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Bridesmaids hair - All the same or whatever?

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BigSista

Rough_Rock
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Apr 27, 2007
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I asked my bridemaids to all have the same half-up do for the wedding. They all have long hair and I think halfup will look the best with the dresses. My hair will be up so I wanted thiers different as well. I''m paying to have thier hair done. Some people think this is outragous that I have asked them to do this. If the tables were turned, I would do my hair anyway the bride wanted.
 
I''m paying for their hair as a gift, but I''m letting them pick their hairdo. It''s their hair and their head, and some hairdos don''t look good on everyone.

I have to admit that I''m a bit of a "whatever" bride... I''m letting them pick their dress, shoes, hairdo, everything. I just want them to look nice and feel good.

I don''t think it''s "horrible" to impose a hairdobut ùi certainly don''t think it''s necessary.
 
Date: 4/27/2007 11:17:20 AM
Author: anchor31
I''m paying for their hair as a gift, but I''m letting them pick their hairdo. It''s their hair and their head, and some hairdos don''t look good on everyone.

I have to admit that I''m a bit of a ''whatever'' bride... I''m letting them pick their dress, shoes, hairdo, everything. I just want them to look nice and feel good.

I don''t think it''s ''horrible'' to impose a hairdobut ùi certainly don''t think it''s necessary.
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I agree with everything Anchor posted and I was the same with my bridal party. On the flip side, I have been in two weddings, and both requested that hair be up, but they didn''t dictate an exact style. For me, I wanted my maids to look as much like themselves as possible and not clones, especially since we are all in our early 30s, and IMO, women of that age shouldn''t be all matchy-matchy.
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i chatted with my bm''s and we decided to do a low bun for them. the front, however was done however worked best with their hair and hairline. so, one may have been parted to the left, another no part, and last to the right or whatever. that didn''t matter. i also paid for their hair to be done.

i''ve been a bridesmaid twice. the brides were both sorta of "whatever" brides. each time my hair was left up to the stylist she asked me to use. once, i paid, the other the bride paid for my hair to be done.
 
I personally would never ask my BMs to have the same hairdo--i don''t like the idea of everyone looking the same, I don''t really get it.
however, if a bride asked me to wear my hair a certain way i would ''grin and bare it'', it''s her day and if it made her happy I would be cool with it.
 
I asked my girls to have their hair up. Whatever style was their choice. Besides their matching dresses (obviously) it is the only thing I cared about. Shoes, jewelry, manicures...that was up to them.
 
Like Anchor, I was the total "Whatever" bride. I told my girls to do whatever they felt most comfortable doing. They all ended up doing thier own hair and looked fab. Some had it up, others down. I have had brides ask me to wear my hair up before and I didnt mind, but that is my usual preference for a nice ''do anyways. I think Jcrow''s girls had a nice choice of how to make the same ''do work for them.
 
Well, it''s obviously your choice, but don''t you think having them all in the exact same dress and exact same hair will be a bit too matchy?

It''s rather Stepford Wives, ya know? I mean, they aren''t clones. They are your friends.

Why do you not want anyone else to have an updo? There is no way that people will be focusing more on your BMs than on you. Impossible. It''s your wedding.
 
I''m def not a Whatever Bride. But I''m also not a bridezilla. At least I don''t think so... LOL
My reasoning is this...I''m asian and 3 of my maids are asian as well. We are all in strapless gowns. The wedding is pretty formal and I''m all about a timeless photo. I just think it looks cleaner in pics too.

They are all gorgous girls with long hair so I''m envisioning them to look great.
 
all my girls will be in the same dress and i''m suggesting they do up do''s, which i think they are all ok with. if one would prefer a different style, i''d be open to it. since i''m paying for hair, i figure i have a little say
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i''m letting them choose own shoes, jewelry, maybe just offer suggestions.
 
I''m sure it will look good, but will they be comfortable with it?

I''m a "whatever bride" too and my girls all have different dresses and will probably wear their hair differently. I''m not making any demands because every single one has completely different hair than the next, and nothing the same would look good on all of them. They have asked me repeatedly what my preferences are though and I just say "whatever makes you the most beautiful you can be!" They seem somewhat happy with that answer.
 
Date: 4/27/2007 11:10:08 AM
Author:BigSista
I''m paying to have thier hair done. Some people think this is outragous that I have asked them to do this.
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Whether or not it''s fair for people to say that that''s an outrageous request really depends on how specific you have been... half up AND curled AND no bangs AND parted to the left AND sparkled flowers in the hair AND... you get the idea.

Each "and" makes it a little harder for people to stomache.

I''m having one BM, my matron of honor, and all I''m planning to ask is that her dress use the color of fabric I picked out, and beyond that, she can choose her dress style, length, etc. as well as how she wants to do her own makeup and hair. (My mom is making her dress for her so she can choose literally any style)

On the other hand, it is your wedding, and I don''t think that people have a right to complain about the requests you make of your BMs, as long as it isn''t taken to far (telling them not to cut it, TO cut it, dye it, perm it, whatever). It''s one day. If they don''t like the way their hair looks in the style you want, tough cookies. You''ll be looking at the pics the rest of your life, and if you really feel that things look best and make you happiest when they are a certain way, by all means ask your BMs to dress/makeup/hair the way you like. Some brides just want everyone to be themselves, but if this is important to you then that''s perfectly fair.


Uh oh... I''m enabling you to be a bridezilla
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(just kidding)
 
Date: 4/27/2007 11:10:08 AM
Author:BigSista
I asked my bridemaids to all have the same half-up do for the wedding. They all have long hair and I think halfup will look the best with the dresses. My hair will be up so I wanted thiers different as well. I''m paying to have thier hair done. Some people think this is outragous that I have asked them to do this. If the tables were turned, I would do my hair anyway the bride wanted.
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Add me to the list of people who''d think it was outrageous!
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Sorry, but I feel that each girl knows what''s most comfortable and looks good on her, and since they''re already wearing the same dresses, shoes, flowers, etc...I''d be kinda POed if I couldn''t at least pick the hairstyle that I knew I felt comfortable with.
 
I don't think it's outrageous, but I wouldn't ask my BMs to do it.

But I don't dig the matchy matchy look at all. I prefer the look of different dresses, shoes, and even different color shades. That's just me, though.
 
If I were the bridesmaid, I''d do it without complaint. Ok, maybe I''d complain in private, but never to the bride
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I haven''t ever thought about it up to this moment. I''m only having two bridesmaids and one is asian with long thick black hair, and the other has short fine red hair. So whatever I tell them, they aren''t going to even close to the same anyway! I''ll probably just let them do what they like.
 
i don't think it's outrageous at all. if the bride is paying for their hair, she should at least have a say in what she'd prefer. maybe not demand, just voice her preference.
some brides like more control than others, and i can see how a more controlling bride (me i guess
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) would not want surprises on the day..like if one girl had flyaway hair and another with frizzy and another with smooth. just my opinion! i'm letting the brides now i'd prefer updo's, but no preference how that updo is done. and if someone wants half up, that's fine too. i just like it to look neat.
i think where i started to think this way is when i saw some shots from a photographer i was looking into....you could tell the girls had done their own hair and it just looked sloppy.
 
All I cared was that the dresses were the same. Shoes, hair, accessories, I couldn''t really care about, however my bridesmaids weren''t over the top daily dressers, so I thought it was safe to assume they wouldn''t go nuts the day of my wedding
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Regarding the hair specifically, I felt like each bridesmaids hair was like their body types- individual and totally different from the other girls. So I didn''t think it was right for me to say that one style over another was mandatory.
 
I definitely don''t think it''s outrageous at all. I''m letting my girls have their hair however they want, but I''m encountering problems already and the wedding''s still more than 4 months away! I think having them all the same is actually a safe bet and if you''re paying for it, I really don''t see how they can complain.
 
Date: 4/27/2007 1:47:37 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 4/27/2007 11:10:08 AM
Author:BigSista
I asked my bridemaids to all have the same half-up do for the wedding. They all have long hair and I think halfup will look the best with the dresses. My hair will be up so I wanted thiers different as well. I''m paying to have thier hair done. Some people think this is outragous that I have asked them to do this. If the tables were turned, I would do my hair anyway the bride wanted.
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Add me to the list of people who''d think it was outrageous!
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Sorry, but I feel that each girl knows what''s most comfortable and looks good on her, and since they''re already wearing the same dresses, shoes, flowers, etc...I''d be kinda POed if I couldn''t at least pick the hairstyle that I knew I felt comfortable with.
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I completely agree with firegoddess. And I say this from experience. I believe this adds stress and annoyance to the BM aspect.

Not to mention the money involved, unless you dont mind them doing it on their own and they are capable/feel comfortable to do so.

Though I think its pretty unreasonable to ask this much of people who are already giving so much of themselves to share this day with you, I think it is more forgivable if you offer to pay for the updos.

But still, sorry, I think it is asking too much.
 
It depends on just how matchy you want things to be, I guess. I think one small part of me wouldn''t mind telling them to wear hairstyle X to minimize the chance that BM Y will come to my wedding in shambles. However, after the BM dress saga, I am just not into it anymore. And they are all adults who in general always seem the type to care about thier appearance on a normal basis. I would hope this tendency would extend (or even magnify) to my wedding :)

I will, however, email them a pic or two of the general "mood" I''m going for so they can see that I do not need them all to get fancy updos nor do I want straggly out-of-bed hair. They can keep it totally natural and all down, flat ironed, pretty ponys. I don''t mind :) I worried for 2 seconds that some might go too formal but then I remembered who my women are and figured, if given this flexibility, they''d probably not choose to do that.

Is your wedding formal? And if so, is it the updo-is-more-appropriate type of formal wedding? If so, perhaps you could just say you want thier hair all up and leave it to them to go from there. Then, they could do a loose chignon or a structured bun or whatever. This way they get to control the style while keeping the hair up as you wish them to.
 
Date: 4/27/2007 11:10:08 AM
Author:BigSista
I asked my bridemaids to all have the same half-up do for the wedding. They all have long hair and I think halfup will look the best with the dresses. My hair will be up so I wanted thiers different as well. I''m paying to have thier hair done. Some people think this is outragous that I have asked them to do this. If the tables were turned, I would do my hair anyway the bride wanted.
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I don''t think it''s outrageous either. It''s your wedding. You are paying for it. You should get what you want. End of story. Some people are high maintenence about flowers, some people are high maintenence about hair. Personally I was all for letting my bridesmaids pick their own hair, but they were the ones who said no. They wanted to all be in the same dress with the same hair because all of them think that bridesmaids should match. They even want the same shoes, but I have insisted that their shoes won''t matter in long gowns. So, all of mine will have similar hair styles. My MOH told me that she went to a wedding where all of the girls had different hair, and she thought it was distracting. I personally have never thought so, but she is pickier than I am. Maybe here in my part of the South people are still overly traditional. But most of the people I know who''ve gotten married have actually had their bridesmaids in similar if not identical hairstyles, and the bridesmaids tend to like it.

I personally like being told how to wear my hair when I am in weddings. But my hair is pretty easy to fix, and it''ll do just about anything, so I''m not picky. Maybe if I had difficult hair, I would be more insistant on wanting to style it my way. To me, the most stressful wedding I have been in was with a bride who was just like, "Whatever. I don''t care how y''all wear your hair." The 3 of us ended up collaborating and creating nearly identical 1/2 back styles.
 
I do want to add, since you are offering to pay for the hair, they might be less resistant. Maybe they could have different 1/2 up, 1/2 down styles?

In my cases, the brides asked that hair be up, but since they didn''t offer any bucks toward it, I wasn''t inclined to spend an extra $50 going to a stylist.
 
I have long hair and bar sticking it in a ponytail for work it just sits there! Not that I don''t appreciate good hair - I''m just challenged when it comes to my own (too many years of short bobs!)

If someone told me they would pay for a talented expert to do anything with my hair I would be over the moon!

I think half-updo sounds great - not to scary for those who don''t feel they can carry off a full-up do and more structured for those who have flat as a pancake 2 minutes out of the hairdressers hair like me and wouldn''t want it down all day. Also can be interpreted in many different ways!
 
i think the bm shoukd choose to wear her hair the way she is comfortable. they are your friends, not robots. my cousin made us wear our hair up and i was uncomfortable with it all day since we were wearing a strapless gown and it was chilly out. all day i hid behind my wrap and at the reception i pulled out the updo and was finally comfortable to dance. she was mad i took it out at the reception, but we had already taken pics and the pins hurt my head...another reason i hate updos. let them be comfortable--some girls just aren''t up-doish.
 
I personally dont think it''s right to demand that they all wear the same hair style because as many have said, they each know what they look best in. I also dont think it matters who is paying for it. I dont know what they think of their BM dresses but I''d at least give them this one thing so they can each be individual. I hate the look of wedding photos with matching dresses, matching hair, matching make up, matching jewelry, etc. It''s way too matchy matchy and looks like the wedding party are a bunch of dolls. Presumably, these people have been asked to be in the wedding party because they are special to you, so why not allow them to feel their best on your wedding day by allowing them to do their hair, makeup and accessories as they like, so their individuality can shine through? If they are already in matching dresses I think that''s enough to tie it all together.
 
I don''t think it''s unreasonable, but I don''t think having the bm with same hairstyles will make the pictures classic or timeless. I personally let my two BMs pick out their dresses, hairstyles, shoes and jewelry. I paid for their dresses, shoes, hair and makeup. I just wanted their personality to shine through and for them to be comfy and beautiful. Since all three of your BMs are Asian with the same hairstyle and dress, then all your pictures will look matchy matchy (which can be a little blunt). In the end, you are the bride and you can do whatever you want.
 
Date: 4/28/2007 2:53:25 PM
Author: qtiekiki
I don''t think it''s unreasonable, but I don''t think having the bm with same hairstyles will make the pictures classic or timeless. I personally let my two BMs pick out their dresses, hairstyles, shoes and jewelry. I paid for their dresses, shoes, hair and makeup. I just wanted their personality to shine through and for them to be comfy and beautiful. Since all three of your BMs are Asian with the same hairstyle and dress, then all your pictures will look matchy matchy (which can be a little blunt). In the end, you are the bride and you can do whatever you want.
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I beg to differ. Having the bridesmaids wear their hair the same will indeed make the pictures look classic... they''ll look like they were taken in the 50''s!
 
I just wanted to say that I (personally) think that everyone's comments saying that it is unreasonable seem to based on what you think BMs should look like, not whether or not it's an unreasonable request for her to make.

The question is simply whether or not it's unreasonable to ask the 'maids to do their hair a certain way (the way she wants it), when she is footing the bill. Saying that it's unreasonable because it won't look "right" or that the pictures will look "stiff"... that's a different issues, and just your own opinion of aesthetics. She knows what it will look like and that that's what she wants--I think that it's not fair to try to convince her that based on what her pictures will look like, she shouldn't have everyone in the same style.

Just because you and I don't prefer to have all the bridesmaids dressed/made up/hairstyled the same way, doesn't mean that she shouldn't or doesn't. It's her wedding. Everyone has different ideas of how their wedding should be
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(Then again, I grew up doing the dance/choir/cheer thing, so I'm more than used to being dressed/made up/hairstyled EXACTLY the same as all the other girls!!)
 
In light of Musey's post I'd like to clarify that yes, I do think it is unreasonable to make one's BMs wear their hair a certain way. Presumably they've already been told what to wear and that's sort of expected in t he world of BMs, however, I think its a bit much to make someone style their hair a certain way regardless of who is footing the bill. If they decline the paid-for stylist, can they then wear their hair as they like? I'm guessing it will still be expected that they conform to the style the bride wants, yes? I suppose this is where brides start getting a bad rap. For me, I'd never tell someone how to do their hair, especially for my wedding. I want them to look and feel wonderful at my wedding and in order to do that, I'd probably offer to pay for a stylist to do their hair, but I'd let them choose what they felt best in, style-wise. Using the OP's example of up-do's, not everyone looks best in an up-do. If you have a bit of a double chin, or are self conscience about something you might not want an up-do so why force someone to wear a style they hate? I mean, dont you want your BMs to be happy and filled with joy on your wedding day, instead of them being pissed off about their forced matching hair-do's that they dont really want? Dont you want them to feel beautiful and wonderful too? I say let the wear their hair any way they feel looks best on them. They're not likely to pick a style that's heinous on themselves, right?
 
Big Sista... is it your bridesmaids who are saying that it isn''t right for you to tell them how to wear their hair...or is it just other outside onlookers who have knocked you? Because, the way I see it, if your bridesmaids don''t have a problem with it, then who cares what anyone else has to say about it? I think knowing this piece of information would help clear things up a bit.
 
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