Breaking up is hard to do, 3

[UnluckyTwin]

Yep. Another thread like this. Though there's not really much to talk about, except to ask to be removed from the list. SO and I have been having problems for a while, have gone to counseling, things got a little better, but then they went back to normal, and lately they got worse. He's taken to being verbally abusive, and I finally realized I'm worth more than that. It sucks, because I imagine the person I want to be with, and I want that person to be him, but he's not ready to change and I can't make him. Part of me hopes in a couple months I'll hear from him and he'll say, "I see how wrong I was, I got counseling, I'm a changed man," but I don't really expect that (and even then we'd have to take it slow, so I don't really have a place on this LIW list until things would get a lot better). It's hard as hell, I miss him like whoa, and as I type he's getting his stuff out of the apartment and I'm devastated. But this is the right choice and I've got people on heavy rotation for teary phone calls whenever I doubt it. Good luck to everyone on the LIW list.

 

[briolette]

I am so sorry you are going through this.
He can't change unless he wants to and it may actually take losing you for him to really shape up...and by then, you'll find that you deserve much better anyway. Let him go. No one should ever be in an abusive relationship and compromise has to come from both sides.

You made an effort to try to make things better. Both of you tried it seems, but he didn't try hard enough. It's time to take care of yourself. *hugs*
Hang in there.

 

[GamerGirl]

Hugs!

Speaking from experience posting here can be super beneficial - the ladies are brilliant. And if you don't feel comfortable posting in the LIW threads anymore - there is always the Single Ladies thread or Family & Home. I sometimes feel weird to be posting on a diamond website, since I am now clearly VERY, VERY far away from being back in the market for a diamond (unless I find something I want to buy for myself! ) but it has been super helpful to have all the ladies sharing stories, advice and encouragement!

 

[vintagelover229]

HUGS!
I'm so sorry unluckytwin But you're right...you deserve 100% a man that won't resort to verbal abuse to get his point across


Go visit the break up blues thread and whenever you need any support come here and just let us know. HUGS!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Huge hugs!

It is so wonderful that you realized that you were not in a relationship that was good for you.

It's absolutely cheesy, but I've always thought this was a good quote from Marilyn Monroe--

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

 

[Winks_Elf]

I'm so sorry for the pain this has caused you. (((((BIG HUG)))))

You don't need anyone to tell you "its better that this happened before the wedding..." because you already know that. Just know we are here and wish you the best.

 

[pinkstars]

Ugh, I'm going through the exact same thing! Only with me my now former BF broke up with me. So I'm realizing that maybe the relationship isn't what I thought it was.
But I know what you mean, I don't know how I'm going to get over the future that I thought we were going to have. I don't know how I'm going to let go of this world I envisioned us living in...it obviously just isn't what I thought it was. Ugh, I'm rambling, but I think I feel the same way as you.
We can do this! This is not the end of the world, this will get better and you will feel better soon.(can you tell that I keep saying these things to myself?)
I can't wait to just be past being devastated, heart broken, and just so sad that this isn't meant to be. I want to be past all of this and be in that happy place where I know that I'm better off and that this all behind me and I'm just a stronger person because of it.


Ugh, sorry for the rambling!

 

[tuffyluvr]

I am so sorry for what you have gone through, and continue to go through... No one deserves to be treated like that. And you do deserve better. SO MUCH better. And you will have so much better. I know that what you're going through is so raw and painful now, but as time passes, the pain will dull and you will be able to see your relationship through fresh eyes. That asshat was verbally abusive towards you: that is not something that will change in a few months. And while he might want you back in a few months, his behavior will not change. And it is sure to become worse when his stress levels increase--stress at work, babies/children, financial strains, whatever--do you really want to be married to someone like that? I know you will find someone who adores you. Just be strong and keep yourself busy while the freshness of the breakup wears off... <3

 

[chemgirl]

Not that you're really in a place to think about guys BUT...

You did the right thing. You deserve to be treated with respect and verbal abuse is not respect! Being with him was keeping you away from the guy who will love you and give you the respect you deserve. Now you can get out and enjoy new things without stressing about your ex bf.

I look back on my past breakups and as much as they sucked, I think breakups are great because they get you out of situations that are all wrong for you and give you time to do anything you want! You can be selfish and spend the time you would have spent with him on whatever you want. After my last breakup, I became closer to my friends, went on some fun trips, and learned how to cook. I joined a hiking group and changed my focus in life by going back to school. The concept of "keeping busy so you don't miss him" can lead to some pretty fantastic things!

 

[UnluckyTwin]

I just want to say thanks to all of you for chiming in with support. I've been reading but feel too vulnerable to really talk about it right now. Your words mean a lot to me, though. Thank you.

 

[Echidna]

I'm really sorry to hear that, UnluckyTwin

Lots of ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for you.