Dating-what do you look for?

[poptart]

Date: 11/5/2006 7:47:38 PM
Author: Julian
Wow, thanks poptart!

I''m only good at giving advice, though! Now, if only I were as good at following the advice...that would really be something!

I know what you mean! Sometimes as I am giving advice to my friends I think, "I should be standing in front of a mirror right now so I can tell myself the same thing!"

Marisa

 

[Julian]

Sounds like so many of your ladies have wonderful men in your lives! Everyone should be so blessed.

Lawmax, I know you will find this kind of relationship that you deserve. Maybe it's with the man you're with... and you need to reach through all of those layers to the exposed heart. Maybe it's with someone else. But if you have children, then you are already halfway there. You have a tremendous capacity to love and to give. I am sure you are a sparkling gem. That attracts great things, including amazing fathers & husbands-to-be.

 

[perry]

Thanks Lawmax & Indie...

So here is the report: We met in a food court at a local mall (neutral & safe for her).

We talked for an hour or so.

No sparks, but not dead either. On the surface - nothing great - nothing really bad either. We clearly have some differences in some areas - which (my view) are probalby minor. It would be a long time before we move to something really serious as she recently divorced and is still struggling with fights with the ex and money. For now I can be a freind.

Later in the evening I called and she agreed that we could meet again.

So, who knows.

One thing did cross my mind: Lawmax - I''m in Wisconsin - are you close or willing to move? Who knows - perhaps we were made for each other... (and I won''t object to your being on Pricescope a lot... and wanting different jewelry... and oggling and using my idealscope, ASET scope, and other tools). Hope you don''t mind visiting places like Wink Jones and NiceIce every now and then - and I was thinking of flying to California to spend a day at Palagems looking at non-diamond gemstones (with the intention of buying one of them). See the following link: www.palagems.com/home.htm

Of course, we do have to keep items within the budget. But I have a plan for that as well.

Perry

 

[muzzman]

This is no fun… you’re all too wise.

I thought there could be a few who were dedicated to their always-misunderstood boyfriends, even though their family and friends looked down on their past and ongoing criminal behavior.

Probably wouldn’t happen on a diamond knowledge bulletin board, mind you.

 

[lawmax]

Date: 11/5/2006 8:13:57 PM
Author: Julian
Sounds like so many of your ladies have wonderful men in your lives! Everyone should be so blessed.

Lawmax, I know you will find this kind of relationship that you deserve. Maybe it's with the man you're with... and you need to reach through all of those layers to the exposed heart. Maybe it's with someone else. But if you have children, then you are already halfway there. You have a tremendous capacity to love and to give. I am sure you are a sparkling gem. That attracts great things, including amazing fathers & husbands-to-be.

Julian...you are wise and thank you. I am not parting with my guy. He is doing everything he can to make sure that we are all family one day. He is an amazing and very special man. He has taught me that each time we open the heart to deeper levels, we expose everything there....the deep love and whatever experiences caused fear to rest energetically in that space. We are working through these things together.

 

[lawmax]

Perry...I live on the east coast and can't move any time in the next 11 years or so! You seem like a wonderful guy and I know you'll meet the woman who is just right for you. Don't settle...she's looking for you! Just make your intentions for the right relationship for you, your partner and the highest good of all, and release it to the Universe. Before you know it...bam...there she'll be.

Sometimes, it's hard to trust that everything will work out just right. I know my fears get in the way every few months. I'm working on sustaining pure trust.

ETA: Perry...don't tempt me with sparkly things! LOL It won't work, but you have to love a guy who loves and is willing to spend money on diamonds and gemstones!

I have had 3 men offer to buy me the American Star from EightStar if I'd marry them and I declined. I'm choosing love over money and waiting for the whole package. One can attract more money, but it's much tougher to find a deeply loving, spiritual, totally connected man. You can't buy magic!

Love and hugs,

lawmax

 

[lawmax]

Oh...and I know Wink and you should visit him. Maybe he''ll take you on the whitewater. In fact, I introduced Wink to PriceScope and asked him to contribute the article he wrote for the site. Wink is also credited with being my hero one night when he saved me from the groping hands of a jeweler. LOL

Wink is a gentleman.

 

[perry]

I've been out to see Wink twice now. The first time was to look at diamonds - and then we talked whitwater canoe and kayak racing for almost most of the time - and squeezed diamonds in at the end.

You are right, he is a gentleman.

As far as the other offer.... Too bad, but I'm sure that you will also find who you are looking for.

As for me - anyone interested can always find me somehow. For example, I'm planning on going to the Chicago gem show in December. I'll revive - or start a new - Midwest Gemshow thread after the plant outage is over.

Otherwise have a great day all.

Future is Bright

Perry

 

[littlelysser]

I may have a slightly different perspective on this than everyone else...

One of my best friends, who is married, was taking about her spouse. And she said, is he the funniest person I''ve ever met? No. The smartest person I''ve ever met? My very best friend in the whole world? No.

But you know what he is? The kindest, most understanding and dearest person She had ever met. The person that puts up with her crap and still loves her completely! And similarly, she can put up with his crap and still love him completely. Now, of course, it is a given that she loves him, thinks he is smart and funny and all that...I''m not saying that he''s an unfunny bore and she stays with him anyway - but I guess I come from the school of thought that you can''t expect one person to be all things.

Don''t get me wrong - I think my FI is one of the smartest people ever...and he''s darn funny too! And I''ve spent the past five years with him and it doesn''t seem like anywhere near that long...and really, he is one of the sweetest people I''ve ever met. Soul of gold. He is my soft place to fall and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I have a number of amazing friends that I''ve had throughout my life. I don''t need or want my FI to become my very best friend. Does he mean the world to me? Absolutely. But I love my girl friends too! I''ve known most of them for 1/2 of my life or more...And yeah, my FI is funny...but no one makes me laugh like my friends.

SO anyway...I guess what I''m saying is...I don''t know if I am making an sense here or not.

I clearly need coffee.

 

[anchor31]

I think I understand what you''re saying littlelysser. When I met my FI, I wasn''t attracted to him instantly. He was a bit of a "diamond in the rough" so to speak. He still is, but he''s been polishing up bit by bit in the last four years! Not because I''m trying to change him, because he''s been growing up a lot from 21 to 25; going back to school and getting a good job, learning to manage his spending habits better, learning the importance of good communication and flexibility, as well as the importance of good manners; all things he unfortunately never got to learn in his disfunctional family. Did I help? I hope so. I''ve been trying to be as supportive as I can without nagging or pushing.

What made me fall in love with him? One of the most important things is exactly that: this capacity to grow that I sensed in him very early on. I fell in love with his kindness and his generosity; his patience always impressed me since I have none and he is one of the most understanding and forgiving people I have ever known. He never went to college, but he has an intellectual curiosity for everything, and we never run out of things to talk about. And despite what he unfortunately thinks of himself (thanks to an emotionally abusive father who''s still in the picture...

), he is a extremely smart man, and he would graduate college with flying colours if he gave himself the chance. Also, as I mentioned before, our fundamental values, beliefs and convictions (religion, marriage, children, etc.) and the same.

Of course, those amazing blue eyes did help...

I''m very much looking forward to a lifetime of growing together, as we have in the past four years.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 11/5/2006 10:49:20 PM
Author: perry
Thanks Lawmax & Indie...

So here is the report: We met in a food court at a local mall (neutral & safe for her).

We talked for an hour or so.

No sparks, but not dead either. On the surface - nothing great - nothing really bad either. We clearly have some differences in some areas - which (my view) are probalby minor. It would be a long time before we move to something really serious as she recently divorced and is still struggling with fights with the ex and money. For now I can be a freind.

Later in the evening I called and she agreed that we could meet again.

So, who knows.

One thing did cross my mind: Lawmax - I''m in Wisconsin - are you close or willing to move? Who knows - perhaps we were made for each other... (and I won''t object to your being on Pricescope a lot... and wanting different jewelry... and oggling and using my idealscope, ASET scope, and other tools). Hope you don''t mind visiting places like Wink Jones and NiceIce every now and then - and I was thinking of flying to California to spend a day at Palagems looking at non-diamond gemstones (with the intention of buying one of them). See the following link: www.palagems.com/home.htm

Of course, we do have to keep items within the budget. But I have a plan for that as well.

Perry

Me too..at least there is more than one....LOL

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Where the hell was this thread 2 years ago when I was starting to date scum bag???

I can totally see the relation to how he treats his family. I dealt with that. I have a great relationship my family and he didnt get along with his mom unless she gave him something. His dad was another story. He died this past June and that was really hard on him...

I guess I look for someone who can put me at ease.
Someone who can make me laugh
someone understanding and open minded
Someone who isnt afraid of trying new things
Someone who love animals.
Someone who is willing and able to be there when times get tough.
Someone who can understand an emotion breakdown or PMS.
Someone who is secure enough not to question when I hang out with male friends
Someone who understands my bling fetish.

Someone who will not judge someone for any reason.
Someone who is more than willing to go the extra mile for anything.
Someone willing to spend time with my family no matter what.


Thats it for now.....I will think of more....

 

[Scintillating]

This is a really interesting thread.

I was a psych major in college, and I remember one of my professor's (PHD) stressing communication in relationships. He said that open communication is a really key component to a *lasting and healthy* relationship. This has really stuck with me over the years, it's really true.

One of the most important things that I was looking for in a relationship was someone I could really talk to and connect with - someone who would "get me."
My FI is my best friend, and just plain the one I want to travel through life with - & *grow* with. Is he perfect? Absolutely not, but he's my partner.

I was also looking for someone who fit in with my family - someone my family liked and who liked my family. (They are important to me, and I have a good relationship with them) I dated a guy who my family really didn't like - and I sort of learned to use them as a barometer for relationships - seeing as they really only had my best interests at heart.

I thought the comment about your relationship being "all things" - is a really interesting one.
I really don't expect to get everything I need emotionally (or otherwise) from my FI. I think it's important to maintain relationships with family and friends to fill in the gaps.

Scintillating...

 

[firebirdgold]

Well, this is a somewhat odd example of communication but...
I really appreciate the fact that we can tease each other and if he gives me too hard of a time I can say 'f@#% you' and he just chortles.

ETA: Perry: I really don't know why people go on dating sites when they're not actually ready to date!

Well, even if she isn't your future love... she might be friends with the lady who is! That's what happened with my fi and I!

 

[dmbfan]

Lawmax....thanks for starting this thread

Funny thing is it sounds like we have a few things in common. I was together with the girls of my dream for 2 yrs. I thought and still think we had 99% of things I ever wanted in a partner, she was the best friend I ever had. The only thing she had a hard time was taking on my daughters as a step-parent. there is a whole topic on this in LIW. That 1% is huge and always hoped she realized everything else that we had. My daughters are the most important thing in my life and I realized that I need to be with someone that would be able to take on that challenge. The thing is that my ex and I get along great we parent together and are very much on the same page. Considering the situation, we shock a lot of people with what we have been able to do with our daughters and they see it as well.

So now that I am steping into the daiting world I have realized that I need someone that is not afraid of me and my girls. I think I have a lot to offer and I need to find someone that would be willing to share that with me.

I want a partner in my life, not just a wife.

 

[fire&ice]

Curious - is this supposed to be answered while you are in a serious relationship or just starting out?

Let''s say just starting out. I wouldn''t really be looking for anyone in particular. I know that I wouldn''t have much in common with someone who didn''t love to laugh, dance (yes, that is strange - but there is a certain JOY in it), wasn''t kind to people in general & especially gentle with wee ones, the elderly & animals. I guess what I am saying is that - first, I would just look for a friend. With us, it was just that & then became a friendship that caught fire in the real couple

way & in the more deeper way. We generally enjoy each other together & apart.

I guess I would approach this in a different fashion. What values are important to you? What goals do you see yourself wanting to attain? What do you least like about yourself? - because we always despise in other people what we don''t like in ourselves.

In the end, someone who will give and receive mutual respect and admiration. And, as trite as it may sound - someone who will find your dopey faults "quirky" - because all faults are a dual edge sword - what is stubborn to one person is resolve to another.

 

[AdaBeta27]

All of his kids are grown, educated, gone, and adequately providing for themselves! I''ve often thought that parents should only date parents. People who are accustomed to having children around simply do not realize how much they intrude into a dating relationship. The more I date, the more negative I am becoming toward the economic burden and all the other hassles of someone else''s children. I have gotten to the point that whenever I see a pic of some guy''s kids in his ad, or I hear or read "my wonderful children are the light of my life, blah, blah...," I leave skid marks. I have no kids of my own and I no longer want any. The absolure last thing I want at this point in life is some insta-family with money problems.

I agree whole-heartedly with those who''ve said if you want to be married, date only those who also want to be married.

 

[basil]

1. Someone who I have fun with
2. Someone who I feel entirely myself with
3. Someone who treats me like gold
4. Someone who is incredibly cute

Other than that, we have similar values, similar life plans, and he has become my best friend. But we started out as two colleagues sitting in the corner, laughing at some stupid joke that no one else got.