Converting Religions to get married in Church?

[bubbly1126]

So, I''m not exactly sure how the topic came up but BF let it be known that he would now like to get married in a church. (In a few of my earlier posts, I said how we always wanted a destination wedding, etc.)

I was baptized when I was younger but my family was not religious at all at the time of my birth so they never pushed going to church on me. Therefore, I never really chose my own religion. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I believe in him in one specific way? Not really. I believe in my own way. Thus why I have never chosen a religion.

However, BF is Catholic and was raised going to church every Sunday. He did this until about the age of 16 and hasn''t been since. (He is 23.) However, he still fully believes in Catholicism.

So here''s the thing... I know that to be married in a Catholic church, if one of us is not Catholic, we have to convert. (I''ve heard of some churches who will marry you if you both are not but those are few and far between.) How do you even go about converting to a religion? I have to take classes and such right?

Although I have never been too keen on getting married in a church, the thought of it now is very intriguing to me. Over the last year or so, I have been finding myself becoming a lot more spiritual and wanting to go to church. My aunt is actually a minister for one and I never would have thought she''d be so into religion. She got that way after my Uncle died in ''95 and since then she''s also become a missionary for Africa and Romania. Anyway, got off on a tangent there... Like I said, I do believe in God and the more I think about it, the more I''d like to really choose a religion and get involved in it. I would like for our children to be raised going to church as well.

Have any of you ladies converted your religion for your SO (or vice versa) or even for the sake of being able to get married in a church? If so, did you or do you plan to go to church regularly after you''re married? Are/did you do it just so your children could be raised a certain religion? Is it a long process?

Doesn''t matter what religion you are, I am completely open minded so anyone, feel free to post!

**I believe that BF and I are a few years away from an engagement... so this is all purely educational at this point. This way, if I ever have to make a decision about it, I''ll be well informed!**

 

[sunnyd]

Hmmmm I don''t know how relevant this is today, but when my parents got married 26 years ago, my mom had to convert to Catholocism in order to marry in the church. It involved taking classes to get communion and probably confirmed too(?). The relationship you both have with the priest might affect it too. My aunt and uncle walked down the church aisle 5 months pregnant!

That was totally talking out my butt, hopefully someone who''s actually been through it can help out!

 

[ktdid]

I just converted to Catholicism 2 years ago (it wasn't for marriage) so I don't know everything. However, I believe you can get married in the church as long as one is Catholic. The difference is that it won't be a full mass with communion. They will probably still require the 6 month pre-cana classes (premarriage). The RCIA classes are the conversion classes for adults. It is about 7 months long and I really enjoyed the classes! I learned a ton and Easter vigil is when you join the church. Most of the people in my class were married or getting married. I would just check out a church close to you and see what the schedule is and when the class starts. Mine were very informal and not intimidating (like I thought they would be!)
And now my honest moment, I rarely go to Mass! I work all weekends 7p-7a. It just makes going to difficult. I did go to Christmas Mass and I wish I could get there more often. I feel like I need to take my RCIA classes again!

eta-- I just looked it up in my Catholicism for Dummies book (yes, I have one!) and it does say there is a Catholic wedding ceremony that can be done without the full Mass. I would still talk to the Priest where your BF goes to discuss it with him.

 

[mimzy]

a catholic church that requires you to convert to be married there is now the exception, not the norm.

i think its great that you want to look more into going to church, etc, but i would do a lot of research on the different denominations to decide which is right for you, and try to keep the marriage part out of it. my FI is catholic and i am a nondenominational christian (although i was baptized byzantine catholic)and i told him that under no circumstances would i give up my kind of church for his, and he''s not going to do the same for me. the most important thing is that it is important to both of us, so it''s not a sticking point of any kind.

we are getting married in a presbyterian church, but are doing some paperwork beforehand to get it recognized in the catholic church. it''s not a big deal to us - god is god is god and isn''t exclusive to one type of church.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/21/2008 1:40:41 PM
Author: mimzy

a catholic church that requires you to convert to be married there is now the exception, not the norm.

This is probably right. I was in a friend's wedding several years back. She is Catholic and her husband is Jewish. Neither is particularly "religious." Not only did they get married in the (Catholic) church she grew up in, but a rabbi that his parents know came to co-officiate. He never did an interfaith service before and he came from NYC to spend a week in the rectory with the priest that was doing the service. I posted about their wedding here previously. The rabbi said during his part of the sermon that he enjoyed getting to know the priests and more about the Catholic faith, because when he was a young rabbi, such "mixing" - even to learn more about each other from an academic standpoint - was prohibited. You could tell just from the interchange that he and the priest co-officiating had become fast friends. He also said that he felt that my friend's marriage "pleased God," because here were two young people who chose to spend a life together in love, even though their ways of worshipping God differed slightly. He said that he thought there should be more of that in the world - looking for similarities instead of differences. They have a daughter now and another on the way, and they are raising their kids with knowledge of both Catholicism and Judaism.

In the 1940s, my grandmother (a Catholic), married my grandfather (a Protestant), and that was thought to be a big deal back then. They got married in front of the rectory fireplace as opposed to in the church, because my grandfather wasn't interested in converting. He wasn't interested in religion, period, and probably would have eloped had my grandmother agreed to it.

Lots of churches now will even marry divorced people, even though "technically" that's grounds for excommunication. I was raised Catholic but don't practice anymore. I consider myself an ecclectic pagan/spiritualist and don't go to church anymore except for (someone else's) weddings or funerals. I connect with God while walking in the woods, hiking and meditating in quiet places, so when I get married again, I probably will do it outside and have a JP or non-denominational minister officiate.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[anchor31]

It may depend on the parish? On the papers we saw, it said that only one of the couple must be Catholic. Some parishes also do interfaith marriages with a religious figure from the other faith present. If you do choose to convert however, as a Catholic you would need to have your other sacraments done, including your first communion and your confirmation (the most important one, as you confirm as an adult that you fully embrace the faith you were baptized in as a baby).

I am Catholic, although I often refer to myself as a Christian who attends the Catholic church, as I believe the relationship with God though Christ is more important than the religion itself... Anyway, religion can''t be discussed much on here, but I wish you luck in your quest for your faith. It''s wonderful that you want to become involved in a church and raise your children there! I will be praying for you, as well as your relationship.

 

[misscuppycake]

When my parents were married in a church 25 years ago, it was not asked of them to convert or be religious - neither were. They simply made a donation to the church in order to use it.

 

[iheartscience]

Yeah, I haven''t heard of a Catholic church requiring both people to be Catholic before they can get married. My brother just got married a few years ago in the Catholic church and his wife is not Catholic. I would be very surprised if a parish required that.

I would suggest that you actually contact your local parish and ask them the question directly. I know that a lot of parishes do require you to actually attend that particular church to be married there, and if your boyfriend hasn''t been to church in years, that might be an issue.

 

[Deelight]

I''m not catholic but I was under the assumption that you had to promise that you would raise your children catholic but not sure about conversion.

I personally would never ever convert my religion for my SO or for anyone I was raised with the thought that what you are born into is what you are in terms of a specific religion. However that is a personal decision for each and every person.

 

[Sapphire_Cutie]

Date: 2/21/2008 12:40:00 PM
Author:bubbly1126
So, I''m not exactly sure how the topic came up but BF let it be known that he would now like to get married in a church. (In a few of my earlier posts, I said how we always wanted a destination wedding, etc.)

I was baptized when I was younger but my family was not religious at all at the time of my birth so they never pushed going to church on me. Therefore, I never really chose my own religion. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I believe in him in one specific way? Not really. I believe in my own way. Thus why I have never chosen a religion.

However, BF is Catholic and was raised going to church every Sunday. He did this until about the age of 16 and hasn''t been since. (He is 23.) However, he still fully believes in Catholicism.

So here''s the thing... I know that to be married in a Catholic church, if one of us is not Catholic, we have to convert. (I''ve heard of some churches who will marry you if you both are not but those are few and far between.) How do you even go about converting to a religion? I have to take classes and such right?

Although I have never been too keen on getting married in a church, the thought of it now is very intriguing to me. Over the last year or so, I have been finding myself becoming a lot more spiritual and wanting to go to church. My aunt is actually a minister for one and I never would have thought she''d be so into religion. She got that way after my Uncle died in ''95 and since then she''s also become a missionary for Africa and Romania. Anyway, got off on a tangent there... Like I said, I do believe in God and the more I think about it, the more I''d like to really choose a religion and get involved in it. I would like for our children to be raised going to church as well.

Have any of you ladies converted your religion for your SO (or vice versa) or even for the sake of being able to get married in a church? If so, did you or do you plan to go to church regularly after you''re married? Are/did you do it just so your children could be raised a certain religion? Is it a long process?

Doesn''t matter what religion you are, I am completely open minded so anyone, feel free to post!

**I believe that BF and I are a few years away from an engagement... so this is all purely educational at this point. This way, if I ever have to make a decision about it, I''ll be well informed!**

I am VERY glad that you asked this question...I am going through the same conversation at home right now...SO is Catholic. He was raised in church and was actually an alterboy for MANY years...he hasnt gone in a long time but none the less wants to be married in a catholic church. I on the other hand was baptised Baptist, but dont practice. I concider myself an Agnostic. I DO believe there is SOMETHING beyond us...just dont personally believe in a heavan or hell/Jesus and so forth. So...it will be INTERESTING to see how we compromise on this one. Cuz orriginally I didnt want to be married in a church PERIOD...not that I have anything against them, or ANYONES religion... I think churches are BEAUTIFUL and have been in them before. But honestly my rpoblem is that as soon as I step foot into those doors I get this WIERD chilling feeling up and down my back, like I DONT belong there. Its a very eary and un-nerving feeling. I think it has to do with me feeling bad being there if its not something I believe in personally, who really knows...I DONT lol. So like I said it will be interesting to see what we come up with

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I am a practicing Catholic, and my husband is nominally Baptist. We were married in the Catholic Church, but we didn''t have a full Mass with communion, though technically we could have. My husband wasn''t asked to convert and nor was he asked to promise to raise the children Catholic. I, as a Catholic, was asked to promise, but he as a non-Catholic did not. I think all that business about conversion/raising kids Catholic ended maybe in the 60s?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

A LOT of women on here have decided agianst marrying in the church because most Catholic churches do still require the agreement that the kids are raised Catholic. It is technically done based on the diocese by my Catholic family tells me about 70% still require it.

I respect that you want to find a religious path, but you might be best served finding your own and not just doing as your BF does.

 

[bubbly1126]

Thank you all for the information! I guess I was pretty mis-informed about it.

I''m not saying I''m definitely converting to the Catholic faith. I plan to research many different types of religions before I make my decision. I just wanted to know if anyone here has done it and what information could be offered. It''s definitely good to know that I don''t necessarily *have* to become Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Keep the info coming ladies! I would love to learn more!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 2/22/2008 9:52:58 AM
Author: Logan Sapphire
I am a practicing Catholic, and my husband is nominally Baptist. We were married in the Catholic Church, but we didn''t have a full Mass with communion, though technically we could have. My husband wasn''t asked to convert and nor was he asked to promise to raise the children Catholic. I, as a Catholic, was asked to promise, but he as a non-Catholic did not. I think all that business about conversion/raising kids Catholic ended maybe in the 60s?

Nope the only reason I know about the raising the kids catholic is from a friends wedding I attended a few years ago. They were asked during the ceremony.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 2/23/2008 12:23:13 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 2/22/2008 9:52:58 AM

Author: Logan Sapphire

I am a practicing Catholic, and my husband is nominally Baptist. We were married in the Catholic Church, but we didn''t have a full Mass with communion, though technically we could have. My husband wasn''t asked to convert and nor was he asked to promise to raise the children Catholic. I, as a Catholic, was asked to promise, but he as a non-Catholic did not. I think all that business about conversion/raising kids Catholic ended maybe in the 60s?

Nope the only reason I know about the raising the kids catholic is from a friends wedding I attended a few years ago. They were asked during the ceremony.

That''s strange...maybe it varies by diocese or individual priests, but the only time we were asked about it was during our pre-marital sessions, and not during our wedding.

The Code of Canon Law, the law of the Catholic Church (Latin Rite), lists these three special conditions (here are two):

"Canon 1125 ...1) the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

"2) the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the Catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the Catholic party..."

It doesn''t say anything about the non-Catholic promising but maybe some dioceses ignore that?

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Bubbly, I think I missed something? I thought you broke up with him? And that was partly because you felt you wanted to find your own way for a while and felt too dependent on him? But now you're back together and you want to join his religion so that you can marry him?

I'm confused!

Find yourself in there, Bubbly. Build YOURSELF up for a while and respect yourself, what and who you are and what you have to give. Mrs. Cookie-tyme's advice might be worth heeding here, not with respect to pre-marital sex, but the general sense.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 2/23/2008 11:37:29 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Hey Bubbly, I think I missed something? I thought you broke up with him? And that was partly because you felt you wanted to find your own way for a while and felt too dependent on him? But now you''re back together and you want to join his religion so that you can marry him?


I''m confused!


Find yourself in there, Bubbly. Build YOURSELF up for a while and respect yourself, what and who you are and what you have to give. Mrs. Cookie-tyme''s advice might be worth heeding here, not with respect to pre-marital sex, but the general sense.

Like I said in my last post, I am researching all different types of religions to see which one I agree with more. I asked about the Catholic religion because yes, that is what he is and I wanted to know how it all worked in case I decide to choose Catholicism and if we do work out in the long run. It''s purely for my own education at this point. I am no where near choosing one in particular yet.

 

[nebe]

FH is Catholic (he doesn't practice, but did as a child) and wants to marry in a church. I'm not Catholic, never was, and won't be. I don't attend churches in any way, for anything (including other marriages, it has offended people, but it's what I believe.

) So we had a few tiffs about it before we decided that when the time comes, he could attend a mass and be blessed by a priest prior to our being formally married by a JOTP in a non-church setting. Just to put a bug in your ear!

Hope that helps a little