Das update

[rainbowtrout]

Veil is ready to be picked up in a few days. She couldn't hand embroider the fabric for some reason so she used the machine...at least it will cost less? We'll see, I am trying to be Zen, if it is awful, it is awful....I couldn't have converted the 80-odd dollars anyway...sigh.


FI's father sort of randomly offered to pay for a honeymoon and a reception for all his side of the family that we can't afford to invite, in NYC. I mean, well, wow??? Very nice of him. I'm trying not to get excited because sometimes these things don't happen.


Decided on a Palladium 6mm band for FI. He won't let me add any embellishments to it but he wants it engraved in Hebrew and the internet site I wanted to order it from won't do that (eweddingbands.com)

Made a wedding webpage and am trying to finalize our date. FI's dad said he has call that weekend

but I'm sure he can get it changed. Sent date to all close fam and friends to make sure no huge crazy conflicts.

FI father does not want to walk with FI mom down aisle. Suggested a new formation that my mother actually seems happy with, yay! FI dad+my mom walk together, my dad with me and his mom with him. Step-parents I don't know...my stepmother is important to me and his is not to him, just came into his life 2 ys ago.

FI dad has been deputized to tell his side of family about my tattoo and my grandmother has been deputized to tell grandfather. FI mom will find out by me wearing a nightgown where she can see it when we go down to stay with her for a wedding this sept. our relationship works better when we don't talk about things, anyway. she can just see it and then talk to FI about it.


So....that's all, folks! Thanks for tuning in!

 

[rainbowtrout]

how have people handled step parents by the way? what if they are important but not like your mother? I don''t know if she should be a bridesmaid, or what?

 

[jcrow]

Date: 8/8/2007 11:07:15 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
how have people handled step parents by the way? what if they are important but not like your mother? I don''t know if she should be a bridesmaid, or what?

i don''t have step parents, but i have a small family and in my eyes they all played a part in raising me. i couldn''t have one walk and not the other, so i had my grandparents walk, my mom, my uncle, my aunt and my cousin (my older cousin). the ladies all carried small bouquets (smaller than the bm''s) and my grandmother wore a pinned corsage. my grandfather and uncle wore bouts.

they walked before the bridesmaids and in no way looked like bridesmaids. my aunt, mom and cousin were all escorted by my uncle. my grandparents walked together, then my grandfather came to the back (i was behind closed doors) and escorted me down the aisle.

dunno if this helps, but this is what we did

 

[Independent Gal]

Vielen Dank for Das Update!

The step-parent thing is one I'm really struggling with too. My step-dad is really my second dad. I always imagined he'd walk me down the aisle along with my dad, but then I realized that my dad would be devastated by that. Luckily the two-part-wedding thing means that step-dad can walk me toward the desk for the document signing in the city hall (WP1) since my real dad won't be there (he's not invited... don't get me started on THAT one!) and real dad can walk me down the aisle at the religious ceremony for wedding P.2.

But in terms of in any way putting step-mom on par with mom... NO WAY! I like my new step-mom (she's been around for abou 4 years, and married to my dad since last september). She's a nice lady. But she sure ain't my MOM in any way shape or form. She had no hand in raising me. The idea of e.g., having HER invite people to my wedding (i.e., have her name on the invitation) totally weirded me out. So we're just going to word things to avoid that.

But what I learned from discussing the aisle issue with step-dad, is that step-dad is very aware that he is a 'step', as in, he was surprised and touched that I wanted him to do aisle walking, and insistent that my dad's feelings be respected first and foremost. Which is to say: I don't think most step-parents, even ones that love us and have been around since we were 4, think they should be treated with the same 'status' wedding wise as biological parents. So, I guess we shouldn't be too worried about offending them by not giving them that 'equal status'. Our step-moms can put on their Big Girl pants (as they say) and just deal with it.

 

[Pandora II]

FI''s parents are divorced and both remarried.

However, neither new partner has been significant in his life so they are not even called step-parents.

We all adore his mother''s husband who is such a nice man, but no-one gets on with his father''s wife.

All four are coming to the wedding. They all behave pretty well together. FFIL''s wife being the only one who can''t be totally trusted. To be honest, we rather wish she wasn''t coming - she''s very loud and tactless and often inappropriate. I am endlessly amazed that a man who could marry someone as intelligent and classy as my FMIL could marry someone so incredibly different, but there we are.

My parents are insisting on a toptable at the moment which I''m not so sure about. I can do it so that it runs:

FFIL''s wife, FFIL, my Mother, FI, Me, my Father, FMIL, FMIL''s husband

I just can''t help feeling we''d have more fun sat with our friends and parents sat with other people? What are you guys doing?

 

[rainbowtrout]

I''m leaning towards a sweetheart table, putting all those people together at one table sounds like a *disaster* at least in my family. Major, major disaster.


Spread them out at other tables with your friends as buffers, that''s what I would do!

 

[rainbowtrout]

IG: That sounds like it ended up working out well with your stepfather. What about sitting the step parents in the first aisle where the bridal party sits? That might be a nice way to say important, but not parents?