started introducing me himself to others as his wonderful and beautiful girlfriend. Still hate boyfriend/girlfriend though... so I am looking forward to using Fiance or anything else!

 

[Picos]

I use fiance, almost husband and boyfriend all the same.

For example, sometimes people I talk to just dont know the word fiance (like kids) so then I''ll call him my boyfriend/almost husband.

If someone calls him my boyfriend, I dont correct them. One of my friends was engaged for years and she could give someone an evil look and then correct us. Another one of my friends decided that this was the best thing ever and so always called her fiance boyfriend just to set her off. awkward.

Mostly, I use fiance when I''m at home with him. Other times it''s almost husband.

 

[poshpepper]

Date: 10/16/2007 12:12:30 PM
Author: Cleopatra
Hey Diamondsgirl

Haha...I'm exactly the type of girl you are describing. I still call my FI 'boyfriend' - I don't know why, I just do. I think Fiance is a 'weird' word and feel stupid saying it...no reason - I just feel that way. FI and I have bought a house, moved in together, been together for 7 years, i I still just can't call him my fiance....must be some kind of chemical in my brain....

But I surely can't wait to call him 'husband'

100% DITTO... this is exactly how I feel too... I just cant seem to say the word Fiance... its sounds too "forced"...

 

[Nitza1124]

Hey

usually i always introduce my bf by his name, and never say "my boyfriend" mainly just because i feel like its kind of highschool like Robbie said, but i think when i get engaged i wont call him "my Fiance" either i agree that its a weird word lol and its just kind of akward for me

BUT i think that whenever i get married ill say " my husband" lol i dont know why cuz its kind of like saying "my fiance" but i think saying my husband sound really cute!! i guess im just weird

 

[aljdewey]

Hehehehhe......

I just call Rich my ''lobster''.
(Think Phoebe

)

Kidding......only to people I know.

I met him with I was 37. I felt a little ''aged'' to have a boyfriend. I often called him my sweetie, or raucously called him MY VICTIM when I was feeling fresh.

When we were engaged, fiance felt a bit funny......I called him either ''my intended'' or (mwaaaaaaaaaaaah) - THE CONDEMNED ONE.

LMAO.

Now, he''s the hubba-hubba.

I refer to him as by his name or by "my husband".

 

[Pandora II]

I think it sounds fine for a man to talk about his fiancee, but I do feel like I''m making a point if I use it a lot as it just sounds weird to me. I''ll maybe use it to introduce him to people - Andy, my fiance - and then just call him Andy to them.

Otherwise I talk about my other half.

It''s kind of a bit like talking about your ''boyfriend'' a lot if you reckon some guy is vaguely trying to chat you up - like you are saying it to make a point to people. Maybe this doesn''t make sense to anyone...

 

[Hera]

For me, I liked transitioning to calling him fiance. I had a much harder time with husband because I was the first of all my friends to get married and I felt so young(I was 23).

 

[iheartscience]

Hahaha! I''m with the others. I just can''t even bring myself to spit out the word "fiance"! It just sounds so forced and lame to me.

I''ve always called my boyfriend my boo in real life, for the most part, although I do call him my boyfriend sometimes.

It was actually hard for me to even type fiance on PS right after I got engaged, but I''ve gotten over that and I usually refer to him as my fiance on here *and only here* now.

 

[Sassee]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:58:46 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Yeah, I''m not sure why, but I agree with Bee that for some reason it does kind of sound show-offy. Like ''Look at ME I''m getting married. A man wants to marry ME. Do YOU have a fiance? are YOU having a WEDDING and a RING like I AM? Too bad for YOU then!''

It''s weird that it sounds like that, since it''s just a dumb word, but it does kind of sound like that.

So I''ll stick with calling FI by his name or, with strangers, calling him my ''guy''.

Hey, the best one I ever heard was a friend of mine who referred to his better half as ''The Minister of Internal Affaris''. As in:

me: you guys wanna catch dinner this weekend?
friend: yeah, but I have to check with the MIA first.

Ha ha... love it. We''ve got a friend who calls his wife "management". Like your mate, if it will require "consultation" he will always make the comment that he needs to ''run it past management first".

As for calling my fiance, "my fiance" - I''d only do that very rarely. And it does feel weird. He''s just "Steve" after all !! But then, I don''t have an issue with it if other people use the term all the time. Each to their own I guess.

 

[TravelingGal]

You know...is it just me, or would it sound perfectly fine to call your fiance "FI" (I pronounce it "fee").

"Hi, I''d like you to meet my FI."

Must be too much pricescope...