Clueless Husband Story

[portoar]

This is a follow up to the thread about the woman who is upset because she just found out her ring was originally purchased for another woman . . . I can top that with my own clueless husband story.

I met my husband in Greece (he''s Canadian). After I returned to California, he traveled on through other parts of the world, then flew to California to visit me on the way back to Canada. We were smitten, and within a week of his arrival at my home we unexpectedly found ourselves engaged. He phoned his mother, who was expecting him back in Canada, to tell her he was marrying someone he met on his travels. She and his brother flew right out for our wedding, which took place two weeks after he proposed (neither one of us being into the fancy wedding thing).

I kept hearing his mother and brother having urgent, private conversations with my fiance. Finally, THE NIGHT BEFORE our wedding, he went in another room and had a very emotional conversation with someone on the phone. I asked him what it was about, and he confessed -- his GIRLFRIEND had been phoning his mother and brother for weeks, pestering them about when was her BF coming home! His mother and brother insisted that he owed it to his GF to call her and break up with her before our wedding!

Well, you can imagine how UPSET his GF was, impatiently waiting for her man to return and then having him call her the night before his marriage to ANOTHER WOMAN, and the poor guy, having to confess to HIS BRIDE that he''d neglected the tiny detail of breaking up with his GF before proposing to ME -- he was really sqirming between two women who both had a REALLY GOOD REASON to be REALLY ANGRY with him!

I laugh about it now. We have been (mostly) happily married for 13 years. Who cares if he was a boob when we got married? Who among us has never been a boob, especially when nagivating the treacherous waters of love and romance? He''s a good man and a great father and husband.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Enjoyed your story Portoar,

Sounds like your hubby had his bases covered...

I am delighted your story turned out the great one it was meant to be. I think when a bunch of females get together somehow conversation leads to man bashing, but when it comes right down to it...aren''t they grand? In the man category... the rough cuts seem to outshine all the ideal cuts combined.

Your story was refreshing I enjoyed it. Congratulations on 13 years.

Door Knob

Ps. Any word on the "Boob" the old girlfriend married?

 

[movie zombie]

it is interesting to read your story after following the other thread! congratulations!

peace, movie zombie

 

[valeria101]

Wow...

<---- these blue gremlins should be crying and laughing for me.


What a story!


I truly admire the conclusion. Good for you guys. It must have been a fast track wedding, but yours just stands proof that it can be done.


Now that the clueless husband knows better, what is going to happen to the diamond? They burn fast and without trace you know. You'd be one of the few who have ever seen that

 

[lmurden]

Lovely, Not!

 

[portoar]

Never got a diamond from him, either. He hates diamonds and thinks they are a giant ripp-off engineered by DeBeers. That''s why I''m here educating myself, I''m picking out my own diamonds with my own money. Have to admit a teeny amount of envy when some of you women post about husbands who either "get it" (e.g. cfflutist''s hubby) or don''t but still go out and buy the diamonds, or when I see the guys post "I want to get my GF the best possible diamond and my budget is $21,000."

BUT in most other respects he''s a gem and I love him. Yes, he did a dumb thing and he hurt another woman. I think it was a case of 1) he thought his world trip was a "message" to his GF that he wasn''t interested in her anymore and/or 2) when he met me it was "omygod, I''m with the wrong woman and I''ve just met my soul mate." (not that I''m anything special, we just recognized right away that we''re "right" for each other). He wasn''t happy about the way he behaved, on the contrary, he was really upset with himself.

If he had given me a ring intended for his prior GF it wouldn''t have bothered me unless I really hated the setting, then I would have just spoken up about the setting. He bought me a designer gold band and we shopped for it together.

 

[Patty]

I love the part where you say, "We unexpectedly found ourselves engaged." LOL!

 

[curlygirl]

What a fantastic story!! I'm so happy to hear that the two of you have lasted so long after such a short courtship. While I'm sure your husband's ex-girlfriend was devastated at the time, she probably eventually realized that it wasn't meant to be--especially since he found his soulmate in you! It's very heartwarming to hear such a story when we are surrounded by all these celebrities who make a mockery of engagements and marriages. Congratulations--your story is certainly inspirational!

 

[FireGoddess]

Oh. My. Gosh. Now THAT is crazy. I''m happy for your happy ending, but if I was his girlfriend, I would have wrung his neck out.....it was a crappy thing to do to her, though I''m happy it worked out for you!

 

[Caribou]

Okay, first let me say, congrats on your 13 year marriage.

However, I don''t find this story ''fantastic'' at all. The same thing happened to me. I was dating a guy for 2 years, he met someone else while we were still together and got engaged to her after 2 months of them ''dating'' (while we were still together). The whole time he continued to let me think that he still cared about me. He didn''t even give me the respect to tell me to my face that he met someone else, he let me find out by running into the two of them together one day. What exactly is fantastic about that?!?!?

I can''t even give your husband props for breaking up with her because he had to be coerced by his mom and brother...how horrible for his girlfriend to not only get dumped but the next day for him to marry someone he hardly knew. Didn''t this make you question his loyalty?

I''m sorry, I don''t mean to disrespect you....this just hits a little too close to home.

 

[Shay37]

Date: 11/29/2005 1:25:45 PM
Author: Caribou
Okay, first let me say, congrats on your 13 year marriage.

However, I don''t find this story ''fantastic'' at all. The same thing happened to me. I was dating a guy for 2 years, he met someone else while we were still together and got engaged to her after 2 months of them ''dating'' (while we were still together). The whole time he continued to let me think that he still cared about me. He didn''t even give me the respect to tell me to my face that he met someone else, he let me find out by running into the two of them together one day. What exactly is fantastic about that?!?!?

I can''t even give your husband props for breaking up with her because he had to be coerced by his mom and brother...how horrible for his girlfriend to not only get dumped but the next day for him to marry someone he hardly knew. Didn''t this make you question his loyalty?

I''m sorry, I don''t mean to disrespect you....this just hits a little too close to home.

Aw, but you forget, she''s laughing about it AFTER 13 years of marriage. She even admits that the ex wasn''t the only one who wanted a shot at his family jewels. Sometimes we forget to look back and laugh. I''m glad that portoar has been happily married for so long after love at first sight. I''m also happy she is able to laugh about what must have been a stressful time for her as well.

shay

 

[portoar]

Date: 11/29/2005 1:25:45 PM
Author: Caribou
Okay, first let me say, congrats on your 13 year marriage.

However, I don''t find this story ''fantastic'' at all. The same thing happened to me. I was dating a guy for 2 years, he met someone else while we were still together and got engaged to her after 2 months of them ''dating'' (while we were still together). The whole time he continued to let me think that he still cared about me. He didn''t even give me the respect to tell me to my face that he met someone else, he let me find out by running into the two of them together one day. What exactly is fantastic about that?!?!?

I can''t even give your husband props for breaking up with her because he had to be coerced by his mom and brother...how horrible for his girlfriend to not only get dumped but the next day for him to marry someone he hardly knew. Didn''t this make you question his loyalty?

I''m sorry, I don''t mean to disrespect you....this just hits a little too close to home.

Hi Caribou,

I wasn''t posting my story as "fantastic," it really was in response to the woman who was upset b/c she found out her ring was originally intended for someone else. I think that''s a ridiculous thing to get all twisted up about, and I offered my story as one where there is a legitimate reason to be upset at the guy.

Please believe me, I had no respect for my husband''s behavior at the time, and I was very angry -- and we fought about it -- my anger was mostly on behalf of the woman he left behind in Canada. That''s no way to treat anyone and I''m sorry my husband did it to his ex and I''m sorry it''s happened to you.

It''s also happened to me (before I met my husband) that I dated a man 3 or 4 times and then quite accidentally found out he was MARRIED. Well, here is how I dealt with it. I phoned his wife, told her I had been duped, apologized for my unwitting part in her husband''s infidelity, and told her she had my word I would never have anything to do with him again.

As for my husband, I''ve never had a reason to suspect his fidelity or his love in 13 years. He''s been a great husband and father to my kids, and we have a strong marriage. Yes, we hardly knew each other when we married, but we were also both in our 30s and had some experience with relationships. We knew what we were getting into.

 

[Rhapsody]

"I offered my story as one where there is a legitimate reason to be upset at the guy."

Portoar, while I admire you sticking through something that would have definitely been a deal breaker for me it''s a bit harsh to insinuate that Kate doesn''t have a "legitimate" reason to be upset. We all do a lot of stupid, insensitive things to each other and although we have to be able to forgive these actions it doesn''t mean you have no right to be upset by something.

 

[cymbrie]

Portoar- very interesting story. I love hearing the multitudinous ways love has of emerging, as messy as they oft can be. I too fall into the stranger than fiction catagory...not sure if I could condense it into a single post

but thank you for sharing your story. And congrats on your lasting marriage!