Crying Neighbor at night

[cnspotts]

style="WIDTH: 101.55%; HEIGHT: 294px">Date: 3/29/2007 7:46:27 PM
Author: lumpkin
I wonder if your city/county has a mental health department? I would maybe try Social Services. We had an elderly neighbor who hoarded newspapers and didn''t appear to have electricity (even hiding them underneath a car in the driveway) and another neighbor called them. We were never allowed to know what happened, but there seemed to be some improvement.

I would definitely not try to befriend her. I agree with Divergirl. Sometimes people like that can really suck you dry if you try to help them, and instead of getting better they just bring you down. She needs professional help from someone trained to deal with whatever problem she has, and if you want to be her friend, finding some way to get her that help is probably the best thing you could do for her.

I don''t know what to say about her keeping you up. Although I would be concerned for her, I''d also begin to get pretty annoyed after so long. I''d call the apartment manager and if he can''t do anything, maybe the police. She might not open the door for social services, but she''d have to for the police, and then maybe they could get her hooked up with someone professional to help her.

I have to say something since there have been a couple references to "calling the police", I''m sorry but that is actually not their job. As someone mentioned if she pays her rent on time, and is not creating a disturbance ( I know she is but to a degree...) then the police really have no reason to go knocking on her door. As the wife of a police officer I hear about stuff like this all the time. Yes, they get the "I pay your salary" comments but so many times it is totally inappropriate to involve them because they cannot do anything other than write a report. And trust me when I say they''ll want to KNOW much more about YOU the person making the complaint than the person behind the door....at least to the point that you''ll wonder why you called them. They can''t be doing the important calls if they''re bogged down with stuff like this.

Document the problems, times, etc. Plus it''s a good idea to contact management, let them contact next of kin, and try to get her some help indirectly. Do not become involved with this woman, she is not your responsiblity nor are her actions should she choose to end her life or whatever she does. I''m not a big fan of "not getting involved" but this one definitely screams...CAUTION...you never know what you may set in motion and how it could absorb your life in the process. If all else fails, it is an apartment....as someone else said, you can move rather easily though it''s inconvienent.

I don''t mean to be harsh but there are other options than calling the police.

 

[diamondfan]

I think you have a right to be upset since it disturbs your sleep. However, I am not sure what options you have. Can the management people go to her and tell her they have had multiple complaints? Clearly she is crying over something, but for it to be this consistent, I would have to say she seems disturbed. A break up is not likely to cause this much distress for years...so I think you are in a tough bind. Since you do not know her, or her mental state, you cannot really start befriending her, with the intent of trying to help her. Maybe you could slip some mental health literature with some resources under her door, and she might, in reading them, if she did, realize that she needs to get some assistance. This just does not sound like rational behavior or behavior born out of a specific situation. Maybe the landlord has contact info on a family member who could be called? The blatant avoidance of you when you try to say hi leads me to believe she has a severe issue...and the police could be called once, for sure, because you might not know WHAT or WHO is doing this to her, and it would be logical once, upon hearing this, to make a call...BUT, clearly, the landlord is not unaware of this, and I am curious why HE has not tried to get her to get help...he is likely someone who has heard complaints for as long as this has been happening.

 

[Kaleigh]

See, I think the landlord is fully aware of the situtaion and is avoiding dealing with it. Just my take on it, could be wrong. I mean if it''s gone on for 4 years, surely the guy has a clue?? And putting mental health pamphlets under her door? That could do more harm than good. Meaning it could make her feel threatened. Amber, do you know anyone in the health care field?? Perhaps they could advise you, or give you contacts....

 

[Ellen]

I agree that the landlord must know the situtation already. I also agree it is not a good idea to befriend this person. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic at all, my heart hurts for someone so obviously unhappy. But, I personally think to do so could possibly be opening up Pandora's box here...

As for how to deal with the crying (at least for now), good ear plugs.

 

[cRaSh]

I haven''t read all the replies, but TELL SOMEONE!!!!!!!! Tell the landlord, call the police when she''s doing that even. You don''t know what kind of condition this woman is in. I''m speaking from experience.

When I was in college, I lived above a woman EXACTLY like that. She would cry at night, scream, talk, laugh. She was mentally unstable. She had been in and out of the hospital. Her family told me about her, because they knew I had been talking to her.

One night, I heard her praying, crying out, screaming then I heard a loud crash. I heard lots of things being thrown around. I regret to this day that I did nothing. I was too scared. I was scared she would hurt me if I went. But I should have called the police. It had happened before, so it was the norm.

The next day, I called the landlord that morning to tell him about it. They found her in her apartment, she had committed suicide.

You said it had been going on for sometime. Nothing has happend yet, but it may. Get someone involved.

 

[diamondfan]

I think the pamphlets could backfire too, but there is not a lot in the way of options, since she avoids people and clearly there have been many complaints in the past which have done nothing. A note from a caring neighbor might help, and the pamphlets at least put the right assistance in her hands, so she knows who to call. She is clearly not well, and when someone is that unstable, just the mere effort of looking into getting help can be overwhelming, just getting out of bed can be impossible. Does she go to work during the day? (is she functional other times, socially avoidant with people in the building because she is uncomfortable but does have a job etc.) I am also wondering if SHE realizes how much people can hear her, if she does, and is still carrying on, then maybe she is waiting for someone to reach out to her? But if you are not a professional, actually intervening may be risky...do you have any friends in the mental health field you could ask? I mean, clearly she is in great pain and is not well, but as you are not family you really have no authority...yet, she is obviously in need of serious help. Again, maybe the landlord knows a family member and could contact them. I am amazed this has gone on 4 years...honestly, if someone in the past 4 years HAD called the police and they determined she was in any way a danger to herself or anyone else, I am sure she would have been taken in for observation for 72 hours...during which time family would likely have been contacted. Of course, she could have been deemed fine and sent home again, but it just seems so tragic that this is still going on. Again, without knowing details it is hard.

 

[AmberWaves]

Hi everyone. Luckily, it was a quiet night last night. I did speak with my upstairs neighbor friend, who told me the crier had once been very friendly, and now doesn''t even wave anymore. I think that the next time I hear her crying, I may call the landlord, and tell him what''s going on. It''s not fair to anyone living next to her (or above her), to have to suffer because she''s suffering. I feel so torn, because I don''t want her upset, but I''d also like to sleep a bit.

She''s gone during the day, and comes home late at night, I thought she was a teacher, but that doesn''t explain the late nights. I know she''s more often than not alone, because our apartment is the first one into the hallway and everyone has to pass our door/window to get to their apartments. It''s just sad to hear this, it''s like being haunted.

 

[luckystar112]

I think if someone were to leave mental health pamphlets on my doorstep I would be extremely hurt and offended. It reminds me of 7th grade when a friend and I thought we were doing a good thing by putting chewing gum in the locker of a friend who had bad breath.

I think writing a note is a great idea if worded nicely. Maybe some flowers included?
If I were in the situation I would feel like I have to do SOMETHING in case she committed suicide.

I bet the landlord hasn''t done anything. It''s too sensitive and weird a situation. For a lot of people (especially people that don''t have to hear the crying first hand) they might feel like they are intruding by bringing it up. I wouldn''t want to be the person to deal with it, for fear of insulting her or sticking my nose where it doesn''t belong...plus it would probably come off like he''s warning her, which she might not take well.

But I think her crying out loud is basically an invitation for you to tell her you can hear her. She''s affecting your sleep, not your landlords, you know? Which is why I don''t think he would do anything about it. It''s just easier to say you will.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, maybe the pamphlets alone would have that effect, but if you left a nice note, saying you heard the crying and were just concerned, and if she needed someone to talk to or somewhere to go for some comfort this might be helpful. My idea had nothing to do with cruelty or prankishness. Amber is in a tough bind because it IS disrupting her life, but she has no real recourse. Clearly this is a person in need of help and support, this is not like neighbor''s who throw parties with loud music...this is someone in some sort of emotional crisis of longstanding. It is like when you go in the bathroom in some restaurants and there are cards for the local women''s shelter...sometimes someone cannot take help if the person is standing there offering it, or they cannot see they need the help but need to reflect a bit, and read the literature and decide if that might be something helpful. I have a master''s in psych, I would never mean just put them there, like putting diet info under the door of someone heavy, but felt it might take some of the unknown element out if there is a nice note and some encouragement...she might not have anyone else to go to and she might not know what resources are available, and she might be afraid to approach someone in the building...

 

[ladykemma]

i would call adult protective services for an investigation.