Bridesmaids hair - All the same or whatever?

[E B]

Date: 4/29/2007 4:13:16 AM
Author: surfgirl
In light of Musey's post I'd like to clarify that yes, I do think it is unreasonable to make one's BMs wear their hair a certain way. Presumably they've already been told what to wear and that's sort of expected in t he world of BMs, however, I think its a bit much to make someone style their hair a certain way regardless of who is footing the bill. If they decline the paid-for stylist, can they then wear their hair as they like? I'm guessing it will still be expected that they conform to the style the bride wants, yes? I suppose this is where brides start getting a bad rap. For me, I'd never tell someone how to do their hair, especially for my wedding. I want them to look and feel wonderful at my wedding and in order to do that, I'd probably offer to pay for a stylist to do their hair, but I'd let them choose what they felt best in, style-wise. Using the OP's example of up-do's, not everyone looks best in an up-do. If you have a bit of a double chin, or are self conscience about something you might not want an up-do so why force someone to wear a style they hate? I mean, dont you want your BMs to be happy and filled with joy on your wedding day, instead of them being pissed off about their forced matching hair-do's that they dont really want? Dont you want them to feel beautiful and wonderful too? I say let the wear their hair any way they feel looks best on them. They're not likely to pick a style that's heinous on themselves, right?

I agree, surfgirl. But as someone said above, some brides (like you, and myself) are just more laid back than others when it comes to the details. In the end, BigSista, they're YOUR friends. If they don't mind all wearing the same hairstyle, so be it.

 

[dmamsquared]

It''s your day! You want what you want and you are paying for it. That should be the bottom line. Trust your instincts. Besides that, you can make the communal hairdo experience a bonding time. Lunch, mimosas, etc. would be a nice way to chill before the ceremony.

 

[Molly1024]

I didn''t care how my bridesmaids wore their hair- the only stipulation was that it didn''t look like mine. Two wore half up, two were all up, and one was down- it looked fine with their strapless dresses. Here''s my take:

If you pay for their hairstyle, then they should all have their hair done the same way, if that''s what you want. If they are paying for their own hair, then they can wear their hair however they want.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/30/2007 3:25:26 PM
Author: Molly1024
I didn''t care how my bridesmaids wore their hair- the only stipulation was that it didn''t look like mine. Two wore half up, two were all up, and one was down- it looked fine with their strapless dresses. Here''s my take:

If you pay for their hairstyle, then they should all have their hair done the same way, if that''s what you want. If they are paying for their own hair, then they can wear their hair however they want.

I totally agree with this logic. Personally, I''m not a huge fan of the super-matchy thing... my bridesmaids are all wearing the same black dresses so I''d prefer their hair and jewelry and shoes to be different, just to add a little character to the pictures. But that''s just me!

 

[Molly1024]

I agree- super matchy can look kind of funny on grown women. My bridesmaids all agreed to wear & pay for the same dress, so they wore different shoes (albeit silver strappy sandal-y shoes) and I paid for their jewelry. The end result was a similar look but everyone''s personalities shone through.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 4/28/2007 6:27:30 PM
Author: musey
I just wanted to say that I (personally) think that everyone's comments saying that it is unreasonable seem to based on what you think BMs should look like, not whether or not it's an unreasonable request for her to make.

The question is simply whether or not it's unreasonable to ask the 'maids to do their hair a certain way (the way she wants it), when she is footing the bill. Saying that it's unreasonable because it won't look 'right' or that the pictures will look 'stiff'... that's a different issues, and just your own opinion of aesthetics.

My answer had nothing to do with what I think BMs should look like, it had to do with me putting myself in the BM's shoes and how I would respond to a request like that from a bride.

I have been a BM in a wedding where the bride paid for our hairstyles and she never told us how to wear our hair. I personally would be irked if I *had* to wear my hair up when I don't feel comfortable wearing my hair up. It has nothing to do with pictures, looking stiff, or any mention of aesthetics.

Luckily, I'm not one of Bigsista's BMs and I don't have to deal with that. But that doesn't stop me from thinking the request is somewhat over the top.

 

[surfgirl]

I think Molly''s photo (which is gorgeous!) is the perfect example of what I was talking about. They look like a wedding party, but not like identical dolls. Very nice photo! And they all look happy and relaxed and comfortable. And beautiful!

 

[musey]

Date: 4/30/2007 7:00:14 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 4/28/2007 6:27:30 PM

Author: musey

I just wanted to say that I (personally) think that everyone's comments saying that it is unreasonable seem to based on what you think BMs should look like, not whether or not it's an unreasonable request for her to make.



The question is simply whether or not it's unreasonable to ask the 'maids to do their hair a certain way (the way she wants it), when she is footing the bill. Saying that it's unreasonable because it won't look 'right' or that the pictures will look 'stiff'... that's a different issues, and just your own opinion of aesthetics.

My answer had nothing to do with what I think BMs should look like, it had to do with me putting myself in the BM's shoes and how I would respond to a request like that from a bride.


I have been a BM in a wedding where the bride paid for our hairstyles and she never told us how to wear our hair. I personally would be irked if I *had* to wear my hair up when I don't feel comfortable wearing my hair up. It has nothing to do with pictures, looking stiff, or any mention of aesthetics.

Luckily, I'm not one of Bigsista's BMs and I don't have to deal with that. But that doesn't stop me from thinking the request is somewhat over the top.

I should clarify, I intended to say that most of the posts seemed to be based on that opinion, not all. I still believe that if she is paying and it is truly important to her, it's hardly an outlandish request. Then again, like I said, I'm told every day of my life how to wear my hair/do my makeup/dress/act... so the idea of someone needing me to look a certain way (for whatever reason) doesn't seem like a big deal at all. If she wanted me to tease out my hair until into a beehive I might have a problem with it. But requesting "half up?" Seriously--what's the major harm in that?

And no, I am not a "bridezilla" either. My one BM will wear her hair however she chooses (as well as makeup, shoes, and dress style, for that matter), and I will pay for it to be done if she will let me. But I'd like to think that if such a thing were really important to me, my BM wouldn't take issue with such a simple request.

So, obviously, it's all a matter of personality and tastes. Some people are stubborn brides who want things their way, some could care less, and then there are those of us in between. Further, some people are stubborn people who want things their way... even if it is not their "day"... and some people don't mind doing things someone else's way for *one* day in their life if it will make that person happy (and I don't think a stubborn BM is any more justified than a stubborn bride, if anything, less so).

Bigsista, I say, as long as you're not pissing your BMs off (and it IS really that important to you), request away. But I'm sure you've learned from this thread that some women won't mind, and some will think it is (like you said) outrageous for you to make any such requests. What matters in your situation is which category your BMs fall under

ETA: I've been to 5 weddings (ever). In all but one, the BMs matched EVERYTHING--down to the part on their heads. I don't think it's uncommon for brides to request this. Maybe it's more common in certain parts of the country/world (which would account for the strongly varying opinions on this thread).

 

[diamondfan]

If it will suit the dress and really look good on them, and you are paying, I do not think it is that big a deal. But is there any way to modify if slightly so no one has their hair all the way up but yet they do not look matchy matchy...