Diamond Destiny after Divorce?

[DonaBella]

Date: 7/24/2006 5:10:22 PM
Author: hlmr

Date: 7/24/2006 4:53:40 PM
Author: Sundial
If I got a divorce I would get to keep all my jewelry as long as I gave up all of the TVs in the house!!!

Ha Sundial! Sounds fair to me!

I''ve already told my son that after I am gone, he is not allowed to give my ring to his wife until they have been married for at least 10 years and have a stable marriage!!

Of course I know that things could always change down the line, but IMO she''s going to have to show her commitment by putting in the time and earning that bling yanno?!

I LOVE this idea! My eldest son recently got married and even though I adore his new wife, you never know...hate to say that, but its true.

As the mom to 7 sons and 2 daughters, I think it only makes sense to put some kind of conditions BEFORE valuable family heirlooms or sentimental ones get passed on to any of my future DILS.

Just because my DH and I have made it 25 years does NOT guarantee my children will be as fortunate...

 

[diamondfan]

Oshin, I get where you are coming from but it wasn''t the carbon sparklies fault, he was the innocent in the situation!! Your ex must have freaked, it sure sends a message!

 

[CaptAubrey]

Date: 7/25/2006 1:10:53 AM
Author: diamondlove
In Community Property states (at least Texas), a gift given during marriage is still considered separate property.

I imagine it varies between CP states. In California, things are much more strict. Purchased with marital assests = CP = 50/50 split at divorce. Generally any exception requires a written agreement--there was too much abuse otherwise.

Date: 7/24/2006 8:02:13 PM
Author: oshinbreez
When I got divorced 22 years ago, I didn''t want any part of my ring, wouldn''t sell it because I sure didn''t want anyone else to go through the hell I did, and wouldn''t give it back to him to give to his new GF. So, I burned it in our trash barrel. When he dug it out, I grabbed it from him and crushed it with pliers. LOL.

Generally not a good idea from a financial standpoint.

Were the court to decide the ring was marital property, the party that destroyed it could be liable for the lost value, i.e., their share would get docked accordingly.

 

[Mara]

Date: 7/24/2006 8:02:13 PM
Author: oshinbreez
The way I always saw it was the woman got the ring after divorce. If it was a family heirloom from his side, it would be considerate if she gave it back, or kept it to pass on if kids had been born during the marriage. When I got divorced 22 years ago, I didn''t want any part of my ring, wouldn''t sell it because I sure didn''t want anyone else to go through the hell I did, and wouldn''t give it back to him to give to his new GF. So, I burned it in our trash barrel. When he dug it out, I grabbed it from him and crushed it with pliers. LOL. There was no way anyone would ever get it.

you go girl...hahaha. diamondfan, it sure does send a message...get out of my way buddy or else you are next with the pliers!

 

[tawn]

Date: 7/24/2006 5:10:22 PM
Author: hlmr

Ha Sundial! Sounds fair to me!

I''ve already told my son that after I am gone, he is not allowed to give my ring to his wife until they have been married for at least 10 years and have a stable marriage!!

Of course I know that things could always change down the line, but IMO she''s going to have to show her commitment by putting in the time and earning that bling yanno?!

I got an heirloom engagement ring once, and I gave it back to the guy''s Mom...and she was so relieved and then tried to talk me into staying with her son! The "good" jewelry in our family tends to go from Mother to Daughter, so you know it stays in the family! I have a 17 yr-old niece and I''ve been "helping" her along with her collection already!

If my husband and I got divorced and he wanted my rings...then I''d have to turn around and make a claim on his "tools", and I''m sure he''d change his mind pretty quickly!

As a matter of fact, I don''t think it''s fair that he has more money tied up in tools than I have in Jewels! (that rhymes..lol) I''ve brought it up before, but he says that tools actually serve a useful purpose!

 

[Gemklctr]

Interesting thread. In Virginia, all the jewelry acquired during the marriage/with marital assets goes into the common pile for equitable division notwithstanding any "gift" status. Not sure about e-rings.

But, my son got engaged last night using his mother's upgrade diamond in a new setting. (See my thread in SMTR /www.pricescope.com/forum/steam-room/ring-makes-my-fdil-official-t48509.html]https://www.pricescope.com/forum/steam-room/ring-makes-my-fdil-official-t48509.html[/url]">.) I guess if they ever break up, I'll simply buy it back if necessary no matter what the law is, just as I did with my own ex's e-ring. (Not a family heirloom, but better off in my collection for a reasonable price than have it pawned or sold for a pittance to a dealer as estate jewelry.)ETA: And Virginia is not a community property state.

 

[Rowan]

I would hope that my husband would not want me to give up my jewelry, but that''s assuming things were friendly, which you really can''t assume, I guess. I had an ex-fiance, to whom I did give back the engagement ring btw, who used his key before he returned it to enter my house and take every gift he''d ever given me in two years together and then refuse to give back the dia ring I had given him as a sort of man''s engagement ring.

Well, I guess conscience got the better of him because he mailed it to me after about five years and I sold it.

 

[oshinbreez]

I had good reason for the way I reacted. We were married 6 1/2 years, and had 2 kids. He was very abusive and controlling. I was afraid to get divorced, but HIS friends were the ones that told me if I didn''t get out, I''d end up dead. So, one of his friends took me to file for divorce (I never had a car or phone and always lived in the country), and someone was always with me and the kids for the 4 mos it took to get divorced and leave the state. I know it wasn''t the ring....but I wasn''t gonna take any chances.

 

[oshinbreez]

He tried to beat the crap out of me, but several of his friends were there to protect me.

 

[whatmeworry]

Good for you Oshin, getting out of that nightmare. I''m glad you can look back on it now and laugh at crushing that ring.

 

[diamondfan]

Mara, you are so right! Lets him know, I can crush this diamond and certain body parts of yours might be next!!

Oshin, I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope you are in a much better place now. I try to not be judgemental of other people's marriages, what works for some might not work for someone else, so I try to be objective, but there is just no excuse for or toleration of abuse. Nothing is bad enough for guys that do that to women and their families. I hope you have been able to put it all behind you

 

[mia15]

My goodness, no wonder you did that!

You were SO brave to get yourself out of that situation.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 7/26/2006 1:14:31 AM
Author: diamondfan
Mara, you are so right! Lets him know, I can crush this diamond and certain body parts of yours might be next!!


Oshin, I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope you are in a much better place now. I try to not be judgemental of other people''s marriages, what works for some might not work for someone else, so I try to be objective, but there is just no excuse for or toleration of abuse. Nothing is bad enough for guys that do that to women and their families. I hope you have been able to put it all behind you

I have finally been able to put it behind me. After divorce, there were 15 years of stalking. He''d either call me (I''d have unlisted numbers) or show up at my door (moved quite a few times) every 2 years. I''ve never found out how he found me, since I never contacted any of "our" friends, and my family hates him and wouldn''t tell him anything. But somehow he always knew where I lived, who I was dating and how long we''d been dating. It seemed like every time I''d start feeling safe, he''d rear his ugly head again...just to let me know he was watching. I moved out of Ohio 8 years ago, and haven''t heard from him since. My sweetie now treats me like a queen.

 

[diamondfan]

That is so scary. You are lucky to be away from him, I hope for good this time. It is often partly about power, they pop up and make their presence felt just to keep you off kilter, they know how upsetting it is. I am happy you have a wonderful man now...and can put the past behind you so you can enjoy life with your new man!

Not that this is at all similar, since we did not get married, but I had a boyfriend in college who was possesive and jealous, always thought I was seeing other guys...followed me, spied on me, threatened me, and even harrassed my friends, looking for me at their houses in the middle of the night, pounding on their doors, calling and waking up people...I got so scared to even come home from dinner with a girlfriend because he would park in from of my house. Had to know where I was at all times (no cell phones then), and would not let me wear certain things when I was not with him. He liked me to look a certain way when I was out with him and if any men looked at me, he would try to get in a fight with them for looking at me. Once, he got so mad because he THOUGHT I stared at another guy at a sorority dance (I was staring into space and not even noticing him)...he said the guy had been trying to hook up with me at the party, and I denied it all...he punched my car windshield and got out on the freeway ramp, walking 10 plus miles to his apartment from USC, which is NOT in a great area. I used to have to go up the narrow alley behind my parent''s house and sneak through a padlocked gate to get in my own room! It was so awful and even when I changed my phone number and was clear it was over and I was done, he just would not accept it. I had guy friends and he could not stand it, and would listen to my answering machine messages and hit redial from my phone if I let the room...it was so awful and I was really scared and wanted to get away. He hurt me physically a few times, but it was mostly terrorizing me or claiming he would kill himself...drama, but I fell for it and made excuses for his behavior, his mom was mean to him growing up or I provoked it...Then Star 80 came out with Eric Roberts, and all of my friends saw it and were terrified he would lure me to his house and hurt me. Just the most awful time. My mom admitted later how afraid she was for me, that one night she would get a call that I was dead. I look back now and am thrilled I survived it. So, just be strong, and hope he falls off the face of the earth, and bless G*d you were finally able to get away from him.

 

[oshinbreez]

That is so scary. You are lucky to be away from him, I hope for good this time. It is often partly about power, they pop up and make their presence felt just to keep you off kilter, they know how upsetting it is. I am happy you have a wonderful man now...and can put the past behind you so you can enjoy life with your new man!

Not that this is at all similar, since we did not get married, but I had a boyfriend in college who was possesive and jealous, always thought I was seeing other guys...followed me, spied on me, threatened me, and even harrassed my friends, looking for me at their houses in the middle of the night, pounding on their doors, calling and waking up people...I got so scared to even come home from dinner with a girlfriend because he would park in from of my house. Had to know where I was at all times (no cell phones then), and would not let me wear certain things when I was not with him. He liked me to look a certain way when I was out with him and if any men looked at me, he would try to get in a fight with them for looking at me. Once, he got so mad because he THOUGHT I stared at another guy at a sorority dance (I was staring into space and not even noticing him)...he said the guy had been trying to hook up with me at the party, and I denied it all...he punched my car windshield and got out on the freeway ramp, walking 10 plus miles to his apartment from USC, which is NOT in a great area. I used to have to go up the narrow alley behind my parent''s house and sneak through a padlocked gate to get in my own room! It was so awful and even when I changed my phone number and was clear it was over and I was done, he just would not accept it. I had guy friends and he could not stand it, and would listen to my answering machine messages and hit redial from my phone if I let the room...it was so awful and I was really scared and wanted to get away. He hurt me physically a few times, but it was mostly terrorizing me or claiming he would kill himself...drama, but I fell for it and made excuses for his behavior, his mom was mean to him growing up or I provoked it...Then Star 80 came out with Eric Roberts, and all of my friends saw it and were terrified he would lure me to his house and hurt me. Just the most awful time. My mom admitted later how afraid she was for me, that one night she would get a call that I was dead. I look back now and am thrilled I survived it. So, just be strong, and hope he falls off the face of the earth, and bless G*d you were finally able to get away from him.

Thanks Diamondfan. You''re so right about it beeing a control issue. I really feel for you for what you went through. I was always raised to believe that God won''t give you anymore than you can handle. There were alot of times I wondered about that, but looking back, I can understand why I had to go through some of it. I also believe our past...good or bad....makes us who we are today. It depends on how you deal with it. I''m a whole lot stronger of a woman today because of it.