declaration of intent vs. vows

[mimzy]

FI and i have been focusing on planning the ceremony and the wonderful pastor is pretty much allowing us a blank slate. we came across the declarations of intent (the ''i do''s) as well as the vow and realized that they were pretty much worded exactly the same (traditionally), and the only difference was that the former is a question and the latter is reciting the whole thing.

this is probably a really stupid question, but which do most ceremonies have? do they all have both and we''ve just never noticed the repetition of phrases? We have been trying to remember what it has been at other weddings we''ve been to, but we are both drawing a blank. FI and I want to do both, but want to make them different enough that it isn''t too redundant. and if you do do both, are they usually done back to back? thanks in advance

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Mimzy I can''t answer your question, but thank you so much for asking it. I thought I was the only one who didn''t know this and I felt so stupid!! I thought about putting "S and J say I do" on our save the dates, but then I got into this whole debate of what if we don''t actually say, "I do?" How does that work anyway, do you say both, who says which? So confusing! Anyway, hopefully someone can help us out!!

 

[musey]

THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT THIS!!!!!

I just started working with our officiant on our script, and saw the "I Do"s twice and I was so confused

I hope other people know what's up with this...

 

[anchor31]

Ok, maybe I can help you gals. Or maybe not, it depends. FI and I are having a Catholic ceremony, and we have a declaration of intent AND vows. At least, I think so. In any case, before the vows we have a declaration of intent. We were told that it''s part of the more legal aspect of the ceremony, to ensure that the vows are exchanged willingly and freely. Ours goes like this (translated loosely from French so it sounds sort of weird, but you get the idea):

Officiant: You will commit to one another. Is it freely and without constraint?
Us: Yes (it is).
Officiant: You will promise each other fidelity. Is it for your whole lives?
Us: Yes (it is).
Officiant: In the family you will found, do you accept the responsibility of spouses and parents?
Us: Yes (we do).

And then we have the vows, that go like this:

J: R, do you want to be my wife?
Me: I do. And you, J, do you want to be my husband?
J: I do. R, I receive you as my wife and give myself to you to love you faithfully for all of our lives.
Me: J, I receive you as my husband and give myself to you to love you faithfully for all of our lives.

Then we have the exchange of the rings, the kiss (did you know that there was a time when all a couple had to do to be married was kiss in front of a bunch of people? We thought it''s pretty neat and we decided to include that), and then we are pronounced husband and wife.

Hope that helps.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

We wanted to keep our ceremony short and sweet, so took out the declaration of intent--we felt that's what our vows were, anyway. We just had a short intro where we thanked everybody for being such a big part of our lives, then had a reading that we felt summed up our view of marriage, then we had our vows, exchanged rings and that was basically it. We'd planned to do a water or sand ceremony as well, but scrapped it the day before the wedding--we basically stripped everything that we felt was superfluous and the ceremony was STILL 20 minutes long, haha.

 

[lurkinglurker]

This may have been posted here a lot before, but I''ve found this site to be very helpful with the ceremony planning. http://www.rockies.net/~spirit/sermons/wedding-intent.php

 

[mimzy]

anchor - it sounds like your ceremony is going to be very sweet!

NEL - 20 minutes sounds pretty short! i''m glad you guys got to ditch the other stuff you didn''t want

lurker - i''ve seen that site too! unfortunately, it was one of the things that prompted my confusion...the wording for both parts is pretty much identical.



anyone else? please?

 

[lurkinglurker]

This is what I''m thinking of doing (and it is based almost entirely from that site). I think the blessing of the families breaks up the declaration and vows so it sounds a little less repetitive. (I don''t know how traditional this is though.) Also I think this combination with keeping the declaration very short keeps it from being a repeat. I''m meeting with the chaplain tonight and will let you know of any helpful insights he has.

Declaration of Intent:
- Name, will you have this woman to be your wife?
- Rx - I will.
- Name, will you have this man to be your husband?
- Rx - I will.

Blessing of Family:
Will the families of X and X please stand.
As Xand X join their lives in marriage, they also bring you together in a new relationship, creating new bonds of trust and ties of affection. Will you give them your love, your blessing, and your support? If so will you please show them your support by saying "We will"?
Rx - We will.
Exchange of Vows:
In the presence of God and before these witnesses, I, Name take you Name to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; in joy and in sorrow; to love and to cherish; and to be faithful to you alone, as long as we both shall live.

Blessing & Exchange of Rings
The circle of a ring symbolizes unity and eternity. As you give these rings to each other, our prayer is that your love will continue in precious unity forever. Wear these rings as symbols of your love for one another and of what you have pledged this day. Amen.
Name- take this ring and place it upon Name''s finger and say to her/him...
Name, I give you this ring, as a symbol of our marriage, for today and tomorrow, and for all the days to come. Wear it as a sign of what we have promised and done this day.

 

[ladyciel]

Mimzy, FI and I aren''t religious, but we both feel some nostalgia for tradition. I think what we might do is use the declaration of intentions as a chance to actually say "I do" during the ceremony, and then our vows will be personalized and actually said ourselves (possibly from memory/notes instead of by repetition). This way we get both tradition and something we''ve written ourselves combined into one ceremony.

I don''t know how well that answers you question...sorry! I think they''ve been used together, but perhaps in better form that the example you have? My understanding of them is the declaration is the "yes, we''re here by our own decision, nobody has guns held to our heads", and the vows are the actual promises to each other.