Did you fiance ask for you father''s blessing before proposing?

[janinegirly]

I''ve always been curious how common this still is so figured this was the best place to ask!

 

[jcrow]

my father isn''t around.. so i guess the answer would be no. however, i think if he were dh would have asked him.

 

[mjso]

My FI did ask, even though we''ve been together 7 years and living together for about 5. It makes me wonder, if my dad said no, what would the FI have done?

I''m glad he did it, even if it was sort of just going through the motions. I know my dad must have had a heart attack though, he''s so not good at those kind of situations, and my parents definitely still think of me as a kid!

 

[Sparkalicious]

My bf did have a conversation with my dad & mom. I don''t know if it was so much about asking permission as stating his intentions. I thought it was sweet and really value the fact that he respects tradition.

 

[musey]

FI did not, and I preferred it that way (he was made aware of this ahead of time). My dad would have found it awkward and unnecessary (he did not ask for my grandfather's permission, at the STRICT insistence of my feminist mother), and probably would have told FI "no" just to see what he'd do

(for the record, my dad adores my FI, he just really likes to mess with people and make them feel awkward--super cool, I know).

An acquaintance of mine's boyfriend did ask for her father's "permission" (I'm pretty sure that was the word used, not "blessing") and he gave a flat-out NO. What did her boyfriend do? Proposed two days later

Now, if that's not asking for trouble, I don't know what is.

Honestly, how many guys would cancel their proposal plans because the parents said no? That's part of why I don't really see the point. The tradition comes from days when a guy REQUIRED permission/blessing in order to propose. If a guy is absolutely sure the parents will say yes, however, sure... it's cute.


Oh, and by the way, 1.5 years later and with no wedding plans in place, this same couple called off their engagement. I guess her dad was probably relieved...

 

[partyjewels]

I think if my Dad was still around and active as my father, my FI would''ve asked, but since he hardly visits, my FI doesn''t know him and I don''t think it would''ve made sense. I think they''ve met maybe 3 times since we''ve been together. My FI would really like to get to know him better though and we''re hoping he starts to come around more often.

I think it''s kind of sweet when a guy goes to the parents. I know if my FI would''ve gone to my mom though, she would''ve spilled the beans!

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband let my parents know he intended to propose, but he didn''t ask permission. I was in the next room and knew what he was talking to them about, it wasn''t a big deal, just a heads up.

 

[espressa]

No. We had actually discussed this before he proposed, and it was his choice not to, because he had only met my father 2 times in the almost year and a half we had been together, and he said that he would be marrying me even if my dad said no so there was no point to it.

My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I have had a very strained relationship with my father. We have gone several months at a time without speaking to one another, and I see him very rarely, usually only on Christmas and Father''s Day. (My father has never lived more than a half hour away from me). Simply put, my mother raised me, not my father.

I had mixed feelings about the whole thing, because I had been hoping that my father and I could put the past behind us and try to have a better relationship now that I was getting married and "starting a new life", and I knew it would make him feel good to have my FI ask. Now I''m very glad that he didn''t ask, because I have had nothing but problems with my father over the wedding, he''s definitely not walking me down the aisle, and in the past few months I had been close to uninviting him altogether.

Sorry, that''s probably a little more than you wanted to know, lol. The whole situation just sucks and I guess I''m feeling a little disappointed that I won''t ever have the kind of relationship with my father that many people do. I know there are a lot of people in my situation, I''m sure, but it hurts nonetheless.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/10/2008 6:07:09 PM
Author: espressa

No. We had actually discussed this before he proposed, and it was his choice not to, because he had only met my father 2 times in the almost year and a half we had been together, and he said that he would be marrying me even if my dad said no so there was no point to it.

That''s a much more concise way of putting what I was trying to say! Good for your FI for thinking it through

 

[mimzy]

my parents are divorced and my FI asked both of them separately. i'm actually not sure if asked for a blessing or for permission or what....i just know the answer was yes. It wasn't a huge huge deal to me, but i'm glad that he did because afterwards my FI was excited about it, my dad and him got to have a good long talk, as did him and my mom and stepdad and sister, and i think they got to know him even better in that short time from it and it really brought them closer i think. plus, what mom or dad doesn't love to hear someone talk about how much they love their daughter

the only thing that irked me was that he took them the ring to show them so i didn't get to see their initial reactions when i showed it to them because they had seen it before!

 

[swimmer]

My FI asked my parents for their blessing, not their permission. And then he called my sister and asked for her blessings as well. Since my fam all live far away he was able to steal my phone for the rest of the day and propose that night. Then, when I called everyone they had time to digest, be happy and excited. I knew they would be, but a dear friend had to sit there seconds after she became engaged and listen to her fiance talk down his parents who apparently thought marriage/she was a bad idea...HOW HORRIBLE! He perhaps should have told his parents what was going down before then.

 

[emilina22]

he had talked to both my parents during thanksgiving, he wasnt really asking because it is ultimatley our desicion, he was wanting to be respectful, and let them know that this is where we are in our lives. and we got everyones blessing so it was a good thanksgiving, then he proposed a month later!

 

[sumbride]

I asked him not to. I didn''t feel it was appropriate because he already knew my parents approved of him and 1) I didn''t want them to know when he was going to propose before I did, 2) My dad is a joker and probably would have teased him to no end, including saying No at some point and 3) I''ve been on my own long enough that they don''t really have that place in my life to say yay or nay.

 

[Stephanie]

Yes, FI did ask my father. In fact, my father was the only person that knew it was going to happen.

 

[Sabine]

Mine did not, we both thought it just wouldn''t be right for us. Although I have a much better relationship with my parents now than I did growing up, I feel like I have been independant since the time I was about 15. My dad is walking me down the aisle, and in a way I am a daddy''s girl, but I just don''t need his permission for anything. I actually saw a wedding show where when the father and mother were asked who gives this bride away, the father responded "my independant daughter freely gives herself with our love and blessing" and I thought that sounded so perfect.

 

[Pandora II]

No, I''m 35 and we have a house and life together, so there was nothing to ask.

FI might have said something if he didn''t know how bad my father is at keeping secrets. He wouldn''t have been able to not drop massive hints.

FI told him that later - my dad looked very sheepish!

I''m not having my dad give me away either - he''ll walk me up the aisle, but that''s it.

We have added this bit into the ceremony though for all the parents to do together:

Will the parents of Pandora and Pandora''s FI please stand?

This union brings together different family traditions in the hope that a new family tree will become strong and fruitful. Theirs is a personal choice and a decision for which they are responsible, yet their life will be enriched by the support of their families. Therefore I have these questions for you.

Do you welcome Pandora and Pandora''s FI, as members of your families?
Do you affirm your continuing support and love to Pandora and Pandora''s FI as they grow in their marriage?
Do you offer to them the best of your care and counsel in their times of struggle, and your celebration with them in their times of joy?

 

[Laurenj915]

He didn''t ask permission but he did go over to my parents house to talk to them and let them know what he was planning. I thought that it was nice. I think it might have been wierd for him to ask permission since we are in our 30s, own our own homes, and have been living independently of our parents for at least 10 years. I did like that he told them but I also was disappointed that I didn''t get to tell my mom first.

None of it mattered I guess. Just so happy he asked!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would have been very disapointed in my FI if he did. I think the whole practice is rather sexist. He would have to have asked both my parents and I would have needed to ask both of his to feel ok with it and not like I was a piece of meat my dad was trying to pawn off. Besides, my parents would have said yes but his would have said no and that would just have lead to more fighting.

 

[Haven]

My FI asked my father''s permission, of course, because you all know that I''m a traditional girl like that!

I suppose it wasn''t really much of asking permission, it was more of FI stating his intentions and my father giving him his blessing, and it was receiving his blessing that was the really important part to me. As an adult I may be completely independent from my parents, but it was important to me that my FI honor them and the enormous role that they play in my life by stating his intentions prior to the proposal.

Like Stephanie, my parents were the only people who knew FI was about to propose. I''m still shocked that they kept it a secret for a whole 20 hours!

 

[Rachie]

My FI did ask my mom, dad, and my step-dad. Like many others, he wasn''t really asking permission, he was asking for their blessing and letting them know that he was going to be doing it. I had asked him to do this b/c I knew that my parents would really appreciate it and find it respectful. They were all really touched by the fact that he took the time to sit down and speak with them about it. I never really thought of it as being sexist, just more courteous than anything.

It was quite humorous after he proposed b/c it finally dawned on me why my mom was calling me every 1/2 hour to see if we were down at the game yet.(He proposed before the opening day game of the Tigers). She was calling from 10:30am on and the game didn''t start until 1:00! I didn''t realize that he had informed them of how and when he was going to do it until afterward.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Yep

 

[Harleigh]

In spite of the fact that my parents were involved in the knowledge of the diamond purchase for months in advance, my mom went with me to pick out my setting, and we all "knew" a proposal was coming, my FI DID plan to ask for their "blessing" as he and my parents did NOT get along at all during our first few tries at a relationship, and we both thought this would go a long way to continue mending fences in future years as they get along much better now.

However, he picked up the ring from the jeweler on my birthday and it was burning a hole in his pocket that day, so he did not even attempt to get the "blessing" from my parents he had initially planned to ask for, and my dear mother is STILL bitter about it, even though I''m 35 and he is 41.

I don''t quite know or understand why, since my parents are not involved in any of the wedding plans in any way (as per their choice, no matter how much I try to involve them), they have offered no advice (except about what they expect I SHOULD do with my house, his house, etc...), no time or assistance with any planning or details, but yet can''t believe hers and my dad''s names aren''t on the invitations as if they were throwing our wedding.

It just makes me do a slow burn at this point, and now there''s no way to know if his asking for their blessing would''ve made a difference...I do think it is unnecessary, but I also feel like it is a polite form of respect that could''ve gone a long way to our future relationship with my parents. So, asking permission, no, not necessary, but asking for a family''s blessing could be much appreciated. Just my 2 cents...

 

[gtn]

My mom got mad at me and FI and she insisted on meeting with us. When she got a hold of us. She tried to force him to propose to me right then and there. He informed my mother that he had every intention of marrying me, but he was going to propose when he felt good and ready.

 

[SuLi]

My FI did ask my father for his permission. The funny thing is, he said that my dad replied "Hold on...I have to double-check with my wife." I think you know who wears the pants in my parents'' house...hehe.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 1/11/2008 9:05:03 AM
Author: SuLi
My FI did ask my father for his permission. The funny thing is, he said that my dad replied ''Hold on...I have to double-check with my wife.'' I think you know who wears the pants in my parents'' house...hehe.

Ha!! That''s funny..

 

[happy in love]

My FI had a hard time tracking down my dad (he lives part time in 2 cities) and so he finally had to do it over the phone, which wasn''t how it hoped it would be.
It is now one of FI''s favorite stories, because my dad was very happy to give his blessing, but told FI to "hold on, I gotta give money to this guy, his sign says ''why lie, i need beer''"
So, here is my FI is asking my dad such an important question, and Dad stops to support a homeless man''s addiction!!

It was funny too, my dad saved the voicemail FI left him saying he needed to talk to him. He played it for me, we think FI''s voice sounds shakey, but he denies it!

 

[Mandarine]

My FI called my dad the day before to ask him. My dad lives over seas so he couldn'y do it in person.

It meant so much to me that he did

M~

ETA: It was more to "tell" him....rather than to "ask" him. My dad kept the secret and even celebrated that night by himself...lol.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/11/2008 9:05:03 AM
Author: SuLi

My FI did ask my father for his permission. The funny thing is, he said that my dad replied ''Hold on...I have to double-check with my wife.'' I think you know who wears the pants in my parents'' house...hehe.

How cute is that, I love it!!

 

[Independent Gal]

My FI asked my dad for his blessing (not permission) over a bottle of good scotch when we were visiting. And he asked my mom and step-dad over the phone. We all thought it was very romantic. Especially my dad, who apparently got all teary-eyed.

 

[ringster]

no - he''s only met my dad briefly a few times. but short while after i told my parents we were engaged by phone, i went home to visit and FI called me. my mom was close by and wanted to say hi. she got on the phone and said "Thank you! Thank you!". FI was quite amused by this and when i got back on the phone with him, he was asking me why my mom was thanking him! now he gives me a hard time about this . he tells me that she is thanking him for taking me off her hands!