Buffet vs. Sit-down vs. Cocktail Reception? What would you sacrifice ...

[areagirlsbestfriend]

If you found your dream venue but the only way to afford it was to downgrade to a cocktail reception (heavy h''or deourves and open bar) --- would you?

I''m so torn. I''m pretty much ruling out a sit down dinner at this point for money reasons alone, but at some of the places I''ve looked even the buffet option is up there per head!

Would really appreciate any thoughts on this.

 

[misysu2]

Some places I looked at -- the buffet was even MORE than the sit down dinner! I guess they figure everyone will eat more that way... If you had to sacrifice, I'd sacrifice the open bar. There are lots of ways to do that, however. Talk with someone at your venue. I'm actually opening the bar for an hour before dinner, then again AFTER dinner for 2 hours, then closing it. Also, you can limit what will be at the open bar. You could always limit the bar to wine, champagne, and beer, which would also cut down costs. Some locations will also let you purchase and bring in your own kegs.
Most of my family will only be drinking beer, anyways. They can afford that on their own if they need it near the end of the night. Opening and closing the bar at different times will keep guests from hoarding drinks and will also lower the per hour charges of having the bar open in the first place. Just a thought. Maybe you could have a medium-sized hors d'ouevres and a limited-time and limited-selection open bar?

I think everyone will be happy having a little of both. No one's going to be mad about free food and drinks.

 

[Gypsy]

I guess it depends on what you dreams are. If you are asking if I would downgrade to a cocktail reception in order to be able to afford a venue I wanted? Probably not. I'd do a daytime, lunch or brunch before I did that or I'd negotiate discounted a holiday or off season date with the place. Or I'd cut expenses someplace else... I'd compromise on my dress, onflowers, a band or nix the videographer.... so something like that. Ultimately, if they couldn't accomodate me, I'd look someplace else most likely.

 

[oobiecoo]

If you are worried about your what guests will think, I know that I wouldn''t expect a full dinner unless it was right at meal-time. If you do it before or after dinner time for example then I''d say go for the cocktail reception!

 

[largirl]

I think it depends fully on the selection of food if you do hors d''oeuvers. Some HdO (too hard to type out!) buffets are REALLY nice with great food and easily take the place of a regular buffet. Some are more appetizers. At least for one of the places I was looking at, they give you a choice of 14 different HdOs to choose three from - some of them I would never do (wings, cocktail franks or chicken fingers) because they scream "bar food" and I want a nicer, elegant reception. But some of them (chicken cordon bleu bites, seafood stuffed mushrooms, stuffed chicken puffs) are perfect to make it a more dinner-like reception.

 

[kcoursolle]

If you are having your wedding at dinner time, I don''t think you should do appetizers. However, if it is after dinner and on the invitation you could get away with it. However, when I think about what guests care about at weddings...they care about drinking, eating, and being entertained...not about the fancy reception hall. We went for a less fancy reception hall and served quite a few options with a buffet. I was worried that people wanted a sit down dinner, but really they just wanted to eat some good food, they didn''t care if they have to go up to get it.

 

[Pandora II]

I think it also depends on your guests.

Mine are 90% OOT and so I would feel bad just doing cocktails when they had made so much effort to be there - I'd find a cheaper date/time of year/venue or save like crazy.

I'm doing cocktails after the ceremony and then a buffet entree with seated starter and pudding. It came in a lot cheaper than the seated dinner - and the food sounded so much nicer (cold local meats and fish, salads, potatoes etc) , and there is loads of it (even better, we get all the leftovers doggie bagged to talk to my parents house for brunch the next day).

If your guests are all nearby, then it can be very chic to do cocktails and substantial hors d'oeuvres, or a signature cocktail and full english cream tea with scones and cucumber sandwiches.

I kind of see it like - it would be fine to have your neighbour round for coffee and biscuits, but a friend who drove several hours, you'd probably feel you should invite them for lunch or dinner at least.

 

[sera]

I''m actually planning on doing an hors d''oeuvers type of reception (my plans aren''t all set in stone yet, but that''s the plan) because #1 I was previously married and already did the formal sit down dinner thing and do not want to do it again, #2 I want it very informal and as small as possible, and #3 we don''t want a huge expense. And like largirl mentioned- not bar food (!) but HdO can be elegant.

Now, if this was my first time around, I would might opt for a cheaper way to do the dinner- have it earlier, or whatever- to get the venue I love.

 

[blueyes157]

Does your venue offer an off season discount? Many do and where we are having our wedding they offer a 20% discount if you have your wedding from January to March. We are having ours the last weekend in March (which can be very nice weather!) to save about $2,500. This allowed us to invite more of our friends and family.

Maybe you could try explaining your situation to the venue. Maybe there is something they could do or make a dinner of their less expensive foods and still be a very nice reception!

 

[Neveah]

I went to a wedding with heavy h''or deourves and cocktails and it was awesome! There was plenty of food to fill up....I wasn''t left hungry and we got to try a lot of different things. NEVER sacrifice the bar. There is nothing tackier than a cash bar.... or limited/no alcohol. More people care about and appreciate the drinks than the food.
The venue was incredible and I left thinking I really enjoyed it because it was so DIFFERENT. Not your typical sit down dinner, etc. Good luck!!!

 

[mimzy]

I've been thinking about this a lot too (even though i currently reside next door on the LIW list) because my dream venue is a little pricey as well.

maybe you could couple the heavy hors d'oeuvres with a bunch of yummy desserts. that way at the very least they can enjoy a piece of cheesecake, a fancy cookie and/or a piece of cake if they aren't satisfied with the other things. and nobody leaves grumpy after helping themself to a fancy cookie!

i know a lot of people would say to sacrifice the dream venue because people only care about what they can taste, but i would sacrifice having a standard dinner for a little "wow" factor and an extra special ambiance. maybe it is just the weddings i've been to, but are wedding meals really that much better than an average restaurant meal? unless you are having a five star chef cater it...i don't know how much the guests would be missing out on. plus, i didn't think people went for the food, but more for the celebration and *party*.

if you want a fancy RECEPTION, downgrade for the dinner. if you care more about the PARTY, ditch the dinner and make sure there is time for them to grab something to eat between the ceremony and reception (maybe have the reception start at 7 or so so there isn't like 6 solid hours of drinking and dancing...that might be a little long without dinner as a filler.

 

[musey]

I also agree that it depends on the type of finger-foods. I'm easily satisfied, so if I were warned that there would be no meal then I'd be happy to grab some before the wedding (regardless of the time). For my wedding, I know that both our families have a bunch of BIG eaters, so I chose buffet. With ~85% of the guests traveling 2+ hours by plane to come to the wedding, I wouldn't leave them hanging w/out a meal.

It all really depends on the hour of the wedding, the type of guests, and what finger foods you will have to offer. Use your own best judgement, I'm sure you know what's best

ETA: I completely agree with Nevaeh on the bar issue. I would not, under any circumstances, subject my guests to a cash bar for the evening. Last wedding I went to with a cash bar did indeed make me feel quite tacky, I felt as though I was being encouraged not to drink, then felt weird doing so because most others were forgoing the added cost of drink on top of their already-pricey wedding gift

So, hardly anyone was drinking, which wouldn't bother me except that some people really don't have a lot of fun unless they do drink. Anyway, for me, as a twenty-something with a few still-in-college friends, an open bar is a must!

 

[zoebartlett]

I don''t think there''s anything wrong with cocktail receptions, although I''ve always attended weddings close to a time when a meal would typically be eaten. If the wedding and reception are at off times though, sure, go for it. Personally, I don''t think I would though because I think people expect to be served a meal at receptions. My mom would say that if you''re expecting people to fly in or drive in from out of town (especially if the distances are considerable), you need to feed them a complete meal.

 

[mimzy]

maybe if you are expecting a lot of OOT guests you could host a casual lunch before the ceremony (have your parents make an appearance) just for them or a brunch the next morning?

i don''t think you should worry that guests expect a meal. that''s sort of like saying that you expect a $100 gift from them in return for being invited to the wedding. if they are going to talk down about the wedding because of that.... talk about tacky! they aren''t entitled to $70 worth of food just for showing up.

 

[baby monster]

As a guest, I never look to eat at an event but to have a good time - atmosphere is a lot more important than food to me. So I'd say go for the appetizers, open bar and a good dj. I'm perfectly happy eating something at home and then going to a wedding just to dance, toast the newlyweds and hang out. A long sit down dinner can be quite boring. Just let people know in advance that it would more of a lounge-type place rather than a catering hall, so that nobody comes in ravenously hungry.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would rather have the perfect place rather than a large meal. If I had some nice snacks and a lovely cake with drinks, I would be completly happy.

 

[Neveah]

Also, if you put in your wedding invitation something like" PLEASE JOIN US FOR H''OR DEOURVES, COCKTAILS, AND DANCING" that way it is more than clear and guests that feel it wouldn''t be enough will make sure not to come to your wedding starving

 

[luckystar112]

FI and I are going to do a limited open bar (beer, wine, champagne) and probably 1 signature cocktail. I personally don''t find limiting an open bar tacky AT ALL and it wouldn''t even matter if I did since I''m not paying.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 11/2/2007 10:47:23 PM
Author: luckystar112
FI and I are going to do a limited open bar (beer, wine, champagne) and probably 1 signature cocktail. I personally don't find limiting an open bar tacky AT ALL and it wouldn't even matter if I did since I'm not paying.

Me too Lucky. I'm having a brunch wedding and I think it's perfectly appropriate, and not at ALL tacky to limit alcohol. But I know that most male guests wouldn't be easily satisfied with HoD's, and I don't want my guest to lack for good. There will be plenty of food however, buffet style, again because it's a buffet and that's what works best. Plus my wedding is going to small and intimate. I wouldn't do a buffet if I had a large guest list, unless I had a miltary sergent organizing the tables procession to the buffet... and even then it feels too much like you're back in grade school.

Edit: Again this is only my personal opinion, based on my experiences. I have attended an all station wedding with heavy HoD's-- but the food was REALLY REALLY plentiful, a pasta station, custom tossed salad station, carving station, a LOBSTER station, a funnel cake station (I kid you not), seafood display, fruit bread and cheese, plus passed Hod's like lamb chops and so forth. And the food was available for THREE HOURS. Plus I think there were some veggies and potato dishes in warming trays. In a LARGE room, with the stations and display's all spread out so everyone mingled and ate. 5 hour bar. Plus a dessert display AND cake. There was NO seating chart or designating seating. It was a ridiculous PARTY. THAT I would do.

 

[Neveah]

I''m sorry....was misunderstood. I meant a CASH BAR is tacky. Didn''t mean limited.... I think that if someone is serving a limited bar (beer, wine only) than that is all that it should be. A full service bar should not be available unless it is provided. Just like you wouldn''t have your guests have the option to buy a shrimp cocktail if you were only doing a salad to start..... So I''m sorry. Didn''t mean to offend because that was truly not what I meant!

 

[musey]

Date: 11/2/2007 10:47:23 PM
Author: luckystar112
FI and I are going to do a limited open bar (beer, wine, champagne) and probably 1 signature cocktail. I personally don''t find limiting an open bar tacky AT ALL and it wouldn''t even matter if I did since I''m not paying.

Limiting is not tacky, IMO, but cash bar is. It''s just the idea of being invited to a party then having to pay for your own refreshments is...?? I dunno. This it JUST my own opinion, however, and really depends on the type of "crowd" attending your fête.

We''ll be having a limited open bar as well (beer, wine, and champagne ONLY), though this is more to control one of our alcoholic friends than to save money!

 

[aljdewey]

To each their own. Personally, I don't find a cash bar tacky. Nearly all the weddings I've attended have provided hosted beer and wine with other options cash bar, and I don't find offense in that at all.

I'd rather have the *option* to buy myself a preferred cocktail instead of having someone arbitrarily decide to limit me to beer (which I don't care for) or wine that I might not like. I don't expect them to provide my preference at their expense, but I'd much prefer the option to get what I'd like. I don't expect them to cover it; I figure they are already sharing their event with me as a guest and they're providing a meal.

I guess I'm just not an all-or-nothing club member.

 

[princesss]

If it''s heavy hors d''oeuvres can you just call it a "Tapas-style" reception? Sometimes the phrasing can change peoples'' minds. Tapas can be a meal...so maybe they''ll associate it with a full stomach instead of HdO (yeah, too hard to type out) which they may feel would leave them hungry, so at the end of the night they feel unsatisfied because it''s not what they associate with a meal.

As a guest I care less about where it is than the food, UNLESS it makes a major aesthetic difference. But if you have to sacrifice a place you really love, I''d check your linguistic options to see if there''s a way to make people think they''ll be full.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m just serving wine and champagne and a large range of soft drinks and non-alcoholic cocktails - but 99% of my guests are wine rather than beer drinkers, and FI and I don''t really drink at all.

I''ve told all our friends that if they want spirits to bring hipflasks and we''ll keep some bottles of gin and vodka in the car and they can just pop out and top up!

 

[mrsjhughes]

i work at a hotel and we do weddings. buffet would cost you more due to the fact that you can''t control serving portions unlike plated. plated/sit down meals tend to be more formal i think, rather than buffet. you can also cut down on cost by doing a limited bar rather than a full bar. if you''re very concerned about what your guests will think i''ll definitely stay away from a cash bar. it''s a little tacky in my own opinion. just remember also that if you do have appetizers instead of a sit down dinner/buffet you might have to order more food if it''s a per piece pricing not unless you do stations and it''s per person.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 11/2/2007 11:38:19 PM
Author: aljdewey
To each their own. Personally, I don''t find a cash bar tacky. Nearly all the weddings I''ve attended have provided hosted beer and wine with other options cash bar, and I don''t find offense in that at all.

I''d rather have the *option* to buy myself a preferred cocktail instead of having someone arbitrarily decide to limit me to beer (which I don''t care for) or wine that I might not like. I don''t expect them to provide my preference at their expense, but I''d much prefer the option to get what I''d like. I don''t expect them to cover it; I figure they are already sharing their event with me as a guest and they''re providing a meal.

I guess I''m just not an all-or-nothing club member.

I like your thinking. I''ve gone back and forth about the whole cash bar topic. At times I''ve thought that I didn''t want my guests to have to pay for their own drinks at a party that we''d be hosting. Then I read things like this and it puts it into a different perspective. And come to think of it, the receptions we''ve been to that had a cash bar were just as fun as those that had an open bar. No difference...no big deal.

 

[areagirlsbestfriend]

wow! thank you all so much for your input. I haven''t been on here since Friday and just now got to check ...
I agree that the bar is nonnegotiable ... well not completely - I would be fine offering limited selections (beer wine, etc.) and then having them pay for the mixed drink of their choice.
UNFORTUNATELY, my dream venue offered virtually no negotiations. It was open bar or nothing and the buffet vs. sit down was so little a difference it almost paid to just have the sit down for the sheer convenienve. Cocktail reception wasn''t even an option either.
*sigh* the search continues. You ladies are amazing! Thanks again for all the input.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 11/4/2007 7:31:21 AM
Author: areagirlsbestfriend

UNFORTUNATELY, my dream venue offered virtually no negotiations. It was open bar or nothing and the buffet vs. sit down was so little a difference it almost paid to just have the sit down for the sheer convenienve. Cocktail reception wasn''t even an option either.

*sigh* the search continues. You ladies are amazing! Thanks again for all the input.

I''d be careful with a place that isn''t willing to negotiate. I had a place like that because it fit our budget and *seemed* perfect, but the further we got into wedding planning the more stressful our reception site ended up being, to the point where we hired a wedding co-ordinator because I couldn''t stand dealing with the couple who ran the site.

 

[bee*]

Not sure if it helps as it seems to be different here in Ireland, but we don''t have an open bar at all during the day. We provide wine and champers and everything else the person can buy at the bar themselves. You would be drunk out of house and home if you had an open bar from 2pm until 4am the next morning at one of our weddings

So not sure if that''s something that you could sacrifice to have the buffet or sit-down meal?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

i live in NY and i have a seriously low (for the area anyway) wedding budget. we basically had to go for a sunday afternoon buffet with a limited bar....and only 125 guests. is it ideal? no, will it still be a blast? yes. it''s your wedding and you will love it no matter how many courses end up being served. explore your options, eventually it will come together!