Did your parents ever help you with homework?

[that_someone_special]

I was talking on the phone tonight with my mother, when she suddenly said she had to go. Her reason? She needed to help my brother with his homework. Okay.... except he's 18 years old, about to graduate HS and is not a moron. My parents have always helped my brothers with their HW, but never me. I never asked for help because... well... shouldn't I figure it out for myself?

Well DH and I had a good laugh and joked around that when he goes to college next year my mom should enroll with him- so she'd at least get credit for "helping" him with his homework.

I don't know if this matters but my brother is a major athlete and has to keep his grades up to stay in his many sports- which I suspect is how he slipped through HS barely doing anything himself (teachers and my parents fault... and obviously his as well.) I even remember my mother telling me to color one of his geography maps in when he was in jr. high because he was too busy to do it...

SO, did your parents help you with homework? At what point should they stop? 18 just seems too old to be getting "help" unless he really needs it (and he doesn't.)

 

[that_someone_special]

I hope that post makes sense. I'm getting really tired

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I see this a lot in the area I live, both with neighbors and closer friends alike.

I want to say that I grew up where I currently live and went through the same school district not-so-long-ago. I know the cut-throat mentality first hand, and I understand full well that a 4.0 here isn't the same thing as a 4.0 in the inner-city. You won't be valedictorian in my local district unless you're a full blown genius. It's the norm for kids to have a full blown support staff when it comes to managing school, from a per-subject specialized tutor to a counselor in order to teach better "balance". It's insanity. Madness. Kids will even review for standardized tests.

So, back to the topic, it is so normal, where I am from, for parents to help with homework...I mean, forget even "helping"...doing is a better word. They will just do it and think nothing of it. The parents I know are incredibly vocal about wanting their kids to be a fill-in-the-blank superstar and often times it has very little to do with the education itself but more what doors that education will open. I had a tutor for subjects where I struggled. Math, specifically, was really hard and my parents wanted *me* to learn math...they knew how to do math. And yes, my parents were involved and loving and supportive...and they were both willing to help in whatever way benefited me (I have strong memories of my Dad practicing spelling words with me)..but never, and I do mean NEVER, did they just pick up the pencil and DO IT FOR ME.

I know for certain that I consider homework and learning and the rewards of that to be a child's responsibility. If there are challenges in learning, I would rise to meet those of course, but I'll never be the Mom slaving over a science project while my kid lounges in the media room punching away on the iPad. Not. Gonna. Happen. I did my time! Been there, done that. Teaching a kid to balance time, work, hobbies...that's an education in and of itself. I would prefer for my child to fail once and learn from it, as opposed to bailing him out over and over again because he "forgot" or just plain slacked off and chose not to do it. Someone else doing your work for you isn't "real life" and pretending that's the way things work is such a disservice, IMO.

 

[that_someone_special]

Yes yes yes! It has crossed the line from "helping" to "doing" his homework.

My parents did (and still do) put a ton of pressure on my brother to be "the best" at baseball (one of his sports). He's been in baseball for 12 or so years now and every year is the same... baseball baseball baseball- the HW will get done later. He does get "free" passes from the school to turn his work in late depending on the baseball schedule too. What is this teaching him? lol

 

[chemgirl]

I remember my dad quizzing me for my spelling tests in grade school, but I think that's it for parental help. If I had a question about the material in my math classes my parents would explain it to me, but they never answered homework problems or anything like that. They also never forced me to do my homework. I was in trouble if I had a note home from teacher saying I didn't do it, but they never told me "no tv until you're finished your homework." They felt that I needed to learn how I learn. If I'd rather do homework in the middle of the night, then why stop me? As long as I did it they didn't care when it was done. I'm glad they had this outlook because it helped me develop a work ethic and allowed me to figure out how I work best. I think I had an advantage over kids who's parents breathed over their shoulders while they did their schoolwork. It seems like a lot of them took advantage of their newfound freedom once they went away for post-secondary school. I had fun, but I also managed my time and got my work done.

 

[packrat]

My mom always helped and she also checked it when we were finished, up until junior high or so. She never did it. She helped my class in Sophomore year geometry b/c we started out w/a horrid teacher and nobody could understand it. Everyone's grades slipped, and I finally brought my book to mom and begged for help. She read my notes and was like "What in the world? This doesn't make sense" even tho it was copied word for word from the board. So, mom took over the class thru me. She taught me how to do that days homework and then I took it to school and went back thru it in study hall w/my classmates. I'd leave my paper w/the study hall teacher and she'd use it to teach the rest of the ones who weren't in my study hall.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I remember sitting at the kitchen table and reading to my mom while she cooked dinner, and getting help with spelling
and proof reading papers. I also had a math tutor for a while.

I guess it has been about the same for my kids. I have one child that has done everything on his own. I literally never had
to remind him one single time, to get a project done or ask if his homework was done. I think he is unusual and certainly doesn't
have much of my DNA.

 

[iugurl]

There is help and there is help. Help is fine. If a kid doesn't understand Sine, Cosine and Tangent or whatever, and the parents can explain and assist with a few problems then good! Then let him/her try one on his own. If he once again doesn't know how, explain it and help until he understands. Help is not fine. Doing all of the math (or English, Biology, whatever) is NOT actually helpful.

My parents rarely helped me, but my sister sometimes helped with math. She was a math genius. I sometimes didn't quite "get it" just by listening to the teacher for one class. She would try to help. Although we always would end up frustrated and would fight by the end of the lesson lol. I always did my own homework. I rarely asked her for help. I never had to be forced to sit down and do homework. I always did it. Maybe I procrastinated and waited until 11 pm, but it always got done.

I see nothing wrong with asking a friend/sibling/parent for help. Just not the kind that they do it, while you sit and watch tv

Edited to add: I just remembered that my mom would sometimes help w/ German and Etymology. It is hard to stare at a piece of paper to learn definitions. Especially when the paper is formatted where you can't really block the definition w/ a piece of a paper to quiz yourself. I HATED making flashcards. I thought it was such a waste of time. So sometimes I would giver her the list and have her read the German or vocabulary word, and I would say the definition/origin. But obviously, there is nothing wrong with that! I wasn't using her to do my homework for me.

 

[TravelingGal]

My mom taught me my times tables before I entered 3rd grade. That was the end of the line...no more help. They didn't speak english well and math was about to get tougher, so from then on, I handled it all myself. I always did my own homework...they didn't really help me, but they did try and teach me things during the summer.

Friends of ours have a 22 year old soon. Apparently years ago, they and another friend had a heated exchanged because the friend (while childless) was fairly opinated that you shouldn't be doing your kid's homework in the 1st grade. The parents argued that they HAD to do it because all the parents were doing it and would put their son to shame. They could not let their kid fail, they said.

Well, currently this 22 year old is causing his parents a lot of grief. Didn't get into university and is failing Junior College because he can't accomplish what he needs to himself (can't make it to class either.) He's lying about even going to class because he wants to keep living at home, getting free rent, car, and gas paid for. They now have another son, age 6 (yes, there is a huge gap between the kids) and they are doing the same thing with this kid, although they seem to think they are raising him differently, go figure.

I will help Amelia with HW if she has questions, and be involved as a parent needs to be...but mostly, it's her work, she needs to do it herself. I'm a big believer in letting kids fail.

 

[mayerling]

Hardly ever.

My mother expected me from DAY 1 to do my one homework. When I was very young she would check what I'd done, to make sure I'd done it and to make sure I'd done it well. Later on, she wouldn't even check.

I've always thought that to be the correct way of helping a child with their homework, and find it strange to discover that more and more parents seem to have to sit next to the child for hours on end practically telling them what to do. I think it doesn't help children learn and takes up a lot of the parent's time.

 

[Pandora II]

I went to boarding school - so my parents couldn't help even if they wanted to!

That said, I will do everything it takes - tutors, coaching etc to get my daughter the grades to go to a selective private school at 11 if we can't afford private primary. Actually 'doing' the homework for her won't be much help when it comes to exams so we won't be doing that but anything that makes it easier for her to understand a subject or concept... hell yes!

 

[zoebartlett]

I always needed help in math. I remember MANY nights in middle school when my dad would sit with me at the dining room table, trying to figure out how to explain something to me in a way that I would understand. Those nights were awful. Word problems were the worst. I remember thinking, 'I couldn't care less how far a train traveled...' You know those problems, I know you do. I don't remember my parents helping me in high school, just middle school. Maybe they did though, but I'm sure I stayed after for tutoring or something.

 

[stone-cold11]

Nope, never. Just giving me the spelling test the day before the test.

 

[missy]

My parents expected me to do my homework on my own as it should be but when I was young (in grade school and Jr High) my dad would try and help me study for tests in subjects I had difficulty with such as mathematics. But that was a disaster LOL because he just would show me the problem and answer but not how to get to that point and I ended up just being more confused! So after a few attempts at help with studying I just told him to let me study on my own as I did better that way. In college I had to hire a tutor for one semester to help me understand a very complicated math class and that helped me lots and same for graduate school. I like to think I am good at math (finally) but it has been so long I probably forgot everything I learned.

 

[JewelFreak]

Mine helped by drilling, etc., when I was younger. Later, if I asked a question they'd explain the concept but NOT do the problem. They were real big on ethics -- for themselves & teaching them to me. If I didn't do the HW & got an F on it, my bad. They expected me to get very good grades & I usually did (except in chemistry, which I was grateful just to pass! Haha, then I ended up selling for 13 years for a company that makes laboratory supplies, irony of life.).

Kids whose parents do their homework are unfortunate. They will never be able to cope when life gets real.

--- Laurie

 

[mrswahs]

When I was really young my mom would help me with my homework, but as I got older and it was stuff that she didn't know very well it was more me teaching her, which helped reinforce the learning in my head.

She didn't help me with my day to day homework as much as she helped with my projects. She was the super crafty one so I would come up with ideas and she would help me execute them. I always had the best-looking projects

 

[somethingshiny]

Never. I never asked. It was just never something that crossed my mine. I didn't know that anyone's parents helped until I was probably in 6th grade. I remember being flabbergasted by some of the science fair entries.

I have a close friend who does much of her daughter's homework. She says it's the least she can do for the person who will hold her hand on her death bed. Seriously?? I can't seem to talk sense into her. But, I have a feeling that when her daughter starts in her higher math classes, and my friend can't do the work, the daughter may fail.

 

[TravelingGal]

OK, so here's a question...if your kid were to finish their math homework (or whatever) - would you check it to make sure it's correct, and if it wasn't, would you make her correct it, and if it STILL wasn't correct, at some point would you give the right answer?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

OK, so here's a question...if your kid were to finish their math homework (or whatever) - would you check it to make sure it's correct, and if it wasn't, would you make her correct it, and if it STILL wasn't correct, at some point would you give the right answer?

My older son is given a packet and at the end of the week, hands it in. When he finishes it, he considers himself done and regardless if I look it over or not, he won't talk about it anymore. The teachers expect parents to correct the work, but I guess I would barely pass 4th grade now because even if I look it over and try and figure out the mistakes, I miss a bunch of them.

When he does reports & projects, on the otherhand, I do help him. He has most of the basics covered and doesn't need much supervision for that. He's still learning the process of expressing what he's read in summary form.

I don't even remember how often my parents helped. Seems like they sporatically helped but my grades weren't the best except in art class. Seems like 90% of what I learned came from reading every Stephen King novel available at the time. The other 10% was in the form of gossip (aka - my idea of "homework" was talking on the phone for three hours). When I went to college my grades went up and I mostly got 3.5-4 in nearly every class!

 

[elrohwen]

By 18, the only help I got was editing and proof reading help on papers. My parents didn't even remember the things I was doing in math and science and history anyway (and only 10 years out I've already forgotten most of those things ). They did help me when I was little, but I don't remember when they stopped - I'm sure some time in elementary school.

 

[Haven]

No, never. Although, to be fair--I never really did any homework in high school. My high school was very test-centered, and since I have a freakish ability to perform extremely well on standardized tests, I never had to do much work since those tests accounted for a large part of my grade.

My parents were pretty hands-off, and their standard line was always "We know you'll make the decisions that are right for you" even when I was very young. If I chose not to do my homework, they didn't pressure me to do it, and when I suffered negative consequences for that choice, they never bailed me out either. I think it was a good lesson.

When I taught high school it was blatantly obvious whose parents were doing their children's homework for them. In my opinion, it never served the children well at all, they just became overly dependent on their parents, and then had nothing at all to contribute in the classroom.

My mother teaches in a middle school and they hold a big 7th grade science fair every year. The teachers call it the Parents' Show Off Fair because the parents really do most of the work. Ridiculous.

I could go on a rant and say that parents who do work for their children, or who micromanage their work so the children don't have to learn any management skill themselves, are a major reason that nearly a quarter of our college freshman arrive on campus without the basic skills necessary to succeed. I think it severely handicaps a child when the parents don't allow them to do the work on their own. There is as much to be learned in failure as there is in success.

 

[Haven]

OK, so here's a question...if your kid were to finish their math homework (or whatever) - would you check it to make sure it's correct, and if it wasn't, would you make her correct it, and if it STILL wasn't correct, at some point would you give the right answer?

If I noticed that my child was having a hard time getting the correct answers I would provide her with the tools she needed in order to *figure them out* on her own. I wouldn't give her the correct answers, as that is not the point of the exercise. The point is learning how to get there.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

No, never. Although, to be fair--I never really did any homework in high school. My high school was very test-centered, and since I have a freakish ability to perform extremely well on standardized tests, I never had to do much work since those tests accounted for a large part of my grade.

My parents were pretty hands-off, and their standard line was always "We know you'll make the decisions that are right for you" even when I was very young. If I chose not to do my homework, they didn't pressure me to do it, and when I suffered negative consequences for that choice, they never bailed me out either. I think it was a good lesson.

When I taught high school it was blatantly obvious whose parents were doing their children's homework for them. In my opinion, it never served the children well at all, they just became overly dependent on their parents, and then had nothing at all to contribute in the classroom.

My mother teaches in a middle school and they hold a big 7th grade science fair every year. The teachers call it the Parents' Show Off Fair because the parents really do most of the work. Ridiculous. .

oooooh, my god. Totally. I love that the "winners" are the ones where the entire presentation board is done with scrapbooking supplies and fancy hand-written titles. Our school kids start those earlier and I let my kids do them all by themselves and I have to say, my kids' projects obviously looked like they did them. My son wrote his title in pencil and forgot to put his name on it. It's so funny. Drives my husband and me NUTS when we go and see the "kids" projects eta - when the parents are explaining how the hypothosis was determined, etc.! (Both kids do use the computer though, but they do know the basics of word - typing like 2 words a minute. It frustrates me watching them type so slow b/c I'm 70+ wpm, but I grit my teeth while they peck away!)

This year one teacher walked up to my younger son's and told me that he loved seeing the projects that clearly the kids did on their own. He said it builds self confidence!

 

[that_someone_special]

I think it will be a challenge for me to stay out of those poster board things.. since those were MY thing in high school. I looooved making them and hand making books for projects. Writing the title in pencil! so cute!

 

[qtiekiki]

I never got help from my parents. I was always able to figure it out up to high school. College was different, but that was too advanced to get help from them. I used to help my little sister (she is a grade younger) with homework. I never gave her the right answer. We did sample problems together, then she worked on her hw problems. If she didn't get the right answers, themes did more sample problems. Sometimes it takes a while. I will do the same with my kids.

I remember seeing my coworker writes her 16 years old son's essay, and I thought it was ridculous that she is doing his hw. I don't get it. Are these parents going to do their work forever? I didn't know that is common now. That's kind of sad.

 

[Autumnovember]

My parents always helped me with math....even a month ago I needed some help and both my parents sat down to help me figure out some dosage calculations.

Other than that, my parents stopped helping me with homework when I go out of elementary school.

I think the athletics aspect has a lot to do with, actually. Not the first time I've seen or heard about athletes doing virtually nothing in terms of school work. I don't want to generalize to all athletes but the majority that I have been friends with/have talked to really just do enough to get by....thats it. A lot of it has to do with the professors too, who allow them to get away with it. Politics.

 

[rosetta]

No help from parents. Not giving any to kids. If the kids bright, they will figure it out. If not, then oh well. As long as they're happy I'm happy.

 

[Autumnovember]

OK, so here's a question...if your kid were to finish their math homework (or whatever) - would you check it to make sure it's correct, and if it wasn't, would you make her correct it, and if it STILL wasn't correct, at some point would you give the right answer?

I would check it. My mom used to always check my homework to see if the answers were right, if they weren't she would have me explain how I got the answer so she could identify where I was going wrong and then we would do some sample problems together and then I would go back and correct the wrong problems. Worked well for me. If I got it wrong again, she would show me herself how to do it and how to get to the right answer.

 

[Autumnovember]

No help from parents. Not giving any to kids. If the kids bright, they will figure it out. If not, then oh well. As long as they're happy I'm happy.

I don't think you have to necessarily be bright in order to figure answers out...if they have no help figuring it out...how are they supposed to 'evolve'? Not only in that area specifically but in all areas?

What if your child had a learning disability? I would think a lot of times a LD can be revealed through a child doing homework, reading, etc. could be wrong...

 

[Puppmom]

My mom's rule was that my homework had to be done by the time she got gome from work...so, no help from her. She did help two of my siblings though. One of my sisters is hard of hearing and our school didn't do much to accommodate her so my mom often had to review lessons with her and help with assignments. She "helped" my brother by typing all of his papers because it would take him hours to do it. I understood helping my sister but reading my brother's chicken scratch and typing up his papers was too much.

DD is 16 and she definitely needed help with homework up until middle school. I don't know if it depends on the kid but she definitely need more reinforcement of the information than just the lesson she received at school that day. Now that she's in HS, she'll ask me to quiz her for a test or to review a math problem she just can't figure out but that's it.

I do think it's a terrible shame when parents are so involved that the kids don't gain any pride or confidence from completing their own projects etc.