Daughter Misdirected to Wait at a Park for Me by School - School Safety Issues

[ilovegemstones]

I need to vent this here. I am 10 out of 10 still in a state of fight or flight. This happened yesterday to my youngest daughter. Another thing with police but a different daughter.

Yesterday was traumatic. It was extremely windy and cold. My 11 year old came home from school 30 minutes late and burst in the door crying, "Who called the school and asked me to wait afterschool at the blue park and to be patient?"
I had not called the school and neither has my husband. I jumped into the car with her and went straight to the office. There was a man at the park who kept walking by her and staring at her (about 4 times, back and forth) It made her very uncomfortable. The man walked by her and 10 minutes after the man had left she raced home. No one else was on the school property at this time.
At the school I called the police and two officers came in. Next two detectives came in. Then we drove to a Family Centre so we could meet with a Youth Detective there. My daughter had to give the man's description over and over.
The ordeal went on from 3:30 till about 8pm when we they traced the phone call and discovered the phone call was made by another parent for a child with a similar name. It was a new secretary that day and also our Principal's first day. They mistakenly sent the message to my daughter. The School issued an apology and the police talked with them about safety and sending kids outside. My daughter, husband and I now have a secret word we use so she knows it is in fact, us when we call the school.
Please make sure safety measured are in place at your schools and that you and your child have a code. Another idea is for the school to immediately call the parent back at the number they have on file to make sure it is a parent. If I ever pick up the girls it is at the main office - not at the edge of school property near a park and a road.

Thank you for listening!

 

[Mreader]

OMG! I’m so sorry that happened- that is traumatic! Great idea about a code word. How did your daughter get home?!

 

[lulu_ma]

@ilovegemstones oh my gosh-I'm so glad your daughter is ok! What a scary scenario! It sounds like there was a lot of flux in your daughter's school yesterday, but I would still be livid! I hope the school will adopt a stricter dismissal protocol.

 

[ilovegemstones]

She ended up running home. She waited 10 minutes after the man left because he was in her path and ran the way she walks home every day. It is by a forest and can be scary. The school said the secretaries will be required to write the full name of the child down to ensure they are not mixing them up with someone else but it still doesn't ensure it is the parent calling!

 

[Karl_K]

Go to the school board meeting and raise a stink about it.
That is totally unacceptable.
They should set up a secret word at the beginning of the year for each student.
At a friends child's school, for parent teacher conferences the parent had to give the code word before the teacher could talk to them.
Id was required to enter the building.

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

I'm so sorry that happened, but I'm glad your daughter is ok.❤

 

[seaurchin]

Wow, someone messed up big time. So glad your daughter made it home safely.

Lovely photo!

 

[Autumn in New England]

Wow... I had a lump in my throat reading this. I understand miscues happen and we're all human (especially since they have new faculty). But when you're dealing with children, you simply cannot make such an egregious mistake. Fail-safes must be in place. The unthinkable could have easily happened and the school would have been completely responsible. THANK GOODNESS your baby is ok!

You, your husband, and your daughter did everything right. Also, we always had a password in my family when I was growing up, so that's a brilliant idea. Came in very handy on occasion (that's a story for another day). Lastly... you're beautiful!!

 

[ilovegemstones]

Go to the school board meeting and raise a stink about it.
That is totally unacceptable.
They should set up a secret word at the beginning of the year for each student.
At a friends child's school, for parent teacher conferences the parent had to give the code word before the teacher could talk to them.
Id was required to enter the building.

That is a brilliant idea. I will do this! The email from the school to all the parents really glossed over it - so vague.

 

[ilovegemstones]

Wow... I had a lump in my throat reading this. I understand miscues happen and we're all human (especially since they have new faculty). But when you're dealing with children, you simply cannot make such an egregious mistake. Fail-safes must be in place. The unthinkable could have easily happened and the school would have been completely responsible. THANK GOODNESS your baby is ok!

You, your husband, and your daughter did everything right. Also, we always had a password in my family when I was growing up, so that's a brilliant idea. Came in very handy on occasion (that's a story for another day). Lastly... you're beautiful!!

Thank you so much for understanding and feeling how I have been feeling and for saying what you said! I needed to hear that today. I have been pulling hairs out more than usual today and when my trichotillomania gets worse it always makes my self-esteem go down to nothing!

 

[Piper70]

I’m so sorry this happened! Thank you for sharing this because it’s always a good reminder for parents to talk to their kids about these issues.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Not okay or acceptable on the school’s part, thank God nothing happened to her!

I would be writing an email to the principal as well as the superintendent so it is on record.

 

[ilovegemstones]

Not okay or acceptable on the school’s part, thank God nothing happened to her!

I would be writing an email to the principal as well as the superintendent so it is on record.

I will do that. Thank you.

 

[Mreader]

Also is it just me, or is it weird that a parent had their kid walk to a park to be picked up?

 

[ilovegemstones]

It is very weird. The secretary and tbe teacher should have not passed on such an unsafe message. It is far off school property near a road! Apparently the parent had asked the child to meet them there on previous occasions.

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

I think what happened should be made into a local PSA type announcement. It looks like a safety policy should be formally written and implemented for all younger students for drop offs and pickups. Every parent would have the same concerns.
I'm glad she is safe and she was very smart and brave in a scary situation. I'm very proud of her!
*and big hugs to you, mama.

 

[ilovegemstones]

I think what happened should be made into a local PSA type announcement. It looks like a safety policy should be formally written and implemented for all younger students for drop offs and pickups. Every parent would have the same concerns.
I'm glad she is safe and she was very smart and brave in a scary situation. I'm very proud of her!
*and big hugs to you, mama.

The principal is not going to follow the suggestions the detective gave. All they will be doing is writing down the full name of the child to make sure they have the right one. They will be encouraging parents to have code words, safety plans, etc. She is a very sweet, new principal and I want her to stay. Huge hugs to you too. I am exhausted.

 

[tyty333]

How very scary for you and your daughter @ilovegemstones . I'm frustrated for you and sorry you had to go through that ordeal.
I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of it. I hope there will be some safety procedures put into place for all the kids at your
daughter's school. Sure don't want that happening again (to anyone)!

 

[ilovegemstones]

It would be great Iof the police could pursue this and not me. I will call the detective.

 

[stracci2000]

Thank you so much for understanding and feeling how I have been feeling and for saying what you said! I needed to hear that today. I have been pulling hairs out more than usual today and when my trichotillomania gets worse it always makes my self-esteem go down to nothing!

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter! But I'm very happy to hear that everyone is safe.
Now.......keep your hands busy. Try to be conscious about where your hands are.
When you start to reach up, think about how you must not lose any of that gorgeous hair.
I completely understand how stress increases pulling. I am with you in spirit!

 

[ilovegemstones]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter! But I'm very happy to hear that everyone is safe.
Now.......keep your hands busy. Try to be conscious about where your hands are.
When you start to reach up, think about how you must not lose any of that gorgeous hair.
I completely understand how stress increases pulling. I am with you in spirit!

I really like that idea - think of how cannot lose any of that gorgeous hair. As a whole it is beautiful but one strand at a time it really isn't and is no big deal, and feels so good coming out! I know you know. Thanks for the reminder. I think it is like if I were to take a nail and hammer tiny dots on a gemstone starting with the underside. Eventually, it will detract from the gorgeous stone.

This is another incident that has caused a lot of fighting within our family along with the sexual assault (which is now going to trial). I feel like I can't take in anymore. On top of it my workplace wants to meet with me to see how they can help but the meeting itself is stressing me out! I told them that.

Thank you Stracci. Huge hugs.

 

[Autumn in New England]

Thank you so much for understanding and feeling how I have been feeling and for saying what you said! I needed to hear that today. I have been pulling hairs out more than usual today and when my trichotillomania gets worse it always makes my self-esteem go down to nothing!

I am familiar with this condition, and can empathize with you. I am the flip side to that coin, as I tend to mindlessly pick at my skin (excoriation) when I'm stressed. And my brother suffers from OCD. These are all manifestations of the same issue - anxiety. Life's getting more and more complicated. My motto in life? Simplify the things within your control. Hugs to you, my friend.

 

[Autumn in New England]

I really like that idea - think of how cannot lose any of that gorgeous hair. As a whole it is beautiful but one strand at a time it really isn't and is no big deal, and feels so good coming out! I know you know. Thanks for the reminder. I think it is like if I were to take a nail and hammer tiny dots on a gemstone starting with the underside. Eventually, it will detract from the gorgeous stone.

This is another incident that has caused a lot of fighting within our family along with the sexual assault (which is now going to trial). I feel like I can't take in anymore. On top of it my workplace wants to meet with me to see how they can help but the meeting itself is stressing me out! I told them that.

Thank you Stracci. Huge hugs.

I dare not ask about the assault, but this is the first I'm learning of it. Oh dear... I'm not surprised you're overwhelmed, poor thing. In that respect, I think you're handling it as well as can be expected. I hope you are speaking with a therapist to help you work through everything. If you're suffering from PTSD, it's sort of like your mind and body saying, I've reach my anxiety threshold. Best wishes!!

 

[josieKat]

I can’t even imagine a school where, contrary to normal procedure, a younger kid leaves school grounds without a parent or approved adult. I would have been terrified and livid too.

Have you looked into behavior modification techniques to reduce the level of hair pulling? I teach a bmod class and have my students do a self management project and have had students be successful with techniques like squeezing your hand into a fist for a couple of minutes whenever the thought to pull/twist comes to mind. There are many resources if you search for habit reversal procedures (apologies if you’ve explored this but rejected it for whatever reason).

 

[monarch64]

I’m so sorry about your scare involving the safety of your daughter! As the parent of a 10 year old (or just a parent in general) this is the stuff of nightmares. It is so fortunate the situation is resolved but I could never trust the school again.

I absolutely understand and empathize with the anxiety and the need to pull. Dealt with it myself and a couple other behaviors that worsen when bad things happen in my life. The only time I didn’t deal with it for a lengthy span was when I was pregnant. That’s the most comfortable in my body and mind I have ever been in my life or probably ever will be.

Wishing you peace and hoping your family gets through this ok.

 

[ilovegemstones]

@Autumn in New England I am a picker too! Both are classified as Body Focused Repetitive Behaviours or BFRBs. I had completely stopped and was in recovery for a couple of years and both got worse again in this last difficult year we have been going through. I am definitely at the end of my rope and am putting up more boundaries and simplifying as you say. I like that! Counselling is also happening and will resume more frequently next week. Thank you!

@josieKat , I am always open to suggestions. Thank you! Yes I have tried those and have Habitaware bracelets which helped me stop the first time. The buzz when your hands go above shoulder height. Thank you for reminding me - it is time to get them out of the closet and use them again!!!! Thank you!

@monarch64 , wow it is so good to talk to others who have done this too. And I get the other behaviours too! Alcohol has never been so good but really so bad as it has been for me in the last year. I actually got a concussion because of it after falling down stairs. So embarrassing for my teenage daughters to find out their mom was ambulanced to the hospital! But it just felt so good to forget about the massive stresses that were taking place. It has been the worst year of our life. We will get through it. Thank you for your kind words!

 

[Autumn in New England]

@Autumn in New England I am a picker too! Both are classified as Body Focused Repetitive Behaviours or BFRBs. I had completely stopped and was in recovery for a couple of years and both got worse again in this last difficult year we have been going through. I am definitely at the end of my rope and am putting up more boundaries and simplifying as you say. I like that! Counselling is also happening and will resume more frequently next week. Thank you!

@josieKat , I am always open to suggestions. Thank you! Yes I have tried those and have Habitaware bracelets which helped me stop the first time. The buzz when your hands go above shoulder height. Thank you for reminding me - it is time to get them out of the closet and use them again!!!! Thank you!

@monarch64 , wow it is so good to talk to others who have done this too. And I get the other behaviours too! Alcohol has never been so good but really so bad as it has been for me in the last year. I actually got a concussion because of it after falling down stairs. So embarrassing for my teenage daughters to find out their mom was ambulanced to the hospital! But it just felt so good to forget about the massive stresses that were taking place. It has been the worst year of our life. We will get through it. Thank you for your kind words!

Group hug!

 

[Ally T]

This was very uncomfortable to read & I am SO glad your daughter is safe & well.

What a stupid mistake the school made that could have ended so very badly. Definitely take it up with the school board as Karl suggested.

As the mother of 11 & 13 year old girls who are at the same high school which is split over two sites, I have to wait in-between premises at collection time & track them on my phone as they make their way to me. They finish at the same time & it's just impossible to pick them both up at the gate. I do park closer to the 11 year olds building though - the older one walks an extra 10 minutes. I am very unsettled until I see them both appear!

I hope your daughter doesn't have any lasting upset from this & can gain her confidence back quickly. My heart has a little achy spot for her. And big hugs to you, Mamma!

 

[ilovegemstones]

This was very uncomfortable to read & I am SO glad your daughter is safe & well.

What a stupid mistake the school made that could have ended so very badly. Definitely take it up with the school board as Karl suggested.

As the mother of 11 & 13 year old girls who are at the same high school which is split over two sites, I have to wait in-between premises at collection time & track them on my phone as they make their way to me. They finish at the same time & it's just impossible to pick them both up at the gate. I do park closer to the 11 year olds building though - the older one walks an extra 10 minutes. I am very unsettled until I see them both appear!

I hope your daughter doesn't have any lasting upset from this & can gain her confidence back quickly. My heart has a little achy spot for her. And big hugs to you, Mamma!

I can tell you understand Ally. My girls are 11, 15 and 17. The older two can walk to and from highschool together or I drive and pick them up. The youngest is happy to be putting up the tree today and just being cozy at home. To get home from school she needs to walk by the woods and it has made me uncomfortable for all three of them. When there is a parade of students afterschool it is fine but at odd times, it is very quiet.

 

[LemonMoonLex]

Grrr.
Fuming reading this.
This is completely and utterly UNACCEPTABLE.

I have no doubts that the new secretary or principal would have covered their bum if she had been kidnapped & would lie and claim nobody called for her.

They would have been responsible for her kidnapping/or worse.

So not okay, I don't care if she walks home each day. Walking home a familiar path vs. Sitting and waiting at a park forever looking like no parents are around are very different things.

They put her life in danger over something that so easily could have been avoided.

Idiots.