Diamond Discussion with Co-workers

[~*Alexis*~]

IF you want something, its worth working for, saving for and being a poor for a little bit for...

 

[brneyedgrl]

Date: 12/10/2006 5:12:38 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
It''s so funny that this topic came up. At work, I''m known as the finder of great deals. I''m always getting cute, designer looking stuff that I find for great bargains at stores like Ross, TJ Max, Marshalls etc. Every time someone compliments me on a pair of shoes or handbag that I have, I take great pride in sharing how I only paid $15 for it.....Well, one day one coworker walked in on me surfing PS, and she was floored when I showed her the SMTR folder with tons of ''to die for'' rings. I told her I was looking to upgrade in the next couples months...so she asked me my budget. Since I''ve never been able to tell a lie, I told her my 20K budget, and she thought I was totally NUTS, and spread to word to everone at work. Now everyone is calling me diamondfreak, diamondnut etc etc. It''s really making me feel uncomfortable. Only one person came straight out, and told me that I''m usually so down to earth, and I have such a ''great mommy'' persona, why would I want to be so superficial, and spend my kids'' college funds on a piece of bling!

Little do they know that both dh and I are savers, and we are pretty good at making wise investments and securing our future. We DO indulge each other with our ''hobbies'' because they come from the extras that we acquired from hard work. After being ''found out'' at work, I''m made to feel like a horrible person, and feel like I have to justify myself.
I''ve decided to steer clear of PS and any diamond discussions at work....its really none of their business.

Wow, that is crazy! I tend to not talk price when I talk about diamonds with other people. I would rather keep them guessing or have them not know or judge me that way. I know that you did not mean to have this whole wave of criticism brought upon you, and in no way, is this your fault. I agree w/ the others that it is all relative, and most people do not research price and quality like those of us on this board or even on other boards. The internet has turned Type A people into uber-shoppers.

I think that not talking about diamonds at work is a smart move. It is sad that some people get all bent out of shape. However, when my husband had a larger stone reset for me as an alternate e-ring, the owner of the sister company he works for came up to him to comment on the "boulder." She was all smiles and sweet about it, but she also lives in an area where big rocks are rather common.

Don''t feel bad!

 

[Mara]

jaysons mom..whenever people freak out about my big luxury purchases, i typically tell them something like ''well i am wearing $30 jeans and a $40 sweater so i think i can afford to splurge on a diamond or a purse if i want to''...it''s all about priorities. and really even if i was wearing $150 jeans which sometimes i do, it''s none of their business anyway. but i hear ya re: judgement...now that i am super into the balenciaga bags, i totally get it ALL THE TIME from people about how CRAZY it is to spend $1k on a PURSE. i am like you know what? i think your stupid mercedes is a waste since you pay $700 a month for it, but i don''t tell you that do I? it''s about what makes people happy. I HATE when people get judgemental on how OTHERS spend their cash.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/13/2006 1:08:09 PM
Author: Mara
jaysons mom..whenever people freak out about my big luxury purchases, i typically tell them something like ''well i am wearing $30 jeans and a $40 sweater so i think i can afford to splurge on a diamond or a purse if i want to''...it''s all about priorities. and really even if i was wearing $150 jeans which sometimes i do, it''s none of their business anyway. but i hear ya re: judgement...now that i am super into the balenciaga bags, i totally get it ALL THE TIME from people about how CRAZY it is to spend $1k on a PURSE. i am like you know what? i think your stupid mercedes is a waste since you pay $700 a month for it, but i don''t tell you that do I? it''s about what makes people happy. I HATE when people get judgemental on how OTHERS spend their cash.

Well Mara, I *do* think it''s crazy to spend $1K on a purse.

I also think it''s crazy to spend $$$ on a mercedes.

And it''s also crazy to spend several hundreds on a meal - which I do.

For us average citizens (i.e., not loaded), we probably know it''s a bit nuts to do some of the things that we do...but I''m all about being nuts from time to time. Life would certainly be very boring without a dash of craziness once in a while. Makes a person interestin - and at the very least it makes the person a topic of conversation once in a while for those who refuse to succumb to any life craziness.

(btw, isn''t CRAZY a great word?)

 

[Mara]

Date: 12/13/2006 1:18:51 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/13/2006 1:08:09 PM
Author: Mara
jaysons mom..whenever people freak out about my big luxury purchases, i typically tell them something like ''well i am wearing $30 jeans and a $40 sweater so i think i can afford to splurge on a diamond or a purse if i want to''...it''s all about priorities. and really even if i was wearing $150 jeans which sometimes i do, it''s none of their business anyway. but i hear ya re: judgement...now that i am super into the balenciaga bags, i totally get it ALL THE TIME from people about how CRAZY it is to spend $1k on a PURSE. i am like you know what? i think your stupid mercedes is a waste since you pay $700 a month for it, but i don''t tell you that do I? it''s about what makes people happy. I HATE when people get judgemental on how OTHERS spend their cash.

Well Mara, I *do* think it''s crazy to spend $1K on a purse.

I also think it''s crazy to spend $$$ on a mercedes.

And it''s also crazy to spend several hundreds on a meal - which I do.

For us average citizens (i.e., not loaded), we probably know it''s a bit nuts to do some of the things that we do...but I''m all about being nuts from time to time. Life would certainly be very boring without a dash of craziness once in a while. Makes a person interestin - and at the very least it makes the person a topic of conversation once in a while for those who refuse to succumb to any life craziness.

(btw, isn''t CRAZY a great word?)

I agree..I love being crazy sometimes in an otherwise fairly uneventful life...hehee. But it''s when people act like you are crazy in a BAD judgemental materialistic way...like you need to be hospitalized for having the priorities you do.

Just you wait, practical girl...next time I see you and you touch my beautiful blue goat skin bag, you''ll be lost too. MWAHAHAHAAHA. It''s the evil plan. See the horns?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/13/2006 1:41:21 PM
Author: Mara

I agree..I love being crazy sometimes in an otherwise fairly uneventful life...hehee. But it''s when people act like you are crazy in a BAD judgemental materialistic way...like you need to be hospitalized for having the priorities you do.

Just you wait, practical girl...next time I see you and you touch my beautiful blue goat skin bag, you''ll be lost too. MWAHAHAHAAHA. It''s the evil plan. See the horns?

Well, I''m certainly judgmental from time to time, but like you said, it''s when people ACT on it. My thing is if you can AFFORD it, go for it. Why would it be crazy if you can afford it? Now if years from now I am reading that you are so bbag crazed that you''re neglecting new shoes for your kid or something, I may put my foot down. I actually lurked on tPF when I was looking for bags but I have since stopped. I found myself really wondering about the mental state of some of the women who were posting, and while I can be judgmental, I didn''t like feeling THAT judgmental!!! Fortunately I have never felt that way about any of the purchases here on PS.

And if I managed to meet you, see your gorgeous diamond, and STILL have no desire to upgrade, I consider myself having escaped unscathed. I am not afraid of your bbag.

 

[Mara]

yes well sometimes i wonder about the mental state of some of those pf''ers as well, i mean 26 bags in 6 months seems a wee bit excessive right? but i''m sure it''s probably just because...well, MAN, i''d love to own 26 b-bags and be able to spread them across the bed and sleep with them at night. sorry greg and portia, you two are moving to the guest room.....

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/13/2006 1:59:43 PM
Author: Mara
yes well sometimes i wonder about the mental state of some of those pf''ers as well, i mean 26 bags in 6 months seems a wee bit excessive right? but i''m sure it''s probably just because...well, MAN, i''d love to own 26 b-bags and be able to spread them across the bed and sleep with them at night. sorry greg and portia, you two are moving to the guest room.....

A lot of times the head shaking does come from jealousy. 26 bags in 6 months does seem a bit mental to me, but only because I there are tons of other things (not all practical

) that I''d rather to spend the money on. If the woman can afford it and it makes her happy, I see nothing wrong with it.

The people made me shake my head were the ones that were spending madly on credit, or making their partners unhappy by not being honest about it, or being SO compulsive that they couldn''t resist buying even when they put themselves on a ban. An addiction is an addiction, and it''s not healthy.

It is unfair when people make judgments on one''s VALUES because of something material (again, with the condition that they can afford it). I am probably one of the most unmaterialistic people that I know. My best friends are some of the most materialistic women that I know. We coexist in harmony.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 12/13/2006 2:12:16 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/13/2006 1:59:43 PM
Author: Mara
yes well sometimes i wonder about the mental state of some of those pf''ers as well, i mean 26 bags in 6 months seems a wee bit excessive right? but i''m sure it''s probably just because...well, MAN, i''d love to own 26 b-bags

A lot of times the head shaking does come from jealousy. 26 bags in 6 months does seem a bit mental to me, but only because I there are tons of other things (not all practical

) that I''d rather to spend the money on.

I think I get a little judgemental about that kind of EXCESS too ... but not out of jealousy (I *think*) ... I start wondering what giant gaping hole they have inside themselves that they are trying to fill with handbags? (same for food/booze/gambling/Rx etc) When people act SO impulsively & obsessively SOMETHING ELSE is going on (at least in my experience/opinion.) I wonder if they have friends in their real life that say "What is going on here?" and/or "What are you AVOIDING dealing with by concentrating on this purse thing?" Eh, giving my soapbox the boot. **shrug**

 

[monarch64]

People have commented on things of mine before with the "why would you spend so much on XY, instead of XZ" attitude before...

As soon as we moved into our first house, we took our tax refund money and bought a piano. I have played since the age of 6 but had lived in apartments from the age of 18 to 26 and went all that time without being able to play in my own home because I never wanted to mess with moving a piano from apt. to apt. Now, we could have spent that money on something more "practical" like upgrading our kitchen, a new dining room suite, etc., but we didn''t. It was more important to me to have a dear friend in the form of an expensive musical instrument than to have some fabulous gourmet kitchen (I don''t even cook very well, lol). However, more than a few times when people have come over, I''ve heard, "so do you actually play your piano?" Seriously. As if it wasn''t worth purchasing if I don''t play it every single day. I just sort of laugh and say "I play when the mood strikes me."

Frankly, after making it through years of being TOLD to practice every day, this many hours, etc., and actually becoming accomplished enough to ENJOY playing piano, my attitude now is that I will play it whenever I damn well please, and it is an extremely liberating feeling! I just can''t imagine being negative about how someone else spends their money...

 

[starryeyed]

Honestly gang, sometimes I feel like it would be easier to walk around in a potato sack with a burlap handbag and shoes. People can be so cruel and judgemental out of jealousy. We live in such a materialistic culture that people are more aware of what they DON''T have rather than what they DO have.

Jaysonsmom, I''m sorry you are being made to feel uncomfortable at work, especially when you were following your impulse to be honest. I wish you weren''t getting "punished" for that, but I hope you''ve learned a lesson, and that others can learn from your experience. I truly hope you realize that saying, "That''s private" or "I''d rather not say" is not telling a lie and you are entitled to try to protect your private information. Just because someone asks you a question, does not mean you have to answer it. BOUNDARIES are very important.

 

[TravelingGal]

Monarch, that''s an interesting story about your piano. I HATE piano (had to play from around when you started) and I am also TERRIBLE at it. But I was just thinking just the other day that would be nice to have if we owned the house. I kind of snapped myself out of it because I thought it would be silly if it just sat there since I don''t play well enough to have one. But now you''ve got me thinking, who cares?

Deco, I do have those thoughts too, but from a material point of view, I don''t see an issue with it if she can afford it. I don''t see anything wrong with people''s *values* if they spend money on nice things. In the case of the bag lady, I may wonder about her mental health though!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/13/2006 5:28:28 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Monarch, that''s an interesting story about your piano. I HATE piano (had to play from around when you started) and I am also TERRIBLE at it. But I was just thinking just the other day that would be nice to have if we owned the house. I kind of snapped myself out of it because I thought it would be silly if it just sat there since I don''t play well enough to have one. But now you''ve got me thinking, who cares?

Deco, I do have those thoughts too, but from a material point of view, I don''t see an issue with it if she can afford it. I don''t see anything wrong with people''s *values* if they spend money on nice things. In the case of the bag lady, I may wonder about her mental health though!

TG, they do make rather nice pieces of furniture.

And you know they have the kind that play themselves, right?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/13/2006 5:34:44 PM
Author: monarch64
TG, they do make rather nice pieces of furniture.

And you know they have the kind that play themselves, right?

Those scare me...I work from home so I can imagine myself all freaked out as I hear the piano being played in the other room...

*insert creepy music here*

 

[Mara]

i do wonder sometimes too re: gaping holes. also, what kind of relationships some might have. one siggy says'on a DH mandated purse ban until i lose some weight'...YIKES. seriously if greg ever tried to put me on a PURSE BAN because i was getting a bit hefty, well do i really need to go on??? i would never have married a man like that but maybe some of these gals ARE married to guys who equate their looks with how they spend their men's money, who really knows. but yeah sometimes the head is a'shakin. but whatever, i'm just there for the eye-candy really. and quite franky i ain't gonna be buying anything anytime soon so i might as well live vicariously through others, regardless of whatever might be going on in their lives!!

 

[Sparkster]

The one good thing about this is that at least these younger co-workers aren''t spending money they can''t afford on items and going heavily into debt for them.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 12/13/2006 6:01:28 PM
Author: Mara

one siggy says'on a DH mandated purse ban until i lose some weight'...YIKES. seriously if greg ever tried to put me on a PURSE BAN because i was getting a bit hefty, well do i really need to go on???

HA!!! YIKES is right!! That reminds me of something I heard on the radio today ... they were talking to high school kids & one girl was telling a story about how her father promised her a CAR for her 16th birthday if she got all A's ... and she said "That's what other kids need ... SELF-MOTIVATION"

Say wha?? That's not SELF-motivation, kid, that's BRIBERY! The show host just kind of laughed it off & mentioned the "bribery" thing light-heartedly & then changed the subject but I thought it was HYSTERICAL. College & the "real world" are gonna be all kinds of shocking for Ms. New Car.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 12/9/2006 9:30:28 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 12/8/2006 7:13:01 PM
Author:Emeraldfan
Funny though that those same people comment on how nice mine is and want one like it- if only they knew the cost.

This tells me they simply don''t know what quality costs.

Just wanted to say that for the 8K cap they were speaking of, you can get a quality ring. Not as large etc as Emeraldfan''s, but definitely still quality.

EF, I wouldn''t let them get you down or make you feel guilty. Everyone has their own *thing* and yours might be your ring. They might spend a large amount of money on something you would never spend it on. Don''t let it get you down! Your ring is beautiful, you could afford it, and you love it. Enjoy it!!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/14/2006 4:38:18 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 12/9/2006 9:30:28 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 12/8/2006 7:13:01 PM
Author:Emeraldfan
Funny though that those same people comment on how nice mine is and want one like it- if only they knew the cost.

This tells me they simply don't know what quality costs.

Just wanted to say that for the 8K cap they were speaking of, you can get a quality ring. Not as large etc as Emeraldfan's, but definitely still quality.

EF, I wouldn't let them get you down or make you feel guilty. Everyone has their own *thing* and yours might be your ring. They might spend a large amount of money on something you would never spend it on. Don't let it get you down! Your ring is beautiful, you could afford it, and you love it. Enjoy it!!

Well, I do see what you're saying, but I still think for them to like her ring, and to frown on those with a 20,000.00 ring, they don't have a real grasp of what quality (and size) costs.

For instance, my ring is hardly what most would call large/huge (1.4), but it cost well over 8000.00.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 12/13/2006 4:47:29 PM
Author: starryeyed

I truly hope you realize that saying, ''That''s private'' or ''I''d rather not say'' is not telling a lie and you are entitled to try to protect your private information. Just because someone asks you a question, does not mean you have to answer it. BOUNDARIES are very important.

WOW that''s GREAT advice. I need to learn it too. I''m going to practice "I''d rather not say"

"I''d rather not say." "I''d rather not say."

Oh and if you say it with a SMILE they have to hear it.

 

[colorkitty]

I don''t think the op''s coworkers were necessarily jealous or judgmental. I think we tend to internalize things and a lot of people cannot relate to the desire to have a 20K rock on their hands. I am one of them. I don''t understand why anyone would want that expensive of a ring. And that''s because I wouldn''t be comfortable wearing something that valuable and because my personal tastes lean towards smaller stones. I don''t think it''s judgmental to be astonished or to not understand. For a lot of people, 20K is more than they''ll ever see in their bank accounts. It''s what they make in a year. Of course it seems absurd to them. It''s a down-payment on a house. I don''t think we can fault people for their perspectives. Now, the one group calling a poster a diamondfreak and the like-- that''s totally out of line.

What''s funny is the op''s coworkers might find out that in other parts of the country, 8K is considered too much to spend on an engagement ring. And I also think they''d be surprised to learn just how much a ring can cost. I worked at a jewelers once and we had a number of young men come in and expect to buy a 2-carat ring, like they see on movie stars, for about 1500. Other rings look expensive and cost very little, like a huge blue topaz.

 

[Olive Oil]

Date: 12/14/2006 4:24:26 PM
Author: Sparkster
The one good thing about this is that at least these younger co-workers aren''t spending money they can''t afford on items and going heavily into debt for them.

I agree here. It''s possible that these gals are really only talking about people spending that type of money that don''t have it to spend. I see nothing wrong with splurging on something material you really like as long as you do it responsibly. But, if you make $30,000 a year, have $50,000 in student loans, and are purchasing a $20,000 ring, then that I can''t understand. It''s entirely possible this is what they mean and they just aren''t communicating it well. I say, if you bought it responsibly, then enjoy it!

 

[simplysplendid]

I think "to each his own" really.. My hubby and I owns a Ford Focus and spends some money on little luxuries like gadgets (for him) and jewelry (for me). Some of his friends spend on more expensive cars and less on things like jewelry. I sometimes get comments like "another diamond?" or "that ring costs too much" and I just tell them that''s where my Lexus/Porsche has gone..