bridal party isn''t any help

[tremi]

Ok we have been having a situation with the now Ex maid of honor who is now a lady in waiting .

The other brides maid isn''t doing anything to help .not a phone call , no interest , Nothing.

My finacee and I sat and did all the invitation our selfs , plus all the decorations , the only thing left to do is plates.
I am put off by this and thought they were to help you just not show up and be pretty on that day.

I have time to re arrange the bridal party if i have to , I just don''t feel any support from them . And I have others who are really willing and interested in helping me any way they can. and these other people thinks it is sorta crappy how the one girl is being.

what to do

 

[Haven]

While I agree that it would be wonderful if your bridal party was more willing (and dare I say, even excited) to help, the truth is that a bridesmaid''s duties truly are only to show up the day of your wedding and, as you said it, look pretty. I know this isn''t what you want to hear, but I consulted all of my etiquette books just to be sure I was giving you correct information.

If you have people willing to help, I would definitely take them up on the offer. As for your bridesmaids, perhaps you can try to stir up some interest by planning a coffee date with them individually and sharing some of your plans, perhaps if you involve them more they''ll be more interested in participating.

Good luck!

 

[neatfreak]

While it would certainly be nice, I agree with Haven that I don't think that they are required to help. Also, have you ASKED them to help? If not, you can't expect everyone to volunteer...you need to ask! If you've asked and they've said no, you might need to reevaluate exactly what you are asking them to do. Is it fun? Do you provide food? Or are they chores?

Whenever I asked ANYONE for help for my wedding I made it into a fun event and brought booze or food, or something. After all, it is your wedding not theirs, so you need to remember that it is your responsibility to thank them for their hard work along the way! I found that making it into an event and letting them know how much I appreciated their help went a LOOOONG way towards people being very willing to help.

You also need to make sure that the friendships stay intact and that wedding talk isn't consuming everything. Make sure to ask how their lives are going and be genuinely interested. Many brides (and I am NOT saying you are doing this) get caught up with everything wedding and their friends feel neglected, then they don't want to help, etc. So just make sure you're making an effort for them, and if they're real friends they'll make an effort for you!

ETA: It isn't their job to address the invitations or plan decorations, so make sure your expectations are realistic too. You can ask for help, but don't ask them to do all of your wedding chores!

 

[zoebartlett]

I agree with Neatfreak and Haven. I think asking them for help along the way couldn''t hurt, as long as you keep in mind that they don''t have any duties that they SHOULD be doing. If you ask for help and they accept, be very appreciative.

 

[aljdewey]

Have to agree with the others; they are called bridesmaids, not bridesslaves.

While it would be nice if they offered to help with those things, it''s not part of their BM duties. If you want help, you should ask and I''m sure many would be willing to give you a hand.

 

[meresal]

I''m not trying to be accusatory here, but I just have a few questions...

First thing I thought, was the same as everyone else... try asking?

Second is the fact that you are still talking about changing your bridesmaids... From another post, I believe you just lost your MOH? Correct? If you are holding this over your BM''s heads... maybe that is why they do not feel very much like participating. Also, are your other BM''s part of the friends that are on your ex-MOH''s side from the previous agruement? If so, then maybe they are distancing themselves for a reason, and you might want to call and make sure they still want to be part of the wedding.

I don''t mean to offend, I was just thinking maybe there could be more to this than what you see from the Bride''s point of view.