Broken engagement

[divergrrl]

I am so sorry to hear of your broken engagement. May you find solace in the upcoming days.

I''d like to chime in on tattoo removal. My dad had 3 removed a few years back. He got them in the 60''s & early 70''s....(navy) one was an old fashioned pin up girl in a swimsuit...very old school, very well done, I was so sad my stepmom made him get rid of it. As a little girl, I loved looking at his tattoos...anyhoo I digress...

You can''t even tell they were there now & while it did take quite a few treatments, it looks fine.

Take care,

 

[risingsun]

I sounds as if you needed to vent and this is a good place to do it! Give yourself all the time you need and try not to rush into any decisions until your emotions begin to settle. Good luck.

 

[vespergirl]

I''m sorry to hear that your engagement is off.

In the US, there is actually a legal precedent as to who gets the ring after a broken engagment - this has been enforced in the courts when people have disagreed over who gets it:

If the man breaks off the engagement, the woman gets to keep the ring. The traditional reason is that she has lost "prime marriageable" years to find another husband (I know, it makes women sound like chattel) so she keeps the ring as a compensation if she has missed her "prime marriage window" and then the guy breaks it off.

If the woman breaks off an engagement, she must give back the ring. The ring functions as "consideration" (legal term) which is like collateral on a contract. The contract being marriage. So, if she "reneges" on teh contract by calling of the wedding, the guy gets his "collateral" back.

It''s that simple.

 

[enbcfsobe]

Date: 7/11/2007 10:44:36 AM
Author: vespergirl
I'm sorry to hear that your engagement is off.

In the US, there is actually a legal precedent as to who gets the ring after a broken engagment - this has been enforced in the courts when people have disagreed over who gets it:

If the man breaks off the engagement, the woman gets to keep the ring. The traditional reason is that she has lost 'prime marriageable' years to find another husband (I know, it makes women sound like chattel) so she keeps the ring as a compensation if she has missed her 'prime marriage window' and then the guy breaks it off.

If the woman breaks off an engagement, she must give back the ring. The ring functions as 'consideration' (legal term) which is like collateral on a contract. The contract being marriage. So, if she 'reneges' on teh contract by calling of the wedding, the guy gets his 'collateral' back.

It's that simple.

Vespergirl's description is correct in some states, but the legal answer to the question of who gets the ring actually varies considerably by state (and involve a wide variety of legal concepts, including the concept of the ring as a gift contingent on a promise of marriage). Please tread carefully and seek legal advice from someone in your state before pressing the issue. That is not to say that you cannot ask for it back -- just because the law might not require it doesn't mean she might not return it if asked. It is okay to ask for something the law doesn't require, but its not a good idea to threaten to sue until you know what the legal landscape in your jurisdiction is like.

Sorry to be a legal nitpicker -- just don't want OP to rely on something that may not apply in his state.

More generally, I'm sorry that your engagement ended. Do vent, and do feel free to do it here. It will help the grieving process and help you to move forward.

 

[cutes814]

wow, what a bummer.

i''m so sorry. it must be really difficult for you right now. just try to relax and get back on track before doing anything just yet, except cancel the arrangements you''ve made thus far regarding the wedding.


after you waited out a few days and felt a little better then proceed to tell the best man about the broken engagement and tell him to inform all the other people. tell your side of the family and have them spread the word as well.

as for the ring, if you broke off the engagement, don''t ask for the ring back unless she did something terrible during the engagement. if she broke it off, politely ask for it back. she should willingly give it back anyway.

i''m so sorry. it''s hard to think or see clearly right now, but you''ll find the one again. it''s better that you found out right now she''s not right for you then after the wedding.

 

[michipoo]

dear dixxin,

i too have ended my engagement, after 4 years of datting, long distance, lots of stress from jobs, and most importantly lack of affection and understanding, im lost in how to deal with the family how to tell everyone its not taking place, i wish i could just go live somewhere else for a year and not have to face everyone and answer the same questions....

how do i restart it all over again, life that is... whats the next step

 

[parkerj]

I''m sorry to hear about the engagement.
I know it''s painful, but a divorce....now that''s a horrible, lawyer-involved, mess.

I don''t have a tat, but I''ve heard that "Wrecking Balm" helps fade an unwanted tatoo. Worth a shot and doesn''t hurt.
Time passes, wounds heal, new joy is found.

 

[Haven]

Dixxin,

I''m not sure if you''ve come around lately, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your situation. I went through a similar situation over four years ago--my ex fiance and I broke off the engagement after two years of being engaged, and five years of dating. It was really confusing and to be honest, frightening, at first facing a new life that I had not previously planned on. However, I took some time to reevaluate what I wanted to do and picked up the pieces and found a wonderful man, and four years later I''m extremely happy--MUCH happier than I would have been had I stayed with the ex. What I''m trying to say is that this hurts now, but it will feel so much better later.

As for all of your questions, I''m just going to ditto what everyone else said. Take your time and do things when you feel like you''re ready to do them.

I''ve included a link about engagement rings and how it works in the U.S. Of course, hopefully with time you''ll be able to settle things amicably.

When is an e-ring a gift?

Good luck, and let us know how you''re doing.

 

[suzi]

Dixxin and Michipoo,

I just now saw this thread and wanted to tell you both how sorry I am to hear this news. Breakups are always hard, no matter what the circumstances. I wish you both the best of luck moving on from this.

 

[yeewl]

Hi Dixxin and Michipoo

So sorry to hear that.