Did you live together before marriage?

[anchor31]

We waited until we were engaged to move in together. I would have preferred waiting until marriage, but money was too big an issue. We were both way past living with our parents, living on our own is just too expensive in the city and we were sick and tired of roommates... So we found a place together last summer. We''re still "waiting", and we''re pretty much "roommates" for now. It''s like living with my best friend, really. I love it and can''t imagine living apart from him anymore. So we''re not really living as husband and wife just yet, and I can''t wait for that!

 

[scm1012]

together 5 yrs, 4 months

wedding date set for 09.21.09

We have not/do not live together. I still live at home and he lives on his own. I rarely sleep over. I don''t really plan on moving in together until we are married or buy a house, whichever comes first.

It''s not due to religion or anything. My parents always had the rule that I wasn''t moving out until I was married...now I''m 27 and I''m sure they never dreamed it''d take this long to move me out of the nest. I just figure we''ve come along this far, might as well just wait it out.

I do have things in his apartment. I''ve decorated it, I have all my kitchen appliances, towels, some beauty products, very little clothes, toilettries, etc. I just go home every night. This probably sounds totally bizarre.

 

[julabean]

My FI and I moved in together about five months before we got engaged and actually very shortly after we got together. We had been friends for years, though - the kind of friends that everyone you know always accuses you of "something going on!" Before we got together, I''d hang out at his place, watch TV, do my homework, etc. During one year of college I had a horrible roommie situation, so I''d spend most weekends over at his place. He''d sleep on the couch! After we got together, we spent most of our time at his place (he owns his own condo) because that''s where we always hung out. My roomie at the time wasn''t very comfortable with him around all the time, which is one reason we moved in together so quickly. It wasn''t fair to my roommate for me to be gone all the time and it wasn''t fair for me to never feel comfortable having my boyfriend over at my own apartment. We were really good friends (she''s actually a bridesmaid), so it made much more sense to move in together. The first few months of living together with my FI were DEFINITELY the hardest on our relationship. But now we''re fine and busting at the seems...we need a new house!

 

[Sha]

We were together 2.5 years before marriage, and didn''t live together before either. It wasn''t something I would have wanted to do, for various reasons. One of those reasons was that even though I loved being in a relationship, I liked having my own ''space'' as well - you know, girly alone tme, cooking and cleaning only when I felt like it. etc. I liked holding on to that while I prepared mentally for getting married and moving in with him.

I also liked the symbolism of tying the knot and then officially combining our households. It was really exciting to find a house and buy furniture and supplies together and then move in as newlyweds- complete with all the newlwed adjustments. In my first marraige, we lived together for 6 mnths before, so it was just ''business as usual'' after the wedding day. Nothing much changed. I think it''s more exciting if you don''t live together first, although I know that''s not always practical for everyone.

 

[gtn]

My FI and I live together. The only problem we had was space. We both have lots of stuff and housing it was a problem. Now that we have a bigger place that is less of an issue.

 

[gtn]

My FI and I live together. The only problem we had was space. We both have lots of stuff and housing it was a problem. Now that we have a bigger place that is less of an issue.

ETA: We are both catholic, and the people at church don''t make a big deal about us "living in sin" they are genuinely happy that we have found each other.

 

[eringabrielle]

My fiance and I have lived together for over two years (just got engaged in December) and for us it was just the right thing to do. Before we lived together we were either at one or another''s place, never apart, so financially it made sense. Also, by living together we knew how well we worked together far in advance of any major commitment like marriage. We didn''t have any major problems when we moved in and I know now, more so than I think I would if we hadn''t live together, that we are perfect together.

 

[violet02]

Date: 2/12/2008 1:26:07 PM
Author: ringster
i lived with my 2nd serious bf for 6 months and after we broke up i decided that i would not move in with anyone unless we were engaged.

with FI, we were basically living together for about 1 year but i did not give up my apartment until we got officially engaged - actually this month is the first month that i am officially living with him. i lived in my old place for 10+ years so it is a bit emotional moving out of MY place and moving in with FI. also now we feel more like a couple, sharing in everything related to living together.

This is similar to how I feel about it. I''ve lived with 5 guys in the past. FIVE! None of them worked out well at all. Two I thought I was going to marry as well. I decided after that many living situations that I wouldn''t live with anyone again until I was engaged. I also like the idea of the ''transition'' between single and married with the joining together of all of your things and moving into a new place.

My FI and I live about one block away from each other. We don''t plan on moving in together until after the wedding. Mainly because it''s a total pain to have to find a place, move all our stuff and put down big deposits, buy new furniture etc etc while trying to pay for and plan a wedding. Also we''d considered maybe buying rather than just moving all of our stuff into a rental then moving out again. So we''re in no hurry to live together. He''s also allergic to my cat which is going to cause a problem for when we move in together.

I''ve been at my current place a long time as well and I LOVE it. I wish we could both live there but it''s too small. I do love living alone though very much and I''m sure there will be aspects of it I miss.

 

[goldenstar]

FI have been together for about 4 years and we''ve never lived together. Its a complicated story but I like telling it.

I currently live at home with my mom and sibs. I moved out for the whole time I was in college and came back after. I''m a full time student so I''m definitely saving a ton on money by being here. I graduate in May and won''t be ready to move anywhere until at least this fall.

FI lives alone and rent free in a house that his parents owns. Theoretically I can move in there this fall, but there are benefits to our current living situation.

- As long as I am at home, my mom helps support me financially. When I get a job I will contribute of course. If I''m at home I won''t have to worry too much about bills in the transition between school and job. (This type of thing is entirely normal in our culture.)
-I wouldn''t feel right about moving into FI''s house and not paying rent to his parents. I would feel obliged to give them something (Though knowing them, they wouldn''t expect anything from me at first). If I stay home I can save that money for the wedding expenses.
-By the time I can move, the wedding will be about 6 months away and I''ll be job hunting. I don''t want to add more things to my to do list.

I also want to save the excitement for after the wedding. It will be fun setting up our house together and it will be better if we don''t already have full plates. We already stay at each others houses a couple nights a week, and I think we''ve had a preview of each other''s habits.

There are no religious for us to wait, only logistic ones. I''m already going through huge transitions and I need to do one thing at a time.

 

[zoebartlett]

Two very close friends of mine did not live with their husbands before they got married. Most of my friends did though. My FI and I moved in together permanently (as opposed to a few weekdays here and there and weekends) two years ago when we bought our condo. We dated for 2 years, both living in separate apartments, before buying our condo and taking the plunge. It''s funny, there was a time when I was against buying property (a house, etc.) without being married or at least engaged. I thought it would be too risky. We had a lawyer friend draw up an agreement though and we signed it before signing a lease. For us, that was a good decision. We got engaged a year and a half later.

 

[partyjewels]

My FI and I have been together officially since April of 2005, started living together officially in July of 2006. We got engaged in May of 2007, and will be married this upcoming September.

Personally I cannot think of one single positive in our case of waiting to live together. I'm not saying there aren't any positives to waiting, I'm just saying that in OUR CASE, there wouldn't have been.

People say that I'm missing out on the excitement, but I didn't miss out on anything, I just got to experience that excitement earlier than those who wait! And for us it was better that way.

I will say that I was surprised when FI asked me to move in with him actually, because although I was over at his house constantly and practically living there anyways, he had always said he wouldn't live with his SO until they were married. But apparently he just couldn't wait for me any longer and changed his mind, lol.

ETA: I also had to add that for us, even though we were practically living together anyways, it in no way compared to actually living together. Prior to that, even though I was there all the time, FI never really expected me to do the dishes, vacuum, laundry, etc. it was just a nice bonus when I did... and I didn't mind doing all of those things most of the time, so it definitely made it seem like thats how I was normally. In reality, it takes me days to do the dishes, I'll do the laundry but let it sit done in the dryer for days and days before bothering to put it away, if he counted on me to mow the lawn it would look like a jungle during the summer, etc etc etc... but since I wasn't really living here but I was here all the time, I felt like I should help out, it was kind of like playing house in a way, and it was fun at the time!... Of course I know that I NEED to be doing these things now since I actually live here, but most of the time I just don't until pushed because it's how I am. It's frustrating for him, but we've been working on it, and he deals very well with it. However I can see it would've caused a lot of unnecessary stress for both of us had we waited to move in and then he discovered what a slob I am! He might've felt like he'd been tricked into marrying me!!

 

[bee*]

D and I are together 9 years in July and we are going to move in together in May. We were both in college for the first 7 years and then in 06 I returned to college so money has been a big issue as to why we''re only moving in now. Plus we wanted to wait until we got engaged before we made that step. I cannot wait until May though when the house is ready!

 

[mimzy]

my FI and I don''t live together. we''ve been together for three years (tomorrow

), and we''re getting married this december. we had agreed long ago to wait until we were married to live together for a number of reasons, most important being that we are, ahem, *waiting* on other things, and also we wanted to hold off to make being married more of a special transition.

logistically, we probably should be living together. i live on my own in an apt in his hometown while i go to grad school and he lives at his parents a few miles away. he is over at my apt most nites, pays the rent and some of the bills (since i''m not making any money and living off of loans), but most of his stuff is still at home. it can be trying sometimes, as he is obligated to both me and his family still (who is sorta demanding....but then again i probably am too). there have definitely been times when we were like ''screw it! pack up'', but we''ve held our ground so far and, well, it sucks but we think it will be worth it. it''s also probably good with school that i have some time on my own to get things done.....because if we lived together i would be tempted to spend all my time with him and never get anything done!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

wow, it sounds like there are a lot of virtuous women here! can''t say the same for myself, lol.

FI and I technically each live with our parents, but i don''t think we have spent more than 10 nights apart in the last three years. we went on our first week long vacation together about three years ago and haven''t spent much time sleeping apart since then. on the random occasion where he actually sleeps at his house we both joke that we don''t fall asleep until about 3am because we are to cold in our beds alone, lol! he will be officially moving in with me about a month before the wedding so we can have all of the stuff combined and cleaned through before the wedding. i can''t wait until he''s here for good!

 

[Independent Gal]

FI moved in about 2 months after we got engaged.

I didn't want the complications of living with someone I wasn't with permanently, plus, I love living alone. Frankly, if we could live next door to each other, I'd love that!

But I thought it made sense financially, and in terms of making sure we could stand living together to have him move in to my condo before we were actually married but AFTER we were engaged. There were some growing pains for sure. Especially combining our art, rugs, and furniture. Oh yeah, and our standards of cleanliness, chores, etc. I'm kind of glad we got all of that over with.

We'll have been living together 7 months by the time we are married.