Buying my sisters engagement ring

[brotherbrother]

Hey friends.
My sister got divorced a few years back.. Recently she expressed her willingness to sell her rings to me. If I buy them I want to be fair without negotiations.. So I ask:
What should she do to determine the true value of her ring (wholesale - person to person)? I want her to be able to give me an informed appraisal that I can either take or leave; I don’t want to negotiate.
How can I independently determine the value of her rings? So that I don’t overpay.
How important is the "paperwork"? How should it effect the value of her rings?
What is the difference between appraised value and actual value?
Should I re set it or give it to my fiancé as is?

Any other thoughts are also welcome..

Thanks for the help
BB

 

[ruby59]

Bring the ring to a third party independent appraiser. Ask for a put together price - what it would cost you to go and buy the diamond, setting, and whatever labor is involved in putting it together. Then because it is a used item, imo,70% of value would be fair.

 

[04diamond<3]

I honestly don't think you should do this at all!!! You should buy your FI her own ring that you got just for her! I can't imagine what it'd be like to see my ring on my brother's GF's hand after a divorce!! I'm sorry, but I think this is a horrible decision. What's your budget? What style does your FI like? give us the info and we'll find you something that will be just for your FI.

 

[BriBee]

I honestly don't think you should do this at all!!! You should buy your FI her own ring that you got just for her! I can't imagine what it'd be like to see my ring on my brother's GF's hand after a divorce!! I'm sorry, but I think this is a horrible decision. What's your budget? What style does your FI like? give us the info and we'll find you something that will be just for your FI.

This was basically my first thought when I read this post. And has your GF seen the rings, will she know they belonged to your sister? That might make her feel a bit awkward. And if this isn't the case, I wouldn't recommend trying to keep it a secret, I feel like that could only end badly.

I'd maybe compromise and consider buying your sister's diamond only...if it's a good stone and a good deal, and then re-setting it in something new. But my overall choice would be to start from scratch for your GF.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree that this is not a good idea unless your girlfriend thought of it! Does the diamond have a GIA report? If so, we can show you comparable stones and retail prices and you should buy for about half that unless it is really an exceptional diamond. If it is not GIA graded, I wouldn't even bother. And under no circumstances would I use the same setting unless this whole thing was you gf's idea!

70% of retail is wayyy too much unless it is an ideal cut diamond in a designer setting or handforged!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I honestly don't think you should do this at all!!! You should buy your FI her own ring that you got just for her! I can't imagine what it'd be like to see my ring on my brother's GF's hand after a divorce!! I'm sorry, but I think this is a horrible decision. What's your budget? What style does your FI like? give us the info and we'll find you something that will be just for your FI.

This was basically my first thought when I read this post. And has your GF seen the rings, will she know they belonged to your sister? That might make her feel a bit awkward. And if this isn't the case, I wouldn't recommend trying to keep it a secret, I feel like that could only end badly.

I'd maybe compromise and consider buying your sister's diamond only...if it's a good stone and a good deal, and then re-setting it in something new. But my overall choice would be to start from scratch for your GF.

Agreed with both ladies above. Some women really feel like there is 'bad juju' associated with rings that came from a divorce. Is your GF this kind of girl? If you don't know, are you really willing to chance it?

 

[Enerchi]

Add me to the list of "please get your FI her own ring!!"

Maybe purchasing the diamond only would be an option, but even still, you'd need an independant appraiser to learn what the specs are and then check for comps on the PS diamond search engine above.

I'm not as hung up on the 'karma' thing of a ring with a past, as much as both women may not like the idea of "my ring was your ring"... KWIM??

 

[yssie]

I honestly don't think you should do this at all!!! You should buy your FI her own ring that you got just for her! I can't imagine what it'd be like to see my ring on my brother's GF's hand after a divorce!! I'm sorry, but I think this is a horrible decision. What's your budget? What style does your FI like? give us the info and we'll find you something that will be just for your FI.

This was basically my first thought when I read this post. And has your GF seen the rings, will she know they belonged to your sister? That might make her feel a bit awkward. And if this isn't the case, I wouldn't recommend trying to keep it a secret, I feel like that could only end badly.

I'd maybe compromise and consider buying your sister's diamond only...if it's a good stone and a good deal, and then re-setting it in something new. But my overall choice would be to start from scratch for your GF.

Gosh, yeah, HUGE thritto on this one!!

 

[ruby59]

My reaction was that at first as well, however, we are dealing with all different situations out there. I am sure the OP thought it through and this was the way he could get his fiance a ring and maybe help his sister out as well.

 

[denverappraiser]

What SHE should do it get it appraised and talk to her appraiser about resale marketing and values. What you should do is the exact same thing, although for different reasons.

Most appraisals are providing an estimate of what it would be expected to cost to replace the item with another one like it new, at retail, locally. Most resale appraisals are an estimate of what she can reasonably expect to get for it in it’s present condition and in the usual and customary market. These are very different concepts and there’s not a direct conversion formula between them.

 

[brotherbrother]

Emotionalism aside... am I wrong to think that this is a great opportunity to save money on the purchase of an engagement ring? Assuming that I re set the stones (which I had planned to do) what other objections do you have? What’s the stigma on a "pre owned" diamond?
Will my sister’s band be valued as scrap? Should I only buy the stones not the band?

Thanks
BB

 

[Niel]

Emotionalism aside... am I wrong to think that this is a great opportunity to save money on the purchase of an engagement ring? Assuming that I re set the stones (which I had planned to do) what other objections do you have? What’s the stigma on a "pre owned" diamond?
Will my sister’s band be valued as scrap? Should I only buy the stones not the band?

Thanks
BB

Depends on the quality of the stone at that point, if its an EGL i with a "good" cut, then no no matter what you are saving i wouldnt buy it, id rather have a ideal cut smaller stone than a larger dead one. With that said. if its an ideal cut diamond then yeah i see no problem with it really, but YES scrap the setting!

 

[denverappraiser]

Emotionalism aside... am I wrong to think that this is a great opportunity to save money on the purchase of an engagement ring? Assuming that I re set the stones (which I had planned to do) what other objections do you have? What’s the stigma on a "pre owned" diamond?
Will my sister’s band be valued as scrap? Should I only buy the stones not the band?

Thanks
BB

The 'usual and customary' resale market for used bands is scrap metal but there ARE other options and it's not the same every time. Every competent appraisal starts out with a conversation between the appraiser and the client and these sorts of things are part of what's discussed. In your case it sounds like their value is limited to scrap metal since the plan is to make a new ring. If she can get more for it by selling to someone else who sees it differently, let her do it and buy your own gold somewhere else.

Is it a great opportunity? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on what you want. The problem with this sort of deal is threefold. The first is that you've limited your selection from 10,000 options to 1. That's ok if it's the right one but the right price on the wrong thing is no bargain. The second is that business deals are a great way to screw up your relationship with your sister, especially if either you or she gets to walk away feeling like they got a great deal. Lastly is a matter of how your honey feels about this sort of thing. There's certainly nothing gemologically wrong with a recycled stone but engagement rings are a symbolic purchase and different people view this very differently. If your bride comes away feeling like you 'cheaped out' then you lose before you start.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Emotionalism aside... am I wrong to think that this is a great opportunity to save money on the purchase of an engagement ring? Assuming that I re set the stones (which I had planned to do) what other objections do you have? What’s the stigma on a "pre owned" diamond?
Will my sister’s band be valued as scrap? Should I only buy the stones not the band?

Thanks
BB

Hi,
Buying a pre-owned diamond is a GREAT way to save money. But, I wouldn't buy your sister's ring. That just seems really awkward!

 

[BriBee]

Emotionalism aside... am I wrong to think that this is a great opportunity to save money on the purchase of an engagement ring? Assuming that I re set the stones (which I had planned to do) what other objections do you have? What’s the stigma on a "pre owned" diamond?
Will my sister’s band be valued as scrap? Should I only buy the stones not the band?

Thanks
BB

While I do think that this could be a good opportunity to save money, I have a question for you... Have you been looking at rings at local stores and are comparing your sister's ring to what the money would buy you at a B&M store? If this is the case, I'd urge you to also do some research of online vendors because many people who come to PS discover that the budget they've set for themselves can go MUCH further and yield MUCH higher quality using a reputable online vendor vs a local B&M store or mall chain.

If you have searched online and still feel that your sister's ring is a better value then I would consider purchasing her stone(s) but only after a complete appraisal and certification so you can compare apples to apples.

Also, when you say stones (plural) what kind of stones are you referring to besides the main center stone? Does she have a three stone ring, or are there smaller stones in her band(s)?

 

[stargurl78]

Just curious, how do you think your future fiance would feel about being proposed to with your sister's ring? Maybe she wouldn't mind and would be happy that you saved some money and helped out your sister but I would want to be certain of that before going through with this.

There is nothing wrong with buying pre-owned but I think this situation is a little different than simply buying a pre-owned ring.

 

[BriBee]

Just curious, how do you think your future fiance would feel about being proposed to with your sister's ring? Maybe she wouldn't mind and would be happy that you saved some money and helped out your sister but I would want to be certain of that before going through with this.

There is nothing wrong with buying pre-owned but I think this situation is a little different than simply buying a pre-owned ring.

Totally agree with this...I think there is nothing wrong with buying a pre-owned stone, and I think most people on PS would agree (they'd just want to make sure it was graded and good quality). The complicating factor here is the fact that it belongs to a close family member...

 

[yssie]

An engagement is one of the most emotional times of your life, ring or no. There's no such thing as "emotionalism aside".

How do you think your sister would feel seeing her ring on your FI's finger?
How do you think your FI would feel knowing that it's your sister's old ring? For some women the idea of a "used" engagement ring truly is anathema. The family connection makes it infinitely stickier, emotionally, like stargurl said.
How do you think your FI would feel about showing off her new ring to family knowing that everyone will see that it's your sister's old ring, and that everyone will remember how it came to be that *that* ring is now on *her* finger? Your sister's divorce must have been a very unhappy time for her and the rest of her (your!) family, do you really want your FI to be wearing memento of that unhappiness at such a happy time for the two of you?

I really, really think this is a dreadful idea. Buy the stone and set it into a pendant if you want it, your sister wants to sell it, and the price is mutually agreeable (don't want to damage your relationship with your sister over a sale). But PLEASE don't give it to her as an engagement ring.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree. If this was a diamond that your sister didn't need because her husband bought her a new and larger one, it would be a FAR different scenario. But I would not want to be newly engaged with my divorced sister-in-law's diamond. It's also possible it isn't good enough quality to buy anyway, and telling your sister that might be less than pleasant.

 

[distracts]

An engagement is one of the most emotional times of your life, ring or no. There's no such thing as "emotionalism aside".

How do you think your sister would feel seeing her ring on your FI's finger?
How do you think your FI would feel knowing that it's your sister's old ring? For some women the idea of a "used" engagement ring truly is anathema. The family connection makes it infinitely stickier, emotionally, like stargurl said.
How do you think your FI would feel about showing off her new ring to family knowing that everyone will see that it's your sister's old ring, and that everyone will remember how it came to be that *that* ring is now on *her* finger? Your sister's divorce must have been a very unhappy time for her and the rest of her (your!) family, do you really want your FI to be wearing memento of that unhappiness at such a happy time for the two of you?

I really, really think this is a dreadful idea. Buy the stone and set it into a pendant if you want it, your sister wants to sell it, and the price is mutually agreeable (don't want to damage your relationship with your sister over a sale). But PLEASE don't give it to her as an engagement ring.

This... I have no problem with pre-owned stones. Even with stones I know are divorce stones. I WOULD have a problem with getting the divorce ring of someone I personally know and see. It just seems awkward all around. For one, most women are incredibly emotionally attached to their rings, and every time your sister sees it on your fiance/wife, she'll be feeling something. Given that her marriage ended in divorce and now another woman is wearing her ring, it'd probably be something negative. It may affect her relationship with your fiance. Your fiance will also feel something weird, especially when interacting with your sister. It just seems to me like, while you feel now like you're doing something that's a win-win, it really has the potential to throw a wrench into the relationship between your sister and your fiance.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I would consider this if you are either getting a great deal or your sister needs money and you want to help. As a girl, I wouldn't mind having a sil diamond if it is for the above two reasons. Otherwise, I would want a diamond with no strings to someone I know ... used is fine.

In order to price, I would first get accurate specs and then come on here to ask for a fair price. The ladies on here know what we can get for what price on the second hand market. I have appraisers and industry folks shocked at the prices I have paid for some items.

 

[TC1987]

I say if it's a great diamond, consider it for the right price. But if it's a so-so cut, remembering that cut is everything when it comes to light reflection and performance, then pass it by. There's a pretty good market for used mountings for diamond simulant stones. Depending on the style of it, it might be appropriate for colored gemstone use, too. Usually the thing to do is sell the center diamond and sell the mounting separately.

I don't have any notions of stigmas about used diamonds. Some people do, though. My e-ring diamond came from a nice upscale pawn shop that sold estate and used jewelry, and I had it remounted so that it was "my" ring. I gave that diamond back to my ex-husband when we divorced. If I saw that diamond in a ring on somebody else's hand, I can honestly say that "Show me the ring" would be the only thought in my head, same as if I were looking at any "neutral" e-ring, anyplace. No bad memories or anything.

 

[swingirl]

Just my two cents. I would not want to get my sister-in-law's diamond (that her ex-husband picked out/purchased) in my engagement ring. I have no expectations about every diamond coming new out of the mine. But there is something too close about a family member's failed marriage and her engagement ring, which was giving with a lot of sentimentality attached to it.

Having it recut or polished and put into a pendant––acceptable. Engagement ring––not acceptable.

PS My mother received a "used" engagement ring and never let my father forget it.

 

[marcy]

I also have to agree - I think it is better to get your fiancé her own diamond and engagement ring.

 

[KaeKae]

brotherbrother,

I think it's lovely that you want to help your sister. Taking the advice above, you can help her learn what she can reasonably get for her ring/diamond, then help her set up a listing on either diamondbistro.com or loupetroop.com. Those are two websites very popular with members here. Be sure to make a thread under the Preloved PS Jewels forum on here, so that PS members know about the listing or listings.

Then, once you have helped your sister sell the ring, come back for some help in finding your lady a beautiful ring of her own. Both women should be comfortable with the results, and you get big points as a brother and a fiance: Win-win!

Best of luck to you!