Cash bar at wedding

[violet3]

Hey Turbo! Sorry you are having such a pickle with your venue - they don't sound terribly accomodating

I personally am not easily offended by anything - cash bar would be fine with me, dry wedding would be fine with me etc. I personally wouldn't have done a cash bar, but we are all drinkers in my social circle, DH and i included.

However, I will say that my brother and his wife don't drink and they had a dry wedding. We all went and it was a lovely time -- of course people can go a few hours without alcohol. Unfortunately, although they wanted everyone to stay and dance because they had the room until 10 or 11 p.m., the majority of the people ate and left REALLY early. I have no idea if this had to do with the lack of alcohol (i suspect that it did), but it upset the mother of the bride, who had payed for the room for the 300 guests. She kept asking why everyone was leaving instead of dancing -- i suspect it put a slight damper on the day for my brother and his wife as well. Certainly, this reflects poorly on the guests and not the hosts, but this was the experience nonetheless.

This is my only experience with a dry wedding ever -- just thought i would pass this along to you. Best of Luck!

 

[purselover]

Date: 3/15/2010 1:42:16 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13

Date: 3/11/2010 9:50:25 AM
Author: Laila619

Date: 3/7/2010 1:37:04 AM

Author: Haven

I would not do a cash bar for the wedding at all. Only provide what you can afford and nothing else, and that means don't offer 'upgrade' options for your guests to subsidize things you can't afford to provide as host. You wouldn't pay for a catered chicken meal and then offer guests a lobster option for cash, would you? A cash bar is essentially the same thing.


Can you offer the cocktail hour, and then maybe have wine at the tables or something? Or what about beer and wine only? Those are *much* nicer options than a cash bar.

Ditto.


Cash bars are like charging your friends to drink when they come over to your house for dinner. You're not obligated to serve alcohol, but then please don't have a cash bar.


In my opinion, a gracious host/hostess wants guests to be well-fed, enjoy themselves, and have a good time. I understand where you are coming from, because DH and I aren't drinkers at all, yet we had an open bar for our friends and family.

I completely disagree. When you have your friends over for dinner, do you invite 200+ friends? Hm, I don't think so. I can see having 3 bottles of wine for a dinner with ten people. Totally different. This is something that would be nice for friends to have if they want to pay for it, but it's no skin off her back if they decide not to drink since they have to pay. She probably won't ever talk to her friends after the wedding and have them say, 'Geeze, can't believe you made me pay! Tacky!' This is a small detail some people probably won't even notice.

Turboflgrl, I think since you feel comfortable having a cash bar and it sounds like you want to- go for it. I think that if something is sitting right/wrong with you, then you know what you want. Also tacky is a very loose term, because so much depends on area/cultural/social aspects of weddings/

You're right I bet no one will say anything to them about it being a cash bar, but just because no one comes out and says it doesn't mean no one's thinking it. I would definitely notice if I asked for a martini at a wedding and they said that would be $10, especially if I had to scramble to find an ATM.

Also no one's making her invite 200 people!

 

[lulu]

To me a cash bar is like inviting people to your house and asking them to pay for a drink. Just offer what you can afford.

 

[trillionaire]

I don''t have much that is helpful to add here. I would say that I agree with those on your thread who have said that people don''t stick around for long at dry weddings... so perhaps instead of thinking of the $4K as money for alcohol, you could think of that as a party cost? If you value your friends presence for the entirety of your reception, and alcohol option is probably a good idea. The dry weddings that I have been to have had very little dancing, and people leave shortly after the eating and cake. Many people prefer to loosen up when dealing with a large number of people, which alcohol helps with.

Whereas I personally dislike cash bars, I dislike dry weddings more. (and I could regale you with stories of people drinking in the parking lots of dry weddings

) However, I can very much see Haven and other''s points that you should not offer more than you can afford. And of course, you shouldn''t pay for things that you consider wasteful. Would a few more hours with your friends at your reception seem wasteful to you?

 

[Gypsy]

I think drink tickets are better than a cash bar. It sends a signal that alcohol consumption isn't something that the B&G have an unlimited budget for, and also allows your guests to have one or two drinks. No drink ticket= pay for your drink.

I genuinely think that IF people know the bar isn't per head unlimited, they would be considerate. It's just that in certain circles, it is assumed it is unlimited open bar at a wedding. I've NEVER been to a cash bar wedding and would be completely unprepared for one (I don't generally carry cash with me to weddings, although I will have an emergency credit card in most cases).

I know that my uncle (toasted at the wedding, his wife was stone cold sober) was SHOCKED that our bar was consumption. He's the one who took a couple of bottles home. I kid you not. He was being 'thoughtful' because he took them home for us (yes, it was at the end of the night after he was already drunk that he had this bright idea). The same bottle I could have bought from the tasting room for 15 bucks I paid over 30 bucks for because he snagged it from the bar.

These things just don't occur to people unless you make it obvious to them.

Oh, one thing I didn't mention. We closed the bar at 9 o'clock. And our wedding started (as in I was walking down the aisle) at 4:00.


MOST OF ALL... I would be ticked at your venue. It might just be me but I made it excruciatingly clear that I expected flexibility to my venue before we booked, and I made sure I covered all the basics in our contract (including alcohol).

Dry wedding... I don't know. I can't really imagine one, short of a very religious wedding. My family is Muslim-- and I've NEVER been to a dry wedding. Granted, my family is not religious at all. But still. I would think it was strange. But... admittedly better than a cash bar for me.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

We had a cash bar and nobody was offended
Also we made sure people knew affordable cabs if they needed a way to get home, just had it passed around by word of mouth

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/16/2010 5:32:35 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
We had a cash bar and nobody was offended
Also we made sure people knew affordable cabs if they needed a way to get home, just had it passed around by word of mouth

lol, um, no one tells the bride if they are offended... unless they are hammered. How rude would that be?

Suffice to say, a lot of people are offended by cash bars. I in no way mean that to make you feel bad Smurfy, or anyone else, only to point out that you might have no idea how people felt. I have only been to one wedding with a cash bar, and most people were very annoyed, which we only discussed amongst ourselves.

 

[jessicab22]

Oh my gosh! I live in the UK and it is the norm to have a cash bar! We provide wine for dinner and a glass of champagne for the toast, then anyone who wants drinks after that for reception can pay for thier own!! I think it is much better to provide a cash bar than no alcohol at all, I would be really disappointed if I went to a wedding were they offered no alcohol. I have absolutely NO problem with paying for my own drinks.

 

[bee*]

Date: 3/17/2010 6:51:09 AM
Author: jessicab22
Oh my gosh! I live in the UK and it is the norm to have a cash bar! We provide wine for dinner and a glass of champagne for the toast, then anyone who wants drinks after that for reception can pay for thier own!! I think it is much better to provide a cash bar than no alcohol at all, I would be really disappointed if I went to a wedding were they offered no alcohol. I have absolutely NO problem with paying for my own drinks.

It''s the same in Ireland. We had a pre-dinner reception with wine and punch, then wine was served with dinner and we offered a drink of the guests choice for the toast. After that people buy their own. In saying that our weddings tend to go on for a lot longer. Our wedding started at 1.30 on the Thursday and finished at 5.30am on the Friday morning. It would have bankrupt us to provide people with free booze for that long!!

 

[cara]

You are the host of this event. Do you want your guests to have a good time and enjoy themselves, knowing that some of them would enjoy a drink or two? Then pay for the bar, its your special day but you are also hosting a party. Cocktail hour + beer and wine after sounds fine. You might not ever pay $4000 for your friends to drink at a bar, but how many other wedding expenses are comparable to things you would regularly do in your every day life? $1000+ dresses? Host lots of people at a catered event? The flower budget (whatever it is)?

If you have strong moral objections to or other problems with serving alcohol then skip it. Which would mean no cash bar.

If you have crunched your budget to the absolute bone and don't mind forcing your guests to skip something they would normally enjoy at a party, fine, skip it.

But it sounds like you know that some of your guests would enjoy a drink, but because *you* personally don't care for alcohol you want them to pay for their drink at your party. Its your party. Be the host(ess) and provide food and beverage for your guests, within reason.

YES to those that suggest a consumption bar, if you are heavy on the non-drinkers and sure that it will end up cheaper than the open bar. Otherwise cocktail hour + beer/wine after is fine.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 3/16/2010 7:25:43 PM
Author: trillionaire
lol, um, no one tells the bride if they are offended... unless they are hammered. How rude would that be?

Suffice to say, a lot of people are offended by cash bars. I in no way mean that to make you feel bad Smurfy, or anyone else, only to point out that you might have no idea how people felt. I have only been to one wedding with a cash bar, and most people were very annoyed, which we only discussed amongst ourselves.

Ditto. I''ve been to a wedding with a cash bar (apparently they''re extremely common in NH, so the venue might have forced the issue) and I''ll admit we were all very annoyed.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 3/15/2010 10:49:35 PM
Author: lulu
To me a cash bar is like inviting people to your house and asking them to pay for a drink. Just offer what you can afford.

This is how I feel too. My parents and I were adamant that at my wedding, we''d have an open bar. My husband and I got married at 11:00AM though, so I''m pretty sure the drink tab was smaller than it might have been had we gotten married in the evening. We just felt that since we were hosting a party, we would pay for everyone''s drinks.

As a guest though, it doesn''t really matter to me. I''ve been to a few weddings with a cash bar and I didn''t mind paying for my own drinks. I didn''t consider it rude that some of my friends chose to have a cash bar. I''m sure they had their reasons.

 

[galeteia]

Cash bars have always been the norm for me, so I am not bothered by it. A nice compromise was a wedding I went to last year where they had beer, wine, and a signature cocktail (mojitos, it''s Texas). If anyone wanted something other than what the couple had graciously provided, they could buy it themselves from the bartender. It was a nice touch.

 

[nkarma]

What is the purpose of a wedding reception???

Is it like a birthday party that someone throws for you and invites your family and friends to celebrate?? That's what I thought it was. You can still get married via other means at the courthouse, eloping, etc...

I therefore think that yes alcohol some sort of alcohol should be provided *for free* at the wedding just like any other party as you would host as this is a party to celebrate your marriage. And even though it's your wedding, the guests desires should be in consideration. Why else did you ask them to come? Also, guests are bringing gifts to celebrate your marriage and because of that as well, I think it is common courtesy.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I just wanted to add everyone assumes that alcohol is always provided when someone hosts a party at a home, but that was not aways the case in my circle when we were in our 20 something years. Many parties I went to would not charge money, but they were BYOB, or everyone bring alcohol to share, or if alcohol ran out, the guests would go out and buy more so that the host was not stuck paying for everyone. I think now that I have a career established and a decent income, I would provide all the alcohol for a party I hosted, but it won''t break the bank if I do that.

 

[turboflgrl]

Just figured I would update. I have since decided that all this stress just wasn''t worth ruining our day and caving to other''s demands that frankly, aren''t important (relatively speaking).

We are going to have an intimate ceremony & reception for our family and only very close friends (basically just the wedding party) with only wine on the tables (we managed to get the venue to cave in!!). We will then go on our honeymoon. When we get back, we are having a casual BBQ with our friends and others in hubby''s parent''s backyard (they have a gorgeous home on the water) and we will have drinks there for everyone to enjoy.

I''m really happy with this final decision and am comfortable with where I''m at right now. Anyway, thank you for all the help - I was never ''happy'' about a cash bar but saw no other way out. But with a little creativity, we''ve managed to work it out to what works best for us

(Typed from my phone so I apologize for any mistakes!!)

 

[Haven]

I''m glad you found a solution that works for you, Turbo!

Wine at the table sounds perfect. And an intimate reception sounds even better! I wish we had done that instead of our large-ish 150 person reception.

We''ve been to a party similar to the post-honeymoon BBQ you''re describing. It was so much fun! The couple was married in Hawaii so they had all of their friends over to their home for a catered yet relaxed Hawaiian themed party. It was a blast, and I bet yours will be, too!

 

[LilyKat]

That sounds like a great plan Turboflgrl!

 

[mrscushion]

Ditto, really good plan. Have fun planning!

 

[zoebartlett]

That sounds like a great idea, Turbo! I''m glad it worked out.

 

[princesss]

Sounds like a great plan, Turbo! I''m glad it worked out for you.

 

[missy]

Super solution!
Best wishes for your upcoming wedding!
Health and happiness

 

[kittybean]

Turbo, I think your solution sounds absolutely perfect. I''m sure you and your guests will have a wonderful time at both celebrations!

 

[turboflgrl]

Thank you for all the reassurance! I am finally back to being excited about it all

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/21/2010 8:15:39 PM
Author: turboflgrl
Thank you for all the reassurance! I am finally back to being excited about it all

I absolutely love your new plan, and I can completely sympathize with "losing" the excitement factor admist the craziness. We had to make a similar decision, which ended up with us eloping/honeymooning in a city about 6 hours from home, and having a BBQ the following weekend.

Anyway, I think your solution sounds like the best one for you, and it still means you get to share the time with your family and friends. Good luck!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 3/20/2010 2:46:05 AM
Author: turboflgrl
Just figured I would update. I have since decided that all this stress just wasn''t worth ruining our day and caving to other''s demands that frankly, aren''t important (relatively speaking).

We are going to have an intimate ceremony & reception for our family and only very close friends (basically just the wedding party) with only wine on the tables (we managed to get the venue to cave in!!). We will then go on our honeymoon. When we get back, we are having a casual BBQ with our friends and others in hubby''s parent''s backyard (they have a gorgeous home on the water) and we will have drinks there for everyone to enjoy.

I''m really happy with this final decision and am comfortable with where I''m at right now. Anyway, thank you for all the help - I was never ''happy'' about a cash bar but saw no other way out. But with a little creativity, we''ve managed to work it out to what works best for us

(Typed from my phone so I apologize for any mistakes!!)

This is similar to what we did after we decided we couldn''t afford the wedding we really wanted if we went for a bigger one. We had a BBQ the day after the wedding at my parents house. We invited my local family and family friends... all people we would have invited to the wedding had we done a big one. It was relaxed and I didn''t feel bad about not having a large wedding.

Glad to see that you found a solution that works for you. Sounds like a great plan!

 

[purselover]

Yay for happy updates, glad to hear you''re excited!

 

[aggal06]

I think you''re always going to have people who whine about something. When my sister got married it was an early afternoon wedding. They had no alcohol and only served hordevoures and people were pissy about that; however, the reception was over with by 6pm or so, so people could go out and eat afterwards if they were hungry. They both didn''t drink and were under 21 at the time when they got married. A few people people left the reception to go to the hotel bar (it was in a banquet room) and bought their own drinks, but as a 12 year old kid, I still thought it was kind of rude for them to leave the festivities for a few hours just because they wanted alcohol that bad.

 

[Nov2109]

Yay for a happy update!

Sounds like a perfect solution!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 3/17/2010 6:51:09 AM
Author: jessicab22
Oh my gosh! I live in the UK and it is the norm to have a cash bar! We provide wine for dinner and a glass of champagne for the toast, then anyone who wants drinks after that for reception can pay for thier own!! I think it is much better to provide a cash bar than no alcohol at all, I would be really disappointed if I went to a wedding were they offered no alcohol. I have absolutely NO problem with paying for my own drinks.

I live in the UK as well and I have only been to ONE wedding in my life that had a cash bar - and at 37 I have been to my fair share of weddings. The one with a cash bar was in Ireland. So, I don''t think it''s correct to say that it is the ''norm'' in the UK.

IMHO cash bars are tacky. A dry wedding would be okay, but I would definitely do mocktails so people felt like they were drinking something ''festive''.

My own wedding I served Champagne during the cocktail hours with a selection of mocktails, Champagne, white and red wines with the meal and during the evening and a dessert wine with the cake. DH and I went out to Italy to pick the wines from the vineyards. My parents don''t approve of spirits at weddings and none of our friends are beer drinkers.