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Calling all LIWs under 25

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I am 21, boyfriend is 19. We've been together a little over a year.
I was (very quietly) engaged previously (yikes!!). We started dating when we were 16, he got me a ring at 19, and we broke up when we were 20. Through this past relationship I've learned a lot. Mostly what I didn't want.
My boyfriend actually has the marriage bug. He wants to be engaged already, and wants to get married after I graduate with my RN degree in December. I'm not quite ready, as I am pursuing a Masters. It is frustrating. We want to start a life together, the wait is just sooo long.... We will probably get married in 3-4 years.

Nice meeting everyone!
 
I am 21 and FF is 20. We''ll probably get engaged this summer.
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I''ll be a registered nurse in December but we probably won''t get married for about 2 years since he has some school left for his dual major.

I don''t think there is anything wrong with getting married while you are young as long as you are mature enough, but that''s just my opinion
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Hope everything works out! Take care!
 
Hi fuzzers! I''m not a lady in waiting but I used to be the list keeper so I know how you feel. My fiance and I are 21. We met and started dating when we were 19. We have been in a long distance relationship for two years. There are many good reasons that people will give you to wait until you are older. For me, I think that the solution to surviving a young marriage is compromise and learning to grow WITH each other. Yes, you will change a lot from 20 to 30, and then from 30 to 40. You will always change in your life. As long as you have found the man that will stick with you through it all, then you are lucky indeed.

Another word to the wise, engagement does not make all your problems with youth go away. I plan to finish college before I marry FI. I will have a two and a half year engagement. Now this was always important to me as I view it as a very important step to be enjoyed and not marred with stressful wedding planning. However many people do not see eye to eye with me here.

I guess my very long winded point is that people will never agree wholeheartedly with your decisions in life. Just think long and hard, with your heart and your head. Listen to your friends and family, they know you better than you know yourself. Then make your decision and screw what everyone else thinks.
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I will NEVER knock ANYONE no matter what age they are when they feel like they have found "the one". That said, read on...

I got together with my ex when I was 18 and he was 21. I was engaged by 20, married by 23 and impatiently awaiting a divorce at 25. Now I am a LIW all over again. Honestly, I am not so sure if I ran into my ex today for the first time if I would ever give him the time of day. He was perfect for me at 18, 20 and 23 - But now, I scratch my head sometimes just thinking about our relationship.

However, I know some very successful marriages of people in their late 20''s and 30''s that began in their teens and early 20''s. Just do what YOU think if right for YOU. I just warn, don''t settle. Don''t do it if there''s even the slightest doubt in your mind.
 
Hi again ladies.
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I understand what you mean about wanting a different kind of relationship/SO at different points in your life. I just can''t imagine marrying anyone else though. He''s the kind of guy I always imagined myself marrying. He''s very kind, gentle, passionate, and family-oriented. I see couples our age getting married and I think (perhaps selfishly), "They don''t have half of what we have, why can''t WE get the ball rolling, etc..." I am slowly realizing however that I would like to wait a while longer before taking that huge step. It will ultimately be easier on us, and we''ll have a lot of fun along the way. At least that''s what I tell myself until the next marriage bug bites me...
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It''s nice to find a forum that doesn''t immediately bash me with "Omg you''re so young!! Marriage should be the last thing on your mind!!! Stop being so selfish!!!11"

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hi and welcome to LIW. I haven''t been here too long myself but i have been waiting for a while!I don''t think you are to young to be married if you are sure you have found the one.

Bf and i will be engaged very soon! In fact we have a meeting with the jeweller on monday to start making the ring (squeals). A little background thought. We have been dating since i was 18, him 25. A year and a half was long distance, but then he moved up to be with me and we lived together immediately, that was a mistake because it went from one extreme to another.

We now have been dating 4&1/2 years (nearly) and living together for two. I am now 22 and he is nearly 29. But we nearly didn''t make it and there have been times (earlier on) when i wondered. I took (for me) our living together to see i needed to be more responsible financially and around the house and he needed to stop being so dam stubborn, angry and controlling with the way he did things. Once we both sorted this out we have been happy, but for him, he was not willing to talk marriage until these issues were sorted. We have discussed finances, religion, wedding dates, starting a family, wills, death, illness (I have been sick long-term for 7 years now) what would happen if i deteriorated. I feel good about the fact that we are on the same page with everything.

I agree with the others about finishing you degree. Although in australia people normally go straight into their degree''s and often people are graduated by 20/21 with a full bachelors, some even are finished their medical degree by 23 ready to start internship. So some marry at that age because they are already working and financially independent. It is not uncommon here for people to be married at this age.My bachelor degree is being done over 6 years (from illness) and i will graduate at the end of next year. I was unwilling to marry until i graduated but i am happy to be engaged now as that is only a year and a half off
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Once i graduate i will be always have a job and when i leave to have children i will have no problems returning to work, which is important to me. I will just be 24 when we marry. I always planned to be 27-30 so i had time to "do my thing" get my degree, travel, get some life experience but you can''t help when you meet the right person?I don''t want to start a family till i am 27 and have had time to travel with him and work overseas. If he didn''t agree to that, i wouldn''t not want engagement or marriage until i had fulfilled that dream of mine.

I think if you are certain, then i see no problem with making your relationship legal. However i don''t think you are wrong for waiting a few years either and if it is four years before you marry then that is ok. If it is really bothering you why not discuss with SO and get engaged in 2 years and then married in four, that way you are still on track for what you both want!
 
Sorry for my novel above!

I just wanted to add that my lil sister just got engaged to her bf of 5mths and she is 19. She is certain he is the one and is positive that they will work. She assures me&parents that they have discussed all issues and are on the same page.

However she recently rang me because she is having a problem in their relationship and she is not quite sure how to deal with it. Without sounding mean (and revealing her secret on an internet forum) when she told me i COULD not believe that they had not discussed this before engagement. It is a basic assumption to me that this "umhh issue" would be discussed and she would have told him that she was uncomfortable with him doing this. Also religion and church is important to my family (and sis) yet fiance refuses to go to church with her.

So those two things were a real red light to me that they have not even discussed basic issues.
 
Hello and welcome! I''m 24, my BF is 24 too. We''ve known each other 10 years and have been dating 7 years, and will probably be engaged this year. I think in terms of marriage, although we had been discussing it since we were 20, we are still waiting until i''m done with school next year. Although I knew four years ago I wanted to be with him forever, and it does suck when other people dating much less time get engaged before us, I''m glad we are waiting. Because realistically, life with my boyfriend when we were in college is much different than life with him now that we are living together and he is working full time.

Life is stressful, work can be stressful, running a household with rent, bills, etc can be alot of work and strain on a relationship. Before we lived together whenever we saw each other (which was pretty much every day) was "fun time" because we didn''t do all those other chores together like grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning like we do now. I love my life with him now too but it''s just very different. So since you don''t want to live together until you are married, which is completely understandable, I''d suggest waiting at least until you are done with school and start your life as it will be in your career or full time job than in school. Because although you are very mature and an adult I think it''s a different world when you are in college vs. working. And I know it because it happened over a span of 3 months for me from when I graduated college to moving in with BF and starting law school.

Anyway, do what is right for you. Yes once the bridal itch starts it''s hard to stop but if you find other things to fill your time and just enjoy that you are with the man you will be with forever, you''ll be fine. Sorry I wrote a novel! ;)
 
I appreciate the novels, I enjoyed them both.
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Thanks for your replies!
 
i just want to second/ditto/whatever everyone who said that they were glad that they waited!

i met my FI at 19, and we got engaged after almost three years when i was 22 (he was 23) and we''re getting married this december (23/24). we had both been in very serious relationships beforehand and were really very grounded in what we wanted out of a partner, life, etc. i got the marriage bug around 21 and wanted to get married RIGHT THEN, because i just *knew* and figured ''why wait?''. this was made much more difficult by the fact that everyone around me seemed to be getting engaged and married. so i guess i was an LIseriousW for a year and a half. during that time there was NO logic in waiting to me. didn''t matter what anyone said!

now, at my very wise 23 years of age (
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) i''m glad that we didn''t jump on the bandwagon. a lot of the couples that married very early aren''t in awesome places in their lives - sure they are married, but working crappy jobs because they can''t afford to go back to school, etc. granted, i''m not sure if our situation would have turned out any differently than where we are at right now (i''m almost positive it wouldn''t), but you never know. i''m finishing up my masters and i''ll have my clinical certification within a year and half, and FI works a great job that he loves making decent money. would i like to be married right? sure. but i definitely don''t regret waiting.

come to think of it, i don''t think i''ve ever heard of anyone that regrets waiting. it seems that like 99% of regrets stem from rushing. if you have a logical/statistical side, that might appeal to you
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if anything, take a look at the BIW list - there''s more than a couple brides i think that are in their twenties still and working on their second wedding (which is both happy and sad).

i''m happy that you''ve found such a great guy
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. and i know that it''s tough to even think of something along the lines of ''keeping your options open'', but just make sure that you don''t box yourself in to being someone that you might not be happy with five, ten years down the road. most people change significantly from 20-25 or so...you and your bf won''t be exceptions and just be open and receptive to that change. if it brings you closer together, great! if it doesn''t, well be open to that too. i 100% understand wanting to start your lives together RIGHT THIS SECOND, but there really is a lot of value in waiting it out.
 
There really is no "set" age to get married. I''ve heard a lot of people say to wait until your mid 20''s or early 30''s as you change a lot before that, so it''s important to know eachother well and have good communication before deciding to marry (at any age). Best of luck!
 
Well it looks like I''ve got this backwards lol!!! I''m 22 and SO is 20. We''ve been together for 2.5 years and I did date a guy for long term before him and wanted to marry him. UM NO. Current SO is everything I''ve ever wanted, and I think you can definitely find the right person at this age, and you''ll know when it''s right. SO has great plans for the future, and supports every thing that I do. We like all of the same things, and our families get along fabulously. He wants to do the same things that I want to do in the future, and he does everything he can to make me happy, and me him. We know our plans, we know what we want, and we both agree with most of it. We bicker now and again, but have rarely ever seriously fought. We''ve gone through some really challenging things together (ill family members, loss of family members, divorces, suicides, crazy psychotic ex, jobs, one house that didn''t work out for location reasons) and we are still together and happy. I wouldn''t choose anyone else. I have a bit of the bug too, but know we won''t be engaged until we are more financially stable, and I am closer to having my degree, and he has finished fire fighting schooling. But I can dream right?
 
hi, fuzzers!! where i''m from, a lot of people marry young. if you feel like you''re financially and emotionally ready to make that committment, don''t let the opinions of others dictate your choice. only you and your SO know what''s right for your relationship.

as to my experience -- i will say that people change A LOT in their early 20''s, so it might behoove you to enjoy those years together and make sure that you grow together if you''re serious about marriage!! hope that helps some!!
 
Hello!!

I am 20 and so is my SO. We have been dating almost 4 years now, and I knew that he was the one instantly. We are going to be engaged soon... probably in the next year, and we have been discussing marriage since we started dating. We are going to wait, until he has a secure job, and I am going to school to become a teacher, so if I get a job right away that is great, but it probably won''t happen. We have been through some hard times together - my parents getting divorced and other smaller things that he has definitely helped me get through.

He is an awesome boyfriend - totally opposite of my dad. I know it''s sad to admit, but that is exactly what I was looking for. We are completely honest with each other and he has so many great qualities. We are going to wait to have children until we are a little bit older and we are planning to get married around when we are 24 - 26.

I think that the reason we are staying together is because everyday we are so happy together that it keeps us going. We had a long distance relationship for the past two years and we still are going strong. He treats me like a princess and honestly I can''t imagine my life without him in it. He is adored by my family and I am adored by his whole family. Cheesy, but I felt like we were made for each other. We still have a lot of time before we get married though, but that is just how we want to do it. We are moving in together in about a month, and going to school together so we will have another trial in our life coming up!

Hopefully this helps, because I am also so young, but I guess it really is about maturity and if you both really think everything through. Good luck!
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Here''s my advice. 20 year olds who want to marry should put more work in at the front end of they want to increase the chances it will work. Sometimes you meet your guy when you''re 20. And it can definitely work. In fact, a full 40% of the time it does work! However, the deck is stacked against you. And at that age 60% of the time it doesn''t. I''m another one who shudders in horror at the thought of having married the wonderful man I was dating when I was 20. Yeah, I loved him to pieces and yeah, he was really a great guy, but there''s no way he was the right man for the person I grew into. You change so much as you go out into the world after your pursue your education. I think I fully grew into myself at around 25, and have stopped changing much since then (and yeah, I''m over 30 now!).

So, my advice is this: when you''re that young, it becomes even more important to go together for extensive pre-marital counseling. You can learn about how incredibly hard marriage can be, and some ways to avoid the pitfalls, you can learn about negotiating the conflicts you''ll inevitably have, about power relations (the fact that you say you''re on HIS schedule, school-wise, suggests that that could be an issue here... and I think it more often is when women are younger and have less experience and education under their belts), about managing financial conflicts, etc.

You can start now by talking about things like kids: how many? when? how would you raise them? what kind of discipline would you use? money: how much are you comfortable saving vs. spending? is retirement a priority? can you manage different risk tolerances? how do you feel about debt?

Marriage is way more than just loving each other and living together. As I''m sure you know, it''s about partnership and it''s very hard work. When you''re 20, taking on all that also means you ''miss out'' on being fancy free and independent, the wonderful feeling of knowing you can rely on yourself, support yourself, and take care of yourself etc.

So while I would never say ''20 year olds shouldn''t marry!'' I do think that if you''re 20, you need to put extra work in on the front end to raise your chances of bucking the odds.

That''s this (happily married, and happy she waited) old lady''s 2 cts.
 
I definitely agree with Indy about pre-marital counselling. We did it and it was great! You may think you won''t learn much, but if you find a good counsellor/church, believe me you will!
 
Now I feel like I may be the youngest person here! I''m 19, and my boyfriend is 21. Actually, I''ve been lurking around multiple forums in search of one that wouldn''t make me feel two feet tall due to my being "too young."
My parents were my age when they married. They dated for four months before they got engaged, and they were married within a year of their first meeting. It''s been almost 26 years, and they''re still together. I realize that they may not be the standard, but that was the example I grew up with, nonetheless. Both of them still lived at home, both were attending school, etc. If you want to make it work, you make it work.
 
To me, age doesn''t matter. Of course you should have some life experience and really be ready to pretty much co-exist with someone else.

BF and I are 23 and if it were up to me, I''d get married now... but it''s not only my decision, it''s his too. As long as both are ready in the relationship, then I say go for it. Age is nothing but a number.
 
WORD IndyGal!!!!
 
Date: 7/20/2008 2:28:07 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Here''s my advice. 20 year olds who want to marry should put more work in at the front end of they want to increase the chances it will work. Sometimes you meet your guy when you''re 20. And it can definitely work. In fact, a full 40% of the time it does work! However, the deck is stacked against you. And at that age 60% of the time it doesn''t. I''m another one who shudders in horror at the thought of having married the wonderful man I was dating when I was 20. Yeah, I loved him to pieces and yeah, he was really a great guy, but there''s no way he was the right man for the person I grew into. You change so much as you go out into the world after your pursue your education. I think I fully grew into myself at around 25, and have stopped changing much since then (and yeah, I''m over 30 now!).


So, my advice is this: when you''re that young, it becomes even more important to go together for extensive pre-marital counseling. You can learn about how incredibly hard marriage can be, and some ways to avoid the pitfalls, you can learn about negotiating the conflicts you''ll inevitably have, about power relations (the fact that you say you''re on HIS schedule, school-wise, suggests that that could be an issue here... and I think it more often is when women are younger and have less experience and education under their belts), about managing financial conflicts, etc.


You can start now by talking about things like kids: how many? when? how would you raise them? what kind of discipline would you use? money: how much are you comfortable saving vs. spending? is retirement a priority? can you manage different risk tolerances? how do you feel about debt?


Marriage is way more than just loving each other and living together. As I''m sure you know, it''s about partnership and it''s very hard work. When you''re 20, taking on all that also means you ''miss out'' on being fancy free and independent, the wonderful feeling of knowing you can rely on yourself, support yourself, and take care of yourself etc.


So while I would never say ''20 year olds shouldn''t marry!'' I do think that if you''re 20, you need to put extra work in on the front end to raise your chances of bucking the odds.


That''s this (happily married, and happy she waited) old lady''s 2 cts.
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Well put, as always.
 
I just turned 23 a few months ago and my boyfriend and I will be getting engaged quite soon (we just chose the ring yesterday!). A lot of people seem to think that we''re too young, but we''ve been dating for over 4 years and he''s honestly the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life. We hit a rough patch last year that has actually transformed our relationship for the better. Anyway, we live together, own a cat together, etc so we know we''re perfectly compatible when it comes to that sort of thing.

Don''t let others make you feel guilty or worried about getting married at a young age, as long as you''ve searched yourself long and hard.
 
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