Did you/would you live together before marriage?

[SoonIHope]

I know there have been a million threads about whether or not you would/have/are living together before marriage, but I couldn't find a poll anywhere! I was just curious as to what exactly the breakdown is, since I have seen so many people passionately in favor of one or the other. Thanks!

ETA: Okay my phrasing for the actual question is kind of weird...if you HAVE already moved in together, then please answer according to when YOU actually moved in with your SO, not according to what you think is okay in general. If you have specific plans, again, please answer according to yourself. If you don't have plans yet, just answer for what you think you would probably want to do.

 

[SoonIHope]

FYI you''re welcome to comment if you have anything to say, too!

Especially for those people who THOUGHT one thing, but ended up doing another...why did you move in together sooner/later than you originally anticipated?

 

[Caribou]

I answered ''No. I think it is best for the relationship to wait...'' I want to clairfy, I think it is best for MY relationship to wait.

 

[E B]

I'm absolutely for living together before marriage. I understand that many couples choose to wait, but I think it's important to see a person's every little quirk (things they have to show you if you're living together) before taking the big step. Paying bills together, asking him to clean the little hairs out of the sink after shaving, arguing over who cleans the shower....I think these things are essential and healthy to experience before the final vows.

I don't think I'd marry a man before I lived with him. To me, it'd be like marrying a stranger of sorts...no matter how long we've dated. It sounds weird, I know...but am I the only person that'd feel this way?

ETA: My fiance (then boyfriend) moved in with me after 7 months of dating.

 

[FireGoddess]

I voted for 'yes, if you are serious about each other, even if....," because I think that's okay, but I will tell you, that's not exactly what I did.

I had just moved to CA and wasn't really looking to settle down with someone. I liked my apt, liked my life, etc. My now DH and I met and started dating immediately, and it got serious fast, even though I wasn't expecting it. He wanted us to move in together and we had only been dating 4-5 months. I didn't feel it was necessary and honestly didn't want to do so without a commitment (ie. imminent engagement, which we had already talked about). I don't think everybody needs to do that, but that's what felt right to me. I ended up moving in with him once my lease was up (6 months dating) and we ended up getting engaged a month or so later anyway.

 

[miyabi_na]

Are you thinking about/discussing/already have done this Albi? Just wondering!

I voted

(Yes, if serious even if engagement hasn't come up...if you wanna read my thoughts, it's in the big thread that was discussed a while back

)

And here's a question that could be tacked onto your vote:
What did/does your family/friends think about your decision?

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/2/2006 1:48:39 PM
Author: EBree
I don''t think I''d marry a man before I lived with him. To me, it''d be like marrying a stranger of sorts...no matter how long we''ve dated. It sounds weird, I know...but am I the only person that''d feel this way?

ETA: My fiance (then boyfriend) moved in with me after 7 months of dating.

Ebree, the only reason why I don''t want to live with my FI before we are married is because I''ve lived with 2 past boyfriends and swore I would never live with someone again until I was married to them. My FI lived with his ex girlfriend, and decided that same thing.

I don''t see anything wrong with it either way. For some living together works, for me it didn''t. I can wait.....it give me that much more to look forward to.

 

[miyabi_na]

Date: 3/2/2006 1:49:12 PM
Author: FireGoddess
I voted for ''yes, if you are serious about each other, even if....,'' because I think that''s okay, but I will tell you, that''s not exactly what I did.

I had just moved to CA and wasn''t really looking to settle down with someone. I liked my apt, liked my life, etc. My now DH and I met and started dating immediately, and it got serious fast, even though I wasn''t expecting it. He wanted us to move in together and we had only been dating 4-5 months. I didn''t feel it was necessary and honestly didn''t want to do so without a commitment (ie. imminent engagement, which we had already talked about). I don''t think everybody needs to do that, but that''s what felt right to me. I ended up moving in with him once my lease was up (6 months dating) and we ended up getting engaged a month or so later.

WOW your story sounds so much like mine! LOL except the engagement part....
did your family/friends understand or object?

and I agree with EBree....about finding out the quirks and if you get along....GOOD POINT!

 

[dani13]

I personally believe in living together before marriage- my FI and I were engaged in Nov., and bought our condo in January-but even if we weren''t engaged I would have moved in with him, because I knew it was just a matter of time before I got a ring and we were at the point in our relationship that it was the next step. I think it is important to live with someone first- not because of "you need to see all of their quirks" but because it just gets you ready for married life- I dont expect things to change much when we are married- it just solidified my feelings for him and made me more confident of my decision to spend my life with him...

 

[AndyRosse]

I voted "Yes, if you are serious about each other, even if engagement has not yet come up."

In my relationship, we moved into together about three or four months before we got engaged. We knew that we wanted to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, but there was definitely no time frame to get engaged. We moved in together because it was just a waste of resources to keep up two separate places when we were just using one!

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 3/2/2006 1:51:55 PM
Author: miyabi_na
Are you thinking about/discussing/already have done this Albi? Just wondering!

I voted

(Yes, if serious even if engagement hasn''t come up...if you wanna read my thoughts, it''s in the big thread that was discussed a while back

)

Hehe, sorry, I suppose I should have answered my own question! I discussed it in the older threads too, so I wasn''t intentionally withholding information!

My fiance (then-boyfriend) and I moved in together straight out of college (dating long distance in college for about 8 months, but we''d known each other quite a bit longer), but it was for a summer sublet so we sort of agreed to do it as a temporary not-really-making-a-committment gesture before I went abroad for a year. It worked out so well though, that instead of going anywhere, we just found a real apartment to move into once the 2 months was up, and have been there ever since! By the end of the summer sublet we had completely agreed that were going to spend the rest of our lives together, but we weren''t in any rush to get engaged yet. We had been dating a bit over 3 years when we got engaged, and living together almost 2.5 of that. I wouldn''t have had it any other way! I agree with everything EBree said - you really just learn SO MUCH about a person when you live together, I would find the idea of binding myself to someone for the rest of my life REALLY REALLY SCARY if I didn''t already know every tiny little quirk of his.

 

[E B]

Date: 3/2/2006 1:54:34 PM
Author: Dani
I personally believe in living together before marriage- my FI and I were engaged in Nov., and bought our condo in January-but even if we weren''t engaged I would have moved in with him, because I knew it was just a matter of time before I got a ring and we were at the point in our relationship that it was the next step. I think it is important to live with someone first- not because of ''you need to see all of their quirks'' but because it just gets you ready for married life- I dont expect things to change much when we are married- it just solidified my feelings for him and made me more confident of my decision to spend my life with him...

I think that seeing your SO''s quirks IS a huge part of readying yourself for married life. "This is what I''ll have to deal with/get to enjoy every day for the rest of my life..."

 

[E B]

Date: 3/2/2006 1:58:13 PM
Author: albicocca

you really just learn SO MUCH about a person when you live together, I would find the idea of binding myself to someone for the rest of my life REALLY REALLY SCARY if I didn't already know every tiny little quirk of his.

That's what I'm saying! If I'm going to be spending every day for the rest of my life with this man, I want to know everything...the good and the bad. Things he can hide if he's able to go back to his own apartment every night!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I voted "if you are serious even if" also. As hard as it is to believe some people aren''t in a rush to get married. I don''t think it is wrong for them to wait until they are before it is right for them to live together. Obviously this is a personal decision. FI and I moved to a new city together after dating 1.5 years. It only made sense to live together. We didn''t get engaged for another 2.5+ years.

 

[qtiekiki]

I voted "Yes, once you are engaged" because that''s what happened with us, but I would''ve moved in even if we weren''t engaged, but are serious about each other. My parents would''ve objected though; they were actually objective to me moving in with him after we got engaged. I believe in living together before marriage too because you get to see the little habits and learn more about the other persons, and learn to communicate and compromise on things that is so important for marriage.

 

[Blenheim]

I''m not passionate about one or the other -- I think it really depends on the couple. My BF and I are moving in together in a couple of months, because that''s what just feels right to us. If he proposes within his self-imposed timeline, we will be engaged by that point.

In regards to what family/friends think: I''ve had girls grab my hand looking for a ring when I mention it, and others ask when he''s going to propose. I''ve also had some friends say that they''re waiting and they think that it''s generally best, but that they respect our judgment. I haven''t had anyone say that we''re going to be living in sin, or anything like that.

No one in my family but my mom has mentioned it, and I finally sat down and talked with her today. It turns out that she''s not as against it as I thought. It''s not what she or her generation tended to do, so she''s having some problems getting used to it, but in a sense it comforts her. I might have to have surgery this summer, and she''s glad that my BF could take care of me rather than a roommate who I had just met.

 

[dani13]

EbREE-

I dont know- maybe it is just me- but I felt that I knew all about my FI''s quirks even before we moved in together. He is pretty much the same now compared to when we lived separatley- I guess I am just a pretty lucky girl!!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/2/2006 2:01:07 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 3/2/2006 1:58:13 PM
Author: albicocca

you really just learn SO MUCH about a person when you live together, I would find the idea of binding myself to someone for the rest of my life REALLY REALLY SCARY if I didn''t already know every tiny little quirk of his.

That''s what I''m saying! If I''m going to be spending every day for the rest of my life with this man, I want to know everything...the good and the bad. Things he can hide if he''s able to go back to his own apartment every night!

See and in my opinion, I don''t see how you can''t possible know enough about someone if you spend enough time with them. I was with my EX for 2 years before we moved in together, when we moved in I didn''t learn anything new about him....he was still an a*hole.

Seriously, there was nothing that happened after I moved in with him that I didn''t know before. With my FI, I spend Tuesday, Thursdays, and all weekend at his house, although I''m sure that there will be something ''new'' that comes up when we do finally live together, I know enough about him now to know that living with him won''t change my views on him or our relationship.

I''ve known my bestfriend for 20 years, we''ve never lived together and I know that I could never live with him.

 

[dani13]

Date: 3/2/2006 2:14:26 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/2/2006 2:01:07 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 3/2/2006 1:58:13 PM
Author: albicocca

you really just learn SO MUCH about a person when you live together, I would find the idea of binding myself to someone for the rest of my life REALLY REALLY SCARY if I didn''t already know every tiny little quirk of his.

That''s what I''m saying! If I''m going to be spending every day for the rest of my life with this man, I want to know everything...the good and the bad. Things he can hide if he''s able to go back to his own apartment every night!

See and in my opinion, I don''t see how you can''t possible know enough about someone if you spend enough time with them. I was with my EX for 2 years before we moved in together, when we moved in I didn''t learn anything new about him....he was still an a*hole.

Seriously, there was nothing that happened after I moved in with him that I didn''t know before. With my FI, I spend Tuesday, Thursdays, and all weekend at his house, although I''m sure that there will be something ''new'' that comes up when we do finally live together, I know enough about him now to know that living with him won''t change my views on him or our relationship.

I''ve known my bestfriend for 20 years, we''ve never lived together and I know that I could never live with him.

I agree COMPLETELY!!!! I could never live with my bf either!!!!

 

[Kaleigh]

We didn''t live together exactly. We had our own appartments but he mostly stayed at mine. We were very serious but not engaged. We knew that we would get married eventually. Does that count?? We will be married 20 years this September.

 

[E B]

Date: 3/2/2006 2:14:26 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/2/2006 2:01:07 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 3/2/2006 1:58:13 PM
Author: albicocca

you really just learn SO MUCH about a person when you live together, I would find the idea of binding myself to someone for the rest of my life REALLY REALLY SCARY if I didn''t already know every tiny little quirk of his.

That''s what I''m saying! If I''m going to be spending every day for the rest of my life with this man, I want to know everything...the good and the bad. Things he can hide if he''s able to go back to his own apartment every night!

See and in my opinion, I don''t see how you can''t possible know enough about someone if you spend enough time with them. I was with my EX for 2 years before we moved in together, when we moved in I didn''t learn anything new about him....he was still an a*hole.

Seriously, there was nothing that happened after I moved in with him that I didn''t know before. With my FI, I spend Tuesday, Thursdays, and all weekend at his house, although I''m sure that there will be something ''new'' that comes up when we do finally live together, I know enough about him now to know that living with him won''t change my views on him or our relationship.

I''ve known my bestfriend for 20 years, we''ve never lived together and I know that I could never live with him.

I think for the most part, you know them...but there are certain situations you just aren''t in until you actually live together, situations you''ll be in for the rest of your life after marriage. Paying bills, fighting over cleaning, etc. Plus, there are TONS of little things...little things you don''t even think about until you actually experience them. I learned WORLDS more about my fiance after living with him, and I''m glad I did. I still feel it''s important, though I know it''s not for everyone...everyone should do what they think is best for them.

 

[lmurden]

I choose...
Yes, if you are serious about each other, even if engagement has not yet come up.
Because this exactly what we did.

 

[cinnabar]

I didn''t answer the poll because none of the answers really fitted with what I feel about this.

I''ve tried it both ways. I lived with a man I eventually married (and then divorced). Then I lived for nine years with a man who never proposed. I am now happily married to a man I never lived with (other than during vacations).

My experience with the men in my life was that once we were living together, they didn''t feel the need to get married. They had everything they needed from the relationship.

I pressured the first to marry me, and that was part of the problem with the relationship; he resented it and didn''t put any effort at all into the marriage.

I refused to pressure the second, and therefore he had no incentive to propose. I got fed up of waiting (nine years is pretty patient).

My husband was different and actually wanted to get married. This was a long distance relationship where living together was never a viable option for us; he had to commit to marriage for me to commit to leaving my home and emigrating.

For me, living together wasn''t effective as a means of deciding if I wanted to spend my life with a particular man. The first was fine as a live-in partner but changed into a slob following the wedding; the second was also a good partner but in the end just didn''t have the same priorities.

Living together did not, with hindsight, work out well for me. But I can see that if both halves of the couple are on the same page about where the relationship is heading, then it''s a sensible idea.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 3/2/2006 1:54:20 PM
Author: miyabi_na

Date: 3/2/2006 1:49:12 PM
Author: FireGoddess
I voted for ''yes, if you are serious about each other, even if....,'' because I think that''s okay, but I will tell you, that''s not exactly what I did.

I had just moved to CA and wasn''t really looking to settle down with someone. I liked my apt, liked my life, etc. My now DH and I met and started dating immediately, and it got serious fast, even though I wasn''t expecting it. He wanted us to move in together and we had only been dating 4-5 months. I didn''t feel it was necessary and honestly didn''t want to do so without a commitment (ie. imminent engagement, which we had already talked about). I don''t think everybody needs to do that, but that''s what felt right to me. I ended up moving in with him once my lease was up (6 months dating) and we ended up getting engaged a month or so later.

WOW your story sounds so much like mine! LOL except the engagement part....
did your family/friends understand or object?

A very good question you ask!!!! My parents did not want us to move in together so fast..."why don''t you just keep your apartment? You don''t need to move in together." Then we got engaged. All of a sudden, my parents switched gears - "Why do you need to get engaged so fast? Why can''t you just live together?"

Most all of my friends were for it and understood, particularly after they met him. Only one couple I knew objected. And they spent the least time together with us. It was too bad really - they became somewhat petty and hurtful towards me and we have fallen out of touch. I tried to salvage the friendship but it''s somewhat of a lost cause. They live on the opposite side of the country and only spending time together would fix this...and it''s not possible in the amount of time we''d really need. How has your experience been?

 

[miyabi_na]

Date: 3/2/2006 2:21:44 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 3/2/2006 1:54:20 PM
Author: miyabi_na

Date: 3/2/2006 1:49:12 PM
Author: FireGoddess
I voted for 'yes, if you are serious about each other, even if....,' because I think that's okay, but I will tell you, that's not exactly what I did.

I had just moved to CA and wasn't really looking to settle down with someone. I liked my apt, liked my life, etc. My now DH and I met and started dating immediately, and it got serious fast, even though I wasn't expecting it. He wanted us to move in together and we had only been dating 4-5 months. I didn't feel it was necessary and honestly didn't want to do so without a commitment (ie. imminent engagement, which we had already talked about). I don't think everybody needs to do that, but that's what felt right to me. I ended up moving in with him once my lease was up (6 months dating) and we ended up getting engaged a month or so later.

WOW your story sounds so much like mine! LOL except the engagement part....
did your family/friends understand or object?

A very good question you ask!!!! My parents did not want us to move in together so fast...'why don't you just keep your apartment? You don't need to move in together.' Then we got engaged. All of a sudden, my parents switched gears - 'Why do you need to get engaged so fast? Why can't you just live together?'

Most all of my friends were for it and understood, particularly after they met him. Only one couple I knew objected. And they spent the least time together with us. It was too bad really - they became somewhat petty and hurtful towards me and we have fallen out of touch. I tried to salvage the friendship but it's somewhat of a lost cause. They live on the opposite side of the country and only spending time together would fix this...and it's not possible in the amount of time we'd really need. How has your experience been?

My experience has been rocky (not the bf part! Things with the hunnie are great as always

), but the parents object and the friends support.

I could go ON and ON with their debating views but I wouldn't wanna annoy you with their throughts as much as I already am!

 

[Mara]

I already put my thoughts in the previous threads but both Greg and I lived together with ex's and it didn't work out for various reasons, one of which being that we were aimless and just living together without making serious plans for the future. For us both, we felt like we did not want to do that again, what is the point of just living with someone and not being married or engaged or planning. We spent tons of time together, but we didn't live together until about a month before we got engaged, but we already were working on purchasing the stone for the engagement etc. So for us it wasn't super important we live together until we really felt like taking the next step. Not because we wanted to save on rent, or hang out together more, but rather this is the next serious step in merging our lives together for the future.

I know some may disagree but having experienced it along with him experiencing it and seeing other friends who have too etc...my general feeling is that when you are younger you are excited to live with someone because it's like 'oh we'll always be together, we love to spend time together' etc...living with someone to me is more serious than it was when I was younger and moved in with my then BF when I was 22 because it seemed like that was an 'adult' thing to do and would be a cool step to take. When Greg and I were dating, both older and wiser, both of us really valued our own space and living situations and he may have come over for 3 days straight and had clothes at my house, but he could always leave and go home and be by himself for a while if he wanted. And vice versa. So now that we have merged completely, married etc, sometimes we still miss our own space even though we love each other dearly.

So I don't think people in general should be in a huge rush to live together but I know when you are young it seems exciting to think about doing with someone you love. It will be interesting to see what alot of the younger people here think in 5 years or so, if they are still around here, aka with how their views changed or remained the same.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 3/2/2006 2:20:14 PM
Author: EBree
I think for the most part, you know them...but there are certain situations you just aren''t in until you actually live together, situations you''ll be in for the rest of your life after marriage. Paying bills, fighting over cleaning, etc. Plus, there are TONS of little things...little things you don''t even think about until you actually experience them. I learned WORLDS more about my fiance after living with him, and I''m glad I did. I still feel it''s important, though I know it''s not for everyone...everyone should do what they think is best for them.

I agree with EBree (again!), but I also think it''s more than just "quirks"...it''s really just how they handle EVERY situation. The main thing that is different when you live with someone or don''t, I think, is that when you don''t live together and you really want to withdraw/not talk to your SO/be in a bad mood, you can just not see each other. When you''re in the same apartment, you HAVE to handle all those situations together. Also, when you''re tired and get home from work and don''t feel like doing anything...you just sit there in that blah stage and heat up leftovers TOGETHER. I don''t think it''s really about quirks or about how well you know them so much as it''s about spending time with each other in every single possible situation, especially those where you would never CHOOSE to meet up right then. Granted, spending a weekend or a vacation together you see a lot of this, but the every-day-ness of it is what really made it clear to me that my fiance and I are partners for life, not just people who like each other and get along well.

That said, Cinnabar''s and Caribou''s experiences make a LOT of sense to me too...I''m sure if I had jumped into moving in with some boyfriend and it DIDN''T work out well, I wouldn''t have such a good view of things. I think most of that is pure luck, since I doubt my people-reading skills are THAT much better than everyone else''s that I would have known not to move in with boyfriends like yours!

But I definitely think that if I had had bad experiences with living with boyfriends in the past, that I would feel less strongly that it is something you "should" do. Not that I really think that now...I just think that I am more comfortable making such a big committment after coming to learn how we handle EVERY type of situation together.

To answer the other question which has arisen...my parents (& friends) couldn''t have cared less! My brother moved in with his girlfriend a couple years before I did, but he didn''t even TELL our parents she was his girlfriend!! He just said, "I''m moving in with X" and a couple weeks later my dad said, "So, is X the only other person with you in the house?" and he said yes, and a few weeks later my dad said, "So are you two together then?" and my brother said "I guess so" and my dad said "Oh okay."

So my parents aren''t the highest strung people.

My favorite story about this is that after a graduation lunch with me, my boyfriend, my parents, my best friend and her boyfriend and parents, we decided to walk over to my & my boyfriend''s summer sublet to show it to my parents. We invited my best friend and her family to come too. As we were walking over, her mom whispered to her, "this is THEIR apartment, TOGETHER???" and when my best friend agreed, she said "DO HER PARENTS KNOW?????"

Hehe. But yes, they knew!

 

[miyabi_na]

True albi

I guess it depends on the people in the relationship. If I had a bad experience I probably would have a different view too....

Some people just get lucky and end up with their perfect match....and sometimes things just don''t work out. My point though- you never know unless you try....hafta take a risk sometimes...esp if it means a lot to you. That could be viewed as "dumb" on my part to think that way.......but you learn from what you experience...so there''s my opinion

 

[dani13]

Date: 3/2/2006 2:49:06 PM
Author: albicocca

Date: 3/2/2006 2:20:14 PM
Author: EBree
I think for the most part, you know them...but there are certain situations you just aren''t in until you actually live together, situations you''ll be in for the rest of your life after marriage. Paying bills, fighting over cleaning, etc. Plus, there are TONS of little things...little things you don''t even think about until you actually experience them. I learned WORLDS more about my fiance after living with him, and I''m glad I did. I still feel it''s important, though I know it''s not for everyone...everyone should do what they think is best for them.

I agree with EBree (again!), but I also think it''s more than just ''quirks''...it''s really just how they handle EVERY situation. The main thing that is different when you live with someone or don''t, I think, is that when you don''t live together and you really want to withdraw/not talk to your SO/be in a bad mood, you can just not see each other. When you''re in the same apartment, you HAVE to handle all those situations together. Also, when you''re tired and get home from work and don''t feel like doing anything...you just sit there in that blah stage and heat up leftovers TOGETHER. I don''t think it''s really about quirks or about how well you know them so much as it''s about spending time with each other in every single possible situation, especially those where you would never CHOOSE to meet up right then. Granted, spending a weekend or a vacation together you see a lot of this, but the every-day-ness of it is what really made it clear to me that my fiance and I are partners for life, not just people who like each other and get along well.

That said, Cinnabar''s and Caribou''s experiences make a LOT of sense to me too...I''m sure if I had jumped into moving in with some boyfriend and it DIDN''T work out well, I wouldn''t have such a good view of things. I think most of that is pure luck, since I doubt my people-reading skills are THAT much better than everyone else''s that I would have known not to move in with boyfriends like yours!

But I definitely think that if I had had bad experiences with living with boyfriends in the past, that I would feel less strongly that it is something you ''should'' do. Not that I really think that now...I just think that I am more comfortable making such a big committment after coming to learn how we handle EVERY type of situation together.

To answer the other question which has arisen...my parents (& friends) couldn''t have cared less! My brother moved in with his girlfriend a couple years before I did, but he didn''t even TELL our parents she was his girlfriend!! He just said, ''I''m moving in with X'' and a couple weeks later my dad said, ''So, is X the only other person with you in the house?'' and he said yes, and a few weeks later my dad said, ''So are you two together then?'' and my brother said ''I guess so'' and my dad said ''Oh okay.''

So my parents aren''t the highest strung people.

My favorite story about this is that after a graduation lunch with me, my boyfriend, my parents, my best friend and her boyfriend and parents, we decided to walk over to my & my boyfriend''s summer sublet to show it to my parents. We invited my best friend and her family to come too. As we were walking over, her mom whispered to her, ''this is THEIR apartment, TOGETHER???'' and when my best friend agreed, she said ''DO HER PARENTS KNOW?????''

Hehe. But yes, they knew!

Yes, Albi, I agree with you- it is definitley more than just "quirks," at least for us. It is definitely a life change, I am not denying that, you learn to live with the person, handle the daily life situations that come your way. For us, I think that was the most valuable learning experience.
FI lived with his x for 3 years...they were together a total of 5, but he said when he moved in with her their relationship really changed...he got to see how she was all the time, and their relationship just fizzled out. She was still waiting for a ring though, and FI said that he always knew he would never propose, but just stayed because he did care for her, but just wasnt in love with her and it was "comfortable."
I have to say that besides maybe a few minor things, FI is pretty much the same-but that is just him, he is just a laid back, straight-up kind of guy....he said the only thing about me that he didnt know was what a neat-freak- cleanliness-obsessive girl I am!!! Ha! Well, I guess if that is the worst he has to deal with he is pretty lucky, dont ya think??

 

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Date: 3/2/2006 2:49:06 PM
Author: albicocca

Date: 3/2/2006 2:20:14 PM
Author: EBree
I think for the most part, you know them...but there are certain situations you just aren''t in until you actually live together, situations you''ll be in for the rest of your life after marriage. Paying bills, fighting over cleaning, etc. Plus, there are TONS of little things...little things you don''t even think about until you actually experience them. I learned WORLDS more about my fiance after living with him, and I''m glad I did. I still feel it''s important, though I know it''s not for everyone...everyone should do what they think is best for them.

I agree with EBree (again!), but I also think it''s more than just ''quirks''...it''s really just how they handle EVERY situation. The main thing that is different when you live with someone or don''t, I think, is that when you don''t live together and you really want to withdraw/not talk to your SO/be in a bad mood, you can just not see each other. When you''re in the same apartment, you HAVE to handle all those situations together. Also, when you''re tired and get home from work and don''t feel like doing anything...you just sit there in that blah stage and heat up leftovers TOGETHER. I don''t think it''s really about quirks or about how well you know them so much as it''s about spending time with each other in every single possible situation, especially those where you would never CHOOSE to meet up right then. Granted, spending a weekend or a vacation together you see a lot of this, but the every-day-ness of it is what really made it clear to me that my fiance and I are partners for life, not just people who like each other and get along well.

That''s so true, Albi, about having to handle all the situations together (bad moods, blah stages). I wish I''d included it with my mention of the quirks...it should have been included!

I think the "bad experiences" these girls have had moving in with their ex-SOs have actually been good ones...am I misunderstanding? By living with this person, you got to know that he really wasn''t right for you, and you didn''t make the mistake of marrying him. This is precisely what I''m talking about...sometimes, together, 24/7, you find that although you love someone, he/she just isn''t right. Married life wouldn''t work.

If I''m misunderstanding, please clue me in!