bridal shower costs

[janinegirly]

i''m asking this on the behalf of my MOH (my little sister)---is it assumed that the bridesmaids split the costs?
i just am wondering if my sister doesn''t say anything specifically about splittling costs, will they assume they don''t have to contribute. should she raise it?

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Im not sure what the proper ''rules'' are, but of all the wedding parties that I have been in (too many...), generally the bridesmaids will share the costs of the shower. I have heard of guests/closer friends chipping in maybe $10 or $20 dollars per person, depending on where the shower is held or what kind of events have been planned. If it is going to be in a restaurant or some sort of public place, most shower guests will expect to pay for their own meals, unless it is being catered or perhaps if it is a pot luck gathering. Hope this helps.

 

[zoebartlett]

I believe the bridesmaids split the cost of the shower. I'm not sure if the MOH gets the ball rolling in terms of planning and then lets the bridesmaids pitch in from there. If I was my sister's MOH, I'd probably begin by getting in touch with the BMs and brainstorming ideas for the shower. Maybe make a list of who wants to do what and then figure out what the costs are going to be and figure out how to divy up the cost. I"m not sure if there's one right way to do this but that's how I would handle it.

Hope this helps!

 

[tanyak]

It really seems to depend. I was a maid a few years ago. About eight weeks before the wedding, I started planning the shower because neither the MOH (her sister) or MaOH had done anything. Out of the six of us, three attended (the others were all from other states). I e-mailed everyone about ideas and everyone seemed pretty lukewarm and no one offered to send money to help. I certainly wasn't going to ask - I didn't know any of these girls at all. So of the two other girls that came to the shower, one brought two bunches of flowers from Costco. The other gave me $40, which was nice of her. I probably spent about $80 of my own money total (food, drinks, invites, stamps) and the bride's mom gave about $50 to rent the room and made some food. The other food and help came from friends who were invited to the shower and could see I was getting practically no help in the weeks before.

Maybe I was dealing with an odd group of girls, but no one really seemed interested in doing/contributing much at all. I got the feeling that a few of them weren't crazy about the bride (she can be a bit dramatic/whiny), so I have no idea why they even agreed to be the wedding.

 

[FireGoddess]

As a MOH I have always discussed the shower with the bridesmaids, asked them what kind of budget we should make and what they would feel comfortable contributing, etc. It is not only the MOH's responsibility to pay for the shower, it is the whole wedding party. I preferred having a dialogue with the BMs as opposed to the time I was a BM and was just told 'what to pay' after the MOH made all the decisions.

At a restaurant however, it should not be the wedding party's responsibility to pay for everyone's meals. That is an astronomically high cost for them to absorb.

 

[janinegirly]

we''ll prob do our shower in my building and cater the food to keep costs down for the bm''s.

but i was also told that even if hosting the event in the restaurant, guests should never be asked to contribute. so i''m kinda confused..

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 4/26/2007 3:33:00 PM
Author: janinegirly
but i was also told that even if hosting the event in the restaurant, guests should never be asked to contribute. so i''m kinda confused..

One bride''s mom INSISTED the shower be held at a restaurant. The wedding party told her they couldn''t afford that and if she wanted it at the restaurant so badly, she would have to absorb some of the cost. Those BMs are still mad to this day...(glad I wasn''t a part of THAT!!!). I believe the mom did pay part of it.

I have always actually done the food myself. But I love to cook.

 

[cara]

Like anything else, if the bridesmaids are expected to cohost they should be consulted beforehand about their preferences and budget. Your sister is in the difficult position of making final decisions, but cant demand that the brideamaids all contribute to something they have no say in. But I think she can ask for ideas and if people want to contribute, and if they converge on an idea that will cost money she can ask for specific commitments before going forward.

 

[february2003bride]

I''ll be hosting my friend''s bridal shower (I''m her MOH) and the other 5 bridesmaids aren''t contributing. All total the shower will cost $3500. My neighbor is hosting her friend''s bridal shower the same day that I am but the other bridesmiads are contributing as is the bride''s mom. I think my neighbor''s situation is more the norm!

 

[Fancy605]

Well...to me it depends which bridesmaid is throwing the shower. I have been in two out of state weddings where I was unable to attend any showers. So, I did not participate in covering the cost of those showers (and simply sent gifts). But, I have been in local weddings, and for those showers, the bridesmaids who help throw the shower and I have typically split the costs. For example, in one, there were 5 of us, but 2 of us hosted a shower. The other BMs were unable to attend; therefore, only the 2 of us who hosted it split the costs.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 4/26/2007 4:20:08 PM
Author: february2003bride
I''ll be hosting my friend''s bridal shower (I''m her MOH) and the other 5 bridesmaids aren''t contributing. All total the shower will cost $3500. My neighbor is hosting her friend''s bridal shower the same day that I am but the other bridesmiads are contributing as is the bride''s mom. I think my neighbor''s situation is more the norm!

! This seems really high to me! What kind of a shower are you throwing and for how many people?

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 4/26/2007 4:20:08 PM
Author: february2003bride
I''ll be hosting my friend''s bridal shower (I''m her MOH) and the other 5 bridesmaids aren''t contributing. All total the shower will cost $3500.

That is insanely expensive.

 

[LauraLoo]

My FSILs shower is being hosted by her 7 bridesmaids. We are having it at a restaurant and it is going to cost each of us $275-$300....actually that''s just the room and food, now that I think of it. About 100 people are invited. Guests will not be contributing.

 

[tanyak]

Date: 4/26/2007 5:50:02 PM
Author: Fancy605
Well...to me it depends which bridesmaid is throwing the shower. I have been in two out of state weddings where I was unable to attend any showers. So, I did not participate in covering the cost of those showers (and simply sent gifts). But, I have been in local weddings, and for those showers, the bridesmaids who help throw the shower and I have typically split the costs. For example, in one, there were 5 of us, but 2 of us hosted a shower. The other BMs were unable to attend; therefore, only the 2 of us who hosted it split the costs.

But why should certain bridesmaids get stuck with all the costs simply because they are local? Frankly, if I was an OOT maid, I would feel MORE inclined to send financial help. As it is, the local maids are already having to run around doing invites, making food, picking up decorations, etc. I paid for a good portion of the shower AND gave a gift. And the three in attendance didn't single ourselves out as the hosts. It was billed as being from the wedding party, even though half didn't offer any help. But I'm not bitter!

So my final answer is I think the maids should plan the party together and everyone should come to some understanding on who will pay for what. I know that OOT maids will have expenses that local maids don't have (hotel, airfare/gas). So explain that during the shower planning stage (I have to buy a plane ticket to the wedding, so I can only afford to give X). I think the girl serving as the point person would be more understandng and appreciative of that.

 

[february2003bride]

35 women have been invited, 37 including myself and the bride.

Well, my friend wanted an elegant bridal shower so I had to rent (4) 5'' tables, 40 chivari chairs, wine glasses, linens, 2 servers, catered food, alcohol, (3) bridal shower game gifts (Blue Nile bracelet, Aveda gift card, Tiffany key chain) personalized napkins, ribbons, thank you tags and cookie boxes. Specialty cookies to go in the personalized cookie boxes (that''s the bridal shower thank you gift to all of the guests), table centerpieces (which I''m making myself), disposible cameras and all of the stuff for the bridal shower games and other usual party stuff.

The $3500 doesn''t include the landscaping clean up just had done. We would have done it anyway but in June instead of today. I also had the entire house painted (literally) 2 weeks ago. Again, I would have done it, but later this year (way later). But I wanted my home to look nice for the bridal shower!

 

[basil]

Date: 4/26/2007 10:36:03 PM
Author: february2003bride
35 women have been invited, 37 including myself and the bride.


Well, my friend wanted an elegant bridal shower so I had to rent (4) 5'' tables, 40 chivari chairs, wine glasses, linens, 2 servers, catered food, alcohol, (3) bridal shower game gifts (Blue Nile bracelet, Aveda gift card, Tiffany key chain) personalized napkins, ribbons, thank you tags and cookie boxes. Specialty cookies to go in the personalized cookie boxes (that''s the bridal shower thank you gift to all of the guests), table centerpieces (which I''m making myself), disposible cameras and all of the stuff for the bridal shower games and other usual party stuff.


The $3500 doesn''t include the landscaping clean up just had done. We would have done it anyway but in June instead of today. I also had the entire house painted (literally) 2 weeks ago. Again, I would have done it, but later this year (way later). But I wanted my home to look nice for the bridal shower!

Wow! That''s really generous of you!

 

[BigSista]

Ummm, some weddings cost that much! I hope you dicussed costs with the other girls before arranging this.

 

[tanyak]

Date: 4/27/2007 11:03:54 AM
Author: BigSista
Ummm, some weddings cost that much! I hope you dicussed costs with the other girls before arranging this.

No, she said she was paying for the entire thing herself, which is really amazing and generous IMO.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 4/27/2007 11:03:54 AM
Author: BigSista
Ummm, some weddings cost that much! I hope you dicussed costs with the other girls before arranging this.

The other bridesmaids aren''t involved at all with the bridal shower. It''s all my responsibility, i.e. planning and costs. One bridesmaid handled the engagement party (along with her husband and the MOB so some costs were split there) but I know it cost about $2000 for that party. One bridesmaid is a single mom, two bridesmaids live paycheck to paycheck and just the regular bridal costs (dress and shoes, hotel, yadda yadda yadda) so asking them for any amount would be a huge burden to them.

 

[musey]

Date: 4/26/2007 7:16:23 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 4/26/2007 4:20:08 PM

Author: february2003bride

I'll be hosting my friend's bridal shower (I'm her MOH) and the other 5 bridesmaids aren't contributing. All total the shower will cost $3500.

That is insanely expensive.

It's still amazing to me that people splurge on these traditions...

feb, that is very, very generous of you.

I guess I'm still in more of a beer-and-burgers-at-my-house college mindset. I'm not planning to partake in any of the prewedding festivities (shower, bachelorette party, etc. I know there are more that I don't even know about LOL). Mistake? All the brides on here seem to be doing all of these things...

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 4/26/2007 10:21:11 PM
Author: tanyak

Date: 4/26/2007 5:50:02 PM
Author: Fancy605
Well...to me it depends which bridesmaid is throwing the shower. I have been in two out of state weddings where I was unable to attend any showers. So, I did not participate in covering the cost of those showers (and simply sent gifts). But, I have been in local weddings, and for those showers, the bridesmaids who help throw the shower and I have typically split the costs. For example, in one, there were 5 of us, but 2 of us hosted a shower. The other BMs were unable to attend; therefore, only the 2 of us who hosted it split the costs.

But why should certain bridesmaids get stuck with all the costs simply because they are local? Frankly, if I was an OOT maid, I would feel MORE inclined to send financial help. As it is, the local maids are already having to run around doing invites, making food, picking up decorations, etc. I paid for a good portion of the shower AND gave a gift. And the three in attendance didn''t single ourselves out as the hosts. It was billed as being from the wedding party, even though half didn''t offer any help. But I''m not bitter!

Yes, not paying anything because you are OOT isn''t quite fair - when I was the OOT BM we still divided up the costs equally among the wedding party and I sent a check to the MOH that was the same as everyone else''s! The only downside was that I didn''t get to have the fun!