legallyspoiled
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2010
- Messages
- 367
Warning! Long post but good read.
Disclaimer: I know that I signed up for this when I agreed to be a bridesmaid. My, oh my...how I wish I could just turn back the hands of time. I would''ve said no and ran as far as possible in the opposite direction.
My cousin, the groom, is getting married this weekend. His bride had no friends aside from her sister. That probably should have been my sign to start running. Last summer, his bride asked me to be in the wedding after meeting me one time. I thought she was joking. A few weeks later, I received a phone call about her cousin dropping out of the wedding and her needing a replacement. Trying to be supportive to my cousin and feeling sorry for his bride, I hesitantly agreed. It has been a rocky ride ever since.
First, she told all of her bridesmaids that we needed to order our dresses before August 2009 for the May 2010 wedding. She said that we should use an online website because the dresses were less expensive there. (Note: The dresses were never discontinued.) When I ordered my dress in September, I thought that I was super late. Actually, I was the first person to order my dress! The estimated delivery date for my dress was mid November. A week after I ordered my dress, another bridesmaid placed her order with the online company. However, she never received any confirmation information and the company could not confirm her order. No one else ordered their dress from the company. Two weeks before my dress was due to arrive, the bride calls me in a panic saying that my dress should have been here by now and demanding that I cancel my order and file a claim with my bank to get my money back. She pleaded with me to place my order at the boutique with the other girls. My dress would have been $80 more. I politely told her that, I had no problem with the company and that I had received four confirmation and status emails. I told her to give the company a few more weeks for the dress arrived before I would consider canceling. The dress arrived on time (and seven months before the wedding).
A few months later, the bride sends out a newsletter updating us on the status of the wedding. She requested that we purchase a $180 body shaper for the discounted price of $80. She also let us know that we had to have our makeup professionally done at the tune of $50 including false eyelashes. We also were told that we would be having a spa day the weekend of the wedding and that she would be forwarding us the pricelist and service menu. She also needed to confirm our hair color and style for the big day. I politely responded and told her that I would not be purchasing such an expensive body shaper. I would purchase one that was more reasonably priced. I jokingly told her that I would be dying my hair green to match the color of the wedding. I also asked her how much the makeup would be without the lashes because I wouldn''t be needing them. She consulted with the make up artist who told her that the price would be the same.
Fast forward a few weeks, and I ask the bride if she has the itinerary for the wedding yet...which is roughly 5-6 weeks away. She says that she doesn''t but should have it in a few weeks. Fast forward a few more weeks, and I receive a TEXT MESSAGE from the bride asking me if my mother was still doing my hair for the wedding and if so when. I respond saying that my mother was still doing my hair and she would probably be doing it the morning of the wedding. I also ask if she can get me a copy of the itinerary as soon as it is ready. The bride sends me another text message that says she has more important stuff to worry about than an itinerary and that text messaging wasn''t the proper way to communicate. SLAM ON THE DOGGONE BRAKES. Are you freaking kidding me? 90% of the communications that I have received from the bride have been via text message or email. Long story short, I ignored that text message because I was two seconds away from mailing her my dress and my shoes. Five minutes later, I get another text message, "Call me now." EXCUSE ME? Who do you think you are talking to??? I ignored that one too. Ten minutes later, I get another text message, "You arrive on Wednesday, I don''t have anything for you to do that day." The wedding is on a Sunday. Is she trying to say that she has something planned for every day of the week?! I phone a friend who talks me off the ledge. I say a prayer and call back several hours later, and politely explain that I haven''t been to my hometown in a year and I also have a cousin graduating that weekend. I don''t need a fancy typewritten itinerary. I just need to know what she has planned for the bridal party so that I can make my other plans accordingly. She then proceeds to tell me the schedule. I hear, for the first time, that there will be a coed bachelor/bachelorette bowling party that everyone must chip in for, $20. I had no problem with that. I did, however, have a problem with them sending multiple reminders that the couple would be accepting VISA giftcards during the party...which is two days before their wedding. A few weeks later the party was canceled due to participants not paying. Instead, a happy hour was planned...where the couple will be accepting VISA giftcards. I spoke with another cousin today who is a groomsmen. He told me that he had given the couple $180 towards the bowling party. When it was canceled, they offered to give him his money back but they also made several other recommendations on ways that the money could be used. He is too nice so he let them keep the cash. Wanna guess what they did with it? They made spa appointments for themselves.
This morning, I receive a text message explaining that there was a miscommunication with the makeup artist. The price is not $50, it is $75. The $25 difference is for lashes. All bridesmaids must pay it because of the contract with the makeup artist. Remember when I said that I asked her about the price without lashes? I''m paying $50.
Wanna know what else I found out today? The bridal party is responsible for paying for their own rehearsal dinner at a restaurant where the average dinner is over $20. Who does that?!
Again, I know that I signed up for all of the corresponding responsibilites when I agreed to be in the wedding but doesn''t this all seem a bit....much?! I''m sure if this had been a dear friend, I would have done all of this plus jumped through hoops wearing a tutu. And as a bride, I am really trying to just roll with the punches and be on my best behavior.
Here''s where I need advice. She didn''t want a bachelorette or bridal shower until recently and every mention of it has included the words VISA giftcard. Do I give a bachelorette party gift? How much do I give as a wedding gift? How much would you give if you were in my shoes?
I''ve had the following expenses:
Airline ticket $260
Dress $180
Alterations $40
Body Shaper $40
Shoes $40
Make up $50
Hair FREE (thanks to mom)
Spa Day $50
Rehearsal Dinner $40
Bachelorette Happy Hour $30
Disclaimer: I know that I signed up for this when I agreed to be a bridesmaid. My, oh my...how I wish I could just turn back the hands of time. I would''ve said no and ran as far as possible in the opposite direction.
My cousin, the groom, is getting married this weekend. His bride had no friends aside from her sister. That probably should have been my sign to start running. Last summer, his bride asked me to be in the wedding after meeting me one time. I thought she was joking. A few weeks later, I received a phone call about her cousin dropping out of the wedding and her needing a replacement. Trying to be supportive to my cousin and feeling sorry for his bride, I hesitantly agreed. It has been a rocky ride ever since.
First, she told all of her bridesmaids that we needed to order our dresses before August 2009 for the May 2010 wedding. She said that we should use an online website because the dresses were less expensive there. (Note: The dresses were never discontinued.) When I ordered my dress in September, I thought that I was super late. Actually, I was the first person to order my dress! The estimated delivery date for my dress was mid November. A week after I ordered my dress, another bridesmaid placed her order with the online company. However, she never received any confirmation information and the company could not confirm her order. No one else ordered their dress from the company. Two weeks before my dress was due to arrive, the bride calls me in a panic saying that my dress should have been here by now and demanding that I cancel my order and file a claim with my bank to get my money back. She pleaded with me to place my order at the boutique with the other girls. My dress would have been $80 more. I politely told her that, I had no problem with the company and that I had received four confirmation and status emails. I told her to give the company a few more weeks for the dress arrived before I would consider canceling. The dress arrived on time (and seven months before the wedding).
A few months later, the bride sends out a newsletter updating us on the status of the wedding. She requested that we purchase a $180 body shaper for the discounted price of $80. She also let us know that we had to have our makeup professionally done at the tune of $50 including false eyelashes. We also were told that we would be having a spa day the weekend of the wedding and that she would be forwarding us the pricelist and service menu. She also needed to confirm our hair color and style for the big day. I politely responded and told her that I would not be purchasing such an expensive body shaper. I would purchase one that was more reasonably priced. I jokingly told her that I would be dying my hair green to match the color of the wedding. I also asked her how much the makeup would be without the lashes because I wouldn''t be needing them. She consulted with the make up artist who told her that the price would be the same.
Fast forward a few weeks, and I ask the bride if she has the itinerary for the wedding yet...which is roughly 5-6 weeks away. She says that she doesn''t but should have it in a few weeks. Fast forward a few more weeks, and I receive a TEXT MESSAGE from the bride asking me if my mother was still doing my hair for the wedding and if so when. I respond saying that my mother was still doing my hair and she would probably be doing it the morning of the wedding. I also ask if she can get me a copy of the itinerary as soon as it is ready. The bride sends me another text message that says she has more important stuff to worry about than an itinerary and that text messaging wasn''t the proper way to communicate. SLAM ON THE DOGGONE BRAKES. Are you freaking kidding me? 90% of the communications that I have received from the bride have been via text message or email. Long story short, I ignored that text message because I was two seconds away from mailing her my dress and my shoes. Five minutes later, I get another text message, "Call me now." EXCUSE ME? Who do you think you are talking to??? I ignored that one too. Ten minutes later, I get another text message, "You arrive on Wednesday, I don''t have anything for you to do that day." The wedding is on a Sunday. Is she trying to say that she has something planned for every day of the week?! I phone a friend who talks me off the ledge. I say a prayer and call back several hours later, and politely explain that I haven''t been to my hometown in a year and I also have a cousin graduating that weekend. I don''t need a fancy typewritten itinerary. I just need to know what she has planned for the bridal party so that I can make my other plans accordingly. She then proceeds to tell me the schedule. I hear, for the first time, that there will be a coed bachelor/bachelorette bowling party that everyone must chip in for, $20. I had no problem with that. I did, however, have a problem with them sending multiple reminders that the couple would be accepting VISA giftcards during the party...which is two days before their wedding. A few weeks later the party was canceled due to participants not paying. Instead, a happy hour was planned...where the couple will be accepting VISA giftcards. I spoke with another cousin today who is a groomsmen. He told me that he had given the couple $180 towards the bowling party. When it was canceled, they offered to give him his money back but they also made several other recommendations on ways that the money could be used. He is too nice so he let them keep the cash. Wanna guess what they did with it? They made spa appointments for themselves.
This morning, I receive a text message explaining that there was a miscommunication with the makeup artist. The price is not $50, it is $75. The $25 difference is for lashes. All bridesmaids must pay it because of the contract with the makeup artist. Remember when I said that I asked her about the price without lashes? I''m paying $50.
Wanna know what else I found out today? The bridal party is responsible for paying for their own rehearsal dinner at a restaurant where the average dinner is over $20. Who does that?!
Again, I know that I signed up for all of the corresponding responsibilites when I agreed to be in the wedding but doesn''t this all seem a bit....much?! I''m sure if this had been a dear friend, I would have done all of this plus jumped through hoops wearing a tutu. And as a bride, I am really trying to just roll with the punches and be on my best behavior.
Here''s where I need advice. She didn''t want a bachelorette or bridal shower until recently and every mention of it has included the words VISA giftcard. Do I give a bachelorette party gift? How much do I give as a wedding gift? How much would you give if you were in my shoes?
I''ve had the following expenses:
Airline ticket $260
Dress $180
Alterations $40
Body Shaper $40
Shoes $40
Make up $50
Hair FREE (thanks to mom)
Spa Day $50
Rehearsal Dinner $40
Bachelorette Happy Hour $30
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