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Cancelled engagement - what to do with the loose stone?

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veryperi

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 10, 2021
Messages
2
Hello all - I've been stalking here for some time but haven't posted/introduced myself... It was unfortunate that the engagement had to be cancelled (and it had nothing to do with the choice of diamond or ring!).

I had purchased the loose diamond stone (which I first saw online) through a local jeweller store (who sourced it through their connections instead of through the online website, I believe). The jeweller store was meant to craft the ring in due course. Engagement has been cancelled and the stone has been kept in its original condition which it arrived in (i.e. still loose; hasn't been worked on nor set on anything).

I'm undecided whether it's better to try and sell the loose stone (either online or by contacting the store who sourced it for me) or just to keep it for (hopefully) another occasion when it will be needed. The stone was purchased around mid 2021. If it will sell at a notable discount then I do not see any reason why I should sell (and I'm very much happy with the fire and brilliance of the stone). Any wise words to share? What's the best way to determine the market price of the stone now as a private seller?

If it helps, the specs are GIA 1.55ct, E, VVS1, Excellent.

Thank you! 8)
 
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Selling diamonds is usually a bit of a pain and yes, you can expect a notable discount. I would start by contacting the selling jeweler and see if you're within the window for a simple return, possibly with a restocking fee. That almost always works out better than selling to a different dealer or trying to retail it yourself. Store policies vary quite a bit here but they should be prepared to explain their rules if you ask them.
 
I would hold onto it. It was not used for someone else so why buy another diamond later.
 
Definitely do as Neil said and contact the jeweler who sold it to you and explain the situation. How much money you'd lose by selling has a lot to do with how much you paid and whether diamond prices have increased since then. They may have already increased by the time you bought it, though. The only downside of saving it is that most women would not be happy to be given a ring with a diamond that was intended for someone else.

Sorry to hear about your situation, but it's far better to know now that it isn't going to work than after the wedding, obviously.
 
If you can't return it, I agree that you'd most likely get much less for it than you paid so maybe better to put it away for the future.

Some prospective brides might mind it being originally intended for someone else but others would not, especially since it was never used nor even set.
 
seaurchin said:
Some prospective brides might mind it being originally intended for someone else but others would not, especially since it was never used nor even set.
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That, and the shape may not suit as not everyone likes round stones.

DK :))
 
denverappraiser said:
Selling diamonds is usually a bit of a pain and yes, you can expect a notable discount. I would start by contacting the selling jeweler and see if you're within the window for a simple return, possibly with a restocking fee. That almost always works out better than selling to a different dealer or trying to retail it yourself. Store policies vary quite a bit here but they should be prepared to explain their rules if you ask them.
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@denverappraiser Do you think, given the insane raise in diamond prices since the time this stone was purchased in 2021, that OP won’t take as much of a bath on it? And with such amazing specs, given supply is extreme limited right now, another aspect that gives this situation another boost? What do you think? Seems to be these are optimal in spite of the personal circumstance with the broken engagement.
 
This is a tough call…..

Agree with other posters to see if the jeweler will take it back, even with a restocking charge.

Others have posted to keep the stone, use it in the future, trade it in for another one that someone likes, etc. If the engagement is over, then the OP may want to be rid of all memories of this engagement and therefore no longer own the diamond intended for someone else.

Personally, I would want to wipe the slate clean even if it meant taking a loss.

OP, what does your heart say?

Best of luck.
 
At such high color, clarity and size it would kill me to sell it right now.
 
or trad it in on a diamond for yourself; then if you find 'the right one' you could then trade "your" diamond in for a new (to her and YOU) diamond for her.
 
I personally wouldn't want a diamond that was bought for someone else... even if never used. And I know a lot of people would feel the same
 
I see a lot of people suggesting you save it for the future. What is your jewelers upgrade your policy ? Maybe they’d let you trade up in the future ? I think your best bet is checking with the jeweler you bought it from and see what they can do for you.
 
I'd either contact the shop you purchased from or hang on to it. You'll take a big loss selling it privately. Very sorry to hear about your broken engagement.
 
headlight said:
@denverappraiser Do you think, given the insane raise in diamond prices since the time this stone was purchased in 2021, that OP won’t take as much of a bath on it? And with such amazing specs, given supply is extreme limited right now, another aspect that gives this situation another boost? What do you think? Seems to be these are optimal in spite of the personal circumstance with the broken engagement.
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It’s hard to tell. The problem is that market is with the way the market works. Consumers buying and consumers selling are very different things. Most people prefer to buy from dealers. It’s a much safer type of transaction, it comes with things like trade-ins, access to certain designers, return privileges, and generally a better shopping experience. That is to say, a diamond is worth more from the hands of a dealer. How much more, and which dealers is the tricky part. Tiffany’s charges more because they can. People like to do business with them and aren’t all that concerned that it isn’t a ‘bargain’. The favored dealers here are in the same position although not for quite as much money. A stone at WF (for example) is worth more than the exact same stone on loupe troop. And the reason that stone is being sold on Loupe Troop is that they couldn’t get satisfactory offers from the dealers.

Add to this the problem of ‘memo’. Most of the stones you see in the database here aren’t owned by the dealers selling them. They’re owned by 3rd party folks who have safes full of diamonds somewhere. You buy one, they call up whoever owns it, they consign it in, and then send it to you. A few weeks later, after your inspection time and return privilege expires, they pay for it. If you return it before that date, they send it back to whoever owns it and all they’re out is their profit, their time, and some shipping. After that date, they own it (AND they’ve lost profit, time, etc). Inventory is a killer in this industry and yes, they want to make a profit in exchange for the pain of taking it on. That means that on day 31, they’re going to offer less than the original sale. It’s not just a refund, it's a cash purchase for inventory. They won’t even offer what they can get for it to sell it back to the original holder. They’re making a profit here.

Similar issues apply to sellers. Selling is a lot harder than buying. There are costs, there are risks, it takes time, sometimes quite a bit of time, and it takes skill. Nearly everyone would prefer to simply sell to a dealer and be done with it, even at lower prices. How much lower is a matter of negotiation.

All of the above is offset by inflation and made worse by deflation. Diamonds are up in the last month or two, but they were down last year. It’s not a given that prices are up, down, or sideways since it was purchased because that depends on the purchase date but, even if they’re up, they aren’t going to be up enough to offset the above. How much is the haircut? It depends a bit on how you buy and how you sell. Common thumbnail wisdom is to expect to lose about 1/3 if you buy right and sell right. More if you pay too high or have a hard time on the sale either because of back luck, fashion, or your selling strategy. Adjust for inflation.
 
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. Sorry I haven't gotten back sooner.

From the sounds of it, I should probably expect quite a cut if I tried to ask the jeweller to take it back unless they have a return policy (and worse if I tried to resell it privately) - though also dependent on the price I paid and the current market price.

Is there a place I could find the current Rapaport price or anyone so kind with access to share what it is currently for a 1.5ct E VVS1? I'll compare it back to what it was at the time of purchase for an idea.

I lost many nights of sleep looking for the ideal stone at the time, so I have a feeling that if it does not make monetary sense to return it then I won't be keen to. As much as it was about the particular person who was meant to receive it, choosing this stone was also about what I wanted to give my life-long partner (whoever it is). Emotionally I wouldn't mind keeping it for future use EXCEPT for the notion which a number of you have mentioned - about the future receiver receiving a stone that was selected for someone else (I'd probably have a similar feeling of unease). However, other than the fact of it being a round diamond, the ring design would be bespoke to the special receiver of the future.

I certainly wouldn't lie about it, but what's the ethical way of going about this if I chose to keep it for future use? It would seem weird to volunteer the information upon presenting the stone. To say it only when asked would also sound bad. Presumably the only way to tell that it's a stone purchased for a previous relationship is the GIA certificate that's dated a while back. Is the only way for this to be okay if the receiver didn't mind either way? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

Stemming from the above, if I resell the stone now, the GIA certificate is almost a year's old now too. How would new buyers (such as yourselves) see this?

As for getting a diamond/ring for myself, I'm not the type to sport jewellery so I will give that a pass.

Thanks a lot for sharing. It's been very insightful.
 
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On the topic of a stone being given to another, I think as long as you are upfront about it, it is fine. Many people are very practical and would not mind at all. A well cut modern round is a safe bet in that size, for most women. There are outliers (like me) that wouldn't pick it. But if someone had explained that they bought this before, it was nice, but not my taste, I'd probably still wear it even though modern rounds are not my thing. There is a practical aspect to all of this too and it really depends on your future partner. The ring doesn't make the marriage.
 
That sounds like an exceptional stone! Some women might be put off by the thought of using a diamond originally intended for someone else. Some women would not mind. Some might mind initially, and then warm up to the idea after considering the options. Some women would want “their own” diamond even if it meant a smaller or warmer stone - some would be offended if you offer them a “lesser” stone than one you’d bought for a prior girlfriend.

Hopefully you’ll have some idea which category your (currently hypothetical) future fiancé falls into before you’re ready to “pop the question.”

Anecdotally, my famously frugal late brother presented his girlfriend with a lovely art deco engagement ring that he had received as barter as part of a repayment of a large loan. He never told her the full story behind the ring and she found out about it only after his death. I wish he’d shared that with her while he was alive - she’s not one be offended about that sort of thing, and I think she would have enjoyed hearing the details from him, and making them part of the legacy of the ring.
 
Echoing others to say that you’ll just have to be upfront with your future partner, and then it should not pose a problem. I would personally not mind. It would be one thing if the ring setting was the same, but if it’s just the stone - what’s the problem? I think if you put it to that person like “I have this stone, I bought it during my relationship with xyz, but that relationship ended before I had a chance to use the stone. I kept it, because it was a beautiful stone, it deserves to be worn and I wanted to know if you would be okay with my using that stone for your ering. If not, that’s totally fine.”
 
veryperi said:
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. Sorry I haven't gotten back sooner.

From the sounds of it, I should probably expect quite a cut if I tried to ask the jeweller to take it back unless they have a return policy (and worse if I tried to resell it privately) - though also dependent on the price I paid and the current market price.

Is there a place I could find the current Rapaport price or anyone so kind with access to share what it is currently for a 1.5ct E VVS1? I'll compare it back to what it was at the time of purchase for an idea.

I lost many nights of sleep looking for the ideal stone at the time, so I have a feeling that if it does not make monetary sense to return it then I won't be keen to. As much as it was about the particular person who was meant to receive it, choosing this stone was also about what I wanted to give my life-long partner (whoever it is). Emotionally I wouldn't mind keeping it for future use EXCEPT for the notion which a number of you have mentioned - about the future receiver receiving a stone that was selected for someone else (I'd probably have a similar feeling of unease). However, other than the fact of it being a round diamond, the ring design would be bespoke to the special receiver of the future.

I certainly wouldn't lie about it, but what's the ethical way of going about this if I chose to keep it for future use? It would seem weird to volunteer the information upon presenting the stone. To say it only when asked would also sound bad. Presumably the only way to tell that it's a stone purchased for a previous relationship is the GIA certificate that's dated a while back. Is the only way for this to be okay if the receiver didn't mind either way? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

Stemming from the above, if I resell the stone now, the GIA certificate is almost a year's old now too. How would new buyers (such as yourselves) see this?

As for getting a diamond/ring for myself, I'm not the type to sport jewellery so I will give that a pass.

Thanks a lot for sharing. It's been very insightful.
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After more thought, I've changed my "vote." As you've hit on above, it seems awkward and does actually involve "leftovers" from your past failed relationship, regardless of how it's presented. Engagement and wedding rings are very symbolic and if being practical was the priority, why include expensive diamonds at all, right?

It might be different if it was a family diamond that had treasured sentimental value for you. But even then, that sentiment would really be felt by the groom, not the bride who would, after all, be the one wearing it on her finger every day, (hopefully) for the rest of her life. And I think many brides would feel, in either situation, like they should accept what was offered to be agreeable and not seen as materialistic, even if they actually strongly disliked it or longed for a different type of stone.

Anyway, I am not sure what the best way is to go about selling it but I think I'd start there and do it, accept the financial loss that belongs with the old relationship, then move on with a 100% fresh start for the new love. JMHO and please let us know what you decide on. :)
 
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I would set it in platinum, and sell it. No sense in sitting on an investment [which is what it is now].
 
You could contact WPDiamonds or Abe Mor to see how much they'd offer for it.
 
I think it's stupid to lose a lot of money on a beautiful diamond. I personally COULD NOT CARE LESS if my husband had given me a diamond initially intended for someone else. Others may feel differently. In my opinion, anyone who loves you enough to want to marry you, would understand both the emotional aspects of having to deal with a previous failed engagement AND the practical aspects of not wanting you to lose money on an expensive purchase. My opinion--keep the diamond and look for a woman who deserves you and understands the difficulties you've been through. When you find her, you can deal with the notion of whether or not she objects to the fact that the diamond was originally intended for someone else, at that point in time.
 
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natasha-cupcake said:
I think it's stupid to lose a lot of money on a beautiful diamond. I personally COULD NOT CARE LESS if my husband had given me a diamond initially intended for someone else. Others may feel differently. In my opinion, anyone who loves you enough to want to marry you, would understand both the emotional aspects of having to deal with a previous failed engagement AND the practical aspects of not wanting you to lose money on an expensive purchase. My opinion--keep the diamond and look for a woman who deserves you and understands the difficulties you've been through. When you find her, you can deal with the notion of whether or not she objects to the fact that the diamond was originally intended for someone else, at that point in time.
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I think your response and post is very “practical”, not losing money and find a person in the future who will understand. However, buying a diamond is a very emotional decision. We all hope the OP finds the right person and he will look back and not regret his past decisions but knows this was the one. If the OP was to surprise the next person in his life, then OK, but what if the fun and excitement is looking together for the perfect stone and setting for this relationship? Then the existing stone wont due. Perhaps the OP could use it as a trade-in towards the new diamond at that time.

I wish it was simple, these are emotional decisions and not everything can have a dollar sign in front of it.
 
My point was to keep the diamond and make a decision later on, when a new "someone special" is in the picture. Why should the OP lose a ton of money now, when he has no idea what his future special person might want? She might be a practical gal like me!

If she doesn't want it, then a future trade-in or an outright sale are both options. As long as the OP doesn't mind having his money tied up, why assume the diamond is not going to be appreciated by someone in the future? Why guarantee a loss now? Of course, if the OP doesn't want his money tied up, then it's a different story.
 
You can keep it and use it for a future gift such as a lovely pendant for an anniversary, Christmas or Valentines Day, when you meet your new love. After you have been married for a while, I doubt your future wife will balk at such a beautiful stone. But that means you are going to have to buy another diamond bigger than that one.LOL. Don’t forget you will have to safeguard the stone by either insuring it or put it in a safety deposit box.
 
lambskin said:
You can keep it and use it for a future gift such as a lovely pendant for an anniversary, Christmas or Valentines Day, when you meet your new love. After you have been married for a while, I doubt your future wife will balk at such a beautiful stone. But that means you are going to have to buy another diamond bigger than that one.LOL. Don’t forget you will have to safeguard the stone by either insuring it or put it in a safety deposit box.
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This is a great idea!!

Sorry, I am one of those not very practical and emotional people… I would not want a stone that was purchased for another woman. And I 100000% knew when we bought my stone that I did not want a round.

But I would have no problem with that stone as a pendant or even a RHR, even if my actual engagement stone was much smaller. Feelings are weird…
 
It really wouldn’t bother me if I received a diamond originally bought for someone else, their loss, my gain. In my mind it’s no different to wearing any other ‘preloved’ ring. You put a lot of thought in to picking the perfect stone, just because it didn’t work out this time, no point in losing money.
 
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