Chivalry...your thoughts please

[missy]

So when I was younger there were chivalrous acts I witnessed daily. Some personal and many others I observed. When a man (or a woman) held a door open for someone else it was welcomed and looked at as a lovely gesture.

Once over 3 decades ago when I was at the Bloomingdales train station where there is a very steep climb up my sandal fell off my foot. And before I knew it a lovely young man ran to get it and he put it back on my foot. And everyone (very crowded station and stairs) went awwwww. It was a very sweet gesture for a stranger. Just one example but an experience I was grateful for with good reason. And of course for anyone who holds the door open I look at it as a very kind gesture. Never insulted. Always welcomed.

Perhaps I am wrong in what I am observing now and that is why I am starting this thread. It seems now that many people (women) do not welcome chivalrous acts. As in, don't hold the door open for me, I am capable of holding it open myself. Don't get up and give me your seat on the subway. etc.

Is this the case now or it chivalry still graciously welcomed by the individual receiving it? We are all different of course but I, for one, am never insulted if a stranger does something nice for me. And when I was working I often and happily gave my seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman. And held the door open for the person behind me too. To me it is second nature and the kind and nice thing to do.

How doi you feel? Do you like being on the receiving end of chivalrous acts? Or do you prefer being the one to do the chivalrous acts? Or do you eschew both because most people are capable individuals and do not need senseless acts of kindness and chivalry? Genuinely curious what the prevailing thoughts are in 2025


@empliau I dedicate this comic to you

 

[Avondale]

It seems now that many people (women) do not welcome chivalrous acts.

Maybe because many people assume that chivalrous acts are something displayed strictly by men towards women. Hence adding a flavour of sexism to the whole thing and painting it in negative light. While I believe the concept can and should evolve, just as it has before, to accommodate the modern world and societal values.

My husband, for example, is very annoyed when people, women included, won't hold the door for him when he's clearly carrying multiple bags in both hands. And I agree with him that it's very rude and displays a lack of common courtesy.

 

[Avondale]

@empliau I dedicate this comic to you

I can't react to the whole post with a laugh emoji, sooo...

 

[missy]

Maybe because many people assume that chivalrous acts are something displayed strictly by men towards women. Hence adding a flavour of sexism to the whole thing and painting it in negative light. While I believe the concept can and should evolve, just as it has before, to accommodate the modern world and societal values.

My husband, for example, is very annoyed when people, women included, won't hold the door for him when he's clearly carrying multiple bags in both hands. And I agree with him that it's very rude and displays a lack of common courtesy.

I agree that Chivalry applies to all genders. Even back in the "old" days I was always ready and happy to hold a door open for a man or woman or child and applied (and still do) that to every aspect of my life. I do not make assumptions based on gender and never have. I do see others who do but to me chivalry (accepting and giving) is for everyone. Not just one gender

And I am with your dh. Hod the frickin door open for someone whose arms are full. Common decency. Common courtesy but sadly like common sense many are dearly lacking in these areas

 

[Bron357]

Story time.
Years ago catching a bus I was the only woman standing and an elderly man stood up and offered me his seat. Of course I politely declined being young and him definitely needing it more. In those few seconds, another man who was standing took the seat. The lady sitting alongside spoke up “the gentleman was offering the young lady his seat not you”. F@&* off was his response. With that another man, a very well built Polynesian chap, seated a few seats behind indicated to the lady to swap seats. As he stood up I thought this is going to be interesting. This big guy literally sat down on the seat thief, then opened his bag, got out a newspaper and proceeded to very much invade the rude guys personal space with his elbows and paper. The rude guy didn’t last long in his stolen seat, he pressed the button to signal his desire to get off the bus. All those aware of the situation “clapped him out” as he exited.

 

[missy]

Story time.
Years ago catching a bus I was the only woman standing and an elderly man stood up and offered me his seat. Of course I politely declined being young and him definitely needing it more. In those few seconds, another man who was standing took the seat. The lady sitting alongside spoke up “the gentleman was offering the young lady his seat not you”. F@&* off was his response. With that another man, a very well built Polynesian chap, seated a few seats behind indicated to the lady to swap seats. As he stood up I thought this is going to be interesting. This big guy literally sat down on the seat thief, then opened his bag, got out a newspaper and proceeded to very much invade the rude guys personal space with his elbows and paper. The rude guy didn’t last long in his stolen seat, he pressed the button to signal his desire to get off the bus. All those aware of the situation “clapped him out” as he exited.

The world is made up of all kinds of people. Some suck big time and others don't. Unfortunately as I get older I observe more who suck than those who don't. Of course I would love to be proven wrong. As I often say to my dh...I hate being right (most of the time).