Dangerous jobs...Does your SO have one?

[ams0124]

Last night I slept alone in our bed because SO was on shift at the firestation. This usually doesn''t bother me with the exception that it just feels weird to not have him next to me. Last night however I had a very bad dream about an accident that SO was called out to and lets just say it didn''t end well...It got me thinking and for whatever reason it just hit me...like really hit me that every time SO goes on shift he actually puts his life on the line

I then started thinking (selfishly I know) what it would be like for me in the event of something happening. It really didn''t dawn on me until after this dream last night, and now I can''t stop worring about him.

I''m so proud of him that he chooses to help others in the way that he does and I know he does everything necessary to stay safe but it doesn''t ease my mind. Do any of you have a SO who has a dangerous job? How do you deal with it?

 

[Booper717]

Wow Ams, my FI dosn''t have a dangerous job really, but he does work on scafalting most of the day, and this does worry me alot! I can''t imagine how you feel. I have an anxiety disorder where I worry x10 about everything. It''s so annoying and can ruin your whole day. I give you credit for being strong about this, and it''s okay to worry, I don''t think you''d be human if you didn''t.

I wish I could tell you how to worry less, but I''m terrible at that even in my own life. I just try to think that what will be will be and no amount of worrying or stressing over a situation will make the outcome any diffrent. Easier said then done, huh?

But you make a good point when you say your proud of him. What he does is an amazing job, he''s a hero

 

[ams0124]

Date: 10/1/2008 11:27:56 AM
Author: Booper717
Wow Ams, my FI dosn''t have a dangerous job really, but he does work on scafalting most of the day, and this does worry me alot! I can''t imagine how you feel. I have an anxiety disorder where I worry x10 about everything. It''s so annoying and can ruin your whole day. I give you credit for being strong about this, and it''s okay to worry, I don''t think you''d be human if you didn''t.

I wish I could tell you how to worry less, but I''m terrible at that even in my own life. I just try to think that what will be will be and no amount of worrying or stressing over a situation will make the outcome any diffrent. Easier said then done, huh?

But you make a good point when you say your proud of him. What he does is an amazing job, he''s a hero

Thanks Booper! Scafalting is dangerous too...I wouldn''t take it lightly that''s for sure! I also have anxiety issues...I probably should be medicated...but it gives me anxiety to take persciption drugs...so it''s pretty much a no win

I love the outlook you have...What will be will be, but your definitly right...easier said then done.

I do however LOVE seeing him in his uniform

 

[Booper717]

Aw Ams, looks like you and I are one in the same! I was on some medication for my anxiety before, I mean it can get really bad at times. I''ve called my FI randomly at work or while he''s on his way because I''ve had a bad dream (he leaves at 6am and I don''t have to get up until 7:30 most days) just to make sure he''s alright. You see, all the worrying I do gives me nightmares (I''m a mess!) and my nightmares have tendancies to upset me for hours after I wake up.

It''s a really hard thing to deal with. So I did talk to my Dr. about it, because all the worrying started to give me other complacations, health wise (none too serious), he put me on a medicine, and it helped. It really did put me at ease, but when there wld be situations where I''d normaly be upset or worried, it kinda made me feel calm, numb almost. My FI (SO at the time) did not like this. He didn''t want me not to be able to feel my emotions... which I thought was odd too. Then there was a side effect that bothered me too much, I got depressed over having the side effect and felt stuck. I ended up going off of the medicine and felt like poo for over a week. (I guess that''s why they say not to go off of it w/out a Dr''s permission), but I was a dumby and didn''t listen.

Now, I''m back to the worrying, bad dreams, stress. IDK. It''s weird cause it''s not like I''m not happy, I am happier than I''ve ever been, it''s just that I''m so happy I''m always thinking somethings going to happen to bring me down (huh! Isn''t that a pessimistic view?) but I can''t seem to help it.

Long story short.. I do miss the medication. It gave me energy, made me feel happy, and like myself. I don''t miss the nasty side effect. I''m thinking about possibly talking to my Dr. about a diffrent prescription that wonl''t have the same side effect, but I hear most of the medicines like that do have it.

Maybe you should talk to your Dr. as well, I understand if you feel too uneasy about taking anything, it''s understandable, I''ve often thought maybe a good theripist would help me.

You have a right to worry, you love the man. It''s just a shame when it starts taking over our minds. But yes, I''m sure the uniform is a definite plus to it all!!!!!

 

[ImpatientOne]

My hubby is a Soldier. He is safe when he is here at home, but deployments are another story. We''re in the midst of a 15 month deployment now. I guess I try not to think about the negative. When I first met him, he told me he was planning on doing 20+. I had to think long and hard before I allowed myself to really date him. I had to know for sure that I could handle this lifestyle for the long haul before I could take the chance of falling in love with him, so I knew full well what I was getting myself into before hand

 

[absolut_blonde]

Kind of. He''s in construction, so some of the things he does are a bit risky (roofing, framing, etc). He''s had a few workplace injuries like cuts, a nail gun through the foot

, etc... but he''s usually pretty careful overall.

And as for dealing with it, I just try not to think about it!

 

[ams0124]

Booper: I''m sorry you had a bad experience with your meds...That''s kinda what I''m affraid of about starting meds. I''ve heard very similar accounts from others. I definitly don''t want to feel numb to situations...IMO I think not having emotion takes out a big chuck of what it is to be human...and I''ve heard that other side effects of most anti-anxiety meds are pretty scary too.

I''m taking something now for a different diagnosis but have read that people with anxiety have been perscribed the same medication...I''m hoping to kill two birds with one stone in a sense. We''ll see.

I''ve thought about a theripist...I used to see one in when I was in highschool. It was super weird at first, but after a while it was nice to go and vent to someone who was pretty far removed from a situation and whos opinion wasn''t jaded one way or the other.

ImpatientOne: I respect sooo much what your DH does, and the sacrifice you and your family has had to make. I''m just in awe of families in your situation. I always cry when they show home comings because I''m so happy that they made it home safe and sound. I''ll pray for you and your hubby that he''ll be able come home safe and your able to keep the strengh that you have to have to make it through a difficult 15 months.

Absoulte_Blonde: A nail through the foot!!! That made me cringe just thinking about that. Accidents happen...I''m glad he''s careful though. I''ve heard construction workers usually have a good team around them and they really look out for eachother. I hope he''s team is like that...It always helps to have an extra set of eyes on you.

 

[trillionaire]

SO works at the Pentagon, which makes me a little nervous from time to time, but now I am mostly used to it. He also rides a sportbike, so that makes me nervous when he is going on long rides.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

He''s a fighter pilot, so I suppose that is very dangerous. The funny thing is that I don''t worry about him at all when he''s "at work"... I just don''t think about the danger in his job. But I have the "oh my gosh, he could die and what would my life be like?" daydreams when he''s flying commercial or driving home from work or other things like that. weird huh?

 

[Booper717]

Wow. I really respect you laides for having such good outlooks! You are all insperation! You''re husbands are so brave, how amendable!!

 

[purrfectpear]

I was married to an LA city firefighter for a few years. I can tell you from talking with him and the other guys that nothing has a more negative effect on the marriage than wives who worry or can''t deal. Personally I wasn''t a worrier. My only child is in the Air Force and has been deployed several times and I don''t worry about him either.

My ex took me down to the dept. and put all the gear on me. It weighed about 80 lbs. I couldn''t see how they even walk around, much less climb stairs and work in 130 degree plus heat

I do know that there are always guys that wash out in the academy. It takes a certain type of guy to run in a building when everyone else is running out. These guys chose that job. The best thing you can do as a wife is be 100% supportive. Get over your worrying as much as possible (it only adds stress to your guy). If something happens (and the chance is actually almost infintismal) then it will happen whether you worry or not. If you worry openly and they are thinking about THAT, then you''ve just increased the chances of them losing their focus. We were friends with a lot of other firefighters and policemen. You could always see the marriages that wouldn''t last (at the get togethers) from the comments the wives made who were constant worriers.

Don''t be that wife

 

[LiveLaughLove4]

My father was in the FDNY for 25 years, he is now retired on disability from the after effects of 9/11 on his lungs. IN his years in the firedept he was a hurt a few times in fires. As a small child i would not really worry however, as i got older i did however get anxious while he was on tour. My father actually had a small gold replica of his badge made for me and put on a chain and i wear it around my neck as a necklace and as simple as it is, having some sort of little thing that reminds me of him put me at ease and i always felt like i had my dad with me, it really helped during the attacks of 9/11 which was very hard. ok so the point of me saying this is that maybe you could find something that puts u at ease while your SO is at work kind of like my dads medal put me at ease. Hope this helped at least a little bit.

 

[star sparkle]

He doesn''t, but I do.

I don''t think he worries about me too much, which is good, there is no need. He understands that when there is a risk of danger, we do everything we can to minimize risk by making sure we are properly equipped, send a lot more people than needed to do the job, etc., so he doesn''t really worry.

 

[jennilynn]

My FF works in a steel mill. I try hard not to worry about him too often because the company he works for has the most outstanding safety record in the states, but there are many times when I can''t help thinking about the dangers involved in his job, especially since he works on the melt shop floor. He comes home with minor burns on occasion. He even lost a fingernail once (thankfully it wasn''t an entire finger). To top it off, he drag races motorcycles once a month with his dad. I do understand where you girls are coming from with the anxiety and stress that these worrisome jobs bring. I just tell myself that dwelling on bad situations only hurts me and would never prepare me for the unthinkable, heaven forbid.

 

[trillionaire]

Funny thing is, SO is much more of a worrier than I am. He worries about me at the strangest times, and I do nothing really risky. I only worry when it is specifically warranted, or I have a particularly bad feeling.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 10/2/2008 1:10:27 AM
Author: star sparkle
He doesn''t, but I do.

I don''t think he worries about me too much, which is good, there is no need. He understands that when there is a risk of danger, we do everything we can to minimize risk by making sure we are properly equipped, send a lot more people than needed to do the job, etc., so he doesn''t really worry.

Oh whatever, your job isn''t dangerous, it''s mysterious.

And FF''s job could potentially be dangerous if he were called as a witness to testify as an expert, but other than that, unless sitting at a computer becomes dangerous soon...no worries here.

 

[dec2410]

my SO is a former NYPD officer and is a volunteer firefighter - i try not to worry about it. we don''t see too much fire in our area, so i don''t worry most the time, but i do worry about his frame of mind and how it effects him emotionally and mentally. in our area, tho we don''t have much fire, we do have a lot of fatal car accidents, and in the aftermath of those accidents, i noticed a trend in the firehouse of how they learn to cope. often times, the only way to deal with seeing what they see is to joke about it and make fun of it, and i don''t think its healthy. SO tells me about some accidents/fires but most the time doesn''t want to think about it...he wants to leave those stories at the firehouse.

so yeah...i worry that in the long run, being in law enforcement (what he wants to do as a career) will effect him emotionally w/o him even knowing it!